Pilots Don't Dance

By LeMistressV

Disclaimer: This is a parody of the movie Cats Don't Dance. I'm not sure if you are familiar with this. Oh well, I do not own any of the characters, etc, etc, etc. Also, there are plenty of OOC-ness. You know the drill. Id you don't like, don't read.

Also, this is one of my really really old fics, when I first started writing fanfiction. It's pretty old, so just cope up with me.

Cast

Duo Danny – Duo Maxwell

Kiyone Sawyer – Kiyone

Emeraude Dimple – Emeraude-Hime

Ascot Pudge – Ascot

Mihoshi Tilly – Mihoshi

Touya Crampston – Touya Kinomoto

Suzuka Frances – Twilight Suzuka

Clef Turtle – Guru Clef

Quatre Wooly – Quatre Raberba Winner

Laffy – "Lafarga"

B.F. Mammoth – Baofu

Ms. Washu – Washu

Director Fred – Fred Luo

Directed by Hikaru Shidou

Script Written by Maya Amano

Costumes done by Tomoyo Daidouji

Stage Crew

Heero Yuy

Fuu Houoji

Jim Hawking

Sakura Kinomoto

Li Syaoran

Ferio

Aisha Clan Clan

Scenery Design

Selphie Tilmitt

Umi Ryuuzaki

Lantis Kailu

Eagle Vision

Squall Leonhart

Quistis Trepe

(One summer morning.)

Aisha: (yawns in boredom) I'm bored! Let's go do something fun!

Jim: Oh please, the only fun you ever want is kicking some guy's butt.

Selphie: (walks in the room) Hey, guys wanna see my new dance routine?

Ferio: If it helps of not being bored anymore.

(Suddenly, Maya runs in the room, waving a thick stack of papers in the air.)

Maya: I'VE DONE IT! I'VE DONE IT!

Sakura: What is it?

Maya: I've just finished writing a new and very inspirational play! I am a genius! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Baofu: (puffs out smoke from his mouth) A play? This better be good. I've got better things to do than to act in a stupid play.

Tomoyo: (hands out the scripts) This will be fun! Hehehe…

Eagle Vision: Why do I get the feeling that this isn't going to be as good as we would hope?

Suzuka: (looks like she is about to kill someone) I'm part of this ridiculous play? You have got to be kidding.

Aisha: Aw, c'mon, Suz! It'll be fun!

Suzuka: Not likely. And will you stop calling me that?

Lafarga: Laffy? My name is Laffy? What's this world coming to?

Duo: Oh yeah! I've got the main lead! BOOYA!

Mihoshi: Hey, Kiyone, looks like you've got the main part! And check this out, I'm playing the part as your best friend!

Kiyone: Why do I bother? Look at all these lines I have to memorize! I can't memorize all of it! Maya, I think you're mistaken. I'm not fit for this part.

Maya: Don't go telling me that. I only wrote the script. I never chose the parts. Hikaru did.

Emeraude: …I'm…the bad guy?

Lantis: Aren't you always? At least I don't have anything much to do, except…draw…Err…I can't paint OR draw for beans!

Eagle: Hehehe, looks like the both of us can't draw, Lantis.

Squall: …

(A day later)

Ascot: Um…Hey, Tomoyo, are you sure I've got the right costume? I look like a penguin in it.

Tomoyo: That's what you are, silly. Now get on that stage and start rehearsing! Sakura-chan! Please, wear this special costume I designed for you.

Sakura: (sweatdrop) But, Tomoyo-chan, I'm only doing the curtains. I'm not the one going on stage.

Tomoyo: (hands Sakura a dress) Please, Sakura-chan. You don't know how much this means to me. You make me so happy when you where my hand made outfits. You too, Syoaran-kun.

Syaoran: But…

Tomoyo: No buts this time. Both you and Sakura-chan must wear my hand made dresses.

Umi: Hikaru, why are Lantis and Eagle Vision part of the scenery crew if they can't draw?

Hikaru: That's because there aren't anymore open spaces for stage crew. And besides, I'm sure they could draw something.

Quistis: Does that include those weird looking circles and sticks on one of those boards? (points at Lantis and Eagle drawing circles and sticks and other weird looking shapes)

Eagle: For the last time, Quistis, they're trees. Trees! Not circles and sticks.

Lantis: I think it looks pretty good. See, I've even made a bird! (shows his picture of two deformed circles stuck together with a small messed up triangle at the front)

Squall: You call that a bird?

Lantis: Of course it's a bird! What did you think it was? A glob of deformed shapes stuck together?

Hikaru: (sweatdrop) Um…it looks great, Lantis…Um…I'm going to check on the others now, okay? Bye!

Suzuka: Must I wear this ridiculous outfit?

Ascot: At least you don't have to wear a penguin suit. I look stupid with this on!

Emeraude: (cringes) Just because I'm short I have to wear this pink dress.

Duo: (whispers to Aisha) I don't see why Hikaru picked Emeraude to be one of the main leads. She can't even carry a tune.

Aisha: Hehehehehehehehehe…

Emeraude: I heard that!

Hikaru: Alright, everyone! Take your places. C'mon!

(A month and a half later)

Maya: (excitedly lifting her hand up in the air) Alright, guys! Think positive! You'll do a great job out there.

Tomoyo: (videotaping everyone especially Sakura) Wear your costumes with pride! Make them shine out!

Washu: Of course. With all this shiny stuff on each of the costumes, we'll blind the audience.

Mihoshi: But if we blind the audience, then no one will be able to watch the play!

Kiyone: (slaps Mihoshi's head) Mihoshi!

Hikaru: (tearfully) Alright, everyone. We've been practicing this for over a month. Go knock 'em dead for me!

Suzuka: My pleasure. (grins and takes out her wooden sword) Hehehe…

Jim: It's just an expression, Suzuka.

Suzuka: (looks disappointed) You're no fun.

Duo: Alright, people. Let's go and show them what we're made of!

Squall: …Whatever.

Act 1

Scene 1

(Italicized parts are said backstage)

(Duo walks up towards the stage and clears his throat loudly towards the audience.)

Selphie: (slaps her forehead in annoyance behind the stage) Like can he clear it any louder?

Duo: Ah, today is the day when I can finally go to the City of Dreams! Hollywood! Uh…err…that's not right (takes out his script and slowly reads it)…I mean Tokyo! Yes, and I shall finally fulfill my dreams of stardom!

(A cardboard box looking bus comes along and crashes into the scene accidentally.)

Duo: (laughs nervously) Ah, so here is the bus to Tokyo. I must hurry or else I'll miss it. (walks towards the cardboard box slowly.)

(Suddenly, the "bus" drives off without Duo in it, crashing into the scenery again, making it topple down on Duo.)

Duo: (dodges the scenery) Hey! You're supposed to wait for me before driving off! Hey! HEERO!!!!!

Heero: (continues to drive recklessly) hehehe…

Aisha: Hurry up! Play the moving song already!

Fuu: (presses the play button on the radio, and listens for a moment) Hmm…this isn't the moving music.

(The blasting music was one of the songs from Limp Bizkit.)

Jim: How did that get in there?

Ferio: Oops…I forgot to change the CD last night when I was listening to the radio.

Sakura: (covering her ears) Such profanity!

Syaoran: It's not so bad…

Jim: Would you change the music already!

Aisha: Okay, okay. Hmm…ah, here it is. (plays the song Our Time Has Come from the soundtrack Cats Don't Dance)

Whelp! Tell me what you think so far! I'll update this if I get good feedback.