Aladdin's Final Journies
Agrabah, WHAT A PLACE! It is full of danger, romance, comedy, tragedy, and most of all FOOD! And for Abu, that time was now! Abu was the trusty sidekick to the newly instated prince of Agrabah, Prince Ali, fabulous he. But what a TERRIBLE Prince he had been. I mean, come on, a street rat? Well enough gossip for sure girlfriend, but let me express to you the stone cold facts why Aladdin was never cut out to be a prince in the form of a short story, which is 100% true.
But before we continue, let me introduce myself. I am the GENIE offf the LAMPPppPpPppp!!! Or, I was, cause now I'm just a ghetto genie with no lamp and no street smarts. I mean I guess I have some but not enough to be worth a pile of beans or any such HOOT HOOT! Ok enough of my Kid Cuisine ramblings and more about my manly physique OoooO I'm so sexy...ha but SERIOUSLY here folks I am, at heart, a moron. It may seem odd, but it is MOST certainly true. That's when I found Al, Al is a special breed, someone DUMBER than me! Can't get much luckier than that, but then MAYBE YOU CAN cause the princess ALSO was a stupid broad. HIPEEEee yayayaya! And the icing on the cake is, all of Agrabah is much stupider than my home planet of Blubulon 10! What a place that was, I could go on for ages but ACK hairball! Ok that's an old joke and I honestly should get shot but my book of material is WAY too slim and it is really hard to find new writers with all this TERROISM going on...I mean not going on we're in uh ancient Arabia oh frick...
ANYWAYS enough of the partial formalities and on to the MEAT and potatoes of this WONDERFUL story! Which was...oh yeah! About Aladdin...GRRrR! I mean YAY!! I mean I really don't know, but know that since he became a prince, life was a lot different. BIG difference, humongoid lizardoid, garrrrganntuannnnn! But so here we have, a riff-raff, street rat, a kid who doesn't, buy that. And only if he'd look closer, would he see that it's best for him? NO SIRREE! So he goes off and gets me, a magic genie to become PRINCE of Agrabah HAHAHA HOOOOBOOYYy what a dealy he got himself into, but I'll save that for the DVD release! If it is coming, which it should be, if not wish for it! HAHAHA...ugh anyways so Al and me were good friends and we beat this nasty guy called Jafar but now that I look back maybe he wasn't so bad I mean, he certainly was less demanding in the long run.
ANYWHO, Al becomes prince and man what a prince he was. All he did was eat grapes on his lard ass and listen to the latest Arabian Single "Ay ya ya I'm in love with UU!" GOD what a GOD...GOD what a song! Praise Allah (or God) that song isn't on the market anymore cause HOO BOY what a stinkaahhh dinkahh doo. Now anyways, one day the whole big cat thing, Radja, my main man, the big cheese, big one...yyeeeaah...comes strolling in and Al's all like, "HEY YOU, big flleeaabag! Get my donuts!" And these donuts were all ARABIAN style and so not like modern donuts which I'm sure you don't know about cause haha we're uh in uhhh a nice setting here with time boundaries and oh shit anyways here comes Radjah and she/he/it is all Roaarr cause that's all a tiger can do ya know? But Al doesn't know this! He takes it as insolence, and banishes the tiger to the...TIGER PIT! And you know what? He shouldn't of cause here's a nice translation of what that poor kitty meant:
"Dearest Aladdin, I would love to get your donuts, but I believe you are too fat. Wouldn't it be wiser to govern your kingdom? I will help you construct many different relevant articles and documents that may provide a level of productivity unseen in this land of troglodytes, so will you help me?"
And Al sends him to the TIGRE PIT? that's a little bit of Spanish for ya, or maybe just bad spelling...why am I in asteriks? Cause I'm MAGICALllLl let's make sommeee MAGICcc hoot hoot ok I'm OUTTA HERERRE Anywaayyyys...where was I. Oh I imagine how droll this must be for you at home but hang tight cause I got some DYNAMITE anecdotes about how a prince should always remain in their place and do what's best for the...ok fuck it let's go straight to the MAGIC LAMP!!!
So one day OUT of nowhere Mr. Princeypoo (I call him Al) is sitting in his throne and just watching some Arabian TV which is usually mud wrestling between me and Abu (quite enticing,) but he suddenly says it BORES him which is an insult to me because I spent 40 years practicing, and then the idea hits me! "Forty years in the Cave of Wonders oughta do your sorry ass in!" I exclaim with a ROARING thunder never before heard until the advent of Dolby Surround Sound!!! AND on that note I cast this HUGGGEEE spell that sends Al and his stupid mini-ape to the Cave of Wonders for forrrtayy long years HOOOOBOOY!
Now all of you MUST be like, "hey Genie, Al's in the Cave of Wonders, there's nothing in there, this story is ovveeerr!" Well no that's not true cause if there was nothing I wouldn't be writing this awfully interesting story to you (unless I was just trying to KILL time!) But that is not the case, for I just wanna tell you about my good pal AL!
So here's the deal, I generate this MAGIC crystal ball with superhuman powers (because a human with powers is super,) and now I can see Al at any time of the day, 24/7, day or night, outside or inside! Pretty cool huh? I thought so too, but maybe you didn't...
BUT I DID!
I get to watchin' Al and I'm about to take a banana out of my endless hoard in my pocket, cause I do this whenever I get bored and no action is going on. But just as I start to peel the first...peel...ALADDIN SCREAMS WITH A MANIACAL LAUGHTER UNHEARD OF IN YEARS!!! I was like, "Whoa Al, little too hard on the decibels uh heh heh he," but he can't hear me cause he's in the ball! So anyway, he has this REALLY ornate lamp and it is SoooOo ornate that I'm gonna spare you its description and you're just gonna have to believe me cause it really was FREAKIN' ornate!
So what do you think a stupid street rat like Aladdin does? Well he doesn't chant the Mystical Genie Identification Spell like I would if I discovered an unknown lamp, which would undoubtedly tell me every detail about the lamp without even rubbing it...BUT THAT's what he does! And so out of this lamp pops out a ghost that looks a little like Jane Fonda and a lot like the Crypt Keeper and I'm like AWWWWWw that's kinda cute but it really isn't I'm just trying to sound manly in the face of danger! But Al isn't the same way, with a girlish shriek he grabs hold of Abu and whispers into his ear "I'm not a man, I'm a monkey!" Abu looks very confused and digs his brains out of his head so he doesn't have to understand. We would mourn his death but come on, monkies are a dime a dozen these days and with current market trends EHHHH?
So the Genie has this voice that sounds a little like my mom and a LOT like those broken records played backwards in 95 degree weather. "Missssssturrrr ALALALALALALALALALAddinnn...aree you ready for a Joouurrnney beyond your WILDESSttt imaginationnonononononssssS???"
Whaddya think Al says?
"Away from me VILE CREATURE!" And he dodges behind that creepy monkey statue that melts torwards him in Episode 1 which is coming on DVD as you know.
But see big ol' Papa Genie (who's real name is Jakka from what we find out later but who cares) says "Ohhhhhhh for freeing me you get to go back to any time you want to!"
Well for anyone else, there would be a long monologue about time, the disturbance of, where they want to go, etc. A long long long long thought process we don't want to deal with. But with a freakhead like Al, we don't have to!
"I wanna go to Dinosaur World!"
He musta had a lot of time to think this up! So POOF like that he's in the land of the dinosaurs, with pterodactyls or what spelling have you screeching and triceratops a poundin'. What a world, wha' a borin' world. But Al liked it! After riding the Bronto-slides and getting himself a slice of Stoney's Finest Pizza, Al was pooped! "What a first day in the world of amazement!" he thought to himself quietly and peacefully and tranquilly. "I can't wait for day two." BUT THIS WAS A CURSE on himself, for now he had to deal with the pressures of everyday school life! HaHAHA just kidding, anyways all that happen was he didn't wake up cause a T-Rex was REALLLLyyy hungry and bit his head off.
So you know, I'm seeing this all unfold before my eyes, and I'm kinda morbified and grossed out and all like "WAIT TILL THE GUYS SEE THIS!" But not all those emotions at once, kinda an off and on shift. So anyways, I smash the crystal ball into a million pieces just because I can and hope they never find out. And so ends the chapter in this story...
But was it really the end?
Agrabah, WHAT A PLACE! It is full of danger, romance, comedy, tragedy, and most of all FOOD! And for Abu, that time was now! Abu was the trusty sidekick to the newly instated prince of Agrabah, Prince Ali, fabulous he. But what a TERRIBLE Prince he had been. I mean, come on, a street rat? Well enough gossip for sure girlfriend, but let me express to you the stone cold facts why Aladdin was never cut out to be a prince in the form of a short story, which is 100% true.
But before we continue, let me introduce myself. I am the GENIE offf the LAMPPppPpPppp!!! Or, I was, cause now I'm just a ghetto genie with no lamp and no street smarts. I mean I guess I have some but not enough to be worth a pile of beans or any such HOOT HOOT! Ok enough of my Kid Cuisine ramblings and more about my manly physique OoooO I'm so sexy...ha but SERIOUSLY here folks I am, at heart, a moron. It may seem odd, but it is MOST certainly true. That's when I found Al, Al is a special breed, someone DUMBER than me! Can't get much luckier than that, but then MAYBE YOU CAN cause the princess ALSO was a stupid broad. HIPEEEee yayayaya! And the icing on the cake is, all of Agrabah is much stupider than my home planet of Blubulon 10! What a place that was, I could go on for ages but ACK hairball! Ok that's an old joke and I honestly should get shot but my book of material is WAY too slim and it is really hard to find new writers with all this TERROISM going on...I mean not going on we're in uh ancient Arabia oh frick...
ANYWAYS enough of the partial formalities and on to the MEAT and potatoes of this WONDERFUL story! Which was...oh yeah! About Aladdin...GRRrR! I mean YAY!! I mean I really don't know, but know that since he became a prince, life was a lot different. BIG difference, humongoid lizardoid, garrrrganntuannnnn! But so here we have, a riff-raff, street rat, a kid who doesn't, buy that. And only if he'd look closer, would he see that it's best for him? NO SIRREE! So he goes off and gets me, a magic genie to become PRINCE of Agrabah HAHAHA HOOOOBOOYYy what a dealy he got himself into, but I'll save that for the DVD release! If it is coming, which it should be, if not wish for it! HAHAHA...ugh anyways so Al and me were good friends and we beat this nasty guy called Jafar but now that I look back maybe he wasn't so bad I mean, he certainly was less demanding in the long run.
ANYWHO, Al becomes prince and man what a prince he was. All he did was eat grapes on his lard ass and listen to the latest Arabian Single "Ay ya ya I'm in love with UU!" GOD what a GOD...GOD what a song! Praise Allah (or God) that song isn't on the market anymore cause HOO BOY what a stinkaahhh dinkahh doo. Now anyways, one day the whole big cat thing, Radja, my main man, the big cheese, big one...yyeeeaah...comes strolling in and Al's all like, "HEY YOU, big flleeaabag! Get my donuts!" And these donuts were all ARABIAN style and so not like modern donuts which I'm sure you don't know about cause haha we're uh in uhhh a nice setting here with time boundaries and oh shit anyways here comes Radjah and she/he/it is all Roaarr cause that's all a tiger can do ya know? But Al doesn't know this! He takes it as insolence, and banishes the tiger to the...TIGER PIT! And you know what? He shouldn't of cause here's a nice translation of what that poor kitty meant:
"Dearest Aladdin, I would love to get your donuts, but I believe you are too fat. Wouldn't it be wiser to govern your kingdom? I will help you construct many different relevant articles and documents that may provide a level of productivity unseen in this land of troglodytes, so will you help me?"
And Al sends him to the TIGRE PIT? that's a little bit of Spanish for ya, or maybe just bad spelling...why am I in asteriks? Cause I'm MAGICALllLl let's make sommeee MAGICcc hoot hoot ok I'm OUTTA HERERRE Anywaayyyys...where was I. Oh I imagine how droll this must be for you at home but hang tight cause I got some DYNAMITE anecdotes about how a prince should always remain in their place and do what's best for the...ok fuck it let's go straight to the MAGIC LAMP!!!
So one day OUT of nowhere Mr. Princeypoo (I call him Al) is sitting in his throne and just watching some Arabian TV which is usually mud wrestling between me and Abu (quite enticing,) but he suddenly says it BORES him which is an insult to me because I spent 40 years practicing, and then the idea hits me! "Forty years in the Cave of Wonders oughta do your sorry ass in!" I exclaim with a ROARING thunder never before heard until the advent of Dolby Surround Sound!!! AND on that note I cast this HUGGGEEE spell that sends Al and his stupid mini-ape to the Cave of Wonders for forrrtayy long years HOOOOBOOY!
Now all of you MUST be like, "hey Genie, Al's in the Cave of Wonders, there's nothing in there, this story is ovveeerr!" Well no that's not true cause if there was nothing I wouldn't be writing this awfully interesting story to you (unless I was just trying to KILL time!) But that is not the case, for I just wanna tell you about my good pal AL!
So here's the deal, I generate this MAGIC crystal ball with superhuman powers (because a human with powers is super,) and now I can see Al at any time of the day, 24/7, day or night, outside or inside! Pretty cool huh? I thought so too, but maybe you didn't...
BUT I DID!
I get to watchin' Al and I'm about to take a banana out of my endless hoard in my pocket, cause I do this whenever I get bored and no action is going on. But just as I start to peel the first...peel...ALADDIN SCREAMS WITH A MANIACAL LAUGHTER UNHEARD OF IN YEARS!!! I was like, "Whoa Al, little too hard on the decibels uh heh heh he," but he can't hear me cause he's in the ball! So anyway, he has this REALLY ornate lamp and it is SoooOo ornate that I'm gonna spare you its description and you're just gonna have to believe me cause it really was FREAKIN' ornate!
So what do you think a stupid street rat like Aladdin does? Well he doesn't chant the Mystical Genie Identification Spell like I would if I discovered an unknown lamp, which would undoubtedly tell me every detail about the lamp without even rubbing it...BUT THAT's what he does! And so out of this lamp pops out a ghost that looks a little like Jane Fonda and a lot like the Crypt Keeper and I'm like AWWWWWw that's kinda cute but it really isn't I'm just trying to sound manly in the face of danger! But Al isn't the same way, with a girlish shriek he grabs hold of Abu and whispers into his ear "I'm not a man, I'm a monkey!" Abu looks very confused and digs his brains out of his head so he doesn't have to understand. We would mourn his death but come on, monkies are a dime a dozen these days and with current market trends EHHHH?
So the Genie has this voice that sounds a little like my mom and a LOT like those broken records played backwards in 95 degree weather. "Missssssturrrr ALALALALALALALALALAddinnn...aree you ready for a Joouurrnney beyond your WILDESSttt imaginationnonononononssssS???"
Whaddya think Al says?
"Away from me VILE CREATURE!" And he dodges behind that creepy monkey statue that melts torwards him in Episode 1 which is coming on DVD as you know.
But see big ol' Papa Genie (who's real name is Jakka from what we find out later but who cares) says "Ohhhhhhh for freeing me you get to go back to any time you want to!"
Well for anyone else, there would be a long monologue about time, the disturbance of, where they want to go, etc. A long long long long thought process we don't want to deal with. But with a freakhead like Al, we don't have to!
"I wanna go to Dinosaur World!"
He musta had a lot of time to think this up! So POOF like that he's in the land of the dinosaurs, with pterodactyls or what spelling have you screeching and triceratops a poundin'. What a world, wha' a borin' world. But Al liked it! After riding the Bronto-slides and getting himself a slice of Stoney's Finest Pizza, Al was pooped! "What a first day in the world of amazement!" he thought to himself quietly and peacefully and tranquilly. "I can't wait for day two." BUT THIS WAS A CURSE on himself, for now he had to deal with the pressures of everyday school life! HaHAHA just kidding, anyways all that happen was he didn't wake up cause a T-Rex was REALLLLyyy hungry and bit his head off.
So you know, I'm seeing this all unfold before my eyes, and I'm kinda morbified and grossed out and all like "WAIT TILL THE GUYS SEE THIS!" But not all those emotions at once, kinda an off and on shift. So anyways, I smash the crystal ball into a million pieces just because I can and hope they never find out. And so ends the chapter in this story...
But was it really the end?