Title: Despair and Hope
Legolas contemplated the dagger in his hand. How ironic, he thought with a mirthless smile, that the very blade that has saved my life a thousand times will now be used to end it. It was a beautiful dagger. The hilt was intricately carved with images of long ago battles fought and won, of beauty and splendor in times of peace. The back of the dagger had a message in Elvish, which Legolas had read many times:
Be at peace with yourself first,
Before you quench this dagger's thirst
And you will find you will not need it,
When peace is in you, you can heed it.
Be at peace. How could he be at peace with himself? His best friend had died last night and he had nothing here worth living for anymore. He looked at the dawn, just starting to melt into day. It didn't feel like day. It didn't feel like a victory.
Defeat. Darkness. Despair.
The words kept plaguing his mind.
His head was aching, throbbing where Eowyn had hit it. He was tired. So tired. Of life, of pain, of loss. He wanted it to end. He raised his dagger a last time. The dagger gleamed as it began its fatal descent toward his heart.
.........
"LEGOLAS!" Aragorn's voice rang across the deserted causeway, across the corpses strewn everywhere, to Legolas's ears. Legolas's eye's jerked open. Knowing he had very little time left to do he plunged the dagger even more quickly toward his heart, but somehow, somehow, the human got there first. His hand closed over the blade and he jerked the hilt out of Legolas's hand. Ignoring the pain searing through his cut hand, he flung the knife on the floor and rounded on Legolas.
"What in all of Arda do you think you're doing?!" he thundered.
"What in all of Arda do you think you're doing?!" Legolas retorted.
There was a pause, filled with ragged, angry breathing.
Then Legolas seemed to realize that Aragorn was hurt.
"Let me see your hand," he said, reaching out for it.
"No, I'm fine," Aragorn said, drawing away.
"You are not fine!" Legolas screamed, taking Aragorn by surprise. "This is what I hate about you, you never admit it when you're not fine! What's wrong with you? Do you want to kill all your friends with worry? If you'd just told me that you'd lost your hopes, if you'd told me from your own mouth, instead of trying to pretend of everything was alright, and you were just as strong as ever-" he stopped, unable to continue. He was shaking with anger.
"Legolas-" Aragorn said, recovering himself.
"SHUT UP!"
"Legolas!" Aragorn said loudly, grasping his shoulders and shaking them roughly. "Listen to me!"
"No," Legolas said, turning his head away.
"Listen to me! I'm cured! I saw it happen. I saw my hope return. A beautiful white light. I saw it with my own eyes."
"I don't believe you," Legolas said in an almost inaudible voice.
"Then look into my eyes. They have never lied to you."
Legolas looked. He saw the missing light shining there again, brighter than ever. Unspeakable joy filled him, even as he told himself not to believe…
"Estel," he breathed.
It was enough. All the anger, everything they had said to each other in the passed few days was washed away. All the bitterness was gone. That one word had been all it had taken to wipe the state clean. Later, Legolas marveled at it, the wonder of the whole thing. But now he just grasped his friend's shoulders and pulled him into an embrace.
Aragorn gasped at the sudden pressure on his side. Legolas quickly broke away from him.
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you…wait a minute, you should be in bed!" he glared at Aragorn.
Aragorn grinned at him. "Bed is the one place where I should not be. What would have become of you if I'd lain in bed like a good little boy, eh?"
Legolas was about to make some clever reply to this, when a shooting pain shot through his head again. The world spun. He swayed.
Aragorn, whose reflexes were always very quick, caught him and lowered him slowly to the ground.
"What's the matter?" he asked anxiously. "Where are you hurt?"
"Nowhere," Leoglas said immediately, "I'm fine."
Aragorn began to laugh. "You are not fine," he said, shaking with laughter, "this is what I hate about you Legolas, you never admit it…" he couldn't continue. He clutched his sides, groaning and laughing at the same time.
Legolas looked perplexed for a moment then suddenly caught on. His own melodious laughter filled the air.
"Touché," he said between chuckles.
Aragorn grinned and straightened up. "What really is the matter with you?"
"I…Eowyn knocked me out with her sword hilt," Legolas said, giving in.
"She did WHAT?!"
"To prevent me from going after Haldir. I believe I fought her like a madman, she had no choice," Legolas said quickly. "It was a pretty hard hit. My head's still sore."
Aragorn stared at him. "Tell me mellonamin," he said, "how on earth do you manage to get yourself into scrapes of this sort? You have a talent, it seems, far exceeding the skill of even that fool of a Took!"
"You flatter me." He smiled, but the smile turned to a wince as pain shot through his head again. He rubbed his head.
"Let me see your head," Aragorn said, worried again.
Legolas obediently bent his golden head to Aragorn's eye level. There didn't seem to be anything wrong with it outwardly. He pressed at it.
"Does that hurt?"
"No."
"Now?" he said pressing it at another angle.
"Yes," Legolas said, his eyes screwed up.
Aragorn poked and prodded awhile more and then said, "There's nothing seriously wrong with it, just a little bump. You've had much worse. But…why aren't you healing?" He looked closely at his friend's face and saw the dark shadows underling his blue eyes. "When did you last sleep?"
"Er…" Legolas said, considering. "A week ago, I think"
"You haven't slept in a week?!"
"No. And now I realize why, too. That was when I started feeling so sorry and hopeless all of a sudden. Must have been when Saruman performed the spell."
"Well I don't see why you shouldn't be alright after you get some rest. Everyone needs rest and sleep to fight off any illness. Elves particularly are dependent upon sleep even though they need less of it than mortals. If they don't get that rest, the amount they do need, they fail to heal quickly. You, my friend, had better be going to bed."
"But-"
"No buts, Legolas, you're not arguing with me on this one!"
"I go to bed only if you go to bed too. You need it just as much as I do."
"Oh, all right," Aragorn grumbled. He rose and pulled Legolas to his feet.
They walked back to the healing quarters in companionable silence.
"Goodnight, mellonamin," Aragorn said, smiling at Legolas and pointing him into an empty room.
"Goodnight, Estel," came the reply, as Aragorn closed the door behind him.
......
Aragorn walked toward his own room, but suddenly stopped. He remembered that Eowyn was hurt. He wanted to see her before he went to bed. He turned sharply to the right and down another passage and came to another door.
"Is this where Lady Eowyn sleeps?" he asked a Healer.
"No my lord, it is that room," the man said, pointing to a door on the far left.
......
"Thank you."
Aragorn knocked. There wasn't any reply. He pushed the door open. Eowyn was lying in bed, staring at the ceiling. Her shoulder was heavily bandaged.
"Eowyn," he called her, jerking her out of her reverie.
"Aragorn!" she replied exasperatedly, "You should be in bed!"
Aragorn winced. Why was everyone saying that to him?
"Yes but…I wanted to tell you something. Some good news."
She turned on her good side and glanced at him. Her face broke into a smile. "Your hope is back, right? You're cured, aren't you?"
He looked at her in surprise. "How did you-?"
"Oh Aragorn that's child's play! You look so happy. Anyone who knows you well could have told in an instant."
Legolas couldn't, Aragorn thought. To his surprise he found that he had spoken this aloud.
She shifted. "You told him, then?"
"Yes! And it was a good thing I arrived when I did, because…"
"Because?"
"He was trying to kill himself."
"I'm sorry, Aragorn. But I don't think it completely strange. You are, after all, the Hope of All Men. You are beginning to see how much you mean to the people who care about you. And perhaps it will become a huge burden. But I can always give you a shoulder to lean on. I love you Aragorn, but only as a brother. I have finally understood that."
There was a pause.
"Thank you," he whispered. He began to walk towards the door.
"Goodnight Aragorn."
"Goodnight."
And as Aragorn walked back to his room, he somehow felt at peace with the world. He didn't know that Gandalf and Eomer would return in a few hours. He didn't know that at that very moment, the river of Isengard was being released, and Saruman being rendered useless. But he knew that it would all come right in the end, somehow or the other.
Perhaps it was just Estel talking, perhaps not. But right now, he didn't really care.
THE END
The end, the end, the end! Ha ha ha! It feels so wonderful writing that. This was my first fic and when I started it, I thought it'd never get done. And it is! Yay! Even if it does have thirteen chapters. Very unlucky. Won't prevent me from getting more than 30 reviews will it? I hope not. That's my goal!
And now for review replies:
To Star-Stallion: Thank you for your encouragement. Your reviews have been the sunlight of my life, for the past few weeks. I hope I'll still have them for the next fic.
To Deana: Welcome back! The last time you reviewed was 10 chapters ago. And thanks for adding me to your author alert watch list. You're the only one so far, and I really am happy.
To Grumpy: My favourite anonymous reviewer. Thank you!
To Anarya: I'm sorry. I couldn't end it like that. I had a hard enough time writing this chapter in the first place, writer's block you know, and I'm also terrified of touching any unrealistic mush. Please forgive me. But thanks a million for all the encouragement and the criticism too.
Well now that it is nearing 1 am, I think I'm gonna hit the sack.
HOPING TO SEE YOU ALL NEXT FIC!
Bye! (sniffle)