Chapter 3

Max opened the door to her apartment and stepped aside to let Ben in. He walked into the room and stopped in the middle letting his gaze take the apartment in. Max went to Cindy's room to make sure that she wasn't home, though if she was she would have already come out to check in with her. When she stepped in the living room again she noticed Ben was still standing in the middle of the room, looking down and fidgeting, clearly not knowing what to do next.

"Ben?" She said softly. The last thing she wanted to do was scare him. He raised his head and looked at her. "Come sit on the couch with me."

Ben looked at the couch and then back to Max, following with his eyes went she went to the couch and sat down. Max looked at him expectantly and Ben slowly approached her.

She was sitting in one end and there was room for another person, but not much. It wasn't a big couch and Max hadn't made much effort to take little space. She didn't want to crowd him, but she didn't want him to feel deserted, either. This way he still had personal space but she would be close enough to make herself felt. By his side. She wouldn't leave his side again.

Ben sat carefully, not avoiding her but not seeking her either. Max could see it could take a while to break through to him if she wasn't careful.

"Are you feeling better?" She asked him, watching him intently.

Ben could feel her eyes on him. Any other moment or person, he would have felt trapped and exposed under such intense scrutiny. But oddly enough he could almost feel her concern as clearly as her gaze. She was worried about him. And it wasn't the kind of worry he'd felt coming off people lately. The worry that came from not knowing if you were gonna see the next day. Max was worried about him, not because of him. He felt a small smile curve his lips. "Yeah, I think so."

He was facing straight ahead, but Max saw the faint smile and it made her feel more relaxed and confident. It was far from over, but they were on the right path.

"You want to talk about it?" Max said and immediately his head dropped and his whole body tensed. "Hey, it's ok, Ben. You don't have to talk now, if you don't want to." She reassured him, tentatively putting her hand on his arm. It jerked away in surprise. It was almost imperceptible, Ben had controlled the impulse quickly, but Max felt it. Still, she left her hand where it was and waited.

Seconds later, she could feel him start to relax under her hand, and she ventured a small soothing caress. When he didn't tense again Max moved closer and put her arm around his shoulder. "We can just sit here and relax. We don't have to do anything you don't want to."

Ben let out a small chuckle. He saw the surprise and a little hurt cross Max's face so he hastily explained. "That sounded like you were trying to get into my pants." His smile turned a little mischievous and Max couldn't help but laugh with him.

"Yeah, you're right." She hit him lightly, rolling her eyes, but the smile never left her face.

"It feels good to laugh again." Ben said, pressing back on the couch, forcing Max to move with him. He leant slightly onto her.

Max felt him move and went with it. He lay his head on her shoulder, facing her. His eyes were closed but she could see he was awake, just revelling in the comfort a body close to yours can offer. She ran a hand over his chest, her head resting over his, rubbing slightly against it.

They'd been silent for a long time, both lost in their own thoughts. Max, looking for the best way to help him and Ben, trying to gather up the courage to let her in.

'If I can't trust Max, who is trying to help me and... loves me... who am I gonna trust?' Ben thought.

"I don't know if I can explain."

Max started with the sound of his voice, the silence permeating the apartment finally broken. She squeezed the hand she was holding in hers, but didn't say anything. It looked like he was struggling with his own thoughts and the last thing he needed was to be interrupted.

"I guess it started almost as soon as we got out. Maybe six months later. At first it was easy to handle them and I could snap out of it by myself. But they only got worse. The more time it passed, the worse it got."

He wasn't looking at her, his gaze was fixed on the wall in front of him. But she could feel him tensing more and more with each word. She resumed her stroking and almost immediately he responded to it.

"They?" Max asked, needing to be clear on what he was telling her if she was going to help at all.

"The nightmares." He said in a small voice. "I had them every night. And they got so bad I tried to avoid them by not sleeping at all. But that didn't really work. I was so exhausted that the moment I stopped moving I fell asleep and they started again. After a while I wasn't really sure if I was asleep or awake. I feel chased all the time. I don't really know how I got here. One day I woke and I found myself so lost..." Even he could hear the desperation in his voice. "I lost it, Max, I lost my north and I have no idea how to go back."

He was crying again. Max had never seen anyone so broken. Not even at Manticore, when things had gotten so bad that even Zack was affected, no one had ever looked so absolutely torn and vulnerable, and Max felt her heart break for him.

"I'll help you, Ben. We'll do it together."

Ben turned in her arms and clung to her while he cried.

Max held him for a long while, thinking about her next move. She didn't think she could do this alone. She had spent the last ten years looking out for herself and herself alone. All she wanted to do was hold him for as long as it took, but she had no real clue as to what to do to help him. She was going to need help and there was only one person she trusted enough to help her with this. Zack.

She'd have to call him and break through this wall he'd erected around himself, convince him that they needed to stay together for Ben. She knew she could do it. Everything had changed now that Ben was involved, it wasn't just her that needed him. Zack would give in eventually.

But Max knew what would be the price to pay for his help. Zack would insist on leaving Seattle.

Max looked down at Ben. He had stopped crying but was still clinging to her, and she realized then that it wasn't such a high price after all, her family had always been the first priority for her, and she wasn't gonna let anything change that.

"Ben?" Max asked cautiously.

"Yeah?" He said, his voice barely a whisper against her neck.

"I'm thinking maybe we should call Zack." He flinched a little and she continued. "Would that be okay with you?"

"You've been in contact?" He sounded almost as disappointed as scared at the idea.

"He found me a few months ago. I've spent a fortune in my search for you, all of you. But it never led me to anything. And suddenly there he was. Saving my ass as if he'd never left at all. He knows where the others are, or at least some of them, but he wouldn't tell me." She needed him to know she had wanted nothing more than find them all those years, that she wanted to be with them. With him.

"Then, if you call him, won't he try to split us up?" He was torn between wanting to see his big brother and feeling ashamed of himself. But the thought of losing Max now that he'd accepted she wanted to help him was the more terrifying of all.

"No. And even if I can't convince him when he comes and he wants us to split up, I won't do it. We're not children anymore. I love Zack and I want him here. But I won't let him take you away. I promise." She said passionately.

"Ok." He said feeling his heart constrict at the fervor he could hear in Max's voice. She smiled at him and he smiled back.

"Besides, he's almost used to me ignoring his orders. We've come head to head a lot lately." She said flippantly, and Ben's smile widened. 'Everything will be fine,' Max thought, 'I know it.'

TBC

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