Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or Sirius Black… cause if I did he sure as hell would NOT be dead right now… oh… I also do no own the song in this Fic… that belongs to the Offspring and all of their infinite wonderfulness!
Maybe in another life
I could find you there
Pulled away before your time
I can't deal it's so unfair
The thin shadow of a boy pulled the sheets of his bed close. Although it was a fairly warm night, he was shivering uncontrollably. A stinging in the corners of his eyes reminded him of the dream from which he had just awoken.
He had been running through a dark alley towards a pair of glowing green eyes. He had to get to those eyes, he just had to. They were not getting any closer though and he was running so hard that he felt as though his lungs would explode. Then he saw it in the distance, a thin veil that muffled the glow of those eyes. The veil quivered slightly in a hidden breeze and he could hear voices coming from it. He knew that just pass that veil the owner of those glowing green eyes would be waiting for him, smiling. Harry kept running and finally came close enough to the veil to touch it. He reached out and pulled it aside, only to see that the eyes had disappeared.
And then he felt it, a hand on his shoulder. He turned to see who the owner was and came face to face with the man he had been dreaming of since June.
"Sirius," Harry breathed and reached to out his arms to embrace his godfather. As soon as he touched him however, his body had faded away, leaving only a crumple of robes on the damp ground at Harry's feet.
Now Harry sat rolled into a ball on his bed, tears creating small pools on the pillow beneath him. He pushed himself into a sitting position, forcing his back against the cold wall.
Why Sirius? Why did you have to take Sirius? Harry's mind groped for answers in the silence of the empty room. No answer came however and Harry felt once again betrayed. Betrayed by his late parents who were supposed to be watching over him, betrayed by the God that was supposed to protect him from this pain.
And it feels
And it feels like
Heaven's so far away
And it feels
Yeah it feels like
The world has grown cold
Now that you've gone away
Harry released a loud, choking sob from his dry throat before lifting his hands to his face and unceremoniously wiping the tears away. He gripped the cool metal glasses from his beside table and pushed them onto his thin nose. Pushing himself off the bed, he walked to the open window and leaned out.
The light breeze wove playfully through the strands of his shaggy hair, twisting it into knots that he would have to battle with the next day. He did not worry about this though as he stared longingly into the velvety black sky. Stars winked merrily at him from their posts up in the heavens but not even they could sway his sorrowful mood. Instead, they made him feel worse. It was not until that very moment that he realized how much farther away they looked.
Before this summer, he could look out this window and almost taste these same stars. He had always felt as if he could reach those little glowing beings that twinkled so happily, as if asking him to come join them in the sky. Now, however, they no longer hid that they were truly light years away from his grasp.
Decided to turn from the depressing celestial imagery, Harry directed his vision towards the street of Privet Drive. Little Whinging had never looked more unpleasant. Now Harry could see every street lamp broken by neighborhood punks. He could see the lights of the many gangs of teenage kids who had sneaked out of their homes to huddle in tight groups and smoke together.
He could not take it anymore. He turned from the window and kneeled down next to the trunk that stood at the foot of his bed. He tore open the top and grabbed the broomstick that sat on top of his still packed books and school robes.
Leaving flowers on your grave
Show that I still care
But black roses and Hail Mary's
Can't bring back what's taken from me
I reach to the sky
And call out your name
And if I could trade
I would
Harry soared through the sky, absentmindedly steering toward the overgrown meadow that he had visited so much this summer. As he reached it, he directed his broom downward, aiming for the endless expanse of wildflowers and grass. His toes drifted through the tall, swaying grasses as he looked for the large cross-shaped stone that signified where his godfather rest.
Seeing it in the distance, Harry sped up a bit before stopping abruptly and hovering over it. He stared endlessly at the roughly hewn words that read "Here lies Padfoot- an innocent man." Dried flowers littered the patch of ground around it, which had been cleared of all grass and weeds. A black rosary was wrapped around the foot of the stone, shimmering silently in the light of an everlasting candle that Harry recognized to be from Molly Weasley. The memorial in front of him blurred as tears once again sprang to his eyes. Memories flooded his mind but every one of them ended in the same image, Sirius' laughing face.
Sliding off his beloved Firebolt, Harry crouched on the ground, not taking his eyes off the framed picture that stood propped against the tombstone. It was of his own parents' wedding, with Sirius as the best man. His face had not yet turned thin and lifeless, overrun with thick black hair from his time in Azkaban. Instead, it was full and handsome, smiling and free. That is how Harry wanted him remembered. Happy.
Rushes of anguish drown Harry as he straightened up and stared at the blinding dark of the night.
"Sirius!" He yelled, half out of pure pain, half out of hope that maybe the call would be answered. "SIRIUS! SIRIUS!" His throat became dry and cracked with the effort of his cry. "SIRIUS!" He roared once again before collapsing to the ground, hanging hopelessly onto the stone cross. "Sirius," he said once again, only in a whisper directed towards the dirt his lost friend was buried under. "I need you, Sirius."
Sobs raced their way out of his trembling mouth as his tears soaked the dusty ground. He let go of his efforts to keep upright and let go of the stone, allowing himself to fall to the dirt.
"It should have been me," he whispered, hugging his knees to his heaving chest. "It should have been me…."
And it feels
And it feels like
Heaven's so far away
And it stings
Yeah it stings now
The world is so cold
Now that you've gone away
-Gone Away by: the Offspring