AU shit i like poop poopy poopy poop i like poop cuz i'm a big piece of shit and poop tastes good like a big juicy crap!
NOTE FROM TAK (the author, or one of them)- Hi! My friend Raven slept over my house last night and we got bored so at 4 in the morning after eating a bag of chips and watching The Shining, we wrote these AU scenes. I wrote the first, third, and fifth scenes, and Raven wrote the second and fourth. Enjoy!
Yukina- Hiei, I have a problem.
Hiei- Hn?
Yukina- I think I'm pregnant.
Hiei- Hn . . .
Yukina- And I don't know who the father is.
Hiei- Hn!
Yukina- Well I slept with a lot of guys . . .
Hiei- Hn?
Yukina- Is hn the only thing you can say?
Hiei- nodding Hn.
Yukina- I slept with a lot of guys. Everyone I train with (all the guys that is), Kuwabara's posse, some guy I met in the alley named Ralph, and Kurama.
Hiei- KURAMA!
Yukina- Well that stopped your 'hn' thing.
Hiei- Hn.
Hiei- When did you sleep with Kurama?
Yukina- Well, it happened a few weeks ago . . .
(CUE FLASHBACK)
Kurama- This movie sucks! (turns off TV)
Yukina- I'm bored . . .
Kurama- You wanna see how many times I can shove my penis up your vagina before I cum?
Yukina- How long are you?
Kurama- 7 or 8 inches.
Yukina- (evil grin) I bet Yoko Kurama was longer.
Kurama- OK that is it, bitch! I'm whipping out the bondage!
Yukina- Yes, I think I need a good spanking for that Yoko comment.
Kurama-
(END FLASHBACK)
Yukina- And that's what happened.
Hiei- (twitch) Dammit. I didn't need to know it. (twitch) Now I can't close my eyes without seeing . . . (twitch)
Yukina- (pats Hiei on the back) It's OK nii-san, he was real gentle with me (under breath) for the first few rounds.
Hiei- (dies from shock)
Yukina- April fools!
Yukina- Hiei, whats a boner?
Hiei- HN!?!
Yukina- Well? I heard it has to do with something hard
Hiei- An erection. Hn.
Yukina- What's That?
Hiei- 00U
Hiei- Its when guys get...ummm...excited...
Yukina- Hiei! That means Kuwabara had a boner yesterday!
Hiei- WHAT?!?! I'LL KILL HIM!
Yukina- Well, I gave him some ice cream, and he started dancing
Hiei- ...(sweatdrop)
Yukina- (dissapointed) That's not it, is it?
Hiei- Hn...
Yukina- Wait, I remember a time when...
(CUE FLASHBACK)
Yukina- Kurama how long was Youko?
Kurama- uuuuhhh About 8 inches...
Yukina- And you?
Kurama- 7 XD
Yukina- (points at bulge in Kurama's pants) HOLY MUTHERFUCKING COCKSUKER WTF IS THAT
Kurama- It means I wanna fuck you.
Yukina- Oh. All right then.
(Both Strip)
Yukina- Kurama, its beginning to look halfhearted.
Kurama- Stroke It
Yukina- (Strokes it)
Kurama- (moans and -it- grows)
Yukina- (Claps hands) Yay! BIGGER!
(END FLASHBACK)
Hiei- (Dies)
Yukina- So thats what it means big brother?
Hiei- (Is dead)
Yukina- (topless) That damned bird. Always acted like it was my friend. When all that bastard wanted was sex. Ripped my shirt clean off.
Hiei- (walks by, vaguely unaware) That shirt looks good on you, Yukina. You should get more clothes that color, it-- (realizes) WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED TO YOU!?!?!?!?!
Yukina- A bird.
Hiei- What did the bird do?
Yukina- Ripped my shirt off.
Hiei- Was the bird's name by any chance Kuwabara?
Yukina- (sarcastically) I don't know, Hiei, I was too busy being harassed to ask.
Hiei- (very OOC) That's right birds don't talk . . .
Yukina- Brilliant.
Hiei- (takes off his dress and gives it to Yukina) Here, wear something.
Yukina- (about to put it on but not quite)
Yusuke- (walks by) Wow, that's one nice chest you got there, sexy. Sorry I didn't notice it before. (drools)
Keiko- (slaps Yusuke) Stop staring at Yukina!
Yusuke- (staring and drooling) I'm not . . .
Hiei- (throws up in disgust)
Hiei- Time for a nice bath in the river
(Strips)
Hiei- Hell I look good (flexes) (hears noice in mud) WTF?
Kurama- Ohhhh Baby, work that mouth!
Yukina- Ohhh you nasty! Wadda Ya say!?!
Kurama- You do the best fucking blow jobs I have ever had
Yukina- And?
Kurama- And have the biggest breasts I've ever seen
Yukina- (Laughes and continues blowing Kurama)
Hiei- GAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!! (runs away without clothes) Oops...
Botan- Hiya Hiei, for a little guy you sure have a big dick.
Hiei- (kills Botan and steals her clothes)
This is get-tin freaky
Sensui- Humans are disgusting, we should bring about the end of the world! But that demon hole is too much of a burden, do you have any ideas, Mr Itsuki?
Itsuki- I can't think of any, Mr Sensui.
(5 minutes later)
Sensui- I GOT IT!!!
Itsuki- What is it, Mr Sensui?
Sensui- We have every human male to convert to homosexuality, get naked in a big pile and hump and screw each other's brains out.
Itsuki- That's a great plan, Mr Sensui!
Sensui- (strips naked) No more Mr Sensui, Mr Itsuki, just call me big papa.
Itsuki- Score!
I love Itsuki
NOTE FROM TAK (the author, or one of them)- Hi! My friend Raven slept over my house last night and we got bored so at 4 in the morning after eating a bag of chips and watching The Shining, we wrote these AU scenes. I wrote the first, third, and fifth scenes, and Raven wrote the second and fourth. Enjoy!
Yukina- Hiei, I have a problem.
Hiei- Hn?
Yukina- I think I'm pregnant.
Hiei- Hn . . .
Yukina- And I don't know who the father is.
Hiei- Hn!
Yukina- Well I slept with a lot of guys . . .
Hiei- Hn?
Yukina- Is hn the only thing you can say?
Hiei- nodding Hn.
Yukina- I slept with a lot of guys. Everyone I train with (all the guys that is), Kuwabara's posse, some guy I met in the alley named Ralph, and Kurama.
Hiei- KURAMA!
Yukina- Well that stopped your 'hn' thing.
Hiei- Hn.
Hiei- When did you sleep with Kurama?
Yukina- Well, it happened a few weeks ago . . .
(CUE FLASHBACK)
Kurama- This movie sucks! (turns off TV)
Yukina- I'm bored . . .
Kurama- You wanna see how many times I can shove my penis up your vagina before I cum?
Yukina- How long are you?
Kurama- 7 or 8 inches.
Yukina- (evil grin) I bet Yoko Kurama was longer.
Kurama- OK that is it, bitch! I'm whipping out the bondage!
Yukina- Yes, I think I need a good spanking for that Yoko comment.
Kurama-
(END FLASHBACK)
Yukina- And that's what happened.
Hiei- (twitch) Dammit. I didn't need to know it. (twitch) Now I can't close my eyes without seeing . . . (twitch)
Yukina- (pats Hiei on the back) It's OK nii-san, he was real gentle with me (under breath) for the first few rounds.
Hiei- (dies from shock)
Yukina- April fools!
Yukina- Hiei, whats a boner?
Hiei- HN!?!
Yukina- Well? I heard it has to do with something hard
Hiei- An erection. Hn.
Yukina- What's That?
Hiei- 00U
Hiei- Its when guys get...ummm...excited...
Yukina- Hiei! That means Kuwabara had a boner yesterday!
Hiei- WHAT?!?! I'LL KILL HIM!
Yukina- Well, I gave him some ice cream, and he started dancing
Hiei- ...(sweatdrop)
Yukina- (dissapointed) That's not it, is it?
Hiei- Hn...
Yukina- Wait, I remember a time when...
(CUE FLASHBACK)
Yukina- Kurama how long was Youko?
Kurama- uuuuhhh About 8 inches...
Yukina- And you?
Kurama- 7 XD
Yukina- (points at bulge in Kurama's pants) HOLY MUTHERFUCKING COCKSUKER WTF IS THAT
Kurama- It means I wanna fuck you.
Yukina- Oh. All right then.
(Both Strip)
Yukina- Kurama, its beginning to look halfhearted.
Kurama- Stroke It
Yukina- (Strokes it)
Kurama- (moans and -it- grows)
Yukina- (Claps hands) Yay! BIGGER!
(END FLASHBACK)
Hiei- (Dies)
Yukina- So thats what it means big brother?
Hiei- (Is dead)
Yukina- (topless) That damned bird. Always acted like it was my friend. When all that bastard wanted was sex. Ripped my shirt clean off.
Hiei- (walks by, vaguely unaware) That shirt looks good on you, Yukina. You should get more clothes that color, it-- (realizes) WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED TO YOU!?!?!?!?!
Yukina- A bird.
Hiei- What did the bird do?
Yukina- Ripped my shirt off.
Hiei- Was the bird's name by any chance Kuwabara?
Yukina- (sarcastically) I don't know, Hiei, I was too busy being harassed to ask.
Hiei- (very OOC) That's right birds don't talk . . .
Yukina- Brilliant.
Hiei- (takes off his dress and gives it to Yukina) Here, wear something.
Yukina- (about to put it on but not quite)
Yusuke- (walks by) Wow, that's one nice chest you got there, sexy. Sorry I didn't notice it before. (drools)
Keiko- (slaps Yusuke) Stop staring at Yukina!
Yusuke- (staring and drooling) I'm not . . .
Hiei- (throws up in disgust)
Hiei- Time for a nice bath in the river
(Strips)
Hiei- Hell I look good (flexes) (hears noice in mud) WTF?
Kurama- Ohhhh Baby, work that mouth!
Yukina- Ohhh you nasty! Wadda Ya say!?!
Kurama- You do the best fucking blow jobs I have ever had
Yukina- And?
Kurama- And have the biggest breasts I've ever seen
Yukina- (Laughes and continues blowing Kurama)
Hiei- GAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!! (runs away without clothes) Oops...
Botan- Hiya Hiei, for a little guy you sure have a big dick.
Hiei- (kills Botan and steals her clothes)
This is get-tin freaky
Sensui- Humans are disgusting, we should bring about the end of the world! But that demon hole is too much of a burden, do you have any ideas, Mr Itsuki?
Itsuki- I can't think of any, Mr Sensui.
(5 minutes later)
Sensui- I GOT IT!!!
Itsuki- What is it, Mr Sensui?
Sensui- We have every human male to convert to homosexuality, get naked in a big pile and hump and screw each other's brains out.
Itsuki- That's a great plan, Mr Sensui!
Sensui- (strips naked) No more Mr Sensui, Mr Itsuki, just call me big papa.
Itsuki- Score!
I love Itsuki