Summary: This is Peyton's thoughts after "Life in a Glass House". I changed some of the things that actually happened so that it would fit the song.

Peyton stormed out of the room, her blonde curls bouncing around her face. She didn't want to be at that party anymore. She didn't want to deal with Brooke's games or Nathan's attempts to get back together, and she certainly wasn't in the mood for Lucas's little soap opera skit. Her car was parked between two other so she walked home, anything was better then that party.

It's been a long, long time since I looked into the mirror

Peyton wrapped her lanky arms around herself as the cold wind sent chills through her body. She couldn't help but think about everything that had happened that night. It wasn't until she was passing her house that the realization had hit her.

I guess that I was blind
Now my reflection's getting clearer

After the dare Lucas had asked her whether the kiss was a game. She had merely shrugged the question off and asked him to play again, but now she wished she hadn't. The kiss was much more then a game to both of them and now she had made a serious mistake that she might not be able to fix.

Now that you're gone things will never be the same again

She trudged through her front door and up to her. She let her body fall carelessly to the bed as the regret washed over her.

There's not a minute that goes by every hour of every day

She was doing something that she did almost every night, thinking about him. She wanted him and he felt the same way, but her insecurities were getting the best of her.

You're such a part of me

He poured her heart out to her and all she did was stomp on it. She didn't think about anything except that she didn't want anything more then sex. That was the sole thought that appeared in her mind even though she wanted what he did.

But I just pulled away

Peyton knew that she had led Lucas on. She gave him hope that there could be something between them, she gave herself that hope. She loved spending time with him and talking to him. They could hold a conversation for hours without ever repeating a topic and she enjoyed that. But, when it came to the real commitment she ran. Lucas and everyone else looked at her like she was fearless and she wasn't. When the thought of opening up came around she couldn't hide the fear anymore she had to let it show.

Well, I'm not the same girl
you used to know

It was the next day at school and she didn't know why she wouldn't open up to Lucas. There was just something about being with him that made her want to hide. She laid on her bed thinking about what could have happened, what they could have had if she had just told him the truth.

I wish I said the words I never showed

Peyton walked through the halls hoping to at least apologize to Lucas for everything that she put him through. When she found him in the hall their eyes met briefly but he frowned and quickly turned away from her. He ignored her for the entire day and it tore her heart apart. But, the blonde knew that she had messed up and it was gunna take a lot to fix things.

I know you had to go away
I died just a little, and I feel it now
You're the one I need
I believe that I would cry just a little
Just to have you back now
Here with me

Peyton sat in front of her computer staring at the blank screen. She had turned her web cam off because she wasn't in the mood for the cat calls or to have anyone watch her for that matter. Her house was completely silent except for the buzzing of her tower and her own raspy breaths. The only other sound Peyton hear was the breaking of her heart as the mutual rejection between her and Lucas replayed over in her head.

You know that silence is loud when all you hear is your heart

She wanted everything that he did but she was to afraid to admit it. She was too afraid to get hurt again because that's all that ever seemed to happen. The people in her life always left or they stopped caring and she didn't know if she could handle that again.

And I wanted so badly just to be a part of something strong and true
But I was scared and left it all behind

A part of her was saying that it was a good thing that she turned him down and that he was ignoring her. She didn't know when or why she had come up with that conclusion but the more she thought about it the more it seemed to make sense.

I know you had to go away
I died just a little, and I feel it now
You're the one I need
I believe that I would cry just a little
Just to have you back now
Here with me

She watched as Brooke gazed into the mirror making sure to apply her makeup perfectly. Even after all the stuff she pulled at the party they were still best friends. Brooke had talked her into going to some college party off campus. Peyton had agreed only because it was a way to get her mind off Lucas. Even though she convinced herself that she didn't want to be more then friends with occasional benefits, she still thought about what she was missing out on.

And I'm asking
And I'm wanting you to come back to me
Please?

Her hopes of getting him off her mind were not accomplished. She couldn't forget the hurt on his face when she told him she didn't want him. The way he moved in school and the looks he gave her when he saw her in the halls, it was all etched into her mind.

I never will forget that look upon your face
How you turned away and left without a trace

Peyton made herself believe that friends was the only option for her and Lucas. If they ever went further and things didn't work out she would lose him and she didn't want that. She was glad that they turned away form each other because she didn't want to lose the only person that really tried to understand her and really cared. But, part of her was scared that she had already given it all up. That was the last thing Peyton remembered of that night in the dorm.

But I understand that you did what you had to do
And I thank you

Peyton opened her eye reluctantly and was shocked to see Lucas staring down at her. She tried to remember what happened but it was to no avail. She regretted her attempt to sit up because it sent a splitting pain through her entire body, form her head to her toes. She looked over at Lucas and listened to his words, allowing them to fill her head. Her heart raced when he told her that someone had slipped something into her drink, and it didn't help when he told her nothing happened. She watched as he lifted himself from the chair and got ready to head out the door.

"Lucas I'm sorry" her voice was hoarse.

"For what"

"All sorts of things"

She watched as he walked out of her room. A single tear slipped from her eyes as she watched the back of his grey hooded sweatshirt. She was losing one of the most important people in her life and he only seemed to slip further from her grasp.

I know you had to go away
I died just a little, and I feel it now
You're the one I need
I believe that I would cry just a little
Just to have you back now
Here with me