A/N: Thanks for the reviews, guys.
Nightmares - Chapter 2
Ben stepped out the window and walked over to the edge of the metal disk. He stood there, balancing his weight on the balls of his feet while he watched the sun setting over the city. He felt empty. After so many years of being on his own, longing for the comfort his siblings would give him, every dream had come crashing to the floor. It felt like the bottom was falling out from underneath him and he felt his knees about to give.
Startled at his own weakness he stumbled backwards and fell to his knees, only then realising he had been crying since the moment he fled the church. Ben had dealt with so much misery in his short life that he felt as if he could deal with anything fate wanted to throw at him.
But the look in Max's eyes, shouting her disapproval at him, had broken through every wall he'd erected around his heart and soul for protection against the hardships that surrounded him.
How could she do this to him? Wasn't she as relieved and deliriously happy to see him as he was to see her? Hadn't she been yearning for the rest of them like he had? Was he the only one affected by the loneliness and despair of fending for himself on his own for 10 long years after being sheltered by the presence of his siblings the first half of his life?
He sensed her before she came through the window but he felt so boneless and desperate that he couldn't summon the strength to stand and face her.
What else could she do to him, anyway? Hadn't she broken him enough?
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Max's heart broke at the sight she found. Ben was kneeling on the edge, his back to her, shattered. She could taste the despair in the air around him. She could smell his tears. She could see his pain, a pain so strong it made the air around him vibrate with its intensity, surrounding him like a palpable shield, trapping him inside.
Max felt the need to touch him, to let him know she was there as much as reassure herself that he wasn't already gone, that she wasn't too late.
She approached him slowly. She could feel he wasn't really able to move away from her but she needed to make sure he'd let her get close. She kneeled behind Ben and put her arms around him, letting her chin rest on his shoulder, and when he still didn't move she tightened her hold on him, anchoring him to her.
"I'm so sorry, Ben." She whispered in his ear. She brought a hand to his face and tenderly wiped the tears from his cheeks. "I've missed you so much."
Max heard him exhale shakily, the air leaving his lungs in a rush, and she felt him tremble for a moment before he relaxed and let himself be held by her. New tears replaced the ones she'd dried and he burrowed his larger frame against her, every fiber of his being screaming for comfort.
Max clung to him as strongly as he did, feeling just as vulnerable. Every sob wrenching his way out of him feeling like a stab to her heart. She wished she could heal all the wounds of his soul, starting with the one she had inflicted hardly an hour ago.
'I won't let you down again, Ben.' She vowed, stroking him tenderly, soothingly, almost inducing him to sleep. Max pushed him down gently and Ben went with the movement without breaking contact with her until he was laying on his side, resting his upper body on her lap.
Eyes closed, his breath still ragged and his fists tightly closed, Ben tried to relax. He hadn't been held like this, or any other way for that matter, since the escape and the feelings it evoked in him were almost strange to him after so long. He could feel Max's worry and care, her love for him, in every touch and every hushed reassuring word.
'I've missed this so much.' He thought drowsily before his mind shut down, exhausted after the emotional breakdown, feeling almost secure in the knowledge that Max was guarding him in his sleep.
Max kept stroking him for a long while, feeling him go limp in her arms when he finally fell asleep. She felt tired and drained herself, but she had a lot to think through and she had the urge to stay awake, something inside telling her she needed to watch him to keep him safe.
Max didn't know exactly what was going on. She hadn't even let him talk, the first thing out of her mouth a cold accusation. She had let her fear take over her heart. Max didn't want to think about the possible reasons for Ben's behavior. Something had to be really wrong with him to have caused his actions, and she was terrified she wouldn't be able to help him.
What would she do then? What would happen to him if she couldn't find a way to help him? What would happen to her?
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Ben was walking down a dark deserted street. No direction in mind, no reason to hurry, no one waiting for him. That realisation brought a flash of sadness paralysing in its suddenness and intensity. The sadness turned to fear in a heartbeat and his whole body ached with the need to run, just run. It felt as if his life depended on it. Ben needed to run as fast and as far as he could just as much as he needed his next breath.
He reached the end of the street and turned left, hearing the stridency of traffic in that direction, and suddenly he couldn't see through the bright light aimed straight into his eyes. It was there one second and gone the next, taking the city away with it. The buildings and cars that surrounded him just an instant before were now trees and bushes standing in his way. Ben felt the change in the air but he didn't stop running.
Jumping over fallen logs and huge rocks, dodging low branches, zigzagging between trees in a blur of movement, too fast to register even for him. He didn't see anything but a blurred stain moving past him. He couldn't hear anything over the thunder of his own heartbeat and the pulsing of his blood running through his veins. And then, as if suddenly registering the cold on his body, Ben realized he was no longer dressed in his clothes. He was barely covered by a thin gown, hardly enough to keep the chill of the night at bay. And his feet weren't clad in his military black boots anymore, pounding over leaves and dirt. He was barefoot, cold, scared and really running for his life now.
All around him the snow painted the night white. And the night exploded around him in a tempest of flashlights, shouts and gunshots. The noise from the background roared to life drowning even his chaotic thoughts. Shouts everywhere, the blades of the helicopters flying over his head giving rhythm to his racing heart. The deafening barking from the dogs chasing him spurred his already frantic escape. He could hear them closing in on him. Every muscle in his body tensed, ready for the fight he knew was coming. He was shivering, breathing in sharp gasps, fighting for each gulp of air for his burning lungs, cold sweat bathing his body. It felt as if he'd been running all his life.
'The Blue Lady will help me, she will take care of me.' It was the mantra Ben kept repeating to himself. He drew strength from it.
The lights and all the white around him hurt his eyes. The beams of the flashlights were painfully bright and they were everywhere. There was no escape from them. No little hole to hide in.
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Max had been holding Ben for a few hours now, but in the last minutes he had become tense again, small tremors running through his body, his muscles tightening and his fists clenching and moving as if trying to ward something off. His breath had become labored and his heartbeat was quickening by the second.
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Ben kept catching glimpses of the soldiers through the trees. Sometimes far away, sometimes too close, forcing him to change directions. He felt more than saw someone running close to him. Someone fleeing, not chasing. Just like him.
Ben looked carefully around searching for the figure and when he finally found him the man turned and looked right at Ben. Their gazes locking for an instant before the man disappeared in the mass of trees again. But the instant Ben saw his face he changed from prey to predator.
A primal need to hunt this man filled his whole being, mixed with a blinding rage spurring him on. And with Ben's next breath the world around him changed again.
It wasn't night anymore. The forest around him was suddenly empty, no soldiers, no birds, no dogs. Just Ben and his prey.
'Hunt.' Her voice boomed inside his head.
It was all his fault. That damned man had to pay. Ben needed to hunt him to make him pay for what Ben was, for Her hold over him, for what he'd become, for his weakness, for his...
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Max was now forcibly restraining Ben while he thrashed. She'd been trying to wake him for the last ten minutes while he'd gone from a restless dream to a full blown panic in his sleep. But she hadn't been able to rouse him from his nightmare.
"Ben, wake up. You're safe." She kept repeating in his ear. She was now lying behind him hugging his form to her and calling his name, a little louder each time. "Come on, Ben, wake up."
Ben's eyes snapped open and he shocked her off him, turning around in a blur, pushing her even further away while moving to stand and tower over her. His murderous gaze falling over her stunned shape still sprawled on the floor.
By the time she'd shaken herself out of her stupor and had raised to her feet adopting a fighting, though defensive, stance he had already come to his senses, lowering his arms and closing his eyes, trying to calm his breath and heart rate. "Max," he said, relief coming through clearly in that one word.
Max closed the space between them and touched his arm tentatively. "You ok?" She asked.
Ben shook his head and hugged her. "No." He whispered against her neck.
"It's alright, Ben. I'm here." She assured him, caressing his neck and hair with her hands, and his soul with her love.
After a while, Max backed up enough to look at his face without letting him go. "Will you come home with me, Ben?" She asked him. Max could see the surprise in his eyes but she couldn't decide if it was because of the offer or because of her use of the word 'home'.
"Home?" Ben asked in a small voice, clearing up her unvoiced doubt.
"Yeah, I have a place, and a roommate. Who probably won't be in." She hastily added when she saw his unease at the thought reflected in his eyes. "We'll be warm and comfortable... so we can talk." She suggested tentatively.
Ben nodded his head. He didn't have the strength to talk. He was absolutely numb by now, so he just went with her when she started for the stairs.
TBC
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