A/N: One-shot angsty write. There is a couple like Silverfox Firesong (in love, not lifebonded) in this story, yet one meets their lifebonded and makes a decision.
Takes place during a space of time just a bit before Selenay. It doesn't make a huge difference to the story.
Updated: 6/18/04 changing Kertin from a page to a servant on Cat McDougall's excellent advice…no other changes.
Scar of a Lifebond
A middle-aged, buff soldier stared down at the maps of Valdemar yet again, fingering one of his many scars. His thoughts began to drift away from his job and duty, and towards other topics.
Even Karse isn't attacking us, and yet every day we have to attend another fruitless meeting on "strategy!"
As one of the Lord Marshal's many bustling assistants, this former officer in the Guard, Parnit, begrudged the time constantly spent strategizing and pondering the total peace that had come over Valdemar and all of the surrounding nations.
In fact, Parnit begrudged every mark spent away from his love, Tarnel. The Lord Marshal and his entourage had returned solely a moon ago, and Parnit was eager to spend more time with Tarnel, whom he had missed. Neither had much free time, both busy with their duties around the Palace.
Maybe tonight, we can find some time together…
Parnit quenched the thought down, attempting to concentrate on the maps in front of him. Failing miserably yet again, his thoughts drifted to lifebonding. The shaych lovers were not lifebonded. They were so close, the Lord Marshal's Herald offered to check whether there was a lifebond, eight or so years ago. The two did not truly understand what a difference it could make, yet they accepted the offer. To no avail-there was no bond deeper than the one of their mutual affection.
Parnit believed that a lifebond was similar to his current affection for Tarnel, just it sprung up instantly. Parnit had been with Tarnel for almost ten full years now, and it took all of that time for the two lovers to fully know each other's souls. They had gone through many moons together, watching the seasons flit by, and they loved each other deeply.
Parnit's thoughts suddenly drifted aimlessly, sinking down into a pair of deep ivy colored, green eyes, belonging not to Tarnel, but another. Parnit almost shook his head vigorously to clear his mind.
Why am I thinking this way? What is wrong with me?
A mysterious young man, wearing a servant's uniform, had the features which continually popped into Parnit's thoughts. His chiseled face, gently shaped down to the sharp, pointed chin. Parnit could visualize his eyes and soft, pale skin so clearly, as if he were standing right in front of him.
But I love Tarnel! I want to be with him till the end of time, not this servant!
The Lord Marshal, at long last, declared the meeting over, and the assistants left with relief. Parnit, lost amidst his thoughts, walked briskly head down along the corridor until he bumped into the very man he had been thinking of.
Not him! Anyone but him!
"You!" the servant exclaimed. "I mean, I am Kertin, sir, at…at…" the servant suddenly seemed to stumble his words, staring avidly at Parnit's eyes. The servant put out his hand, timidly, expecting it to be shunted aside or slapped.
Parnit took it. The two met eyes, dark mahogany brown to deep emerald green, and a rush of emotions and a full joy rushed into his mind.
A solid, thick glowing strand of emotions seemed to gently connect itself to Parnit's mind, wrapping itself around his heart. It pulsed gently with overwhelming feelings of love and joy. Parnit felt as if he was softly floating on a cloud of air, the feelings alone lifting him up to the Havens. His soul suddenly felt full, almost bursting, with the sudden sensation of full completion. The outside of his soul and heart seemed to glow a soft, opaque white, with a gentle fiber of unvarnished, overwhelming love tying a knot tightly around his heart, filling him with sudden complete bliss.
Suddenly frightened, for no explicable reason, Parnit sprinted down the halls, attempting to get away from the servant and the inescapable bond which now filled his mind. He could feel Kertin's thoughts, his love, his confusion in his own mind. Parnit sprinted to the Lord Marshal's Herald, his old confidant, and burst open the doors, gaining energy from his overwhelming rush of emotions.
As soon as Parnit entered, he fell to the ground, his eyelids gently closing over his brown eyes and his lips curving into a soft, gentle, blissful smile, his face reflecting his emotions.
-- --
"Parnit! Parnit!" Weak words shook Parnit to wakeful awareness, the words growing louder and stronger as Parnit's mind recovered.
"Thank the Havens!" the Herald exclaimed. "We didn't know when you were going to wake up!"
Parnit remembered the events of the past day, the gentle bond at the bottom of his mind filling him again with pure unadulterated affection. He rose from the floor, energy and strength filling him from the new, strong fiber surrounding his soul. Parnit sat in a harsh, wooden chair, and relayed the day's events to the Herald, confused.
"Yes, yes," the Herald answered at the end. "It fits perfectly. This servant, this Kertin, is your lifebonded."
"Kertin?" Parnit answered, inadvertently fondling Kertin's name gently between his lips and his tongue. "I am not in love with him!" Parnit denied the emotions rushing with strength into his mind. He exclaimed, "I am in love with Tarnel, and not him! I want…" Parnit faltered, feeling the completion of his soul and heart, but then continued, resolute. "I want you to get rid of this bond."
The Herald was not surprised. "I almost expected this from you, Parnit," the Herald responded. "I must tell you, there is a way to break this bond. No one has ever wanted it done before…but we have done it, for other reasons. It is not painless, though, and I truly do not want you to go through this." The Herald stopped, examined Parnit, and finished, "He is truly the one meant for you, Parnit. The Havens arranged it so."
"No," Parnit refused. "I want Tarnel, and no other. Not a silly mindless servant, who enchants me with this magic bond. No. Do it now."
"You may want to consider this more," the Herald told him, when Parnit interrupted.
"No. I have been with Tarnel ten years," Partin's voice shook, his resolve at its breaking point, "and I will not break it for a momentary tryst," Partin responded, resolute. His eyes shook, and the bond pulsed with another surge of strong, affectionate love. Parnit closed his eyes briefly, treasuring his bond, but then stubbornly shook his head. "Break it. Now."
The Herald shook his head, reluctant, and then delved deep into his mind, beginning to bend and stretch the bond into two separate halves.
Parnit tensed in his chair, and then felt the endless pain.
Parnit felt thousands of sharp steel knives piercing his skull, his mind reeling. His heart pulsed faster, and then contracted, the sole strand of love being ripped from its surface. Oblivious to the real world, he tensed and screamed, a single tear streaming softly down his cheek, followed by many. His tanned, scarred skin turned white as snow, his eyes closing and his skin drawn tightly over sharp cheekbones and scars.
A final tug, and the sole strand broke into two. Parnit began to scream, although he could not hear. His soul felt empty, as though it would never again be filled. Emptiness, loneliness. Alone forevermore, left with only the shallow attempt at love from Tarnel, a shadow of the bond which had held Parnit within its grip for only a few marks.
The world turned black, to Parnit, emptiness alone left inside the sad remains of Parnit's body. A final scream, and the remnants of the strong absolute bliss left, as did the pain. Left only was the bare, blank shell of Parnit's soul, devoid of emotion. Parnit could feel solely the ragged edge of what had been a stunning string of milky glass, filled with love. Now there was a painful, sharp, deep wound, the remains of the now broken bond.
Parnit collapsed to the ground, sobbing, left with only the ragged edge of his lifebond.
The wound would heal, in time, but remaining were a scar and an emptiness which time would never heal. Parnit continued his work at the Collegium, always alone, never complete. Parnit and Tarnel split, an angry argument shadowing their lives. Parnit was left with only the memories of completion and a rough, never-healing scar.
A/N: Couldn't think of a title…oh well. I just read this over, and there may be some accidental similarities between this and Herald Kelsin's one shot Broken, which I read shortly after beginning this. Sorry for any accidental similarities, if it is unintentionally very copycat-like similar I will write this again and replace it. Sorry, Herald Kelsin! I would have used Firesong and Silverfox instead of my imaginary characters, but they are both emotionally stable and wouldn't have reacted the way Parnit did…feeling empty, unconsolable, and alone, and I wanted this to be tragic. I was in that mood. Another chapter will eventually be posted.Done…posting now, please review if you got this far!
Wind to thy wings, Breezefire