Chapter 11
Such wilt thou be to me, who must,
Like th' other foot, obliquely run ;
Thy firmness makes my circle just, And makes me end where I begun
John Donne, "A Valediction Forbidding Mourning"
He was my North, my South, my East and West, My working week and my Sunday rest, My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song;
W.H. Auden, "Funeral Blues"
Everything seemed to be gray. The clouds, the rain, the puddles on the ground, even Kagome's own mood was colorless. She made a point not to avoid any of the puddles in the sidewalk, allowing the rainwater to seep up her pant legs and soak through her tennis shoes. The thick fog clung to her jacket and heavy rain dripped off of her. She was miserable and she knew this is what she deserved, some slight atonement for what she had done.
Kagome knew that jilting someone before a wedding could hardly be considered good etiquette, but now she knew it was a terrible thing, nothing at all like romance novels. There was nothing romantic or epic about the look on Shiro's face while she fumbled with the lame excuse she made-up. He was shocked, and then unbelieving, then angry, and then horribly upset.
Shiro had paced around the room, looking wild. He looked so close to tears, and he had begged, pleaded with her to change her mind, even offering to delay the wedding until she was ready.
"I'll wait until your ready. You can finish school and do whatever you want." Shiro placed his hand on her shoulder and caressed it softly.
"I'm not going back to school. I just need to go away."
Shiro pulled her to him and whispered in her ear, "Kagome, I love you. You know that." He tightened the embrace, "I'll make you happy. I promise."
She had pulled away with eyes full of tears, scrunched her eyes, bit her lower lip, and shook her head no, and then Shiro did cry. She sat on his couch and watched him. It was unfair that he had planted all his hopes and future in her only to have them snatched away. It was so unfair and all he could do in response was cry. Kagome reached for him, resting her hand on his bicep, but he asked her to leave and all she could do was just that. She managed to croak out an apology before shutting the door and stepping into the rain, feeling so much remorse that she wondered if it would drip off of her like the rain.
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Mariko shook her head in disbelief. Things like demons, angels, and wells that spirited people hundreds of years into the past did not exist, but Kagome had spent all night retelling stories of the Sengoku Jidai. Kagome recalled the story of Inuyasha, Kikyo, Naraku, and the sacred jewel, finishing off by telling her own part in the story as a reincarnated priestess. Then, the most recent affair involving angels, a journey, a half demon, and a child yet unborn was recounted.
At first, Mariko had wanted to call the nearest psychiatric hospital to have a sopping wet Kagome committed, but there were photographs. There was a photo of a smiling male with a roguish air about him and another of a young something that had a tail attached to his backside. Next, there was the photo of the flying tiger, cat, or some sort of feline that had fire coming from its paws with a pretty woman wearing battle attire and a hulking boomerang on her back. Finally, Kagome produced a picture of a white haired boy with ears coming out of his head that looked at though he were yelling at whomever it was that took the picture.
"That's Inuyasha," Kagome said softly, pointing at the photograph.
Mariko took the picture and studied it. So, this was the boy that Kagome had been in love with, the one she had mysteriously hinted about a handful of times but would never elaborate on. He certainly didn't look agreeable, but there was something in those amber eyes of his.
Mariko frowned, "This picture is real? It's not a fake?"
"No, it's not a fake."
"Kagome, are you going crazy or am I?" Mariko responded weakly rubbing the back of her neck.
Kagome gave a half-hearted, rueful smile, "I am crazy." Then she paused and took a deep breath, "Or my life is crazy. I'm not sure which."
Mariko went the mini kitchen of her hotel room and got a glass of water. She returned to the room and handed it to Kagome, wondering what words or enlightening advice she should come up with next.
Instead, she plopped back on the couch, "So what are you going to do?"
"Go back."
"Go back?" Mariko's mouth stretched thin. "What do you mean go back? What about Shiro? You're supposed to be getting married."
Kagome's hand began to shake and the water in the glass began to ripple. There was a second that Kagome felt sure she would drop her glass. She set in on the coffee table quickly, almost tipping it over.
"I talked to Shiro before I came here. The wedding is off."
Mariko sighed, "And how did he take it?"
"Not well." Kagome swallowed the lump in the back of her throat.
"Honestly, Kagome! What did you thing he was going to do? Smile at you, pat you on the back, and then wish you good luck."
Mariko wanted nothing more than to haul Kagome over the coals for what she had done. She had watched her two best friends fall in love and spent the past year as a third wheel, tagging along with them. The trio of them did homework together, spent weekend nights on the town, spent weekdays in the library, and watched movies in one another's dorm rooms, all the time becoming more intrinsically tied together. Mariko knew that Kagome and Shiro's marriage would change their friendship, but the two of them were happy and she could never begrudge them that. She knew the two of them had been happy, but now Kagome looked miserable and she was positive Shiro was across town in his apartment either throwing things against the walls or swearing while chasing down a bottle of tequila. Shiro had a long fuse and seldom got angry, but even he had limits.
It was all too much to absorb and process. She wanted to be angry with Kagome for leaving Shiro and leaving her for a boy and for people that lived five hundred years in the past. She wanted to go find Shiro and comfort him, let him know that Kagome was not the only one who cared for him, but Kagome was the one sitting in front of her, looking like her world had gone to pieces.
"I never wanted to hurt him," Kagome fumbled. "I love him, I really do Mariko, but I don't belong with him anymore. If I could stay I would," Kagome paused, "but I can't."
"So you're definitely going?"
"Yeah," Kagome whispered, a tear weaving its way down her cheek.
Mariko found herself beginning to tear up, "And you won't change your mind even if I lecture you to death?"
Kagome shook her head.
"You know, I should think you're crazy."
"You don't?"
"No. It's not like to make up stories."
"And you're not angry with me?" Kagome's eyebrows shot up in surprise.
"The jury is still out on that one." Mariko smiled lightly, "Let's go get something to eat. It's almost dawn, close enough to call it breakfast time."
"That sounds great." Kagome stood up from the couch and grabbed her wet coat up from the floor. "Maybe we can stop by my house so I can change clothes."
"Alright. Let's get out of here." Mariko got up from the couch and walked towards the door.
"How about one of those little diners that serves a greasy home cooked meal?"
Mariko grinned, "Perfect."
Before they left Kagome something Innis's son told her the night before repeated in her brain. There is one whose heart is overflowing with care for him. She grabbed Mariko by the arm, "Mariko, will you do me a favor?"
"Sure."
"You will watch out for Shiro won't you? I wouldn't trust anyone else to do it but you."
Something in Mariko's face changed, whether it was surprise or the release of something that she had not allowed herself to feel much less interpret. She gave Kagome a confused smile and answered like her question had been the most practical thing on earth, "Of course."
"Good," Kagome beamed. "I had a feeling you wouldn't mind."
The two of them walked out the door, content with the knowledge that the two of them still had a few hours to laugh together, recall the best times of their friendship, and had time to say goodbye.
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Kagome adjusted her sheer top, trying to get it to settle on the perfect place on her slender shoulders. She was wearing a pair of khaki capri slacks and a light beige camisole with a sheer blue peasant top over it. The light blue top fit snug around her chest and flared slightly around the waist, accenting her lean torso. She knew it was ridiculous to try and dress up for Inuyasha, he couldn't give a flip about what she wore or what was fashionable in her time, but still she wanted to look nice for him.
She looked over to the two suitcases she packed, full of necessities that she knew she would need. Living in the past was not a sacrifice provided Inuyasha was by her side, but certain amenities like a toothbrush, shampoo, deodorant, some change of clothing, tennis shoes, and some light medical supplies were too good to give up completely. Besides, she did not know how long it would be before she could travel back to the present.
"I look fine. Everything is going to be fine."
She tried to smooth a stubborn wrinkle out of her pants, a silly gesture that was aimed more at trying to soothe her nerves. When she left the past, there had been a very angry hanyou screaming behind her. Knowing Inuyasha as well as she did meant that she knew just reappearing and asking to stay might not go over as smoothly as hoped.
Kagome sighed and grabbed her luggage, "It's now or never."
She kissed her mother and Souta goodbye, promising to come and see them as soon as she could, but she only made it halfway out the door before she turned around and flung her arms around both of them even though the long farewells had been made the night before.
"Kagome, I want to know how proud I am of you, how proud you Father would have been of you."
Kagome smiled weakly, "Thanks, Mom." She hugged her mother tighter. There would never be anyone as supportive or loving as her mother. She then stepped away and ruffled the hair on Souta's head, "So long, Kid Brother."
He swiped her hand away, "Bye, Big Sis." He then rubbed his neck in embarrassment as Kagome embraced him. "Don't stay away too long okay."
The two of them escorted her to the well and watched her toss her suitcases into the well.
"I'll see both of you as soon as I can," Kagome promised, an anxious look across her face.
They waved goodbye a final time and watched as Kagome heaved herself over the edge of the well and disappeared into its depths. A flash of light came and then it was quiet. Souta and his mother walked out of the shrine and back to their own home, the pang of watching a loved one leave heavy on their shoulders.
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Kagome walked slowly towards the village. She was anxious and unsure whether Inuyasha would be there or not, but it was a good place to start. Even if he wasn't in the village, with that keen sense of smell of his it was unlikely that it would be too long before Inuyasha found her. She dragged her luggage behind her while trying to work out what she could say to him in her head.
"I want to stay here with you, Inuyasha. I'm not getting married and I want to be with you, Inuyasha." Kagome stopped walking and concentrated, "I just needed some time to sort out my thoughts and now I'm back. No, that's stupid! I belong here with you, Inuyasha. Will you marry me?" She smacked her forehead, "Idiot!"
She kept walking and muttering different variations of the same plea under her breath until she caught sight of Inuyasha's favorite tree. Sitting on one of the lower branches was Inuyasha, lazily resting against the trunk of the tree. It looked as though his eyes were shut, his thinking face, trying to ignore the rest of the world.
Kagome let her luggage go and tried pointlessly to press down the squishy feeling in her stomach. Logic told her that it was just her nerve ends tingling, preparing to enter the fight or flight mode. The flight mode seemed tempting, but knowing Inuyasha it was the fight she should be preparing for. She approached the tree softly, as though she were trying not to wake him, and mentally berated herself for being so stupid.
"Inuyasha?" she whispered.
He didn't move am inch.
"Inuyasha?" she tried a second time.
He didn't flinch, not one sign of movement or life. She frowned for a moment, confused. He had to have heard her coming or at the very least known she had stepped out of the well just by her smell, which meant he was ignoring her. That stupid jerk, she seethed.
"Inuyasha!" she said a third time, her voice increasing in volume and her fist punching the trunk of the tree as though the vibration of a thump would make him answer.
"Come to invite me to the wedding?" He didn't open his eyes and his tone seemed bored with her and her interruption.
"No, I didn't." She tried to push her anger down, but it was a useless attempt. "I came back because there's something I need to tell you."
"Well, you better hurry. I'm sure Shiro is waiting on you. Don't want to miss the big wedding!" He finally opened his eyes and gave her a patronizing look. "Go back to your own time, Kagome."
Kagome took a deep breath and counted to ten backwards, holding back the biting comment that she felt only slightly sure at the moment that she might regret later, "I'm not going back home. I'm staying here."
"Well what in the hell do you want to stay here for?"
The look on his face could have withered anyone with less determination but Kagome was only annoyed by it, "I thought maybe we could talk. Talk, Inuyasha, not argue!"
"I'm not in the mood." He closed his eyes, crossed his arms, and returned to his thinker pose.
"Fine! Then I'll talk! You listen!" Kagome unclenched her teeth and then groaned, "I came back to ask if you'll let me stay. I want to be here with you and I'd like it if you would say that maybe you wanted me to stay too."
Inuyasha was prepared to rattle off another loud-mouthed response, but her blunt honesty made him hesitate. Hesitate for precisely nine and a half seconds before retorting.
"Don't hold your breath."
Kagome's mouth dropped open and her face flushed, a violent angry shade of red, "You stupid ass! I came here to talk, hoping that you might do the same, but clearly that's beyond your capabilities!"
"Shut up!" Inuyasha opened his eyes, gave her his nastiest look, clenched his fist, and the shook it threateningly at her.
"I will if you quit being such so thick-headed! Use that rock you have for a brain for two seconds and just listen to what I have to say!"
Inuyasha was appalled, "Rock for a brain, thick-headed!"
"Well, who would ever have thought it? He does have power in his brain to listen!" Kagome clung to the trunk of the tree, looking upwards and yelling.
"Care to repeat that?" His eyes narrowed into two slits as he offered her one last chance for mercy.
Kagome shook from her anger, and the impulse to sit him into oblivion hung on the end of her tongue, but then an infinitely more appealing idea popped into her brain. Since words apparently weren't going to faze Inuyasha, a different approach would have to do. Kagome kicked off her heels and began to climb the tree. It was something she had not done in years, but apparently the old adage about never forgetting how to ride a bike applied to tree climbing as well.
"What in the hell are you doing?" Inuyasha scowled, trying to keep the sliver of worry out of his voice.
"What does it look like?" she grunted in between branches.
"Looks like you're trying to get yourself killed."
Kagome finally pulled herself up to the branch Inuyasha sat on and threw her leg over it. She straddled the branch, bracing herself to get her balance, and then gave Inuyasha a pointed stare.
"What're doing?" he growled.
She didn't answer but instead scooted a little closer to him until she was just a few inches from him. Kagome looked him square in the eye and smiled softly. Warning bells sounded in Inuyasha's mind and that impish glint in her eyes didn't escape his attention. He inched away from her until his back hit the tree trunk, offering no sanctuary.
"Kagome, what are you doing?" His voice cracked several times while trying to force out the words. "Whatever it is I don't like it. Stop." The last command was a mere squeak.
In response, Kagome placed her fingertips on Inuyasha's cheeks. Her hands were cold, and they felt cool on his warm, flushing skin. Inuyasha's eyes expanded in fear and he tried once again to scoot back. Kagome tilted her head to the side a bit and let her eyes follow the line of his face, down then up, before gently brushing her lips against his.
Inuyasha froze. The pressure of her lips against his lasted for only a second, but it was enough to silence the hanyou. He was vaguely aware of the scent of lavender coming from somewhere, but that was all his mind could comprehend for the moment. Her closeness turned his insides into liquid and the tree did not seem to be very sturdy. He took a breath as she backed away, still not blinking his wide eyes, and tried to make some sense of what had just transpired. The only thing his mind could recognize was that the experience was pleasant. It was most definitely pleasant and entirely intoxicating.
Kagome watched him with tender eyes, somehow touched by his incomprehension. She waited for him to snap back, her brown eyes studying his every facial response.
"Inuyasha?" she whispered.
Inuyasha blinked but could not seem to organize any words into a coherent pattern.
"Will you listen now?" All the impishness and mischievousness that had been her catalyst were gone. They were replaced with insecurity and hesitation.
He nodded lightly and moved his hand to her cheek, trying to focus on those large brown eyes that were so centered upon him.
"I've done some thinking." She moved her hand up to the hand that rested on her cheek and then held it within her own. "It's been so long since we've really talked and we've both changed. I think we need some time to get to know each other again, that is if you want to."
Inuyasha nodded, overcome with the emotion that was welling up, "I'd like that."
"With Sango having her baby soon, I figured that Miroku would be staying home more often and that would leave you without a partner to patrol around with. I could travel with you if you'd like. I'm still good with a bow and arrow, and I still have my miko powers. It could be just like the old days."
For a second Inuyasha frowned with old self-doubt, "Are you sure? What about your wedding and school?"
Kagome took Inuyasha's hand and brought it to her mouth, kissing his palm lightly before embracing both of his hands in hers, "I belong here with you and you belong with me." She beamed a full, open, bright smile, "We just fit."
Inuyasha moved towards her and rested his forehead against hers, swallowing deeply and nodding in agreement, "You . . . .you know what you mean to me? Right?"
His words were blundered, but Kagome understood. She grinned and Inuyasha tucked some of Kagome's dark hair behind her ears. He moved to return her kiss rather clumsily. At contact, a vivid picture drizzled into their minds; a little girl with amber eyes and velvety silver hair that smiled at them as though everything were right in the world.
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Sango held a small girl within her arms, smiling at her newborn child, "I told you it was a girl Miroku!" Her face was ragged and tired, but there was a light in her eyes.
"What's her name, Sango?" Shippo asked.
"Amiri," Miroku replied with a grin, "That's the name Sango chose for her. We had a little wager going. If my beautiful wife was correct and the baby was a girl she could choose the name of the child." He gave Sango a lecherous grin, looking as though there was no greater turn on than losing a battle to his wife, "Clearly I was in the wrong."
"Isn't she beautiful, Inuyasha?" Kagome sighed while admiring the little red bundle.
"Keh. It's just a baby." He looked at the newborn with distaste. Birthing children was such a messy affair with lots of blood, pain, screaming, and trouble for all the efforts.
Kagome frowned, "Are you going to act this way when we get married and have our kids?"
It was Inuyasha's intention to return her question with a biting response, but the fact that the word when was applied to their marriage rather than will we warmed him, "That's different."
"Oh really!" Kagome rolled her eyes. "And just out of curiosity what do you want to name our little girl when she comes along?"
"Does it really matter?" he asked in complete surprise and earnestness.
Kagome swatted his arm hard, "Of course it matters! You can't just name a baby anything. A name has to have meaning!"
"Well, what would you name her?"
"I've always liked the name Hana," she looked at him expectantly waiting for a response.
He looked over at Miroku and Sango. Miroku was kneeling by Sango smiling down at her with Taru in his arms while Sango was looking at him with contentment. Shippo and Kaede were there too, looking thrilled beyond words. Their happiness seemed to him to be a promise or a foretelling of what he could expect to have in the near future.
"I like the sound of that," he replied gently, wrapping an arm around Kagome's waist and moving her hair out of his way to press a kiss on her temple.
Many miles away, a gray eyed angel smiled at her husband and reached for his hand. He offered it to her and then squeezed her own. He cradled his child closer to his chest and opened his mind to begin a dialogue with his wife. The two of them walked away with their wings brushing, leaving the group to their own privacy.
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I know it's been a million years since I've updated, but my only excuse is that grad school has totally consumed me whole, eating up all of my life and time before it decides to spit me back out. I tried to hurry and finish this before I got shipped halfway across the country to do an internship at a hospital and I can only hope the story didn't suffer as result. Anyway, thanks for all the reviews and the encouragement. You guys are why I stuck with this story even after hours of frustration and writer's block, and not to get all mushy on you but you guys really do rock beyond all belief. Well, hope you enjoyed it and just to finish off with a silly quote that a friend of mine used to say, "See you later, old chum."