Chapter 7
Saying goodbye is all we know of heaven,
And all we need of hell.
Emily Dickinson
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You were always so gentle with her, Inuyasha, and so rough with me.
Those had been Kagome's words. She looked so vulnerable when the words had fallen from a trembling chin and mouth. Kagome's entire confession had shaken Inuyasha, and it was as though certain memories he had dismissed were being reexamined with a dull light flickering down upon them.
Memories of him calling her names, yelling at Kagome for all of her inadequacies, never recognizing her fears and worries; they all tore through his mind, and oddly enough once there, they were still. Still and calm, but heavy.
He watched her now; watched every move, twitch, or exhale of breath. She looked broken. Whatever had happened on that mountain had splintered her and just when he had begun to see cracks in the armor she had resurrected around herself. Now, Kagome looked pale, thin, much like an old relic of what she had been.
She was quiet, unbearably quiet. They were not far from the village, and it had only taken three days, but she had pushed for them to move quickly. Once they made it to the base of the mountain, a torrential downpour began. The rain was bone cold and it soaked into Kagome's skin, but still she moved through the deep puddles, the mud, and the cold. Being soaked up to her knees did not matter if she could make it home and forget about the things revealed to her on the angel's mountain.
Inuyasha wanted to grab her by the arms and shake her. She was so frustrating! He had spent the trip home, not only soaked, but pleading with her to tell him what had happened. Each time he asked, he received a sit, but it was a battle of wills and he had more than enough stubbornness to equal all of Kagome's determination. But thus far, it had been a stalemate.
"Kagome, why don't we stop here for the night?"
She looked at him and shook her head, "Let's keep moving. We'll get to the village by morning if we keep walking." Kagome turned her head away, giving him a half view of her face.
Inuyasha curled his fists up and felt like taking a swing at something. Anything would suffice. She refused to look at him, she refused to speak to him, and she refused to acknowledge that he was there unless it was to tell him to keep up with her. He turned away from her, hoping to hide his desperation.
"What are you going to do when we get back to the village?" His voice shook, despite efforts to keep it steady.
Kagome whipped her head around and stared at Inuyasha. She bit her lip, "I promised Shippo I'd stay for a while and spend some time with him, but then I guess I'm going home."
Inuyasha felt his vision blur, and the dull ache that had been a constant presence the past few days became sharp as it began to carve away his insides. He reasoned quickly that he should not be surprised by the loss. Loss was something he knew well, and he watched her, rain dripping from her face and a haunted look in her eyes, drift away from him. She was like smoke, slipping right through his fingers, and he was being forced to sit idly by and watch her dissipate.
Kagome knew he was worried; it was etched all through his body language, but her thoughts were preoccupied. Innis's words were surging through her head, and she twisted those words in her mind, trying to get them to make a shred of sense. She looked at them from every angle possible and once all of those routes were explored she found new perspectives to view the words. The only thing she received from her hours of contemplation was a terrible pressure in the back of her temples.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Kagome stood at the door of the hut, soaked and shivering from the rain that pelted down upon her. She raised her fist and hit the wood with the palm of her fist. It was sodden and wet, having soaked up the fat drops from the rainstorm. Inuyasha stood passively, hands limp at his sides and eyes cast downwards occasionally looking up, and delivered Kagome back to the hut.
A glimmer of light came from the door as Taru slid it open, "Kagome!" He slightly mispronounced her name, but rushed at her with the excited arms of a three year old, disregarding her wet clothes. "I knew you come back!"
"Taru, hug Kagome inside!" Sango grabbed her boy just before he could reach Kagome and pulled him back. "Do you want to catch a cold?" She reproached him but her tone was so gentle it lulled the boy's enthusiasm. Taru wriggled out of Sango's grasp enough to stretch his open hand out to Kagome. Kagome took the tiny hand in her own, and looked at him with a hesitant grin. She felt a warm sensation in her heart for this little child that had become so taken with her.
Taru pulled Kagome's hand and stuck his tongue through his mouth as though he were working very hard to get her inside. Once Kagome followed, Taru looked outside and brightened once he recognized Inuyasha's dark form.
"Come in, Yasha!" Kagome turned her head and looked at Inuyasha's slumped body. She brought her hand to her mouth and chewed on her nail, but Taru raised his arms up and waited for Inuyasha to come and lift him up. He expected Inuyasha to come in and lift him over his shoulders as he always did, but Inuyasha did not come. He gave him a half smile and then looked at Kagome with regretful eyes. Sango sat back and squinted her eyes in bewilderment.
"I can't come in, Taru. Not right now." Inuyasha turned; throwing a miserable expression at the three huddled by the door, and then ran into the woods.
Sango turned to Miroku and frowned, "Miroku, something is wrong. Go after Inuyasha."
Miroku rolled his eyes, "Yes, dear." He got up from his rather comfortable position on the floor and walked to the door. He kissed Sango's temple and then patted Taru's head only before giving Kagome a reassuring smile, "I'll take care of it."
Miroku grinned to himself ruefully as he stepped into the rain, "That woman has me wrapped around her finger."
Sango watched Miroku disappear into the dark night, lowered Taru to his feet, and frowned, "Kagome, what happened?"
Taru ran to the corner that Shippo was sitting and staring at Sango and Kagome with wide eyes. Taru hopped onto his lap. "Whatever happened I bet it's Inuyasha's fault," Shippo mumbled under his breath.
Kagome's lower lip trembled before her entire face crumbled, "Oh, Sango." She threw both arms around Sango and leaned her forehead against her friend's shoulder. Sango patted the back of Kagome's head, caressing Kagome's hair.
"Don't cry. Let's go speak in private." Sango spoke to her in the same voice usually reserved for Taru when he would skin his knee. Kagome cried in the same way her child did, crying as though her entire world had fallen apart.
Sango ushered Kagome into her bedroom and sat her down on the ground. "I'm going to get you out of those wet clothes. Everything will seem a little better once you're warm." She knelt down and pulled a warm kimono from her chest. She glanced up at Kagome, watching her stare into nothingness with water trimming her eyelashes. "Kagome, raise you hands." Kagome obeyed much like a docile child while Sango stripped her of the wet clothing and dropped it in the corner.
Soon, Kagome was dressed in a plain but warm brown kimono. She pooled her cloud of vague thoughts enough to realize how nice it was to be warm, but she still stared at Sango with glazed eyes.
"Kagome," Sango shook her shoulders gently and then sat down awkwardly, trying to find her balance with a swollen belly, "tell me what's wrong. What happened between you and Inuyasha?"
Kagome tried to focus her eyes and soon Sango's swimming form, due to the water that stung her eyes, lost its hazy edges. All she could clearly make out was Sango's tightened and worried face.
"Sango, I. . ." Kagome tried to begin but found her tongue thick with a jumble of words.
Sango rested her warm hand on Kagome's shoulder, "Take your time. I'll be here." A large sob came unbidden from deep within Kagome's chest and she crumpled like paper into Sango's side.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Inuyasha flexed his fingers and swiped at the base of a tree. He growled as it hit the ground, satisfied with his own handiwork. Miroku stood back, watching Inuyasha slash his third tree to the ground. Best to let him have his little destructive fit before I step in, Miroku reflected.
Inuyasha's form quivered in frustration and he looked around wildly for a moment, looking for something else to splinter into oblivion. Slicing trees was tolerable, but it did not satisfy his itch. He stood with a feral look in his eye, deeming everything thing around him to be the enemy.
"Are you done with your tantrum yet?" Miroku leaned against a tree his eyebrow quirked in amusement.
"Go away," Inuyasha seethed.
"I would love to, Inuyasha, but my wife won't let me back into the house unless I assure her that you are all right." Miroku bent down and picked up a large piece or tree and bark. He wiggled in front of Inuyasha's face, "I don't think you're all right quite yet."
Inuyasha snarled, "I'm fine."
"Well, good then. How about we get out of this rain and talk somewhere that's sheltered?"
Inuyasha crossed his arms and plunked himself down on the ground, right in the midst of the shattered wood.
"At least you're not being difficult," Miroku quipped.
"Feh," Inuyasha closed his eyes and took on his meditation pose.
Miroku's face softened, "What happened?" He moved to Inuyasha's side and sat down, his feet flat on the ground and his hands resting on his knees.
Inuyasha's eyes opened a smidge; an intense amber gaze looking at Miroku from the side, "I don't know," his words came out with a rumble emanating from his ribs. "She won't tell me anything."
"Won't tell you what?"
Inuyasha grimaced and tightened his crossed arms. He wrestled with his desire to vent his frustration and indignation with Miroku for poking his nose where it did not belong. True to form, Inuyasha's anger won out.
"I don't know. She went up that mountain and when she came down she was different. She won't say a damn word and every time I ask her a question she sits me."
"The mountain?" Miroku eyes snapped in curiosity, "Do the angels exist? Did they speak to you?"
Inuyasha snorted, "They exist, but they didn't say a word to me. They were obsessed with Kagome. Some man took her off to talk to some angel and I couldn't go with her. They wouldn't let me." He flexed his claws, his anger still fresh and splashing to the surface.
"What happened to you?"
"Some little kid with wings touched me and I don't what happened. It's like I was frozen, Miroku, and there were all these images shooting around my head. I couldn't make sense of any of them, and I think Kagome could help me figure it out but she won't."
"The angel laid hands on you. You saw what the child wanted you to see." Miroku reasoned, trying to get his friend to calm down, "What do you think you saw?"
"I don't know!" Inuyasha cried in frustration. "If I did then I wouldn't have a problem now would I?"
"Did the angel say anything to you?"
"She said it was a gift. She said she hoped I could understand it." He unfolded his arms and buried his face in his palms.
Miroku's shoulders drooped. This was out of his area of expertise. "What else is going on? Your attitude and body language tell me there is more than what you're telling me."
Inuyasha raised his head and his hands moved to his haori, slightly to the left of his heart. His bristling attitude disappeared and all that was left was a remnant of his past anger, "She won't stay." He clutched at the red material, "She won't stay with me, Miroku." His voice was somber, accepting.
"Did you tell her how you feel?"
Inuyasha shook his head, "Kagome is engaged to a man in her own era." He balled his hand into a fist, but instead of swiping at the air or banging his hand into the ground, Inuyasha took the back of his hand to harshly wipe away the salt water that clouded his vision. "She loves him."
"Are you sure, Inuyasha?" Miroku shifted backwards, slightly amazed that anyone would ever be able to shake Kagome's devotion to the hanyou.
He nodded his head twice, slow. "She told me."
"But, did you explain to her your own feelings?" Miroku put a comforting hand on Inuyasha's hunched shoulder. "Surely, that would change things."
"It'd be wrong. She chose him."
"You're willing to just let her leave without a fight?"
Inuyasha held a quaking hand up to Miroku, half begging him to stop planting false hope, "She said I made my choice a long time ago and now she had made hers. She isn't mine."
Miroku stood up and tried to shake the rain from his garments, "Well, I must say that is most unlike you, Inuyasha, but if you're willing to let her go then that is the decision you must live with." Miroku turned and walked back to the village, "Although, Sango and I will be the ones to live with your moping."
"I heard that," Inuyasha shouted.
"You were meant too," Miroku yelled through the thick rain.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Kagome cupped the warm tea in her hands and blew into the steaming liquid, the dew of it resting on her cheeks and lashes. Shippo had fallen asleep, his head resting upon her lap, and Taru was now trying to fight sleep in Sango's cozy arms.
"You are positive the girl you saw was your and Inuyasha's child?" Sango asked, massaging the top of Taru's head.
Kagome nodded, "Positive." She raised the cup to her lips and sipped the drink.
"So then you and Inuyasha are . . ."
"No!" Kagome shook her head with vigor. "No, Inuyasha and I are nothing but friends."
"But there is a child to consider, Kagome. You can't ignore that." Sango's grip on Taru tightened and she kissed the top of his head. "There's no blessing greater than a child."
"I can't base my life on a child that isn't born, Sango. Shiro and I have talked about children. We promised each other that we would have children together. How can I take that back?"
Sango frowned. She had assumed that once Kagome came back through time things would seemingly fall into place. Kagome and Inuyasha would find one another again, she and Miroku would have their second child, and Shippo would have his adopted mother back. Now that castle in the sky she had erected in her mind was coming down around her shoulders.
"Kagome?" Sango bit her lip, choosing her words carefully. "Is this really about your desire to be with Shiro or your desire to stay away from Inuyasha?"
Kagome almost dropped the cup her cup of tea, "Sango, I don't know if I can make you understand. I can't stay here. I won't stay here."
"Make me understand."
"I can't be Inuyasha's wife. I'm not going to spend the rest of my life wondering if it's me or Kikyo that he's seeing. I loved Inuyasha when I was a girl, Sango, and I don't regret loving him, but my love for him . . . I don't know . . . . I guess it just stretched a little thin."
"Does your refusal have anything to do with how he treated you back then?"
"I suppose a part, but I've forgiven him." Kagome chewed her bottom lip, "If I stayed here it'd be like taking a step backwards. I need to move forward, not back."
"Kagome, do you know exactly what happened when you left here?" Sango looked levelly at Kagome who shook her head. "He tried to go through that well a thousand times. Miroku caught him jumping in the well just two months ago. Inuyasha needs you. He's miserable without you."
"Why didn't he figure that out a long time ago?" Her words were bitter and she was angered by the tears in her eyes. It's not like I haven't cried enough already, Kagome reasoned with herself.
Sango's face softened at the vexation present in Kagome's face, "I'm sorry. I shouldn't lecture." She placed her hand in the middle of the table face up. Kagome slipped her own hand into Sango's hand, and smiled lightly at the warm squeeze she received. "I do understand your reservations and I did not mean to press the issue, but I love Inuyasha in a way similar to the way I loved Kohaku. And I love you as a sister. I just wanted happiness for both of you." Sango then smiled sheepishly, "And it was partially due to my own selfishness. I want you to stay."
Kagome looked down at Shippo and patted his red head affectionately. She smiled at him with motherly love. She hated he thought of leaving him a second time, especially after he had devoted himself totally to her since she had come back. He made her dinner, found a blanket to keep her warm, and attended to her all evening. If only she could take him back with her and raise him as her own, but thoughts like that were not possible and therefore hardly worth considering.
Sango looked down at Taru, his eyes completely closed, "Don't worry, Kagome. Whether your future is here or in your own time, we will always be sisters."
Kagome smiled the first genuine smile she had given to anyone in almost a week, "Thanks."
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Innis looked out from the holy mountain at the rain clouds that covered the land. She sighed and hugged her arms into her body. Worry was leaking from her body and she could find no way to ease the gnawing she felt at her heart.
"I can sense you," Innis whispered to the tall figure behind her.
The man came to her side and placed his large hand on the back of her head, tracing his way down her silky hair, "I was not trying to surprise you. I was merely trying to understand your thoughts."
She turned to the man, "I can sense the girl, my lord. There is a great mangling in her heart. I fear for what may come to pass."
The man placed his hand on Innis's pale cheek, "Did you explain to her the enormity of her decision? Does she understand the implications if she does not bare the child?"
"I tried, my lord, but I do not think she understood. I was a poor messenger."
"My beloved, you took up your calling with such dignity. You have told her all you can. It is up to her now."
"But what if she denies her fate?" Innis bowed her head, her tone dipping into a well of grief.
Her mate took her into his arms and enfolded her into his wings, "If she says no, then our blood will perish along with us as well as the blood of the demons. Only through the blood of man can we hope to survive."
"The girl has been hurt by the one that is son of man and son of demon," Innis breathed into her husband's shoulder. "He bruised her heart. I don't know if the wound can heal."
"Only time will tell, beloved, but the girl is strong. Nothing has been etched into stone yet." He held her tightly to him, and stroked her hair with his hands. She wrapped her wings around him as well, and the two clung to one another.
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I had hoped this chapter would have been longer, but I decided that this would be a better place to end the chapter. I have struggled with the direction of this story for a while and certain ideas and events seem to take shape in my mind and demand to be written even though they are not the original direction of the tale. I must admit I'm getting tired of writing cathartic dialogue and I am hoping that the next chapter will contain some decent action.
Anyway, sorry for the long wait between chapters and I hope that you all enjoy this chapter. Thanks to all those who has stuck with this story for the long haul and I can only pray that you won't be disappointed.
Saying goodbye is all we know of heaven,
And all we need of hell.
Emily Dickinson
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You were always so gentle with her, Inuyasha, and so rough with me.
Those had been Kagome's words. She looked so vulnerable when the words had fallen from a trembling chin and mouth. Kagome's entire confession had shaken Inuyasha, and it was as though certain memories he had dismissed were being reexamined with a dull light flickering down upon them.
Memories of him calling her names, yelling at Kagome for all of her inadequacies, never recognizing her fears and worries; they all tore through his mind, and oddly enough once there, they were still. Still and calm, but heavy.
He watched her now; watched every move, twitch, or exhale of breath. She looked broken. Whatever had happened on that mountain had splintered her and just when he had begun to see cracks in the armor she had resurrected around herself. Now, Kagome looked pale, thin, much like an old relic of what she had been.
She was quiet, unbearably quiet. They were not far from the village, and it had only taken three days, but she had pushed for them to move quickly. Once they made it to the base of the mountain, a torrential downpour began. The rain was bone cold and it soaked into Kagome's skin, but still she moved through the deep puddles, the mud, and the cold. Being soaked up to her knees did not matter if she could make it home and forget about the things revealed to her on the angel's mountain.
Inuyasha wanted to grab her by the arms and shake her. She was so frustrating! He had spent the trip home, not only soaked, but pleading with her to tell him what had happened. Each time he asked, he received a sit, but it was a battle of wills and he had more than enough stubbornness to equal all of Kagome's determination. But thus far, it had been a stalemate.
"Kagome, why don't we stop here for the night?"
She looked at him and shook her head, "Let's keep moving. We'll get to the village by morning if we keep walking." Kagome turned her head away, giving him a half view of her face.
Inuyasha curled his fists up and felt like taking a swing at something. Anything would suffice. She refused to look at him, she refused to speak to him, and she refused to acknowledge that he was there unless it was to tell him to keep up with her. He turned away from her, hoping to hide his desperation.
"What are you going to do when we get back to the village?" His voice shook, despite efforts to keep it steady.
Kagome whipped her head around and stared at Inuyasha. She bit her lip, "I promised Shippo I'd stay for a while and spend some time with him, but then I guess I'm going home."
Inuyasha felt his vision blur, and the dull ache that had been a constant presence the past few days became sharp as it began to carve away his insides. He reasoned quickly that he should not be surprised by the loss. Loss was something he knew well, and he watched her, rain dripping from her face and a haunted look in her eyes, drift away from him. She was like smoke, slipping right through his fingers, and he was being forced to sit idly by and watch her dissipate.
Kagome knew he was worried; it was etched all through his body language, but her thoughts were preoccupied. Innis's words were surging through her head, and she twisted those words in her mind, trying to get them to make a shred of sense. She looked at them from every angle possible and once all of those routes were explored she found new perspectives to view the words. The only thing she received from her hours of contemplation was a terrible pressure in the back of her temples.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Kagome stood at the door of the hut, soaked and shivering from the rain that pelted down upon her. She raised her fist and hit the wood with the palm of her fist. It was sodden and wet, having soaked up the fat drops from the rainstorm. Inuyasha stood passively, hands limp at his sides and eyes cast downwards occasionally looking up, and delivered Kagome back to the hut.
A glimmer of light came from the door as Taru slid it open, "Kagome!" He slightly mispronounced her name, but rushed at her with the excited arms of a three year old, disregarding her wet clothes. "I knew you come back!"
"Taru, hug Kagome inside!" Sango grabbed her boy just before he could reach Kagome and pulled him back. "Do you want to catch a cold?" She reproached him but her tone was so gentle it lulled the boy's enthusiasm. Taru wriggled out of Sango's grasp enough to stretch his open hand out to Kagome. Kagome took the tiny hand in her own, and looked at him with a hesitant grin. She felt a warm sensation in her heart for this little child that had become so taken with her.
Taru pulled Kagome's hand and stuck his tongue through his mouth as though he were working very hard to get her inside. Once Kagome followed, Taru looked outside and brightened once he recognized Inuyasha's dark form.
"Come in, Yasha!" Kagome turned her head and looked at Inuyasha's slumped body. She brought her hand to her mouth and chewed on her nail, but Taru raised his arms up and waited for Inuyasha to come and lift him up. He expected Inuyasha to come in and lift him over his shoulders as he always did, but Inuyasha did not come. He gave him a half smile and then looked at Kagome with regretful eyes. Sango sat back and squinted her eyes in bewilderment.
"I can't come in, Taru. Not right now." Inuyasha turned; throwing a miserable expression at the three huddled by the door, and then ran into the woods.
Sango turned to Miroku and frowned, "Miroku, something is wrong. Go after Inuyasha."
Miroku rolled his eyes, "Yes, dear." He got up from his rather comfortable position on the floor and walked to the door. He kissed Sango's temple and then patted Taru's head only before giving Kagome a reassuring smile, "I'll take care of it."
Miroku grinned to himself ruefully as he stepped into the rain, "That woman has me wrapped around her finger."
Sango watched Miroku disappear into the dark night, lowered Taru to his feet, and frowned, "Kagome, what happened?"
Taru ran to the corner that Shippo was sitting and staring at Sango and Kagome with wide eyes. Taru hopped onto his lap. "Whatever happened I bet it's Inuyasha's fault," Shippo mumbled under his breath.
Kagome's lower lip trembled before her entire face crumbled, "Oh, Sango." She threw both arms around Sango and leaned her forehead against her friend's shoulder. Sango patted the back of Kagome's head, caressing Kagome's hair.
"Don't cry. Let's go speak in private." Sango spoke to her in the same voice usually reserved for Taru when he would skin his knee. Kagome cried in the same way her child did, crying as though her entire world had fallen apart.
Sango ushered Kagome into her bedroom and sat her down on the ground. "I'm going to get you out of those wet clothes. Everything will seem a little better once you're warm." She knelt down and pulled a warm kimono from her chest. She glanced up at Kagome, watching her stare into nothingness with water trimming her eyelashes. "Kagome, raise you hands." Kagome obeyed much like a docile child while Sango stripped her of the wet clothing and dropped it in the corner.
Soon, Kagome was dressed in a plain but warm brown kimono. She pooled her cloud of vague thoughts enough to realize how nice it was to be warm, but she still stared at Sango with glazed eyes.
"Kagome," Sango shook her shoulders gently and then sat down awkwardly, trying to find her balance with a swollen belly, "tell me what's wrong. What happened between you and Inuyasha?"
Kagome tried to focus her eyes and soon Sango's swimming form, due to the water that stung her eyes, lost its hazy edges. All she could clearly make out was Sango's tightened and worried face.
"Sango, I. . ." Kagome tried to begin but found her tongue thick with a jumble of words.
Sango rested her warm hand on Kagome's shoulder, "Take your time. I'll be here." A large sob came unbidden from deep within Kagome's chest and she crumpled like paper into Sango's side.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Inuyasha flexed his fingers and swiped at the base of a tree. He growled as it hit the ground, satisfied with his own handiwork. Miroku stood back, watching Inuyasha slash his third tree to the ground. Best to let him have his little destructive fit before I step in, Miroku reflected.
Inuyasha's form quivered in frustration and he looked around wildly for a moment, looking for something else to splinter into oblivion. Slicing trees was tolerable, but it did not satisfy his itch. He stood with a feral look in his eye, deeming everything thing around him to be the enemy.
"Are you done with your tantrum yet?" Miroku leaned against a tree his eyebrow quirked in amusement.
"Go away," Inuyasha seethed.
"I would love to, Inuyasha, but my wife won't let me back into the house unless I assure her that you are all right." Miroku bent down and picked up a large piece or tree and bark. He wiggled in front of Inuyasha's face, "I don't think you're all right quite yet."
Inuyasha snarled, "I'm fine."
"Well, good then. How about we get out of this rain and talk somewhere that's sheltered?"
Inuyasha crossed his arms and plunked himself down on the ground, right in the midst of the shattered wood.
"At least you're not being difficult," Miroku quipped.
"Feh," Inuyasha closed his eyes and took on his meditation pose.
Miroku's face softened, "What happened?" He moved to Inuyasha's side and sat down, his feet flat on the ground and his hands resting on his knees.
Inuyasha's eyes opened a smidge; an intense amber gaze looking at Miroku from the side, "I don't know," his words came out with a rumble emanating from his ribs. "She won't tell me anything."
"Won't tell you what?"
Inuyasha grimaced and tightened his crossed arms. He wrestled with his desire to vent his frustration and indignation with Miroku for poking his nose where it did not belong. True to form, Inuyasha's anger won out.
"I don't know. She went up that mountain and when she came down she was different. She won't say a damn word and every time I ask her a question she sits me."
"The mountain?" Miroku eyes snapped in curiosity, "Do the angels exist? Did they speak to you?"
Inuyasha snorted, "They exist, but they didn't say a word to me. They were obsessed with Kagome. Some man took her off to talk to some angel and I couldn't go with her. They wouldn't let me." He flexed his claws, his anger still fresh and splashing to the surface.
"What happened to you?"
"Some little kid with wings touched me and I don't what happened. It's like I was frozen, Miroku, and there were all these images shooting around my head. I couldn't make sense of any of them, and I think Kagome could help me figure it out but she won't."
"The angel laid hands on you. You saw what the child wanted you to see." Miroku reasoned, trying to get his friend to calm down, "What do you think you saw?"
"I don't know!" Inuyasha cried in frustration. "If I did then I wouldn't have a problem now would I?"
"Did the angel say anything to you?"
"She said it was a gift. She said she hoped I could understand it." He unfolded his arms and buried his face in his palms.
Miroku's shoulders drooped. This was out of his area of expertise. "What else is going on? Your attitude and body language tell me there is more than what you're telling me."
Inuyasha raised his head and his hands moved to his haori, slightly to the left of his heart. His bristling attitude disappeared and all that was left was a remnant of his past anger, "She won't stay." He clutched at the red material, "She won't stay with me, Miroku." His voice was somber, accepting.
"Did you tell her how you feel?"
Inuyasha shook his head, "Kagome is engaged to a man in her own era." He balled his hand into a fist, but instead of swiping at the air or banging his hand into the ground, Inuyasha took the back of his hand to harshly wipe away the salt water that clouded his vision. "She loves him."
"Are you sure, Inuyasha?" Miroku shifted backwards, slightly amazed that anyone would ever be able to shake Kagome's devotion to the hanyou.
He nodded his head twice, slow. "She told me."
"But, did you explain to her your own feelings?" Miroku put a comforting hand on Inuyasha's hunched shoulder. "Surely, that would change things."
"It'd be wrong. She chose him."
"You're willing to just let her leave without a fight?"
Inuyasha held a quaking hand up to Miroku, half begging him to stop planting false hope, "She said I made my choice a long time ago and now she had made hers. She isn't mine."
Miroku stood up and tried to shake the rain from his garments, "Well, I must say that is most unlike you, Inuyasha, but if you're willing to let her go then that is the decision you must live with." Miroku turned and walked back to the village, "Although, Sango and I will be the ones to live with your moping."
"I heard that," Inuyasha shouted.
"You were meant too," Miroku yelled through the thick rain.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Kagome cupped the warm tea in her hands and blew into the steaming liquid, the dew of it resting on her cheeks and lashes. Shippo had fallen asleep, his head resting upon her lap, and Taru was now trying to fight sleep in Sango's cozy arms.
"You are positive the girl you saw was your and Inuyasha's child?" Sango asked, massaging the top of Taru's head.
Kagome nodded, "Positive." She raised the cup to her lips and sipped the drink.
"So then you and Inuyasha are . . ."
"No!" Kagome shook her head with vigor. "No, Inuyasha and I are nothing but friends."
"But there is a child to consider, Kagome. You can't ignore that." Sango's grip on Taru tightened and she kissed the top of his head. "There's no blessing greater than a child."
"I can't base my life on a child that isn't born, Sango. Shiro and I have talked about children. We promised each other that we would have children together. How can I take that back?"
Sango frowned. She had assumed that once Kagome came back through time things would seemingly fall into place. Kagome and Inuyasha would find one another again, she and Miroku would have their second child, and Shippo would have his adopted mother back. Now that castle in the sky she had erected in her mind was coming down around her shoulders.
"Kagome?" Sango bit her lip, choosing her words carefully. "Is this really about your desire to be with Shiro or your desire to stay away from Inuyasha?"
Kagome almost dropped the cup her cup of tea, "Sango, I don't know if I can make you understand. I can't stay here. I won't stay here."
"Make me understand."
"I can't be Inuyasha's wife. I'm not going to spend the rest of my life wondering if it's me or Kikyo that he's seeing. I loved Inuyasha when I was a girl, Sango, and I don't regret loving him, but my love for him . . . I don't know . . . . I guess it just stretched a little thin."
"Does your refusal have anything to do with how he treated you back then?"
"I suppose a part, but I've forgiven him." Kagome chewed her bottom lip, "If I stayed here it'd be like taking a step backwards. I need to move forward, not back."
"Kagome, do you know exactly what happened when you left here?" Sango looked levelly at Kagome who shook her head. "He tried to go through that well a thousand times. Miroku caught him jumping in the well just two months ago. Inuyasha needs you. He's miserable without you."
"Why didn't he figure that out a long time ago?" Her words were bitter and she was angered by the tears in her eyes. It's not like I haven't cried enough already, Kagome reasoned with herself.
Sango's face softened at the vexation present in Kagome's face, "I'm sorry. I shouldn't lecture." She placed her hand in the middle of the table face up. Kagome slipped her own hand into Sango's hand, and smiled lightly at the warm squeeze she received. "I do understand your reservations and I did not mean to press the issue, but I love Inuyasha in a way similar to the way I loved Kohaku. And I love you as a sister. I just wanted happiness for both of you." Sango then smiled sheepishly, "And it was partially due to my own selfishness. I want you to stay."
Kagome looked down at Shippo and patted his red head affectionately. She smiled at him with motherly love. She hated he thought of leaving him a second time, especially after he had devoted himself totally to her since she had come back. He made her dinner, found a blanket to keep her warm, and attended to her all evening. If only she could take him back with her and raise him as her own, but thoughts like that were not possible and therefore hardly worth considering.
Sango looked down at Taru, his eyes completely closed, "Don't worry, Kagome. Whether your future is here or in your own time, we will always be sisters."
Kagome smiled the first genuine smile she had given to anyone in almost a week, "Thanks."
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Innis looked out from the holy mountain at the rain clouds that covered the land. She sighed and hugged her arms into her body. Worry was leaking from her body and she could find no way to ease the gnawing she felt at her heart.
"I can sense you," Innis whispered to the tall figure behind her.
The man came to her side and placed his large hand on the back of her head, tracing his way down her silky hair, "I was not trying to surprise you. I was merely trying to understand your thoughts."
She turned to the man, "I can sense the girl, my lord. There is a great mangling in her heart. I fear for what may come to pass."
The man placed his hand on Innis's pale cheek, "Did you explain to her the enormity of her decision? Does she understand the implications if she does not bare the child?"
"I tried, my lord, but I do not think she understood. I was a poor messenger."
"My beloved, you took up your calling with such dignity. You have told her all you can. It is up to her now."
"But what if she denies her fate?" Innis bowed her head, her tone dipping into a well of grief.
Her mate took her into his arms and enfolded her into his wings, "If she says no, then our blood will perish along with us as well as the blood of the demons. Only through the blood of man can we hope to survive."
"The girl has been hurt by the one that is son of man and son of demon," Innis breathed into her husband's shoulder. "He bruised her heart. I don't know if the wound can heal."
"Only time will tell, beloved, but the girl is strong. Nothing has been etched into stone yet." He held her tightly to him, and stroked her hair with his hands. She wrapped her wings around him as well, and the two clung to one another.
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I had hoped this chapter would have been longer, but I decided that this would be a better place to end the chapter. I have struggled with the direction of this story for a while and certain ideas and events seem to take shape in my mind and demand to be written even though they are not the original direction of the tale. I must admit I'm getting tired of writing cathartic dialogue and I am hoping that the next chapter will contain some decent action.
Anyway, sorry for the long wait between chapters and I hope that you all enjoy this chapter. Thanks to all those who has stuck with this story for the long haul and I can only pray that you won't be disappointed.