(It's 11 o' clock at night, I have nothing to do, and I'm in a sadistic
mood. We all know what that means!!!
CASTLE OF HORRORS, CHAPTER THREE!
**evil laugh**
Yes, I know the characters're OOC. It's just a product of my insanity, guys! Don't take the fic seriously. ^_^
Enjoy!)
(group is reassembled in main hallway. The general mood is one of tension and suspense, but also one of fear. The group is stuck rather close together, and the unfortunate ones on the outside of the mob look terrified.)
Owen: (breaks silence) So...aren't we supposed to break into teams or something? (wanders a little way away from group)
Neal: Are you insane? The more separated we are, the easier it is to pick us off!
Dom: Yeah, I'm staying with the group, thank you very much.
Tobe: But don' y'think that he—she—it'll get mad if we don't?
Alanna: Oh, come on! It's not like it's watching our every move from hidey- holes in the portraits!
(camera zooms in on portraits' eyes. They move back and forth suspiciously)
Voice from ceiling: Actually...
Jon: Damn it, Alanna, look what you did.
Alanna: Soooorry!
Mysterious voice: If you do not comply with the rules of the game, I will be MOST displeased. And believe me, my dear friends, you will NOT like me when I am displeased.
Buri: It's not as if we like you anywa—
Raoul: (slaps meaty hand over...er...half of Buri's face)
Buri: Nnghmph!
Raoul: Shut UP, Buri. Do you want to be alive in the morning, or not?
Buri: (pries hand off) It's probable that we're all going to be dead by dawn anyhow.
Raoul: Well exCUSE me for not wanting you to be the first one killed!
Buri: Second one killed.
Raoul: WHATEVER!
Voice from ceiling: Ahem. Are you through?
Raoul and Buri: Yeah, sure.
Voice: Now, break into partners, before I do it FOR you!
Tobe: (grabs Loey's hand) We're partners!
Numair: (cowers behind Daine)
Daine: (sigh) We're partners.
George and Alanna: Partners!
Buri and Raoul: Same here!
Jon: Hey, wait a second! I'm the only character left from the Song of the Lioness quartet! Who's going to be MY partner?
Raoul: (shrugs) Dunno.
Jon: (whines) But I neeeeed a partner!
Alanna: That's nice.
Jon: (pouts)
Dom and Neal: I call Kel! (glare at each other)
Neal: She's MY best friend...
Dom: But she's MY love interest!
Neal: No she's not! She made out with me in the first chapter!
Dom: You can't just succumb to the author's will like that! In the ACTUAL BOOK, dimwit, I'M her love interest!
Neal: But in THIS plot, I'm her best friend, AND her temporary love interest! SO I WIN! (does victory dance)
Dom: (forcibly halts Neal's victory dance) Now listen up, you pompous little GIT...
Kel: HEY! Both of you, shut up!
Neal and Dom: (look up at Kel)
Kel: Since I'M the woman in question, I should choose!
Neal: So who's it gonna be, then?
Kel: I choose...
(dramatic pause)
Kel: Hmmm....(looks around outskirts of room)
(dramatic pause)
Kel: OWEN!
Owen: JOLLY!
Dom and Neal: WHAT?!
Neal: But—but—KEL!
Kel: See, now I don't have to risk my best friend OR my love interest being mad at me!
Neal: But I thought I was your love interest!
Kel: Face it, Neal, the only reason I made out with you was because that was the author's chaotic Kel/Neal fantasies manifesting themselves in the plot. There's nothing REAL between us.
Neal: Curse you, author's chaotic Kel/Neal fantasies! CURSE YOOOOU!
Dom: But Kel, if you're with Owen, who will WE be with?
Kel: Each other, of course!
Neal and Dom: (whine)
Neal: I don't want to be with that over-muscled, idiotic...boy!
Dom: Well, like I would want to be YOUR partner. You're just a pompous, stubborn git who doesn't deserve the shield of a knight!
Neal: At least I HAVE a shield.
Dom: Oh, THAT was original. Great comeback, Meathead, from the man who gets ALLLLL the girls I've ever wanted.
Neal: So what? You got my best friend!
Dom: Well, what about Adriana? You knew I loved her, and YOU SEDUCED HER! What kind of cousin are you?
Neal: DOM! WE WERE SIX!
Dom: So, I guess a little thing called FAMILY LOYALTY means nothing to you!
Kel: See, guys, this way you can learn to work out your problems together!
Owen: Yeah, like that's going to happen.
Kel: It's also fun to watch them kill each other.
Owen: JOLLY!
Kel and Owen: (grab conveniently placed popcorn bowl from nearby coffee table as Neal and Dom argue)
Jon: Hey! (Everyone ignores)
Jon: HEY! (Still no reply)
Jon: I'M YOUR KING, DAMN IT! I ROYALLY ORDER YOU ALL TO LISTEN TO ME! (Everyone looks up, seeming disinterested)
Raoul: What do you want now, Jon?
Jon: Hello? YOU are all partnered up. And I am not. What's wrong with this picture?
Buri: (looks around) Well, other than the fact that Dom and Neal are together, not much...why do you ask?
Jon: I CAN'T BE THE ODD ONE OUT! I'LL BE THE FIRST ONE KILLED!
Alanna: Nooot necessarily. And besides, we're probably all gonna be dead in the morning, anyway. What's it going to matter who's killed third, or seventh, or twenty-sixth?
George: There's only fourteen of us, m'dear.
Kel: Thirteen, actually, Baron.
George: Oh yeah, that Cleon kid got killed. Damn, I keep forgetting about him.
Neal: Don't worry, most people do.
Jon: It's still not fair.
Kel: I know! I mean, he was a semi-important character! He was the comic relief, for gods' sakes! But still no one remembers him!
Jon: I meant the fact that I, King Jonathan the Great, Mighty, and Fierce, have no partner!
Kel: Oh...
Alanna: But I thought your nickname was "the Cowardly"...
Jon: Not helping.
Alanna: Sorry.
Voice from ceiling: WHY DO YOU STALL?!
Neal: The "Great, Fierce, and Mighty" King was whining because he doesn't have a partner.
Voice: SO?!
Neal: That's what we said.
Jon: It's NOT FAIR! I NEED A PARTNER!
Voice: Fine, then. You sit on that green chair, there, while the others go explore the CASTLE OF HORRORS (dun-dun-duuuuun). I suppose you can have a break this round.
Jon: Yay! (prances over to two chairs)
Voice: NO, you idiot! THAT'S THE RED CHAIR!
Jon: (singing an "I'm not going to get killed" song) La di da....I'm not gonna get kiiiillled...la di da...(plops down happily on red chair)
(SFX: sound of cracking wood)
Jon: What was that?
(chair crashes through floor)
Jon: AHHHHHH! (pitches out of chair as it falls)
(SFX: crashing sound below in cellar)
Alanna: (runs over to hole) (calls) Jon? YOU OKAY?!
(no response)
Alanna: Oh, crap.
Dom: (shines candle over hole) (wishes he hadn't)
(Camera zooms in to flagstone floor of cellar. Jon's broken body lies prostrate on the floor, partially squashed by huge red armchair. It was the combination of the floor and the armchair that did him in. A huge rat already sits on his shoulder, tugging at one of his ears.)
All: (one by one turns their heads up to glare at ceiling)
Voice: Er...that wasn't my fault that time...
All: (still glaring)
Voice: (defensively) YOU HEARD ME! I SAID TO SIT IN THE GREEN CHAIR! DAINE WAS GOING TO SIT IN THE RED CHAIR LATER!
Daine: Huh?!
Voice: I mean...
Alanna: (shakes head sadly) Poor Jon...he never did learn to listen...
(everyone silent, looking at hole)
Voice: Well, at least we have an even number now! On with the game!
Numair: You're SICK, you know that?! SICK!
Voice: It's a gift.
(A/N: Wow. I rewrote that chapter like 50 times, because my computer kept freezing...stupid computer...stupid me for not saving...
Like? Dislike?
Don't kill me for killing Jon!
Review!
And go read Healer's Touch.
I love you guys too. ^_^)
CASTLE OF HORRORS, CHAPTER THREE!
**evil laugh**
Yes, I know the characters're OOC. It's just a product of my insanity, guys! Don't take the fic seriously. ^_^
Enjoy!)
(group is reassembled in main hallway. The general mood is one of tension and suspense, but also one of fear. The group is stuck rather close together, and the unfortunate ones on the outside of the mob look terrified.)
Owen: (breaks silence) So...aren't we supposed to break into teams or something? (wanders a little way away from group)
Neal: Are you insane? The more separated we are, the easier it is to pick us off!
Dom: Yeah, I'm staying with the group, thank you very much.
Tobe: But don' y'think that he—she—it'll get mad if we don't?
Alanna: Oh, come on! It's not like it's watching our every move from hidey- holes in the portraits!
(camera zooms in on portraits' eyes. They move back and forth suspiciously)
Voice from ceiling: Actually...
Jon: Damn it, Alanna, look what you did.
Alanna: Soooorry!
Mysterious voice: If you do not comply with the rules of the game, I will be MOST displeased. And believe me, my dear friends, you will NOT like me when I am displeased.
Buri: It's not as if we like you anywa—
Raoul: (slaps meaty hand over...er...half of Buri's face)
Buri: Nnghmph!
Raoul: Shut UP, Buri. Do you want to be alive in the morning, or not?
Buri: (pries hand off) It's probable that we're all going to be dead by dawn anyhow.
Raoul: Well exCUSE me for not wanting you to be the first one killed!
Buri: Second one killed.
Raoul: WHATEVER!
Voice from ceiling: Ahem. Are you through?
Raoul and Buri: Yeah, sure.
Voice: Now, break into partners, before I do it FOR you!
Tobe: (grabs Loey's hand) We're partners!
Numair: (cowers behind Daine)
Daine: (sigh) We're partners.
George and Alanna: Partners!
Buri and Raoul: Same here!
Jon: Hey, wait a second! I'm the only character left from the Song of the Lioness quartet! Who's going to be MY partner?
Raoul: (shrugs) Dunno.
Jon: (whines) But I neeeeed a partner!
Alanna: That's nice.
Jon: (pouts)
Dom and Neal: I call Kel! (glare at each other)
Neal: She's MY best friend...
Dom: But she's MY love interest!
Neal: No she's not! She made out with me in the first chapter!
Dom: You can't just succumb to the author's will like that! In the ACTUAL BOOK, dimwit, I'M her love interest!
Neal: But in THIS plot, I'm her best friend, AND her temporary love interest! SO I WIN! (does victory dance)
Dom: (forcibly halts Neal's victory dance) Now listen up, you pompous little GIT...
Kel: HEY! Both of you, shut up!
Neal and Dom: (look up at Kel)
Kel: Since I'M the woman in question, I should choose!
Neal: So who's it gonna be, then?
Kel: I choose...
(dramatic pause)
Kel: Hmmm....(looks around outskirts of room)
(dramatic pause)
Kel: OWEN!
Owen: JOLLY!
Dom and Neal: WHAT?!
Neal: But—but—KEL!
Kel: See, now I don't have to risk my best friend OR my love interest being mad at me!
Neal: But I thought I was your love interest!
Kel: Face it, Neal, the only reason I made out with you was because that was the author's chaotic Kel/Neal fantasies manifesting themselves in the plot. There's nothing REAL between us.
Neal: Curse you, author's chaotic Kel/Neal fantasies! CURSE YOOOOU!
Dom: But Kel, if you're with Owen, who will WE be with?
Kel: Each other, of course!
Neal and Dom: (whine)
Neal: I don't want to be with that over-muscled, idiotic...boy!
Dom: Well, like I would want to be YOUR partner. You're just a pompous, stubborn git who doesn't deserve the shield of a knight!
Neal: At least I HAVE a shield.
Dom: Oh, THAT was original. Great comeback, Meathead, from the man who gets ALLLLL the girls I've ever wanted.
Neal: So what? You got my best friend!
Dom: Well, what about Adriana? You knew I loved her, and YOU SEDUCED HER! What kind of cousin are you?
Neal: DOM! WE WERE SIX!
Dom: So, I guess a little thing called FAMILY LOYALTY means nothing to you!
Kel: See, guys, this way you can learn to work out your problems together!
Owen: Yeah, like that's going to happen.
Kel: It's also fun to watch them kill each other.
Owen: JOLLY!
Kel and Owen: (grab conveniently placed popcorn bowl from nearby coffee table as Neal and Dom argue)
Jon: Hey! (Everyone ignores)
Jon: HEY! (Still no reply)
Jon: I'M YOUR KING, DAMN IT! I ROYALLY ORDER YOU ALL TO LISTEN TO ME! (Everyone looks up, seeming disinterested)
Raoul: What do you want now, Jon?
Jon: Hello? YOU are all partnered up. And I am not. What's wrong with this picture?
Buri: (looks around) Well, other than the fact that Dom and Neal are together, not much...why do you ask?
Jon: I CAN'T BE THE ODD ONE OUT! I'LL BE THE FIRST ONE KILLED!
Alanna: Nooot necessarily. And besides, we're probably all gonna be dead in the morning, anyway. What's it going to matter who's killed third, or seventh, or twenty-sixth?
George: There's only fourteen of us, m'dear.
Kel: Thirteen, actually, Baron.
George: Oh yeah, that Cleon kid got killed. Damn, I keep forgetting about him.
Neal: Don't worry, most people do.
Jon: It's still not fair.
Kel: I know! I mean, he was a semi-important character! He was the comic relief, for gods' sakes! But still no one remembers him!
Jon: I meant the fact that I, King Jonathan the Great, Mighty, and Fierce, have no partner!
Kel: Oh...
Alanna: But I thought your nickname was "the Cowardly"...
Jon: Not helping.
Alanna: Sorry.
Voice from ceiling: WHY DO YOU STALL?!
Neal: The "Great, Fierce, and Mighty" King was whining because he doesn't have a partner.
Voice: SO?!
Neal: That's what we said.
Jon: It's NOT FAIR! I NEED A PARTNER!
Voice: Fine, then. You sit on that green chair, there, while the others go explore the CASTLE OF HORRORS (dun-dun-duuuuun). I suppose you can have a break this round.
Jon: Yay! (prances over to two chairs)
Voice: NO, you idiot! THAT'S THE RED CHAIR!
Jon: (singing an "I'm not going to get killed" song) La di da....I'm not gonna get kiiiillled...la di da...(plops down happily on red chair)
(SFX: sound of cracking wood)
Jon: What was that?
(chair crashes through floor)
Jon: AHHHHHH! (pitches out of chair as it falls)
(SFX: crashing sound below in cellar)
Alanna: (runs over to hole) (calls) Jon? YOU OKAY?!
(no response)
Alanna: Oh, crap.
Dom: (shines candle over hole) (wishes he hadn't)
(Camera zooms in to flagstone floor of cellar. Jon's broken body lies prostrate on the floor, partially squashed by huge red armchair. It was the combination of the floor and the armchair that did him in. A huge rat already sits on his shoulder, tugging at one of his ears.)
All: (one by one turns their heads up to glare at ceiling)
Voice: Er...that wasn't my fault that time...
All: (still glaring)
Voice: (defensively) YOU HEARD ME! I SAID TO SIT IN THE GREEN CHAIR! DAINE WAS GOING TO SIT IN THE RED CHAIR LATER!
Daine: Huh?!
Voice: I mean...
Alanna: (shakes head sadly) Poor Jon...he never did learn to listen...
(everyone silent, looking at hole)
Voice: Well, at least we have an even number now! On with the game!
Numair: You're SICK, you know that?! SICK!
Voice: It's a gift.
(A/N: Wow. I rewrote that chapter like 50 times, because my computer kept freezing...stupid computer...stupid me for not saving...
Like? Dislike?
Don't kill me for killing Jon!
Review!
And go read Healer's Touch.
I love you guys too. ^_^)