Chapter 4
That night, they sailed a floating boat back to Hogwarts. Snape fell asleep on the way back and began snoring loudly. Harry was sitting in the crow's nest, Ginny in his arms and her head on his shoulder.
Voldemort was pacing below the crow's nest, his long billowing robe flowing out from behind him. Dumbledore was muttering to himself, Hermione was sleeping standing up and snoring twice as loud as Snape was. Ron was playing peek-a-boo with himself, while standing in front of a mirror.
"Harry, do you want a hot dog?" Ginny asked him quietly, looking up at him.
"Yes, I love hamburgers!" Harry exclaimed. Ginny nodded, and handed him a bowl of green jello. Harry ate it quickly and tossed the bowl down to the ground.
There was a loud, "Ow! Holy Ducks!" from below, and Harry peered down, and saw Voldemort rubbing his bald head. He looked up and gave Harry thumbs up.
"No, sign of ice bergs!" he called up to him brightly, forgetting about the pain.
"Good for you!" Harry replied sarcastically, leaning back.
"What an idiot" a voice muttered.
Harry and Ginny looked up to see Jacy sitting on a floating chair.
"Why are you here?" Ginny asked, frowning.
"The leprechaun told me to come and burn things" Jacy replied excitedly.
"Oh!" Harry exclaimed, nodding. "Nasty little green fellow"
Jacy hopped down from her floating chair, and squinted into the darkness. Her eyes widened and she began jumping up and down.
"We're here! We're here!" she said happily, clapping her hands.
"Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy, oh boy!" Harry giggled, jumping to his feet, knocking Ginny from the crow's nest.
Ginny fell on her face and got up, unscathed. She jumped off the edge of the ship and somehow floated to the shore. Everyone got off the ship; but Ron was hopping like a rabbit.
Ginny looked around for Harry, but couldn't see him. She walked over to a barrel and looked in.
"Harry, what are you doing in there?" she asked, staring down at Harry, who was curled into a ball in the bottom of the barrel.
"I'm hiding" he whispered, with a chuckle.
"Well, don't hog the hiding game!" Ginny smiled, jumping in the barrel too.
"Ow, Ginny my face!" he snapped.
"Who are we hiding from?" Ginny asked in a hurried whisper.
Harry thought for a minute, then replied. "Ginny" he replied.
"Oh, okay" Ginny nodded.
Harry giggled. "She will never find us here!"
Ginny grinned at him. "Nope, not in two years!"
Harry looked at her sadly. "Two years is a very long time"
The rest of the group walked across the grounds with Voldemort slumping along behind, stomping and dragging his feet.
He then got in front of everyone and stopped them.
"Someone give me a happy meal before I become mean, try to kill hundreds of people and become the world's most hated, feared wizard ever, who tries to kill Harry Potter!"
"Tommy, we told you. If you didn't let us have turns riding your basilisk, it was no happy meal for you!" Snape said pointedly. "You're a meanie-weenie" Voldemort screamed, jumping up and down.
"Where's Harry and Ginny?" Ron asked, noticing they weren't there with them.
"Oooh!" Snape said suddenly, giving a small giggle.
"What?" Ron asked, frowning.
"They must be..." Snape grinned oddly.
"What?" Ron asked, confused.
"You know...doing..." Snape said slowly.
Ron looked even more confused now.
"You know... together...romantically...doing bad things..."
"What are you talking about?" Ron hissed, annoyed now.
Snape rolled his eyes. "Doing...IT" He whispered.
"Huh? What's IT?!" Ron snapped.
"It! You know...getting dirty... loosing virginity... being naughty..."
Ron raised his hands up in anger. "Wait until I'm awake to give me riddles!" he retorted, walking off for the Gryfinndor common room.
"What an idiot" Jacy muttered, taking a large bite of her Big Mac.
"Are you still here?!" Hermione yelled at Jacy.
"Are you still alive?" Jacy asked in mild curiosity
"You're hopeless, Jackie" Hermione sighed.
"Jacy" Jacy corrected calmly.
"Right" Hermione said, nodding.
Jacy turned to face the man standing next to him.
"Come, Johnny"
Together the man and Jacy walked off towards the castle. Dumbledore sighed.
"Well, good night all!" he said happily.
Jacy kissed Johnny goodnight and he flew on a broom back to their billion dollar estate. Jacy then opened the door to the interview room and shut the door. She sat on the stool, facing the camera. She turned it on and smiled jauntily.
"This is my first interview and I'm Jacy," she began, a huge grin on her face. "Not JC or Jay-See...Jacy!" She puts her face right up to the camera. "Got that?"
She sits back down, giggling. "Anyway... I have a pie" Jacy continued, holding up her pie to the camera. "But you can't have any! You know, because I'm a normal person"
She stared down at pie. "Oh god you look good" Jacy moaned. She looked up. "No! Bad Jacy! Focus on the camera" she muttered to herself.
She stared back at the camera. "I'm here to talk about my position here in this crazy place. See... Snape's a real mother f-"
"JACY!" Hermione screamed, banging on the door and cutting her off.
Jacy sighed and continued. "Anyway... he's mad at me, because I won't share my pie. But I LOVE pie! How can I share it! God! I just want to take his foot and stick it up his butt!" Jacy remarked angrily. She took a deep breath to calm herself. "See, I'd kill for a good pie...like this one. In fact, I had to kill a yellow butterfly for this one! All I wanted was to eat this and play bingo with the-man-who-let-the-boy-live and Rudolph!"
"JACY! Get out of there, NOW!" Hermione screamed, fists banging on the door.
"Up yours!" Jacy hollered, still facing the camera. "See? I'm mistreated here..." tears had formed in her eyes. "I mean... everyone wants pie and I just don't think I can share it" she exclaimed, the tears falling onto her cheeks. "It's so tasty and crunchy and moldy!
"JACY! If you do not open this door right now-" Hermione threatened.
Jacy wiped away her tears and turned around on her stool, giving the door a very dirty look while making an angry, comical noise from her throat. She slowly turned back to the camera, looking angry.
There seemed to be a pulse in her forehead, she jumped off the stool, screaming like a banshee. She ran out the room, trying to throw the pie at Hermione.
"COME BACK HERE YOU LITTLE FLUFF HEAD!" she screamed at Hermione, chasing after her.
Snape walked in and shut the door and grinned toothily at the camera.
"Heeeere's Snapey!!" He exclaimed
He chuckled at himself and brushed his greasy hair from his face. He cleared his throat loudly and for at least thirty seconds.
"I can't stand that Jacy girl" he said angrily. "No one likes people who don't share pie. It's not like I called her bad names or anything. All I wanted was the pie!"
The door flung open and Jacy re-entered, balancing four pies on her head. She jumped up, body checked Snape off the stool, sending him to the ground. Jacy, on the other hand was sitting calmly on the stool.
Snape started to cry. "I love you!" he sobbed, running out of the room, crying like a baby.
Jacy suddenly looked alarmed as she cried,
"My baby!" Jacy screamed. "Where's my baby?!"
"Jacy, Ron wants you" Harry said, opening the door again. "It's about his purple underwear with green rabbits and pink butterflies"
Jacy sighed. "I told him where they were"
"No, he wants to ask you about them" Harry said nervously.
Jacy shuddered. "Ron is a carrot head" she said to the camera. "What in the name of Harry Potter does he want?" Jacy snapped at Harry, still smiling at the camera.
Harry's face brightened. "That's MY name!"
Jacy gave him a dull look. "No freaking duh"
Harry giggled. "You talk funny"
"What is that supposed to mean?"
"You have a STRANGE accent, number five"
Jacy hopped off the stool and turned off the camera.
"Why can't I be number three?!" she hollered.
"Only I know..."
"Then tell me!" Jacy shrieked furiously.
Harry shook his head, frightened. "Harry would be mad"
Jacy nodded, agreeing. "We won't tell Harry, I promise"
"I don't know, Zebawawa" Harry said, unsure.
"Meh" Jacy shrugged, skipping from the room, and towards Gryfinndor common room. Harry picked up his tap shoes and started tap dancing, while Jacy strutted up the many staircases to the seventh floor.
"I-AM-JACY! I-AM-WONDERFUL!!!" she screamed into the empty castle.
Voldemort passed her, pulling on his long dark cloak, followed by an army of Death Eaters.
"Damn right!" he boomed. "Come on, men! To the grave yard for my birthday!"
Jacy snickered, all the way up the stairs. He didn't know that dogs had fluffy tails...
That night, they sailed a floating boat back to Hogwarts. Snape fell asleep on the way back and began snoring loudly. Harry was sitting in the crow's nest, Ginny in his arms and her head on his shoulder.
Voldemort was pacing below the crow's nest, his long billowing robe flowing out from behind him. Dumbledore was muttering to himself, Hermione was sleeping standing up and snoring twice as loud as Snape was. Ron was playing peek-a-boo with himself, while standing in front of a mirror.
"Harry, do you want a hot dog?" Ginny asked him quietly, looking up at him.
"Yes, I love hamburgers!" Harry exclaimed. Ginny nodded, and handed him a bowl of green jello. Harry ate it quickly and tossed the bowl down to the ground.
There was a loud, "Ow! Holy Ducks!" from below, and Harry peered down, and saw Voldemort rubbing his bald head. He looked up and gave Harry thumbs up.
"No, sign of ice bergs!" he called up to him brightly, forgetting about the pain.
"Good for you!" Harry replied sarcastically, leaning back.
"What an idiot" a voice muttered.
Harry and Ginny looked up to see Jacy sitting on a floating chair.
"Why are you here?" Ginny asked, frowning.
"The leprechaun told me to come and burn things" Jacy replied excitedly.
"Oh!" Harry exclaimed, nodding. "Nasty little green fellow"
Jacy hopped down from her floating chair, and squinted into the darkness. Her eyes widened and she began jumping up and down.
"We're here! We're here!" she said happily, clapping her hands.
"Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy, oh boy!" Harry giggled, jumping to his feet, knocking Ginny from the crow's nest.
Ginny fell on her face and got up, unscathed. She jumped off the edge of the ship and somehow floated to the shore. Everyone got off the ship; but Ron was hopping like a rabbit.
Ginny looked around for Harry, but couldn't see him. She walked over to a barrel and looked in.
"Harry, what are you doing in there?" she asked, staring down at Harry, who was curled into a ball in the bottom of the barrel.
"I'm hiding" he whispered, with a chuckle.
"Well, don't hog the hiding game!" Ginny smiled, jumping in the barrel too.
"Ow, Ginny my face!" he snapped.
"Who are we hiding from?" Ginny asked in a hurried whisper.
Harry thought for a minute, then replied. "Ginny" he replied.
"Oh, okay" Ginny nodded.
Harry giggled. "She will never find us here!"
Ginny grinned at him. "Nope, not in two years!"
Harry looked at her sadly. "Two years is a very long time"
The rest of the group walked across the grounds with Voldemort slumping along behind, stomping and dragging his feet.
He then got in front of everyone and stopped them.
"Someone give me a happy meal before I become mean, try to kill hundreds of people and become the world's most hated, feared wizard ever, who tries to kill Harry Potter!"
"Tommy, we told you. If you didn't let us have turns riding your basilisk, it was no happy meal for you!" Snape said pointedly. "You're a meanie-weenie" Voldemort screamed, jumping up and down.
"Where's Harry and Ginny?" Ron asked, noticing they weren't there with them.
"Oooh!" Snape said suddenly, giving a small giggle.
"What?" Ron asked, frowning.
"They must be..." Snape grinned oddly.
"What?" Ron asked, confused.
"You know...doing..." Snape said slowly.
Ron looked even more confused now.
"You know... together...romantically...doing bad things..."
"What are you talking about?" Ron hissed, annoyed now.
Snape rolled his eyes. "Doing...IT" He whispered.
"Huh? What's IT?!" Ron snapped.
"It! You know...getting dirty... loosing virginity... being naughty..."
Ron raised his hands up in anger. "Wait until I'm awake to give me riddles!" he retorted, walking off for the Gryfinndor common room.
"What an idiot" Jacy muttered, taking a large bite of her Big Mac.
"Are you still here?!" Hermione yelled at Jacy.
"Are you still alive?" Jacy asked in mild curiosity
"You're hopeless, Jackie" Hermione sighed.
"Jacy" Jacy corrected calmly.
"Right" Hermione said, nodding.
Jacy turned to face the man standing next to him.
"Come, Johnny"
Together the man and Jacy walked off towards the castle. Dumbledore sighed.
"Well, good night all!" he said happily.
Jacy kissed Johnny goodnight and he flew on a broom back to their billion dollar estate. Jacy then opened the door to the interview room and shut the door. She sat on the stool, facing the camera. She turned it on and smiled jauntily.
"This is my first interview and I'm Jacy," she began, a huge grin on her face. "Not JC or Jay-See...Jacy!" She puts her face right up to the camera. "Got that?"
She sits back down, giggling. "Anyway... I have a pie" Jacy continued, holding up her pie to the camera. "But you can't have any! You know, because I'm a normal person"
She stared down at pie. "Oh god you look good" Jacy moaned. She looked up. "No! Bad Jacy! Focus on the camera" she muttered to herself.
She stared back at the camera. "I'm here to talk about my position here in this crazy place. See... Snape's a real mother f-"
"JACY!" Hermione screamed, banging on the door and cutting her off.
Jacy sighed and continued. "Anyway... he's mad at me, because I won't share my pie. But I LOVE pie! How can I share it! God! I just want to take his foot and stick it up his butt!" Jacy remarked angrily. She took a deep breath to calm herself. "See, I'd kill for a good pie...like this one. In fact, I had to kill a yellow butterfly for this one! All I wanted was to eat this and play bingo with the-man-who-let-the-boy-live and Rudolph!"
"JACY! Get out of there, NOW!" Hermione screamed, fists banging on the door.
"Up yours!" Jacy hollered, still facing the camera. "See? I'm mistreated here..." tears had formed in her eyes. "I mean... everyone wants pie and I just don't think I can share it" she exclaimed, the tears falling onto her cheeks. "It's so tasty and crunchy and moldy!
"JACY! If you do not open this door right now-" Hermione threatened.
Jacy wiped away her tears and turned around on her stool, giving the door a very dirty look while making an angry, comical noise from her throat. She slowly turned back to the camera, looking angry.
There seemed to be a pulse in her forehead, she jumped off the stool, screaming like a banshee. She ran out the room, trying to throw the pie at Hermione.
"COME BACK HERE YOU LITTLE FLUFF HEAD!" she screamed at Hermione, chasing after her.
Snape walked in and shut the door and grinned toothily at the camera.
"Heeeere's Snapey!!" He exclaimed
He chuckled at himself and brushed his greasy hair from his face. He cleared his throat loudly and for at least thirty seconds.
"I can't stand that Jacy girl" he said angrily. "No one likes people who don't share pie. It's not like I called her bad names or anything. All I wanted was the pie!"
The door flung open and Jacy re-entered, balancing four pies on her head. She jumped up, body checked Snape off the stool, sending him to the ground. Jacy, on the other hand was sitting calmly on the stool.
Snape started to cry. "I love you!" he sobbed, running out of the room, crying like a baby.
Jacy suddenly looked alarmed as she cried,
"My baby!" Jacy screamed. "Where's my baby?!"
"Jacy, Ron wants you" Harry said, opening the door again. "It's about his purple underwear with green rabbits and pink butterflies"
Jacy sighed. "I told him where they were"
"No, he wants to ask you about them" Harry said nervously.
Jacy shuddered. "Ron is a carrot head" she said to the camera. "What in the name of Harry Potter does he want?" Jacy snapped at Harry, still smiling at the camera.
Harry's face brightened. "That's MY name!"
Jacy gave him a dull look. "No freaking duh"
Harry giggled. "You talk funny"
"What is that supposed to mean?"
"You have a STRANGE accent, number five"
Jacy hopped off the stool and turned off the camera.
"Why can't I be number three?!" she hollered.
"Only I know..."
"Then tell me!" Jacy shrieked furiously.
Harry shook his head, frightened. "Harry would be mad"
Jacy nodded, agreeing. "We won't tell Harry, I promise"
"I don't know, Zebawawa" Harry said, unsure.
"Meh" Jacy shrugged, skipping from the room, and towards Gryfinndor common room. Harry picked up his tap shoes and started tap dancing, while Jacy strutted up the many staircases to the seventh floor.
"I-AM-JACY! I-AM-WONDERFUL!!!" she screamed into the empty castle.
Voldemort passed her, pulling on his long dark cloak, followed by an army of Death Eaters.
"Damn right!" he boomed. "Come on, men! To the grave yard for my birthday!"
Jacy snickered, all the way up the stairs. He didn't know that dogs had fluffy tails...