Disclaimer: I don't own Cats, or any of its characters.
"Welcome to the 1st annual Jellicle Races! Tonight-"
"Tumblebrutus, it's nearly 1 o'clock in the afternoon."
"Of course."
"By the way, I'm Exotica! Head Jellicle reporter at the races!"
"Head?"
"Yes! Head!"
"No. I actually think that-"
"Anyway! Tumblebrutus and Pouncival are also here today!"
"Yes we are."
"Ok!"
"Can I start now?"
"Yes."
"Thank you."
...
"Are you going to start?"
"Oh right! Welcome to the 1st annual Jellicle Races! We have an exciting race for you today! The first race will be exciting. It is our first race. A very exciting first race. A fast race. A very good race."
"Ok!"
"Ummm...What do I say now?"
"I don't really know. I've never done this before."
"No matter! Let's just start with the racers-er cats- er drivers- er somethings..."
"To make matters simple, we'll only have 10 Jellicles racing today. Here's a list:"
A cat walks onto the stage holding blue sign.Bombalurina
Mungojerrie and Rumpleteazer
Victoria
Demeter
Mr. Mistofelees
The Rum Tum Tugger
Macavity
Munkustrap
Jennyanydots
Skimbleshanks
"So...there's our racers!"
"Wait!"
"Oh yeah. Old Deuteronomy will hold the flags."
"Yea!"
"So! Let's take a look at the track! Bombalurina seems to be having some trouble..."
"Hello! This is special reporter Etcetera! I'm on the scene with Bombalurina just before the race! Bombalurina, what have you done to prepare your car?"
"Prepare? I don't really know. You'll have to ask my crew chief. Oh! But I did pick out the most awesome paint scheme! See it's got this yellowy thing on top, and lots of red! It's the most awesome color red you ever saw! And- here! I'll just show it to you!"
Bombalurina scampers off to the garage with Etcy following closely."Look! It's-AHHHHHHHH! PURPLE? PURPLE? I ORDERED RED WITH THE YELLOW THING! RED WITH THE YELLOW THING! LOOK AT MY FUR! IS IT PURPLE? I THINK NOT! TAKE IT BACK! I REFUSE TO RACE!"
"Now, Bombalurina! It's not that bad! I like purple!"
"WELL YOU'RE NOT THE ONE THAT HAS TO RACE NOW ARE YOU, MISSY? TAKE THIS CAR BACK NOW!"
"Umm...ok then! Let's move on! Let's see. Who else is in here? Tugger? Was that you?! TUGGY! TUGGY WUGGY BEAR!"
Tugger sees Etcy running toward him and ducks behind a toolbox."TUGGY? TUGGY, WHERE'D YOU GO?"
(Back at the Reporter's Office.)
"Ok, that was interesting."
"Yes. Very much so..."
"Well! Let's get back to the track with special reporter Jemima!"
"Hi! Jemima here! The race is just about to start! As you can see behind me, the drivers are quite excited! Why just a minute ago-AHHHHHH!"
"'Ope we didn' fri'en' ya!"
"Mungojerrie and Rumpleteazer! I should have known! Why are you doing victory doughnuts? The race hasn't even started yet!"
"Seemed li'e a fun thin' ta do!"
"'Sides! Got us on the telly, di' it na'?"
Jemima shook her head, and Mungojerrie and Rumpleteazer climbed back into their car. "Jemima! Over and out."
"Well then! The race is starting now!"
"Finally!"
"And look! Bombalurina's racing after all!"
"Yes she is!"
"Oh! There's the green flag they're off!"
"We're already having trouble! Jennyanydots is taking her time around the turns, and it's not making Macavity very happy!"
"Oh no! There he goes!"
"He's bashing into Jenny's tail end!"
"Tail end! Heehee!"
"Shut up!"
"Oh! Nasty hit for Jenny! Caution's up."
"A caution within the first five minutes?"
"Yeah..."
"Oh."
"Well, let's just wait for it to be over."
...
...
...
"Yay!"
"What's that?"
"Mungojerrie and Rumpleteazer are going to hit the wall!"
"Since when do we let two cats drive at once?"
"Doesn't seem like a very good idea to me..."
"Wow! That was close! They came within inches of that wall!"
"Very close! We've got more action near the head of the pack!"
"Oh let me see!" Tumblebrutus pushes Exotica out of the way.
"Hey!"
"Look! Macavity's right on top of Demeter!"
"He's pushing her into the wall!"
"Poor Deme!"
"Ahh! Now he's ramming up against her!"
"Someone get him out of the there!"
"Black flag Old D! Black flag!"
"Where's Old D?"
"Lunch break."
"Oh brother."
"Good! The authorities are helping her out of the car! And...She's OK! Demeter is Ok!"
"But Macavity! Macavity's not there!"
"Big surprise."
"And look there! Bombalurina is...what's she doing?"
"It's called a love tap."
"Ah. I see. That's Tugger ain't it?"
"Yep."
"Oh brother." Pouncival rolls his bright eyes.
"Hey! Where's Misto?"
"Yeah! He's gone!"
"Look! At the front!"
"He just...appeared out of thin air!"
"NO MAGIC ALOUD, MIST-SPARKLEES!"
"No one seems to notice."
"I'll make them notice! STOP THE RACE!"
"You can't just shout stop the race and expect it to stop!"
"Oh really?"
"Wow! The race is stopping!"
"MISTOFELEES!" Misto stepped out of his car.
"Yeah?"
"NO GETTING OUT OF YOU'RE CAR!"
"But-"
"NO!"
Victoria jumps out of her own car and runs to Misto's side. "Don't yell at him!"
"GET BACK IN THE CAR!"
"No!"
"WE'LL GIVE YOU ONE MORE CHANCE! GET IN THE CAR AND WE WON'T DISQUALIFY YOU!"
"What about Misto?"
"IF HE DOESN'T USE ANYMORE MAGIC!"
"But Misto would never use magic!"
"IN THE CAR!"
The two reluctantly stepped back into their cars, and everyone started driving again.
"Interesting..."
"I told you this would be a good race!"
"Race race race!"
"Oops! Bombalurina's in the wall!"
"Ouch."
"Caution!"
"In the wall again."
"At least she's ok."
"And again."
"What? Already?"
"Yep. Caution."
"That's a nice paint job she's got."
"Too bad she hates it."
"In the wall again."
"Caution."
"And again."
"Are you sure?"
"Caution."
"Paint's starting to come off."
"Everythings starting to come off!"
"She hit it again."
"Caution."
"This is insane!"
"What is she trying to do?"
"Ouch."
"Lemme guess. Caution by Bombalurina?"
"Yep."
"Oh rats!"
"There's another one!"
"What the Macavity is she doing?"
"I dunno, but her car's really starting to fall apart."
"Soon she'll have to go to the garage."
"Here we go AGAIN!"
"I don't get it! She musta hit the wall 10 times now!"
"Nine."
"Well that's it! There goes her front tire!"
"It's about time!"
"She's going to the garage."
"Sure is."
"Oh lookey there!"
"Where?"
"There!"
"Where?"
"Turn 3, you pollicle!"
"Macavity hit Demeter again!"
"When'd he get here?"
"Don't ask me."
"What does he have against her?"
"I think he luuuurves her!"
"Shut up!"
"Well Munkustrap isn't taking it this time!"
"Look! He's hitting Macavity!"
"That's what I meant when I said he wasn't taking it."
"Oh."
"Look! Macavity's on fire!"
"They're all getting lapped!"
"The call ten cautions on Bombalurina, but none for this?"
"Perfectly insane."
"You're tellin' me!"
"Mungo and Teazer are joinin in!"
"Macavity's getting turned over!"
"There he goes!"
"Woah! Making me dizzy!"
"Poor guy!"
"How can you say that?"
"Aww look! Demeter's leaning out the window!"
"Kitty kiss!"
"This is FAMILY!"
"Cut it out you two! Gross! Quick, where's the Call Cat? Get a board up here!"
"Oh! Rumpleteazer just smacked her!"
"Oh."
"Ahhh! Drive Jerrie and Teazer! Drive!"
"Floor it! She's maaad now!"
"Oh! Slick turn!"
"That's what you get for being acrobats!"
"Demeter's not so fast, though."
"Yes she is! Look out of the turn!"
"Munkustrap's going after them!"
"Ouch!"
"Now he's not so fast."
"Caution!"
"Oh now there's a caution!"
"Yep."
"You know, Skimbleshanks and The Rum Tum Tugger have been very quite this race."
"I guess that's why they're in the lead."
"I bet Skimble wins."
"Why?"
"Well, he is the railway cat! Has a way with transportation."
"Well, I think Tugger will win!"
"Why so?"
"I just do."
"Exotica's got a crush! Exotica's got a crush!"
"ZIP IT! I do not!"
"Do to!"
"Do not!"
"Do to!"
"Do not!"
"Do to!"
"DO NOT!"
"Uh huh!"
"Guys! This is it!"
"The last lap!"
"No! The popcorn machine!"
"Oohhh!"
"Be right back!"
"Wait for me!"
5 minutes later."Yum! Carmel corn!"
"Butter's better!"
"Is not!"
"Is to!"
"Is not!"
"Is to!"
"Stop that!"
"You!"
"But I'm not doing anything!"
"Who said you were?"
"You did!"
"No I didn't!"
"Ahhh!"
"Look! Victoria's moving up! She's passing Skimble!"
"YES!" Everyone turns to look at Pouncival
...
...
"Yeah..."
"Look who's got a crush now!"
"Do not!"
"Do to!"
"Do not!"
"Do to!"
"Old D's back!"
"Yay!"
"Oh hush up!"
"Checkered flag!"
"Who won?"
"Photo finish!"
"No duh!"
"TUGGER IS THE WINNER!"
"YES!!!" Everyone looks at Exotica. "What?"
"Ok! Let's go down to Jemima! Etcy has fainted with joy!"
"Hi! Jemima here with the Jellicle Winner! Congratulations, Tugger!"
"Thank you!"
"How does it feel?"
"How does what feel?"
"Winning!"
"Did I win something?"
"YOU JUSY WON THE JELLICE RACE!"
"I did?"
"Yes!"
"I didn't even know I was in!"
"Then what were you just doing?"
"Driving in circles! It's fun! You should try it some time!" Tugger walks off.
"Ignorance is bliss."
"Jemima still here! I'm heading over to find Bombalurina! There she is! Bombalurina! Was there something wrong with your car? Why did you keep hitting the wall?"
"WRONG? WRONG? I'LL TELL YOU WHAT'S WRONG! PURPLE! PURPLE! THAT'S WHAT'S WRONG!" Bombalurina storms off.
"Mungojerrie and Rumpleteazer are still doing doughnuts, and don't seem to notice they haven't won. In fact, they've gone as far as stealing the trophy! Oh well! If Tugger doesn't want it...Oh yeah! Demeter and Munkustrap lived happily ever after."
"This is a race, queen-um kitten! We don't care about that stuff!"
"Zip it, Tumble! It's so sweet!"
"Macavity went to the hospital, but managed to escape just before the race ended. That's all for Jellicle Race 2004! Signing off, Jemima."
"I told you it's be good!"
"Race race race!"
"Thanks for watching! Tune in next year for another Jellicle Race!"