Chapter Eight: Never An Absolution

Hermione had never intended for things to be awkward, but it was becoming increasingly so. She was never sure how to act around Remus anymore. She wanted to go home, but at the same time, she wanted to be with him. Still, despite whatever feelings he may have had for her, he continued helping her look for a way home every day.

They were in the library one particular day when he jumped up, pointing toward a passage in a book excitedly. "I've found it! I've found it, Hermione!" he cried out, earning a cold glare from Madame Pince, the librarian.

Sitting down beside her, he pulled the book over for her to look at it. From the description provided, it seemed, to her, that it was, in fact, the correct spell. She looked over at him and smiled sadly. "Thanks for everything, Remus."

Standing up, she picked up her books and stuffed them in her bag. He looked at her curiously, "Aren't you happy, Hermione? I know you've been waiting for this for a long time."

He was right. She had been waiting for this moment for months now, but did she care anymore? She wasn't entirely sure. "I need to be alone for a little while. Please, just let me..."

Remus nodded agreeably, but looked slightly upset by the recent developments. She leaned down, kissing his cheek gently. "I'll see you in the common room," she promised, turning to walk out the door.

She wandered the corridors for a little while, finally deciding to go down to sit by the lake where it was quiet. Most of the kids were studying for their final exams now, and she knew that she should be doing so as well, but none of that mattered to her right now.

Coming to a stop by a low-hanging willow tree, she set her bag down and leaned her back against the trunk. After months of waiting, the moment she had been hoping for had finally arrived, and she was afraid. What would happen to the boys if she were to leave, she wondered. Would they go about their lives as if she never existed? Would it tear them apart? What would this do to her relationship with Professor Lupin in her own time?

There were so many questions running through Hermione's mind. So many worries that she wasn't prepared to deal with. She was so intensely lost in thought that she didn't hear Sirius coming until he began sitting down beside her.

"I kind of thought you'd be down here," he said casually.

She glanced over at him, "And to what do I owe this conversation, Sirius?"

"You can thank Moony for this actually. He was a bit worried about you, so he came to find me. Figured I'd be able to sniff you out or something, I suppose."

Hermione smiled slightly, "He's a werewolf though. Shouldn't he be able to sniff me out himself?"

"Ah yes, but only a few days a month, you know."

She sighed. "I know these little quips aren't the reason why you came out here. What do you want to talk about, Padfoot."

He raised his eyebrow at her, and with good reason, she supposed. She never called them by their nicknames. "He loves you, you know."

Hermione looked at him skeptically. "You can't be serious." She groaned at her own accidental pun. "I didn't mean... oh for heaven's sake. There's no way that he loves me."

"He as good as told me so just a minute ago actually. He's just afraid to do anything that may confuse you because he doesn't want to be the only reason why you decide not to go home. In fact, he didn't even want me to come and tell you all this because he knows how much you're looking forward to seeing your friends again and refuses to be the one to hold you back. Personally, I think he's being too bloody noble, but perhaps that's just because I'm a git."

"I've thought about that a lot actually. What I would do when the time came to go home. The funny thing is, now I'm not quite sure what I want. Every day, I seem to become more and more attached to you lot, and now the idea of leaving scares me almost as much as the thought of staying." Hermione sighed once more, "I just haven't any idea what I should do anymore. I just want to be happy, but the thing is, I'm not entirely sure what will make me so."

Sirius nodded slightly, "It's okay to not know. And we don't even have to do the spell right now, you know? It can always wait a month or so, until you're certain that you're ready to go. Just keep in mind, he's not used to having someone care about him. He's vulnerable, Hermione, and he doesn't make himself that way for many people. I just want what's best for my best friend, and I hope that you feel the same way. If you decide to go, let him down easy, eh?"

Hermione acquiesced, "I'll do my best to make everything as easy as possible for him. You may not believe it, Sirius, but I'm familiar with the feeling of being vulnerable. Just know that I would never willingly hurt him in any way."

Sirius rested a hand on her shoulder before pushing himself off the ground. Standing in front of her, he simply said, "Think about it," and then walked off toward the castle once more.

Hermione moaned, leaning her head back against the tree trunk and closing her eyes. There was too much to think about right now. Harry and Ron were waiting for her back in her own time. Who knew what kind of things had happened since she had disappeared in November. After all, it was May and a lot of things can (and do tend) to happen in that span of time. What would they think of all of this? Would they tell me to come home, or to stay with our future professor? All of this thinking is beginning to give me a headache, she decided with a frown.

Could he really love me, she wondered vaguely. "No matter," Hermione said to herself as she stood, following in Sirius's wake.

There was someone she needed to see.

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Author's Note: I know this one is short, and I promise profusely. But hey... you got a long one last time, didn't you? Huh? Huh? Hehe... now I'm just being annoying.

Another Author's Note: Generally, I hate jokes about the pronunciation of Sirius's name, but I had to leave Hermione's accidental pun in there because I got into one of my little moods where I wasn't thinking about what I was writing and then looked back and really did groan. Lol, so Hermione's reaction is based on my real-life one. Yeah, see, I can ramble about this because I'm the author... so there. sighs Anyway, thanks to my reviewers. You guys rock my socks, or something of that sort.