La Li Ho, minna-san! Copyright to Gravitation I missed you! BTW, Kyaa77, I LOVE YOU!!!! Thanks to everyone for getting here so far!
Here is one of my last poems to you.
Thanks to some computer-super-genius-losers (yeah, I mean you guys, B and K)
And reviewers like you,
Van and Hitomi
Will see this entire story through.
Stick with them
And they'll stick with you,
Then give you a lot of heart-shaped cookies,
Pink and blue!
…. Love you guys! On to the 22nd chapter!
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There was a boy with silver blonde hair, humming to himself and tracing patterns in the dirt on the ground. Rianne slowly turned her head, for the second time in her life, aching and wishing for oblivion. The first time was after her lover had been murdered and she had found herself in that cursed dimension.
The boy didn't even blink, just stared at the ground with light flower-pink eyes.
"Who are you?" Rianne whispered harshly. The boy didn't even flinch.
"You made me, you stupid woman. You don't remember me?" Rianne felt a shadow of her old righteous dignity. Then she sighed.
"It doesn't matter now. I'll never get my revenge." The boy's hand suddenly stopped.
"You're like me. You made yourself of ghost of revenge, just like you made me one."
Rianne gazed up into the blue sky, "Why did I do that?"
"Hate." The boy began tracing circles in the dust on the ground again. "I want to kill them. Kill them for making me sad. They killed Shesta and Gatty…they killed Jajuka."
Rianne finally drew herself up and finally caught Dillandua's gaze.
"They can't hurt us anymore here," she whispered. "But our memory…will haunt them forever." Slowly, Rianne's wings unfurled from her back till they enveloped the silver boy. "Someone's waiting for you on the other side. And someone has been waiting for me…for a long time. The dragon king…. The ones we left behind…can't forget us…. So we can hurt them…but they can't hurt us. Every time they think of us, the pain and guilt will get worse. They can't hurt us-----but we can hurt them." Both figures gradually disappeared into light…except for one single white feather that floated gracefully to the ground, forever captured in a crystalline moment, forever shining gently.
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Van felt nothing. Nothing. Everything inside of him was empty. Numb. So cold.
On the outside, he ached. The light beat at his sensitive eyes and blood and sweat mixed together, stinging his eyes and tasting like bitter bile in his mouth. Van was shivering uncontrollably. Every time he took a breath a sharp pain pierced his side. His ribs must be broken, he realized faintly.
The dragon inside of him was silent. He finally understood what the dragon in his mind was. It was what every Draconian was born with. The Dragon represented everything about him that wasn't human, that wasn't rational, the spirit of the Draconians living on in him. It was himself in the truest sense. The fire had left the dragon's fierce red gaze. The dragon was his raw emotions, the balance to the cold rational in his mind.
Vaguely, he remembered saying good-bye to Hitomi. He remembered the paralyzing pain of her grief just before the numbness took over.
Van didn't really remember exactly when all of his feelings slowly flickered and died. He didn't remember when the Dragon went back to sleep. Maybe it was when he realized that to die, to sacrifice himself, and to leave Hitomi behind was the only way to save her, her family, her friends, and his country…Gaea. Maybe this is what his father felt when he abandoned Folken…all for the sake of his country.
Van consciousness flickered in and out. He didn't remember climbing the stairs of the platform, up to the top of the Fate Alteration Machine. Step. Step. Van wasn't sure how he was able to keep picking up one foot at a time. Step. Step.
He should be sad. He was about to die. He would never see Hitomi again. He would never see Merle again. Van would never again walk through Fanelia's streets and wonder what his Father and his Brother would think if they could see this country now. He would never visit his mother's grave. Van would never again watch a sunrise hit the dormant guymelef that stood so proudly. The Escaflowne still tugged at his heart. He had always wondered the extent he and the Escaflowne could go together. He had always wanted to push the limits of their power.
Step. Step.
He would miss flying. Sky and clouds flashed before his eyes. The horizon. Dancing green eyes. Her.
Van could examine these memories now impassively. Because he was numb, because the helplessness of this forced sacrifice created an infinite emptiness in him; he couldn't feel. Because of the emptiness, Van couldn't love. He couldn't even hate Rianne or man's stupid, redundant Fate.
Something touched his thoughts. Hitomi. Van noticed indifferently that the colors inside her head were changing. She had realized that everything was hopeless, that this was the only way out. Van had made his decision and Hitomi had made hers.
Drop by drop, breath by breath, Van felt Hitomi's consciousness seep into the black hole inside himself. Her last hope, her last wish, was to be with him…to die with him. So he wouldn't be alone.
Van suddenly realized that Hitomi was beside him, embracing him. His head was held gently in her hands, but she pressed herself up against him.
She poured out everything into him. Hitomi's laugh, her frustration, her small habit of tucking a strand of hair behind her ear, filled up everything he had lost.
She is so good. Even in the very end…she won't let me go. One feeling overpowered everything. The space inside him had been filled with feelings and emotions that were not his, that were out of control.
Hitomi's emotions. They had changed, melded, and her feelings were his own now. He felt…relived. Van felt grateful. He felt…at peace.
Suddenly, something snapped. Van felt himself falling. Simultaneously, Hitomi's heart, mind, and soul gave out. In a moment, Van was closed off from her.
Hitomi wasn't Hitomi anymore. When he tried to touch her, she burned him. The light emitting from her skin and her mind was so intense it was painful. The cold in him was gone, filled with Hitomi's warmth, but the person who embraced him…
Suddenly, his vision became clear. The pain in his ribs faded. Being near her light overpowered the pain, cleared his head. Van began to focus on the angel's face.
She smiled at him, with Hitomi's smile.
He realized that they were hovering, flying above the murky depths of the Fate Alteration Machine. Van had to tear his eyes away from her to gaze at Hitomi's huge, blindingly white wings, steadily beating around him, with the air humming around them. They erupted in graceful arches from her shoulders, ripping through the worn cloth of her shirt. Each feather was a work of art.
Even her face had changed. Her eyes had become deep, endless pools of green…but they were absent of the sparkles and shadows that made Hitomi's eyes dance. The color of her hair had changed from a comfortable tawny color, the a shining gold silk. His eyes hurt looking at her. She was truly beautiful and truly terrible.
She leaned close, and shivers ran down his spine. "Be at peace." Her breath whispered past his ear.
The Draconians had been awe-inspiring. But Hitomi…Hitomi was so beautiful, so perfect that she was truly terrifying. It was like looking into the face of God, something so much more than a human could ever comprehend that it drove them to madness.
In that one second, he realized he wanted the old Hitomi back. Van tried to tell her, but no sound came from his mouth. She seemed to know, however. She smiled gently at him. Van had to turn his amber gaze away.
Then, Van let out a strangled shout when he realized that they were plummeting again. The open, dark pool at the top of the Fate Alteration Machine flew closer and closer. He caught a glimpse of the ceiling, the endless white expansion of clouds out of the huge window behind the throne. Aronic and the small form of Kemen flashed past. He tightened his grip around Hitomi's waist, sweat running from his bronzed skin. Van squeezed his eyes shut…and suddenly was submerged.
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Van flinched when cold water slashed his face. His shoulders relaxed at the soothing sound of waves crashing on a beach. Slowly, Van opened his eyes and tried to sit up. He noted idly how sore his muscles were.
Van was looking out at a quiet sunset on the horizon of an ocean. He loved to watch to sunrise and fall over water. Van could faintly hear gulls crying and crickets chirping. A salty ocean breeze gently played with his wild black hair. The sand beneath him was still warn from the sun's rays. This really was his ideal image of peace. There was no weight, pressure or worries at all on his mind…
A startled explanation burst out of him when someone put a hand on his shoulder. Van whipped around.
"Folken?" Van exclaimed incredulously. It couldn't be! His brother was dead. Folken smiled and sat down beside his brother. Van stared at Folken, who was looking out towards the sunset.
"H-How----" He stuttered. "But I---Am a still in the Fate Alteration Machine?" Folken sighed, still watching the waves crash against the shore.
"The sunset is beautiful, isn't it? You never really appreciate something so beautiful until you can't have it." Van stared at Folken, nonplussed.
A small sigh escaped him and Van looked down to study the sand at his feet. "I don't understand."
Folken chuckled. Then he broke into a loud spade of laughter. "You'll never change, Van," he said with amusement still coloring his voice. He became somber again. "There are things in life no one will understand. You can count on your reason and strict reality forever. Hasn't being with Hitomi taught you anything at all?" Van swung around to face him.
"You know, Brother, that no one has taught me more than Naria and Earia." At Van's total lack of comprehension, Folken sighed and tried again.
You see, the Fate Alteration Machine just shows us shadows. It was a machine originally built to teach us . Right now, I'm just a shadow of Fate. The machine keeps possibilities of Fate alive. Even though Dillandua was dead, he was still a reaction of Fate. That's why Rianne was able to bring him back to life."
Understanding finally lit Van's gaze. "Hitomi's family," he stated.
Folken nodded, "And her friends."
Van grit his teeth in a rush of anger. "I hate these circles of logic! I just don't understand. Fighting, using the Escaflowne to kill was better than this Armageddon! Why are you alive? Why didn't this machine just let me die? It would have been easier."
"Quiet," Folken's voice cut sharply through Van's outburst. "Don't be so selfish. You're so willing to give your life and your love away. You think you want peace so terribly. Then why did you stop fighting for it? You want to be with Hitomi so badly? Then why aren't you fighting for her? You say that you would do anything to fight for her, yet as soon as an opportunity to escape presents itself, you run in the other direction." Folken's gaze bit intensely into Van's. "You relied on your rational self too long, Brother. Sometimes you just have to let it go. Even if you can't understand." Van was shocked to feel a warm wetness sting his cheeks. He put his hand to his face and felt tears.
"During the war---I never thought I would cry again…" Van wondered out loud. A small smile flickered past Folken's expression. And he gazed out to the sunset again. The red streaked light barely showed over the horizon of water now.
"Just remember, Van," Folken whispered softly. " You don't really realize how fortunate you are seeing something as beautiful as a sunset---until you can't have it. A sunset may be beautiful and peaceful, but remember; they don't last forever…. And you can never truly touch one." A terribly heavy look sank into Folken's amber eyes, a shade darker than Vans. He brought his hand up to reach out towards the fading light. Van noticed it was his left arm---but it was whole. Both of Folken's real arms stretched out to the sky. The Fate Alteration Machine reflected the shadow of Fate in Folken. For an instant, the images of two beautiful, cat-like women, one gold and one silver, were set in the emerging stars. The whispering of the wind and waves like a small laugh, the hum of insects; a gentle purr.
Abruptly, the tall, silver-haired man stood and pulled his brother up beside him. Van looked down when something hard was pushed into his hand. The energist! He realized with a jolt.
Folken smiled down at his little, dark brother in the fading light. "The dragon in you calls to the dragon in the Escaflowne. The Ispano workers were always uneasy about mixing Draconian blood in the Escaflowne. Too powerful, they thought. The Escaflowne is woven into your Fate. It's been sleeping, waiting for you to grow. Use it to save our world, Brother," Folken with bemusement tingeing his tone.
Suddenly, black wings burst from Folken's shoulder blades and unfurled. He put a hand on Van's head a ruffled his hair affectionately.
He leaned close to Van's ear and said almost teasingly, "Our mother is very proud of you."
…Then he was gone. Van stared down at the energist in his hand and knew what he was going to do. He wasn't sick of fighting, like he had thought. He was sick of doubting himself, doubting Hitomi…and most off all carrying the weight of the sorrow of the dead. Van took a deep breath. Finally. He understood. At last, he was ready to fight.
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I know! I have a lot more to write! But this chapter was getting kinda long…and I was at a good stopping point… Alright! Next up --- the battle for Gaea, Peace, Hitomi and Van's love, the Draconians, a cute little dragon half-ling, and----Aoki?