Rainbow Connection #5: So we've been told and some choose to believe it.
Riker stared after her, searching her retreating form for the glimmer of hope that had just escaped her. "Maybe she'll have better news," he murmured. Had she said it to give him hope, or to give it to herself?
Women, he thought sourly, crawling back into his bed. They'll never make any sense to me. He paused in his thinking, sliding his arm pensively under his head. Should he see her off tomorrow? He could be suave, debonair, kiss her hand in farewell…no, too much. But he could wish her a safe trip, and be the last thing she sees before the transporter takes her away…
No, he decided abruptly, cutting off the romantic imaginings of saying goodbye to her. As much as he wanted to, it would be the wrong thing to do. Deanna wasn't going on a mission, for God's sake--she was looking for distance. From him. Going to see her off was indeed a bad idea.
But, he thought, all thoughts of going back to sleep leaving him, the whole situation is somewhat of a bad idea. The more he thought about it, the more the idea of dating someone he'd already dated sounded bad to his ears. That was the philosophy he'd mostly lived by, after all. Live and let die. Pick 'em up, try 'em out, move 'em out.
Grouchily he rolled over, adjusting the blanket as tersely as if it were his uniform. So what if it seemed bad? It was like that old cliché…if loving her is wrong, he didn't want to be right. Deanna was right. The old motto was wrong.
So why was he having this discussion with himself? He had to be on duty in four hours.
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Sending him mixed signals…she wasn't some adolescent girl. Mixed signals were supposed to be a thing of the past, something done in teenaged years. It was just plain rude to string someone along. Saying she couldn't love him that way, then giving him hope…what was she thinking? Was she thinking at all?
"Bridge to Counselor Troi," the intercom interrupted. "We'll be in orbit around Betazed within the hour."
"Acknowledged," she answered, her strong voice belying the sea of insecurities and confusion within her. Here she was again, not thinking. The second she set foot on her home planet, her mother would know about her and Will, all the things she felt and didn't feel, and her mother would harangue her until she finally grew tired of it and vowed to remain unmarried for all eternity.
"A fine mess," she muttered dejectedly. "I have feelings that I can't explain, and most I shouldn't even have. I've likely made it worst, first by leaving the Enterprise and second by coming home, and now I'm muttering to myself."
She glanced out again, watching the stars streak by with their usual warp-speed quickness. "I must figure things out. It would be unfair to do anything else." Standing, she went and ordered a hot chocolate from the replicator and sipped it pensively.
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A special hug and thanks to everyone who's reviewed: Little Red, Kathy, Slayer, Puckmom,Olivia7, Catty, Jessika Organa Solo, Staran, AngelWings8, Lori6, JD11, Rose, Nymph, Puddlejumper, Becky, Lerie, Jahzara, Trekkie101, Geller Bing, Sarajayne, Augusta, Adpi24, and Jupiter-Fire…you're an awesome collection of people who were very generous with their praise and useful in their criticism. It is due to you all that this story is no longer dead, and my greatest wish is that you continue enjoying, reviewing and/or critiquing.
An extra-special glomp to Dusha: May you ever be Samwise and Merry, with a dash of Pippin. Don't go where I can't follow.
And to everyone else…a toothbrush and toothpaste. Be sure to get rid of those cavities I've just bestowed upon you. Please leave a comment on your way out. wink