A/N: Hark! I update. Please excuse crappy formatting.
Be My Frickin' Valentine
Part III:
Summary: Ginny is beautiful, and she is loved by all.Or is she?
" Oh, God."Ginny emitted a soft gasp. " Hermione!"
But Hermione Granger merely grinned smugly, with the slightest shrug of her shoulders.
Ginny felt a rush of gratitude towards the slightly bushy haired girl—here she was, a beautiful, changed woman--with a humble fashion advisor on hand.
" I'm…" Ginny faltered for words. " Gorgeous." She nodded, eyeing her crimson curls with delight.
" Stop dilly dallying." Hermione said rather crossly then. " Go show the world my accomplishments!"
Ginny nodded.
" Of course."
Then she walked out of the common room and into the general public. Swaying her hips.
And somewhere high and far above, Aphrodite raged with jealousy.
The first person to lay eyes on Ginny happened to be none other than Harry Potter. Ginny blushed at its unpredictability.
" Oh, Harry." She said softly, but not without coyness.
Harry did not speak. Obviously he had already lost the ability to speak and think at the same time the moment he saw Virginia. Virginia smiled understandingly.
" I know what you're thinking, Harry." Virginia said sympathetically. " You don't have to say it."
Harry did.
" Oh, God, I love you!" His unconditional confession of amorous devotion could surely be heard all over the universe, as he dropped down on one desolate knee. Ginny blinked back tears.
" You mustn't."
" Why not?" He asked.
" It's not right." Virginia said.
" Why not?" He repeated, more desperately.
" Because!" Virginia's face suddenly crossed into irritation. The boy was so persistent, wasn't he? " The author has someone else planned for me! Now beat it, before I put a restraining order on you!"
Ginny, feeling sick over the thought of Harry James Potter, swayed her hips away from him, innately wondering how in the world she could ever love such a boy. It was clear now that she could do loads better than him.
Next on Ginny's mission to spread awareness of her newly acquired beauty, she met Colin Creevey. He too was immediately smitten with her, and used up 10 rolls of film in 5 minutes.
" Work with me, work with me!" He cried, inspired. But Ginny was growing bored again. He could only take so many pictures.
" Colin." Ginny began rather haughtily. " If you take another picture of me, I shall sue you for harassment."
Colin grudgingly locked himself up in the bathroom-turned-darkroom and did not reappear for a month.
Everyone in the audience blanched, wondering if poor Colin was living off of moldy toilet water.
They booed Ginny out of the scene.
But Ginny's next victim would not submit so easily. The reason was that the author was really quite sick of this plot, parody or not, and because Draco Malfoy had threatened to hurt her if she injured his dignity.
" Here I am." Ginny said loftily, draping her arms across the library table where Slytherin Draco Malfoy sat.
" There you are." Draco admitted. She was right. She was very much there, interrupting his precious study time. " But if you leave, I'll be much happier." He added.
Ginny stared for a moment, before laughing.
" Ha," She laughed airily. " Of course you don't want me gone, silly."
Draco wondered if she suffered from temporary (or maybe not so temporary) insanity.
" How rude of you to assume that I want you here, Weasley." Draco said coolly. Cynics everywhere were impressed beyond reasoning, and nearly turned into Draco fangirls. Thank the lord they did not. " If you need to know—I think you're scum."
" How dare you!" Ginny screeched, scandalized. How could anyone object to her? She was perfect! The epitome of a human being!
" I'm your dream woman, Draco!" She said, her luscious lips drooping down into a pout. " It was meant to be since the beginning of the script!"
" I don't believe in script." Draco said dismissively, now desperately trying to wedge his potions homework from under Ginny.
" Augh! You can't not want me. It's against the law of nature, Draco." Ginny protested once again. Her arms flung out to wrap around Draco's neck.
" Marry me." She offered. Surely he could not resist. She flipped her silky hair for measure, though.
Draco considered for a moment.
" No." He said cheerfully.
" Demon!" Ginny accused. Bitter tears streamed down her cheek. " Some evil power bestowed upon you gives you the ability to refute my charms!"
" Wow, I must admit, I am a little impressed by your arrogance, Weasley." Draco said indifferently. " Perhaps you belong in Slytherin."
" Please?" Ginny inquired once more. " Please marry me?"
Draco clucked his tongue.
" Then again, maybe not a Slytherin." Draco shrugged. " You did use the P word."
Ginny fell from the table in despair. Flying from the library in desolation, her lonely shrieks could be heard from Gryffindor Tower. Everyone wept and generally wore a lot of black henceforth.
" Why, Hermione—why did he refuse me?" She asked, pounding the bed. Hermione shook her head.
" I should have warned you, my little dumpling. Draco Malfoy is the only one in the school with a built in anti-mary sue charm."
" I don't know what that is, but it must be it!" Ginny agreed half-heartedly.
It turned out that Mary Sue Ginny did not dominate everyone's affections in this story. But then again, the author is stupid for not really ending it in D/G.
So:
Suddenly, Draco came bursting in the girls' dormitory, aided by some strange magic. He grabbed Ginny and kissed her, sweeping her off her feet. Hermione swooned and clapped her hands.
And then he presented her with a ring and they got married and had fourteen lovely, strawberry blonde haired, cynical children.
THE ENDMoral: Some girls really do have it all.
But most don't.
A/N: I'd be a bit closer to having it all if you reviewed.