Title: Like A Butterfly
Author: Shibbie
Disclaimer: I do NOT own Naruto
Summary: In the aftermath of Chouji's death, Shikamaru finds his own way to deal with the great guilt and grief that he alone carries because he does not yet know how to let go.
A/N: A one - shot. Though I firmly believe Chouji is not dead! sticks fingers into ears Lalala I can not hear you say otherwise! This was a great angst fest that I could not pass up and since I read it so long ago I might be very inaccurate. Oh and when I say 'last heir' I know Itachi is still a live but Konoha has disowned him so as far as they are concerned Sasuke is the last heir.
Review: Always, always welcome!
Despite the nurse's protests the inhabitants of Konoha had forced themselves into the tiny hospital room to reassure themselves that the last heir of the Uchiha clan still lived. Though unconscious and hooked up to many machines the young Uchiha was still indeed very much alive. They talked amongst themselves, thanking the many gods for their great fortune.
On the other side of the room, in a dark corner, Shikamaru observed the scene under hooded eyes.
"Is his life more important then Chouji's?" He suddenly said and the crowd turned to the voice that interrupted the ceaseless rambling. "Well, is it?" The usually opinionated mass suddenly had nothing to say. Shikamaru would have smirked if he had the energy.
His body ached and it hurt to breathe but nevertheless the young Nara struggled to his feet, shoving the piece of parchment and a pen into his vest pocket. He couldn't think in here.
He limped steadily towards the crowd to reach the doors on the other end. Many averted their eyes as the boy neared and those who dared to meet his gaze saw nothing in his dull, brown eyes – only a shadow of what had been.
Nobody reached out to help him with his steps nor did he want it but like how Moses stood before the Red Sea the faceless mass parted to let the boy pass.
"I sincerely hope he was worth it." Shikamaru said slowly as he slid the door open. Then with a final click the door slid shut, the faint padding of his feet steadily fading into the distance. Nobody followed because nobody knew what to say.
Shikamaru gently lowered himself beside an old tree trunk and once he was as comfortable as he could get he retrieved the parchment and pen. Leaning the paper against his thigh he began to write;
Dear Chouji,
And then he stopped. His pen hovered a few inches from the page and yet it could write no more. He sighed as he used the end of the pen to scratch his chin. He had decided that he would write a letter, he just hadn't decided what it was he was going to write.
Shikamaru wasn't usually a person of powerful or inspiring words so he figured he's just go with whatever flow his fingers would take him.
As you know I am not a great believer of life after death or heaven and hell but for your sake, I do hope there is a better place. A place where you would not be excluded for your appearance, a place where you could play ninjas and run just as fast as the other kids and above all, a place that understands you like I do.
Shikamaru paused as his eyes lingered on the last word before he crossed it out and replaced it with a 'did'.
You always saw the good in people. No matter how many times they'd knock you down you'd only get back up and give them a second chance, a third chance, a fourth... And all you wanted in return was for them to accept you.
Five shinobis in exchange for one, the equation was absurd, the risk too great and the consequences even greater. Will you ever forgive me for dooming you to death, Chouji? Why did you accept?
I asked because I did not want you to feel overlooked again. I saw the fear flash in your eyes. An A-class mission and yet you stood and you accepted. Not even I the supposed leader wanted this mission and yet you did not hesitate.
All you wanted to be was like one of those heroes they use to tell us about back in school, the ones who sacrificed everything for the good of the village. Now you've given the ultimate sacrifice. I only hope it was everything you imagined it to be.
You promised me you would catch up. YOU PROMISED ME! I LEFT YOU MARKINGS TO FOLLOW BECAUSE I BELIEVED YOU!! I BELIEVED YOU!!
At this point the pen pierced the parchment and Shikamaru was forced to stop briefly, to furiously blink back the tears that blurred his vision and threatened to spill endlessly down his face. The Nara boy attempted to compose himself as he smoothed out the paper and began to write again at a slower rate.
That was the first ever promise you broke.
Shikamaru inhaled a shaky breath.
You died alone that day. Slumped against a tree and under the stupid arrow I carved into the trunk. You looked so peaceful; I almost thought you were asleep...almost. You died alone because of me. You're not here because of me I did this to you and as much as I try to blame Sasuke I know this is my fault.
You will never be chuunin, you will never be jounin, and you will never marry and have children because I picked you.
And I'm so sorry, Chouji.
The wind began to pick up as the fallen leaves whirled and danced in the breeze.
You had the kindest heart I knew and those who did not have the privilege to know you, is a lesser person because of it. I just hope that I reached all the expectations you had for a friend because you have surpassed all of mine.
I only hope, that in the lifetime that is given to me I will be worthy enough that in death, I will see you once more.
Until we meet again, my friend.
Shikamaru
The dark brown eyes went over the lines one last time before he folded the paper over and over again until it was a neat little rectangle that fit in the palm of his hand.
He then set it on fire and held on to it, till it nearly burnt his finger tips. He watched as the wind carried the remaining ashes into the late afternoon sky.
Shikamaru leaned back to observe the smoke inter-weave with the autumn leaves and from where he lay it looked like a butterfly.