Are you breathing, what I'm breathing
Are your wishes the same as mine
Are you needing, what I'm needing
I'm waiting for a sign
My hands tremble, my heart aches
Is it you calling
If I'm alone in this, I don't think I can face
The consequences of falling
(The Consequences of Falling - K.D. Lang)
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Chapter Seven: The Consequences of Falling
It was a full moon. Remus hadn't come out and told her his secret, but she knew. She had known since that day in her past, their future, when the boggart had become the full moon. She hadn't pressed him to reveal it, but hoped that, eventually, he would do so himself.
"Hey 'mione!" Hermione turned around, staring at the boy behind her. It was James Potter, and he was bounding down the stairs with something in his arms. "I need your help."
Hermione cocked an eyebrow, looking at him curiously. "What now, James? You always seem to need my help with something."
"We have, erm... something that we have to be doing tonight, but we forgot to gather the ingredients for Potions tomorrow morning. It's our first class of the day, and I know we aren't going to have time to get some before breakfast. Do you think you could go out on the grounds to find them?"
"And how do you propose I do that?" she asked with a bemused look. She had a feeling that she knew the answer already.
"With this, of course," he said, holding the invisibility cloak out to her. She took it, running her hands over it gently. She could still remember all the adventures she, Harry, and Ron had had under this very cloak.
"I imagine I'll have to do it, but only because my grade is resting on this potion as well. I really never should have assigned you and Sirius to find the ingredients, I suppose."
James flashed her one of his award-winning smiles, "Thanks a lot, Hermione. You really are fantastic."
She rolled her eyes, "Just go. I should hurry before it gets too dark."
James nodded, sprinting off down the corridor. She watched him grow smaller, until finally he turned a corner and was out of her view. Sighing, she tucked the cloak into her bag to save until dark and headed toward the door to the castle.
"So, I need daisy roots, skinned shrivelfig, caterpillar, a rat spleen, and leech juice," she said, reading from a list. "Well, I already have some left over leech juice from the last potion we had to make, and the professor is providing us with skinned shrivelfigs. So that leaves... daisy roots and a rat spleen."
Hermione wandered up and down the lakeside, surprised at how scarce the daisies were this year. Spring usually brought a great deal of the pesky weeds, but this year, Hermione was hard-pressed to find a single one. "Perhaps it's due to the potion the professor assigned," she said to herself, stooping to pluck a lone daisy from the ground. She dug in the dirt carefully, being sure to gather the all-important roots. The daisy she tucked into her bushy mane as she searched the area for more.
It began to get dark, but the light of the rising moon allowed her enough light to make her way across the grounds. She dragged the invisibility cloak out of her bag, pulling it over top of her. She bent once more, digging for more roots and putting more flowers in her hair. Soon, she had a small bag full of roots. "I just need to find a rat's spleen.
She looked up, the lights of a house burning into her eyes. "Perhaps Hagrid can help. Then again, he doesn't know who I am, now does he?" She hurried to the little house, pausing to peek through the window at the giant man inside. He was sitting in front of the fire, sipping from a mug of something.
Hermione walked to the door and knocked. She heard his heavy footsteps as he came to the door. Opening it, she watched as he looked out towards her. He just kept staring, and Hermione wondered why he didn't acknowledge her. Suddenly, it hit her. She pulled the invisibility cloak off and grinned as he jumped back.
"Yeh mus' be one o' James Potter's friends then." He stepped back, allowing Hermione to enter. "What class is it fer this time?"
Hermione's grin widened considerably. Harry truly was just like James. "Potions, of course. We need rat spleens, but I can't find any rats wandering around the grounds that are willing to offer me theirs."
Hagrid smiled and walked over to a cabinet, pulling out a rather large jar. He dumped a small amount of the contents into a smaller jar and handed it to her with a nod. "That'll be what yeh're needin'. I'm Hagrid, by the way, Rubeus Hagrid, keeper of keys and grounds. You don' look familiar... are yeh new?"
Hermione shifted on her feet uncomfortably, "Er... yes. I've transferred just this year. I'm Hermione Granger," she said, offering him her hand to shake. He took it, smiling at her.
"Well, any friend o' James is a friend o' mine. S'pose yeh mus' know Sirius, Remus, an' Peter then too, eh? Never met a better group o' troublemakers."
Hermione nodded, "I'm sure." She glanced out the window and took a deep breath. The night was getting darker, and it appeared that the moon was slipping behind a cloud. Soon she'd have no way of finding her way through the grounds to get back. "I'm terribly sorry, but it's getting rather late. I must be hurrying back to the school now."
Hagrid nodded, "That's fine. Stop by fer tea anytime yeh'd like. Bring James an' the rest o' 'em with yeh."
"Thanks again, Hagrid," Hermione said as she hurried out the door, pulling it shut behind her. She shivered as the cool air hit her face. It might be spring, but it was still chilly. She pulled the cloak over her head, clutching it around her as she quickly closed the gap between Hagrid's and the school.
A noise in the woods beside her caught her attention. Hermione stopped in her tracks, squinting into the darkness, searching for the source. She heard a low growl behind her and spun around quickly. Her heart stopped as she saw what was standing barely twenty feet away.
The werewolf looked around, sniffing the air curiously. Hermione began to back away, but she stumbled and fell, the cloak slipping off her and pooling on the ground. The creature snarled, and Hermione knew that she had been spotted.
She closed her eyes, waiting for the worst, but it never came. She took a deep breath and opened them, surprised to find a large, black dog standing between the beast and herself. The dog growled low in its throat, keeping itself between Hermione and the creature at all times. She stood quickly, pulling the cloak back over her head and bolting for the school.
In the distance, she heard the werewolf lung at the dog and the sound of barking and snarling. The last sound she heard was that of a stag charging before she slammed the door shut on the night.
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The next morning, Hermione found herself sitting at the breakfast table alone. She had fallen asleep in the common room, waiting for the boys to come in, but they had not returned.
With a soft sigh, she poured herself another glass of orange juice, munching on a bit of toast. She was lonely, that was nothing new, but it was worse when the boys weren't around. She still missed Harry and Ron all the time, but at least when Remus, James, Sirius, and Peter were there, she didn't feel quite so alone.
"D'you miss us?" James asked, plopping down on the bench beside her. He put an arm around her shoulder, and she rolled her eyes.
"I got the ingredients for the potion so you can stop whatever tactic you were going to try right now." She glanced around the table, noting that Remus was the only one not present.
Peter smiled, "Thanks so much Hermione. I definitely would have failed without it. You're the greatest," he added admiringly.
"Try not to wet yourself, Wormtail," Sirius said sarcastically, but he threw Hermione a thankful grin anyway. "So, how was your ingredient collecting last night, 'mione?" he asked curiously.
Hermione's face took on a shielded look. "I picked the daisy roots and then got the rat's spleen from Hagrid. There was... an incident... on the way back, but it's all right. Why do you ask?"
Sirius gave her a worried look. He leaned in, speaking quietly, "I was there, 'mione. You knew I'm an animagus, correct? Well, that was me last night."
"I... I knew. It just happened so quickly. I wasn't expecting... thank you, Sirius."
He shrugged, "It was nothing. You know about him though, don't you?"
Hermione nodded slowly. "That night that you found me, when I told you that I knew Remus before... Well, he was my Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher in my third year. He taught us how to handle boggarts, and when his turned into a full moon, I knew. Eventually, Snape let it out to the whole school, so he had to quit his job, but I knew before..."
"He feels awful, Moony does. It's difficult you see. Usually when we're with him, it's not so bad, you know? But last night was different. Final night of the full moon and all... he got away from us for a minute, and before we knew it, we were back on Hogwarts grounds. Padfoot got there before I did, and I'd say it's lucky he did." James let his arm fall from her shoulder and looked at her very seriously. "You know that when he changes, he has no control, right? He never would hurt you any other time. It's not like people think."
"I know," Hermione said softly. "I'm extremely grateful that you two were there. I just wish that I hadn't been out there in the first place. Then we wouldn't even have to worry about it." James looked at her apologetically and opened his mouth to speak, but she put her hand over it gently. "It's not your fault, James, so don't blame yourself. We needed potions ingredients. I shouldn't have stayed with Hagrid for so long. If I had hurried back to the castle instead of wandering about, I wouldn't have been outside after dark. I knew that the moon was full. I know the risks that come with it."
Hermione looked around the table, but Remus still had not come down to breakfast. "Where is he?"
Sirius looked from Peter to James and then Hermione before speaking. "He's in the boys' dormitory. He doesn't want to see you."
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It had been a week since the incident during the full moon, but Remus had yet to speak to Hermione again. He had apologized profusely from the doorway of the dormitories, but had turned and hurried back up before she could get a word in herself.
Sitting in the common room one afternoon, Hermione glanced around and groaned. The room was filled with first and second years. Nearly everyone else had gone to Hogsmeade for the day, leaving Hermione to sit and think. She had begun dreading the idea of thinking because it always led to thoughts of Harry and Ron, and today was no exception. Therefore, she was pleased to see James come down from the dormitories with Sirius and Peter in tow.
"He's still not speaking to me, is he?" she asked as the three came over and sat around her.
James shrugged, "He'll get over it eventually, Hermione. You've got to understand that Remus is a very sensitive bloke, and he worries about you. He just doesn't want to be the one to cause you any harm."
Hermione looked at him sternly, "Well, please inform him that he is hurting me more by ignoring me than he ever could in any other way." The boys looked at her with wide eyes. She knew that she had only ever been pleasant around them, but this was just too much. "Well, what are you waiting for?" she asked in her best McGonagall voice.
One by one, the boys quickly shot up, hurrying toward the staircase to find their comrade.
It only took a few moments before they came back again, dragging the fourth member of their group between them. They shoved him toward the couch, muttering excuses of homework that needed finishing as they hurried away. When they were gone, she turned toward Remus, who was looking anywhere in the room but at her.
"I'm over here, you know," she said as he admired a particularly boring painting of a stuffy old wizard. He turned to glance at her, but his eyes quickly fell toward the floor.
They sat together in silence for what seemed like hours. When he finally spoke, it was in a soft, forlorn manner. "Why do you care so much, Hermione?"
She noticed that he never stopped studying a stain on the carpet, but at least he was speaking to her now. "I care because you're important to me, Remus, and I thought that I was beginning to be important to you as well. Now, well, I have to wonder if that's really true."
He looked up at her, and she smiled amiably. He moaned softly, wringing his hands in his lap nervously. "I do care, 'mione. I care about you too much, and that's why I can't be near you anymore. I know that I'll only end up hurting you, and that's the farthest thing from what I want. I'll still search for a way to get you back home, but by myself this time. I don't want to put you in any more danger. Last night..."
"Last night was my own fault, Remus."
"I could have killed you last night, Hermione, and I refuse to let that happen," he finished, looking away once more.
"Then I suppose I'll have to keep myself indoors during the full moon from now on, won't I?" She sighed angrily, "You don't want this, and I know that I most definitely do not. You have become one of my closest friends. You're one of the only people who keep me sane around here, and without you, I don't know what would happen to me. Whenever I'm around you, I forget, at least for a little while, that I don't really belong here. That's all because of you; you make me feel like I belong."
Remus's eyes flickered from her to the floor and back. Hermione slid closer to him on the couch, and he shifted. Though she didn't want to make him uncomfortable by any means, she knew that this was right. She reached a hand out to cup his cheek, as he had done to her in the very same spot, but instead of letting it linger and then drop, she pulled his face closer to hers.
Leaning in, Hermione closed her eyes as her lips met his in a soft, chaste kiss. His hands, which had been in constant motion earlier, immediately became still and he stiffened slightly. Hermione pulled back a little and opened her eyes, stifling a giggle at the sight in front of her. He sat, perfectly still, with his eyes still closed, as if he were in shock. Hermione closed her eyes again and brought her lips back to his.
This time, he seemed to relax until, finally, one of his hands was on the back of her head, deepening the kiss, and the other was on her back, pulling her closer to him. When they finally pulled away, both of them opened their eyes to look at each other and smiled.
This time, no one said they were sorry.
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Author's Notes: Just thought I would say that I really enjoyed writing the majority of this chapter. The Hagrid part was a pain in the arse, but only because I wanted to get his accent as accurate as possible.
Anyway just some more comments:
Lonelyfairy - Thanks so much for the insanely positive feedback! Oooh... bribes of cookies. I like this idea very much. Just make them chocolate chip and it'll be just peachy.
Dragon Blade5 - They do just fit, don't they? I believe I gave you your wish for more Remus/Hermione fluff, so hopefully you liked this as much as the earlier bits. Thank you so much for all your positive feedback. No matter how many times it's said, I always appreciate hearing that people like my work.
Galadriel - Thank you!
A Preview of What's to Come: Remus finds the spell to send Hermione home again.