Chapter 6
Hermione picked up her quill and finished up her Charms essay. She put up her hand and Professor Flitwick came over.
"All done, Miss Granger?"
"Yes, sir" Hermione said firmly, handing him the scroll.
"Good, good. Class, this is Hermione's essay" Flitwick called out, then he looked at the piece of paper, and began to read it out. "My essay on Professor Flitwick. The professor is really, really short. He is kind of old, nice, and really short. He teaches us charms, makes a do a lot of writing, spells, and work, but that's okay, because he's short. Today is his like fifty birthday, and guess what?! He's still short! Lol! God, I laughed so hard last night, just thinking of how short he is on his birthday. Well, yeah, that's my essay, man! This dude is so short! Yo, peace out, Professor, dude! Love ya, all, 'Mione!"
Professor Flitwick looked really angry as he tore up Hermione's essay. The class fell deadly silent, as their professor, stormed over to his desk. He picked up the present the staff had bought for him for his birthday and showed it to the class.
It was white, with the words 'Short Stuff' written on it, in bright, large red letters.
Flitwick got out his wand and started charming every object in sight. The class scrambled to get out, yelling in panic. Harry grabbed Ron's hand and they ran out of the classroom, screaming.
"What's with him?" Harry asked, as he, Ron and Hermione ran down the corridor.
"I don't know... the t-shirt is so hot!" Ron said nervously.
Hermione ducked as a toaster flew over her head and they rounded another corner, almost bumping into Jacy.
"Whoa, it's a marathon" Jacy laughed. "What's up Harry, my man?" she asked, giving Harry a high five.
"Look out!" came Dumbledore's voice through laughter, as a desk came flying through the halls. "Short stuff has gone wild!" he roared. "Oh, this is so Jacy-licious" Jacy said brightly, running along with Harry, Ron and Hermione towards the Great Hall for safety.
"Flitwick's gone totally mad" Harry said breathlessly, nearly being toppled over by a quill.
"I'll defend you" Jacy said seriously, running in front of the group and stopping them. She pulled out a banana and held it like a gun. "They don't stand a chance with my banana-ray"
"Uh, Jacy, that's just a normal banana" Hermione said worriedly.
"Oh, but you're wrong!" Jacy said quickly. "It's a banana-ray 2000. It has fire power, water power, ice power and best of all, when it fires, instead of a firing-type sound, it says my name!"
"Which is Jacy" Ron finished. "That is so cool"
"I know" Jacy said proudly, pressing one of the bruises. When nothing happened, she continued to press it, looking more desperate each second. "Well, isn't this a real pickle..."
"Now what?" Hermione asked.
"I seem to have taken the wrong banana. See, I ate a banana for dinner last night... and turns out, I ate my banana-ray 2000"
"Didn't it taste funny?"
"How the hell am I supposed to know" Jacy shrugged. "Anyway, the point is, I'm Jacy"
Hermione gave a scream of annoyance and stomped her foot.
"Why can't you just go play barbies with Snape?! That's why you came here, right?"
"Uh, no, actually" Jacy laughed. "And you know what, I think I'll just hang out with Hermy for the rest of the day"
Hermione shook her head firmly no. "That would kill me"
"No one's complaining" Ron said quickly.
"Yeah, we've had a good run" Harry said with a nod.
Hermione burst into tears.
"The sea monkey has my money!" Hermione wailed.
Jacy began to sob too and hugged Hermione.
"Mine too!" she wailed.
"Oh, god, I hate when I cry!" Snape yelled, dropping to his knees beside Hermione and Jacy.
Hermione and Jacy hugged Snape, who managed to calm himself.
"This is because I'm fat, right?" he said in a shaky voice.
"No" Hermione whispered through her tears
"I hate being fat!" Snape sobbed out, tears springing from his eyes.
"I hate my shirt!" Flitwick screamed, running towards Harry.
"Short stuff coming through" Ron hollered, making him and Harry burst out laughing.
Flitwick shrugged and put one fist into the air, soaring off into the air and out of sight.
Hagrid led his class into the washrooms on the fourth floor, and spread them all out to a sink, some in groups of threes, but most of them were in two's.
"Now, gently turn the tap to the right" Hagrid instructed loudly.
Everyone did as they were told, and waited for the next bit of instruction.
"Now, the water will be coming out at a fast rate, so now is the time just to get your hands a bit wet"
Everyone began to get their hands wet, and some got their faces and clothes wet.
"Teacher, I need a new shirt" someone said hurriedly, running out to Hagrid. It turned out to be Hermione, who ran off to change into a new shirt,
"Right, then. Next, take a little bit 'o soap and rub it into your hands until it makes lots o' bubbles"
The class took about 30 seconds to do this, before they waited for the next bit.
"Okay, next, rinse the soap off" Hagrid ordered, and then moments later said, "And turn the sink off"
The class turned all the water off, and waited. "Now, use the water you have on yer hands to use in yer hair, makes you look cool"
The class silently ran their hands through their hair and waited.
"Okay, and uh, wipe your hands on someone's butt, I don't care..." he said lazily.
Harry turned to Ron.
"May I?"
"You know it" Ron said brightly, turning around.
Harry wiped his hands on Ron's butt and turned around for Ron to do the same.
"Whoa, Harry, nice butt" Ron commented.
"That's what Ginny told me when we were studying"
"Really?"
Harry nodded. "She also told me I was sexy when we were- never mind"
"Wow, I can't even get Hermione into the bedroom! What's your secret Harry?" Harry smiled and turned away, as if talking to a camera. He pulled out a clear bottle, full of green liquid.
"I used 'The Hot Guy's Bed Formula And Key To Success When Feeling Naughty'. It's inriched with a lot of stuff, to help you in bed. She'll be more than willing once she sees you drinking this"
He turned back to Ron. "See? It's great! And so cheap! Only three payments of $99.99!"
"Wow, Harry! Where can I buy it?"
"Where? No, it's only available now. You have to call this really easy phone number! 837-965-2165. Then, press 4 and then 1, then star, then 2, then 6, then press the number of how many bottles you want. Remember, one costs three payments of $99.99, then press 9, then star, then 3"
"Wow! That's so easy! Anything else?"
"Yes! You have to give the person who will pick up the phone your name, your phone number, your email address, your credit card number, your bank account password, access to your home, your address, your garage password, your gringotts key and a monthly payment of $98.99"
"Now that is a good deal! I'm going to call right after school" Ron said firmly.
"Now, yer homework for tonight, is to record the process of washing yer hands. If you don't do it, I will make you wash yer hands again"
The class groaned and was dismissed. Ginny kissed Draco goodbye, before walking over to Harry and kissing his cheek.
"Hey Harry" Ginny said sweetly. "I love you"
"Yes, I know" Harry muttered out of irritation. He shoved her aside and continuing to walk with Ron. "What's our homework again?" he muttered to Ron.
"I don't know" Ron shrugged.
Hermione picked up her quill and finished up her Charms essay. She put up her hand and Professor Flitwick came over.
"All done, Miss Granger?"
"Yes, sir" Hermione said firmly, handing him the scroll.
"Good, good. Class, this is Hermione's essay" Flitwick called out, then he looked at the piece of paper, and began to read it out. "My essay on Professor Flitwick. The professor is really, really short. He is kind of old, nice, and really short. He teaches us charms, makes a do a lot of writing, spells, and work, but that's okay, because he's short. Today is his like fifty birthday, and guess what?! He's still short! Lol! God, I laughed so hard last night, just thinking of how short he is on his birthday. Well, yeah, that's my essay, man! This dude is so short! Yo, peace out, Professor, dude! Love ya, all, 'Mione!"
Professor Flitwick looked really angry as he tore up Hermione's essay. The class fell deadly silent, as their professor, stormed over to his desk. He picked up the present the staff had bought for him for his birthday and showed it to the class.
It was white, with the words 'Short Stuff' written on it, in bright, large red letters.
Flitwick got out his wand and started charming every object in sight. The class scrambled to get out, yelling in panic. Harry grabbed Ron's hand and they ran out of the classroom, screaming.
"What's with him?" Harry asked, as he, Ron and Hermione ran down the corridor.
"I don't know... the t-shirt is so hot!" Ron said nervously.
Hermione ducked as a toaster flew over her head and they rounded another corner, almost bumping into Jacy.
"Whoa, it's a marathon" Jacy laughed. "What's up Harry, my man?" she asked, giving Harry a high five.
"Look out!" came Dumbledore's voice through laughter, as a desk came flying through the halls. "Short stuff has gone wild!" he roared. "Oh, this is so Jacy-licious" Jacy said brightly, running along with Harry, Ron and Hermione towards the Great Hall for safety.
"Flitwick's gone totally mad" Harry said breathlessly, nearly being toppled over by a quill.
"I'll defend you" Jacy said seriously, running in front of the group and stopping them. She pulled out a banana and held it like a gun. "They don't stand a chance with my banana-ray"
"Uh, Jacy, that's just a normal banana" Hermione said worriedly.
"Oh, but you're wrong!" Jacy said quickly. "It's a banana-ray 2000. It has fire power, water power, ice power and best of all, when it fires, instead of a firing-type sound, it says my name!"
"Which is Jacy" Ron finished. "That is so cool"
"I know" Jacy said proudly, pressing one of the bruises. When nothing happened, she continued to press it, looking more desperate each second. "Well, isn't this a real pickle..."
"Now what?" Hermione asked.
"I seem to have taken the wrong banana. See, I ate a banana for dinner last night... and turns out, I ate my banana-ray 2000"
"Didn't it taste funny?"
"How the hell am I supposed to know" Jacy shrugged. "Anyway, the point is, I'm Jacy"
Hermione gave a scream of annoyance and stomped her foot.
"Why can't you just go play barbies with Snape?! That's why you came here, right?"
"Uh, no, actually" Jacy laughed. "And you know what, I think I'll just hang out with Hermy for the rest of the day"
Hermione shook her head firmly no. "That would kill me"
"No one's complaining" Ron said quickly.
"Yeah, we've had a good run" Harry said with a nod.
Hermione burst into tears.
"The sea monkey has my money!" Hermione wailed.
Jacy began to sob too and hugged Hermione.
"Mine too!" she wailed.
"Oh, god, I hate when I cry!" Snape yelled, dropping to his knees beside Hermione and Jacy.
Hermione and Jacy hugged Snape, who managed to calm himself.
"This is because I'm fat, right?" he said in a shaky voice.
"No" Hermione whispered through her tears
"I hate being fat!" Snape sobbed out, tears springing from his eyes.
"I hate my shirt!" Flitwick screamed, running towards Harry.
"Short stuff coming through" Ron hollered, making him and Harry burst out laughing.
Flitwick shrugged and put one fist into the air, soaring off into the air and out of sight.
Hagrid led his class into the washrooms on the fourth floor, and spread them all out to a sink, some in groups of threes, but most of them were in two's.
"Now, gently turn the tap to the right" Hagrid instructed loudly.
Everyone did as they were told, and waited for the next bit of instruction.
"Now, the water will be coming out at a fast rate, so now is the time just to get your hands a bit wet"
Everyone began to get their hands wet, and some got their faces and clothes wet.
"Teacher, I need a new shirt" someone said hurriedly, running out to Hagrid. It turned out to be Hermione, who ran off to change into a new shirt,
"Right, then. Next, take a little bit 'o soap and rub it into your hands until it makes lots o' bubbles"
The class took about 30 seconds to do this, before they waited for the next bit.
"Okay, next, rinse the soap off" Hagrid ordered, and then moments later said, "And turn the sink off"
The class turned all the water off, and waited. "Now, use the water you have on yer hands to use in yer hair, makes you look cool"
The class silently ran their hands through their hair and waited.
"Okay, and uh, wipe your hands on someone's butt, I don't care..." he said lazily.
Harry turned to Ron.
"May I?"
"You know it" Ron said brightly, turning around.
Harry wiped his hands on Ron's butt and turned around for Ron to do the same.
"Whoa, Harry, nice butt" Ron commented.
"That's what Ginny told me when we were studying"
"Really?"
Harry nodded. "She also told me I was sexy when we were- never mind"
"Wow, I can't even get Hermione into the bedroom! What's your secret Harry?" Harry smiled and turned away, as if talking to a camera. He pulled out a clear bottle, full of green liquid.
"I used 'The Hot Guy's Bed Formula And Key To Success When Feeling Naughty'. It's inriched with a lot of stuff, to help you in bed. She'll be more than willing once she sees you drinking this"
He turned back to Ron. "See? It's great! And so cheap! Only three payments of $99.99!"
"Wow, Harry! Where can I buy it?"
"Where? No, it's only available now. You have to call this really easy phone number! 837-965-2165. Then, press 4 and then 1, then star, then 2, then 6, then press the number of how many bottles you want. Remember, one costs three payments of $99.99, then press 9, then star, then 3"
"Wow! That's so easy! Anything else?"
"Yes! You have to give the person who will pick up the phone your name, your phone number, your email address, your credit card number, your bank account password, access to your home, your address, your garage password, your gringotts key and a monthly payment of $98.99"
"Now that is a good deal! I'm going to call right after school" Ron said firmly.
"Now, yer homework for tonight, is to record the process of washing yer hands. If you don't do it, I will make you wash yer hands again"
The class groaned and was dismissed. Ginny kissed Draco goodbye, before walking over to Harry and kissing his cheek.
"Hey Harry" Ginny said sweetly. "I love you"
"Yes, I know" Harry muttered out of irritation. He shoved her aside and continuing to walk with Ron. "What's our homework again?" he muttered to Ron.
"I don't know" Ron shrugged.