Once More, With Badgers

Chapter Two: This Year's Girl

By Pam

Susan Amelia Bones stared into the cracked and chipped mirror, trying to source its deep inner truth and figure out whether or not it was lying to her. Did she really have a pimple the size of Mt Sospiri on her chin, or was it a mere blemish that the mirror had been charmed to accentuate from all angles? She frowned, leaning closer. Any closer and she'd be straddling the sink, yet she still couldn't see.

"Hannah," Susan said. "When you come out of the loo, could you take a look at this zit? I swear, it looks gigantic in this mirror." She sneezed. "DAMN this cold!"

"Then it probably is gigantic," came Hannah's disembodied voice from behind the toilet door. "Mirrors generally don't lie."

'Yeah, but…" Susan pouted. "Damn. I'm going to have to use a cosmetic charm." She looked around for her wand. "Did I bring it in here?"

"Don't you DARE touch your face!" Hannah shrieked. There was a hurried flushing of the toilet and Hannah unlocked the door and came out. She started washing her hands, shaking her head severely at Susan. "You are the worst witch at casting cosmetic charms in the history of wizardkind," she said flatly. "Do not even think about casting one. I'll do it for you."

Susan laughed. "Yeah, I suppose I am fairly shoddy at those, huh…" She sniffed loudly, the sighed. "God. I can't believe I got sick…"

"Fairly shoddy," Hannah muttered, drying her hands on the towel next to the sink. "'Fairly shoddy' does not begin to cover it, my dear." She pulled her wand out of her back pocket and started polishing it absently. "And as for getting a cold, well; if you're you're going to go around kissing cold virus infected Hufflepuff boys, you've got to expect that you'll get sick too."

"Hey!" Susan was stung. "He kissed me!"

"Indeed," Hannah said good-naturedly. "Now where is this zit?"

"You mean it hasn't jumped out and bitten you yet?" Susan grumbled. "Here. Look." She jabbed a finger at her chin. "The newest addition to Scotland's fine mountains and valleys."

Hannah leaned in closer and peered at the offender. "Oh," she said at last, brushing a strand of hair from her cheek. "Yeah. Not all that noticeable really, Suze, but I'll cover it up anyway." She sighed as Susan sniffed again. "Go and blow your nose, honestly!"

Susan made a face as she headed into one of the stalls, searching out some toilet paper. "I'm sorry, Hannie. I don't want this cold any more than you want to hear me sniffing all day long." She selected a number of sheets and blew her nose. "Urrghhh, two ply!"

"Not so gentle on the bottom," Hannah remarked.

"Mergh," Susan muttered. "Alright. Alright. I'm done now." She went back out to stand in front of Hannah. "Quick, do it before someone comes in and laughs at me."

Hannah laughed and cast the charm. "Velieris turpis macula!"

Susan felt a warm sensation spreading over her chin. "What does that one translate as?" she quizzed Hannah, turning to the mirror. "You did it!" She clapped her hands, delighted. "Yay!" She hugged Hannah impulsively. "Thank you!"

"Yeah, okay," Hannah said, pulling away. "No offense. But you're sick."

"Want me to stick my tongue down your throat and spread the germs?" Susan suggested, laughing as Hannah shuddered. She started washing her hands with the liquid soap provided.

"No, thanks!" Hannah said. "I don't think Justin would be happy with you sticking your tongue down my throat."

Susan smirked, switching the taps off. "Gee, Han, what an over-possessive boyfriend you have."

"Shut up," Hannah grumbled. "At least I have a boyfriend." She watched Susan towel her hands dry. "Have you seen Ernie since the event?" she asked.

Susan sighed. "No…" she shrugged. "I don't know what to tell him. I've already told him! I just don't fancy him anymore. It's not something I can help."

Hannah lounged back against the sink, studying Susan intently. "You were madly in love with him in first, second, third, fourth and fifth year," she responded. "What changed?"

Susan shrugged again. "Something unexplainable and indefinable, I suppose!"

"Fair enough," Hannah said. She changed the subject. "Going to the DA meeting tonight?"

Susan raised her eyebrow. "Do you even need to ask?" She sighed, remembering that Ernie would be there. "Damn it all… Ernie."

"Will it be awkward?" Hannah asked, leaning down to pick up her bag. She swung it on to her shoulder. "Didn't you see him at dinner last night, then?"

Susan groaned. "Oh, god. Dinner! I can't believe I forgot to tell you!"

"Tell me what?" Hannah asked curiously. At Susan's silence, she swatted at her friend. "Tell me!" she pressed.

"Bah," Susan muttered, staring at her reflection. Her cheeks were turning red. "Ernie was cracking onto me all during dinner in front of his friends. Justin, Terry-- even Zacharias Smith!" She glanced away from the mirror and fixed her gaze on Hannah. "He said the corniest line in the world, something about how he'd known me for years and had never noticed how beautiful I was before! It was disgusting!" she moaned. "Disgusting, I tell you! All his friends were smirking, and he didn't even notice, just kept on saying all these cheesy things to me and urgh!"

Hannah squealed with laughter. "What did you say?" she begged. "Come on, tell me!"

"What could I say?" Susan replied. "I just tried to downplay it by replying in a casual tone and so on. And Zacharias was teasing Ernie, and Ernie shot back at him and it was just ugly."

"Oh, Suze," Hannah grinned. "You could've really milked that one."

"Could have," Susan agreed. "But in front of all his friends? No!"

"True," Hannah agreed. She linked her arm through Susan's. "Come on. We've got a double of Charms in ten minutes. It'll take us that long to struggle up to the third floor."

"…So we've got a busy year ahead of us!" Harry Potter said, pacing back and forth. Susan heard a small sigh from behind her and craned her neck to see both Ginny Weasley and Lavender Brown sitting behind her, looks on rapture on their faces.

"I thought you were dating Seamus!" Susan hissed at Lavender.

Lavender shook her head, a dreamy look on her face. "He's not a very good kisser."

"That's very important," Ginny agreed, still staring at Harry.

"You!" Hannah whispered to Ginny. "Weren't you dating Dean Thomas?"

"He's not a good kisser either," Lavender volunteered. Ginny shrugged in agreement. Hannah and Susan rolled their eyes and turned their attention back to the front.

"Are you paying attention?" Hermione Granger snapped at the pair. "This is very important, you know! The Dark Lord could strike at any moment!"

"Sorry, Hermione," the girls murmured contritely, their heads downcast. Ernie, sitting next to Susan, placed his hand on her leg and rubbed it soothingly, smiling gently at her. She fought the urge to vomit and sneezed instead.

"Bless you," Hannah whispered.

"Try to contain your primal urges, Macmillan," came a derisive murmur from somewhere along the line. Susan fought the hysterical urge to giggle.

"As I was saying," Harry said loudly. "We think that Voldemort is going to strike at us through Professor Snape this year, so we think the best plan of attack would be for us all to act up in class, get ourselves put into detention, et cetera, so we can keep a closer eye on him. Agreed?"

The DA members stared at Harry. Was he mad?

"Detention?" Susan echoed.

"Detention," Harry said firmly.

Susan sneezed again.

"Bless you," Hannah said automatically. "Doesn't Snape assign us to do detention with Filch?" she asked dubiously.

Harry's face fell. "Oh. Um…"

"And wouldn't Gryffindor lose five thousand points for being disruptive?" Ernie asked.

"We would not!" Hermione said staunchly. "Five thousand points is far too much to take from a house. And don't be so stupid, Ernie," she added, stroking the orange cat in her arms.

"Sorry," Ernie muttered. He glanced at Susan hopefully, much to her amusement. She wondered if he wanted her to stroke his leg. She sneezed yet again.

"Damn it!" she swore softly.

"Bless you. Well," Harry continued, apparently disconcerted that his plan wasn't going to work, "Are there any other ideas to, um, incorporate into the plan?"

"No," Ernie volunteered, after a long silence. "I think we're just cruising for the moment. Easing back into school and all that."

"Okay," Harry said finally. "Well… maybe we should meet next week to formulate a new plan. It has to involve Snape, though," he said stubbornly. "I'm certain that Voldemort will strike through him next. I've met him a few times now," he added. "So I think I know what I'm talking about."

There was a silence. Susan sneezed, then punched the floor in aggravation. Damn you, Macmillan, if you ever kiss me again…!

"Bless you," Harry said again. "Uh…" he looked at Hermione. "Meeting dismissed!"

"I'm going to bed," Hannah told Susan, hugging her briefly. "See you upstairs?"

"Yeah," Susan said, returning the hug. "I'm going to chill out by the fire for awhile. See if I can't unblock this sodding nose of mine."

"Okay." Hannah disappeared. Susan hugged her arms to herself briefly before selecting the tattered old couch closest to the fire. She fumbled in her pocket for a eucalyptus scented handkerchief and pressed it to her nose, inhaling deeply. She had no sooner got settled in front of the fire before she was disturbed.

"Suze!" came the somewhat seductive voice of Ernie Macmillan as he entered the common room and advanced towards her, curling his lips upwards in what he possibly hoped was a sexy smile. "May I join you?"

Susan looked up and smiled briefly at him, moving over on the three-seat couch. "Sure." She sneezed. "God damn and blast it all," she muttered.

He sat next to her on the small couch, snuggling up against her, leaving a gap that could seat the entire Greek Navy. "You smell really good." He grinned. "Did I give you that cold?"

"Yes," Susan muttered.

"Oops!" He said cheekily. "It was worth it though, huh?"

"Uhm--" Susan began, feeling uncomfortable with the situation.

"It's alright," Ernie murmured, nestling his face into Susan's shoulder. "There's no need for words right now."

"Are you sure?" Susan asked skeptically. "I've got a few things to say."

"Yes," Ernie said. He turned his head to gaze up at her, puppy-dog eyes studying her face intently. "I know I haven't paid you a whole lot of attention in the past, sexually."

"Okay, stop right there," Susan said.

"No, no; there's no need to be embarrassed, Susan, these things need to be said," Ernie continued. "Obviously, there's been a lot of sexual tension between us in the last few years… I think we should talk it over, make sure we know where we stand."

"You were sexually tense?" Susan asked.

"Of course," Ernie whispered, reaching up to press his lips against her neck. She shivered involuntarily.

"About me?" she asked breathlessly.

"No," he murmured. "I'm male. I was sexually tense about females in general."

Blast.

"Oh," Susan said, trying to disentangle Ernie's arms from around her chest, which had somehow found their way there during his romantic talk. "Well, I'm not so sure that we have anything to discuss Ernie, I thought I'd made myself clear the other night."

"Yeah," Ernie said. "But I thought you'd have reconsidered by now." He was nibbling at her ear. It was all so surreal yet decidedly uncomfortable at the same time. She pushed against him.

"Ernie, please. I haven't reconsidered," Susan snapped. "I used to have a huge crush on you, yes, but it's gone now. Far away. Locked in the Little Susan box. Big Susan is no longer attracted to Ernie."

Ernie looked wounded. "At all?" He moved away from her.

"At all," Susan said firmly. "You're intelligent, funny and sexy in your own way but you just don't do it for me anymore."

"Oh," he said quietly, staring at the fire, unblinking. "I guess I'll see you tomorrow," he said at last. He turned and walked upstairs, not once looking back until he reached the door. He turned his head to look at her, a pleading look on his face. "Are you sure you couldn't love me, Suze?"

"I'm sorry," Susan replied, her heart torn. Seeing one of her best friends so pathetic and miserable over her ripped her apart but she knew she had to stay true to her own heart, which was happily flying solo. "I wish I could, Ern, but I can't lie to you."

"So be it," he said sadly before disappearing. Susan sank back into the couch, rubbing at her eyes tiredly.

"How touching," came a soft voice from behind her. She jumped a mile and turned to see Zacharias Smith.

"Zacharias!" she exclaimed, her heart still pounding with the shock. "I—hi."

"Evening," he replied smoothly, vaulting over the couch and settling into it. "Hope you don't mind me sitting here," he offered after a moment.

"No, no," Susan replied, turning around and sitting back down. "Not at all."

"Interesting display with Prefects-R-Us," he observed.

"'Twas," Susan agreed with a tired smile. She felt that familiar twitch in her nose. No, damn it, not in front of—she sneezed.

"Bless you!" he said pleasantly. "Are you ill?"

"Mergh," was Susan's reply as she surreptitiously wiped her nose.

"So – that Ernie conversation," Zacharias said, getting straight back to the point as usual. "Want me to ignore it?" he asked. "Wipe it from my memory banks? It wasn't that pleasant a conversation to witness."

"Do what you like," Susan replied honestly. "It doesn't bother me. If he's going to pick a public place, to spill his guts, he really deserves to have someone overhear."

"Don't forget that I didn't want to hear it," Zacharias said dryly. "At all."

Susan laughed. "True. We'll try not to use you as a pawn in the game that is the Susan and Ernie Love Saga."

He cracked a smile at that. "So you do love him despite telling him you didn't?" he said. "Interesting tactics."

"No," Susan said. "I really don't." She yawned. "Gonna go to bed." She got up and smiled at him. "Thanks for listening and, uh, not making lots of fun of me. I'll talk to you tomorrow."

"Yeah," he said. "Later."

Susan sneezed again on her way out. "DAMN it!" she yelled in frustration.

"Bless you!" Zacharias called merrily.