"You're just a weak little girl"

So he said. And I'm afraid he was right.

I'm afraid. Always. Afraid of life.

I had always understood all the problems I met. It's my malediction, in a way. Because when you understand, while you analyse, you can't just do stupid things. Like crying. Like shouting. You can only understand, and cut again and again your own pain, and repeat to yourself "this is nothing".

But this is not nothing. I know that.

You're gone.

You'd always told me you will never forsake me. And I knew you were lying. No matter how much I wanted to believe you. Because "never" is a word I understand far better than you. "Never" and "Always", these are things that don't exist. When you use such words, you lie without thinking.

Sometimes, I would like not to understand things so well. I would like to be wrong. Just one time.

You're gone.

I'm alone, now. And I feel like a very, very little girl, locked up in a cold dark room. I'm her, and in the same time I'm the one who locked her up, and I stare at her, just to see if she will find the way out. Even if I know she will not. Because there isn't any door left. They're all closed and I lost the key.

No. I didn't lose it. I dropped it. Far, far away, so that the little girl will never go out again, and love again, and know again this torture of being left alone. She's so weak. So frightened by the world out there.

With all the things I know, I never find out how to keep in my hands what is really important to me.

You're dead.

It happens. You can't always prevent such things, no matter how hard you try and how clever you are.

It's no use to be revolted or desperate. It's no use. Nothing can help you. Nothing can help me. You're not going to get out of this stupid wood box down here and nor will I escape of this jail I build for myself. It's my own coffin, this little room full of my dead laughs.

Remember? You wanted me to get free of all these logic, so logic thoughts that haunted my head. But you can't get free of yourself.

When I was alive, I loved you. I'm sorry it was so short.

I'm cold.

.

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End

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Well, it's definitely short, but it's quite difficult for me to write in English. I'm French, you see, so tell me the faults I made, it will help me.

I never wrote a fanfic in English… But I wanted to write something about Urumi and if I write in French about GTO, nobody's going to read me.

I hope you enjoyed the reading. Maybe a little review?