Disclaimer: Arty, Juliet, Holly, Foaly, etc etc, all those folks not created by moi, are the work of the marvelous Mr. Eoin Colfer, who I had the honor of meeting at P&P 2 years ago and enjoyed immensely. Hogwarts and most of its teachers are of course the property of J.K. Rowling. Aithne Fowl and her friends are my own creations, as are the remaining Hogwarts teachers. ::hugs OCs::

::SPOILERS:: If you haven't read Artemis Fowl and the Eternity Code, this story gives a lot of the ending away, so if you don't want to be ruined forever...well, you've been warned.

Yes. Artemis Fowl and Hogwarts. It's weird. Trying to explain things will just make it worse. Enjoy!

Fowl Enchantments

Chapter One: Broken Traditions

Artemis Fowl had seen a good many things in his young life, among them murder, theft, pain, and wrongful imprisonment. As a child, these had been attributes that were abnormally common to him, and had come (unfortunately) naturally to this frightful Irish genius.

Having been the heir to his family's criminal enterprise until the age of thirteen, Artemis had had to learn to see the good in humankind, and especially in himself. That education, though beneficial, had not been part of Artemis's original plans. Still, he'd found himself stuck, giving people back what he had taken from them, at least in part, and he'd found it a wonderful feeling. He had even begun thinking he could change his ways. This idea has been sparked even further at the recovery of his father, convincing Artemis that if his memory hadn't been erased, he probably would have abandoned crime altogether.

Erasing his memory, as he thought back on it, had been a bad idea. Artemis had been on the brink of change for the better, and having his memory deleted had also erased what could have been a new future. He had, as he had promised in his diary, returned immediately to his criminal schemes...only these took longer to plan. Too long...long enough, in fact, for his life to take a completely unexpected turn. And it had nothing to do with virtue or power.

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Artemis had first decided that he liked Juliet Butler when he was sixteen. There were several factors in this idea that posed a problem, and also made Artemis extremely bothered by the whole idea of status.

Juliet was Butler's little sister, and therefore considered, though richly paid and living in the best of comfort, a household servant.

She was also five years older than he was, officially making him infatuated with an adult.

Then there was the matter of his relationship with her. It was a strict master-servant relationship, but as of late, Artemis had begun seeing Juliet less as his bodyguard and as more of a friend.

The truth of the matter was, in short, that Artemis had always had feelings for Juliet. Not until she had taken her brother's place as bodyguard had they progressed into a crush. With Juliet and Artemis as full-time companions, they each learned every aspect of the other, both personal and physical (this did not include what couldn't be seen). Juliet quickly became a better bodyguard than her brother, and a curiously fascinating object of study for Artemis.

When Artemis was seventeen, he lost both his nerve and his patience with the whole employer-employee factor. Juliet had grown steadily prettier since the glitter mascara phase (which she finally grew out of) and her bodyguard training had bulked her up to the point where her still-feminine body made Artemis speechless.

Artemis Fowl, criminal mastermind and childhood genius, idolizing women?

Artemis had never needed to mention to Butler that he adored his sister. Butler, not surprisingly, had already known.

"Just tell her, Artemis. Heaven knows she returns your feelings."

Artemis choked on his coffee. "Really."

"Artemis, she's my sister. I think I can be expected to read her a bit better than you can."

Artemis scowled. Butler's knowledge going deeper than his own had become increasingly more annoying. "I do not read anyone, Butler. Juliet is a friend and bodyguard, just as you were. Nothing more."

"Of course." Butler was smirking, something he was not prone to doing often.

Artemis glared at him over his breakfast. "To tell her would be against principle, Butler. I would have to discharge her."

Butler laughed. "Artemis, really."

"I'm absolutely serious, Butler. We maintain a strict relationship. It cannot be ruined by such petty things as crushes."

"Petty?" Butler chuckled. "This is a remarkable side of you, Artemis. Really, I hadn't known you had a heart."

"Excuse me? No--heart?"

Butler sighed. "That was a joke, Artemis."

"Ah. Of course. In that case, I'd best return to the study. I have some business to attend to. Thank you for breakfast, Butler, it was perfect, as always."

"Oh, Artemis? By the way..."

"Yes?"

"Last night I happened to mention to Juliet that you've been fond of her since you were twelve."

It happened that Juliet did return Artemis's feelings, and she was delighted when he told her first. They began dating, privately. If word ever got out that the twenty-two year old Juliet was dating the seventeen year old Artemis, they would both have been arrested. Over the space of two years, Artemis's feelings for Juliet went to joy, then tenderness, the lust.

Juliet and Artemis were married in Fowl Manor, on a beautiful day in June. Their choices for the guests of honor had been the same; Holly Short had been Juliet's maid of honor.

Artemis had been nineteen, Juliet twenty-four.

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November 17, 2010

Artemis sat pensively on a couch outside his bedroom, thinking that if any single moment in time could kill a man, it was the moment spent waiting for his child to be born. Juliet's pained screams from inside weren't helping, either.

The next few minutes felt like years. Artemis jumped to his feet, overjoyed to hear Holly's voice.

"You can come in now, Artemis."

Shaking, Artemis entered the bedroom. In Juliet's arms was a tiny white bundle with black hair. Holly smiled, wiping off her and Juliet's sweat- soaked faces. "Congratulations, Artemis. It's a girl."

"May I?"

Juliet handed over the bundle, and a tiny, blue-eyed face gurgled up her father.

Artemis Fowl had seen his world change after all.

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A/N: Okay! That was my (delayed) present to you all!! Now you can help me celebrate freedom! I'm officially out of my hellhole of a Junior Highschool FOREVER!!! woooo!! It's summer!! ::dances around like a maniac::

Okay, I'm done celebrating now. ::smirk smirk::

Oh, btw...it's labeled PG-13 cuz i don't know exaclty what i plan to do with it yet. Meh.

Reviews, please!