Ok, I know you guys probably hate me and never want to read my fic again for taking forever to post, and I don't blame you. It drives me completely crazy when I'm reading a fic and they never post. Its just posting on this site takes so long. Ill try to update more often, and if I don't update often, then I'll make the posts rreally long. If you guys wanna check out this story on Harrypotter.com feel free to cuz it's a grantee that I'll post on there. Newho, thanks so much for all the reviews! It means a lot to me.

I'm soo sorry but plz forgive me!!

Disclaimer: I don't own anything you recognize.

Chapter 9: Mixed Feelings

~*~

The next morning I walked to breakfast with Bree. We sat down next to two boys named John and Andrew.

I really liked John. He was smart, funny, and really nice. Andrew was the same but had this own sense of humor.

John was tall with dark brown hair and blue eyes that looked the like sky. Andrew wasn't as tall but had light brown hair with hazel eyes. Both boys were in Ravenclaw.

"Want us to walk you to your first class?" they asked us.

"Sure." Bree and I replied smiling.

We walked past James and Sirius whose mouths were wide open. We smiled at them and linked arms with Andrew and John.

"I thought you and Sirius Black were going out?" Andrew said to Bree.

"Not anymore. We got in an argument." She said hoping to change the subject.

We walked together and laughed. Our first class was transfiguration and theirs was charms. Sow e went inside the classroom and they continued to walk up to their class.

We sat down in the back and started talking while we waited for class to start. We saw James and Sirius walking in and looking very angry.

They walked up to us with their fists clenched.

"Bree. What do you think you were doing talking to that Ravenclaw guy?" he said through his teeth.

"We walked to class with them," she replied simply, "Anyways, not like we're going out or anything last I checked so stop being so protective cause I'm not your 'woman',

He turned the other way and found a seat. Bree and I smiled at each other. This was going to be fun.

~*~ The Next Day

It had only been one day since the bet and Sirius was already going crazy. Everywhere we turned around he was there looking miserable.

"Look how sad he is!" Ashley exclaimed.

We were leaving transfiguration this morning and he was tagging behind us sadly.

"It's his fault," I replied.

That night James and I had a meeting with the Prefects.

"Lets get this meeting started!" James said walking into the empty classroom we were using.

"Your late," I stated.

"Give it a break Lillian," I just rolled my eyes in his direction.

"Now do you have the Quidditch season planned out?" A Ravenclaw Prefect by the name of Michael McGuire asked. They all looked at James and me.

"Potter, you said you had ideas for that. I'm guessing you have it all planned out?" I asked him.

"Yeah I do Evans," he replied sternly.

He explained his plan to everyone. I just leaned back and took out my nail file and started to perfect my nails.

Anna Johnson the Hufflepuff Prefect had brought up the next subject, "Okay, also, we were thinking about having a ball. But of course the Head Boy and Girl are only allowed to decide and they have to plant it."

The light bulb clicked on in my head. This would be perfect.

"I think a ball would be the perfect thing," I said setting my nail file down, "So everyone agrees we should have a ball?"

Everyone shook their heads yes in excitement.

"Good. Ball it is. You better start planning Potter," I said.

"What do you mean," he asked. Everyone looked at me.

"Well you seem to think you could live without women and that guys could do anything. So plan away, Potter," I said grinning.

"OK meeting over!" I got up and headed for the door. I was walking and James caught up with me.

"Evans, are you really going to make me plan this whole dance thingy by myself?"

"Wow, you catch on quick, Potter," I continued to walk.

"You agreed to them so I would have to do this myself!?"

"You know it."

"God Evans you make me so mad!"

We reached the portrait and I turned around.

"You know Potter you are never going to change. Here you go just depending on other people to do all the hard work. You will always be rude and stupid."

"You have never given me a chance."

"I suggest you start planning. Good night, Potter," left him standing in the hallway. I headed straight up to my room. No one was there. I decided to pull James backpack out and finish reading his journal.

June 7

I never wrote in here because I lost it. But I am now finishing my 5th year. Today we finished our O.W.L.'s. We sat by the lake when we were done. It was bad. Sirius and I were teasing Snape when Lily came by. She told us to leave him alone. After all he has done to her and she still sticks up for him. It's crazy. Then he called her a mudblood. I would never call Lily that. I would never call anyone that.

Never call me a mudblood, eh? There's a piece of him that changed.

March 23

I'm in my 6th year now. I only have one year left till I am done with school. I have liked Lily all through Hogwarts and she never gave me a chance. I'll never like another girl like I like Lily.

August 23
Today Sirius and me are going to the pool. I spent most of my summer bugging Lily. School starts on the first. I have one year left to try and date Lily. Then I'll never see her again.

There were no more entries. I looked through some more pockets. Quidditch books, glasses case, junk. There was one last pocket. Inside there was a black velvet case. I opened it inside was a necklace with a diamond lily. What would James be doing with this?

I quickly put it away then went back downstairs.

"Starting your planning, Potter? I think they want it done in like two weeks," I said making up a deadline so he wouldn't drag it out.

"Haha, yea I'm just asking Sirius for some help," he said turning his back away from me.

I went over and sat next to Bree and pulled out some of my homework.

"There's going to be a dance!?" Bree set down her quill.

"Yeah."

"Awesome! That means this weekend will probably be Hogsmede weekend. We should go and get our dresses!" Michelle exclaimed.

"Yea but I don't know fit is going to be great. Potter is planning it alone."

"Erg!" Bree started on her homework again.

~*~

The word of having a dance had spread around like fire. James had set the date to be Friday November 1st.

It was Saturday morning and surprisingly enough James had been working all week on the dance. So as planned we all went to Hogsmede to get our dresses.

We were the first ones in the store. So we all started quickly grabbing dresses to try on.

After hours of trying on dresses we were all satisfied with our choices. With an hour to waste we all decided to go to the Three Broomsticks for a drink.

"I'm so glad there is going to be a dance!" Ashley said taking a sip of her butterbeer.

"Oh my gosh. We only have six days to get dates!" Michelle pointed out.

"I hope Andrew asks me!" Bree's eyes lit up.

"I hope John asks me!" I said.

Soon it was time to go so we all headed up to the castle together.

That day at dinner John and Andrew asked Bree and I to the dance. We were so excited.

Soon everyone became antsy about getting dates. Ashley was asked by Kevil Lead, Michelle by Sean Wilson, and Katie was asked by Christopher Quinsle.

With only three days left until the dance James was looking stressed and he was always the last in the common room at night.

Two days before the dance I decided to talk to James about the dance.

"So what's your theme?" I asked him.

"There has to be a theme?"

"Well I guess you could just make it a winter theme."

"I was thinking something like that. I have Christmas trees, snow, balloons, confetti."

"Music?" I asked him. Surprisingly he had thought of a lot of things.

"Some new band called the Weird Sisters. For food there is a bunch of different stuff."

"Sounds like you planned a pretty good dance."

"Let's hope so."

"So did you guys find dates yet?" I asked curiously.

"Yup, Sirius fond one today. I'm going with Jennifer Ross, Sirius is going with Jamie Anderson, and Remus is going with Andy Rock."

"What about Peter?"

"He won't tell us yet. Have you guys gotten dates yet?"

"Yup all of us."

"C-c-cool," I could sense the jealousy in his voice.

"Well its getting late. Night Potter."

"Night."

The day of the dance:

Professor Dumbledore let us all have the day off. It was the perfect day for a dance. There was a think blanket of snow on the ground and the sky was beautiful. I had to hand it to James he picked a good day.

Our room was buzzing with excitement. We all hurried around trying to find stuff. We didn't want to be late. The doors would open at six o'clock. We were all meeting our dates in the entrance hall.

As we headed down the girls' staircase the Marauders plus Ricky and Leo came down. I had to admit they did look handsome. But we continued to walk pretending not to notice them. Surely they noticed us in our dresses.

I was wearing a dark green dress that was spaghetti straps and it went down to the floor. I decided to let me shoulder length auburn hair fall to my shoulders rather than put it up.

Bree was wearing a dark navy blue tube top dress that dangled above her ankles.

Michelle was wearing a dark purple knee length dress that had rhinestone at the bottom.

Ashley's dress was a black dress with a beautiful bottom finish.

Katie's knee length light blue dress was a halter top with a rhinestone chain in the back..

We all looked stunning and we knew it. Obviously everyone else knew it too. On our way down to the entry hall we made every head turn.

We met up with our dates and waited for the doors to open. At six o'clock on the dot the doors opened and students from years four to seven filled in. the room locked spectacular there were individual tables everywhere that sat about ten to twelve people each. As the music started everyone danced. After a couple of songs in a row we all decided to take a break. All the guys went to get some punch, or so we thought. They had all ditched us for the marauders, Ricky's, and Leo's dates. The nerve of them.

"Cheese and rice those bloody bastards," Bree said spotting her date dancing with Sirius' date.

We all just sat there when Sirius walked over to us holding a rose.

"Bree, I'm sorry I called you my woman and I know you are an independent woman and you deserve respect. Can you be my girlfriend again?"

"That means a lot to me Sirius," she accepted the rose and hugged him. They were soon on the dance floor together.

Not much later did Remus, Ricky, and Leo come by. Soon I was the only one left. I head a voice from behind me.

"Looks like your date was a dunce after all. Can I sit down?"

"Sure. Obviously yours was too," I couldn't believe it. James and I were actually having a conversation together.

"Lily, do you want to dance?" he asked as a slow song came on.

The poor guy liked me all my life. The least I could do was give him one dance. What would be wrong with that? Nothing was going to go on between us.

I smiled, "Sure."

His face lit up with joy as he took my hand and led me to the dance floor. People stared at us as if we were insane.

I put my hands around his neck and he put his hands around my waist.

"You look beautiful," he whispered to me. I just blushed. We moved closer and I put my head on he shoulder. It felt nice being in his warm arms.

But as we were dancing I suddenly realized. I can't like James. It's not right. But it feels so right. I have so many mixed feelings.

I slowly walked backwards away from James. I could feel tears forming in my eyes.

"Lily what's-"

"I can't James."

I turned around and headed out of the Great Hall and out onto the grounds it was very cold. The tears were pouring out of my eyes. I head the door open and close and I saw James come running towards me.

"What's wrong Lily?"

"I don't know," I said between tears.

"Shh, it'll be okay." He hugged me but I backed away again. My feet were numb and the bottom of my dress was wet from the snow.

"James I cant like you. It's not right. I hate you remember?"

"Well I love you and that never made any difference before."

A snowflake landed on my eyelash.

"Please James-"

He leaned in and kissed me on the lips. I felt warmth spread throughout my body. It had started to snow. It could have been a picture perfect moment. I didn't want it to end, but it had too. So I pulled away.

"I'm sorry," I held my head in my hands. I ran up the stairs and left James on the ground confused. I ran up to my dorm and fell onto my bed and cried myself to sleep.

~*~

I woke up the next morning later then everyone else. Nobody was in the room except for me.

"Hey hun what's wrong?" I heard Bree enter the room.

"I don't know."

"Well James won't tell me what happened and Sirius, Remus, or Peter will tell me what happened. And I'm getting really inpatient so someone needs to tell me something," Bree said.

"It's really hard to explain. James asked me to dance and I felt bad so I did. But then I started getting al these mixed feelings."

"Mixed feelings?"

"Like if I liked him or not."

"You like James!?"

"I don't think so."

"You should go and talk to him. You know explain what happened."

"Yeah I guess I should."

"Where is he?"

"By the lake with Sirius."

"Ok."

I got into the shower and cleaned up. I got dressed in jeans and a black t- shirt.

I was going through my trunk looking for socks when I saw James backpack. It is his; he deserves to have it back. I grabbed his backpack on my way out.

I walked outside and felt the cool winter breeze against my face. I pulled my jacket tighter against me. I saw James and Sirius sitting by the nearly frozen lake.

I walked up to them from behind; they didn't even notice I was there. "James could I talk to you?"

"Y-yea," James said getting up.

"Later mate. Bye Lily," Sirius turned around and walked back up to the castle.

"Bye Sirius," I said.

I could tell this was going to be an emotional conversation because a lump was forming in my thought and I could feel the tears in my eyes.

"I need to talk to you about last night. But first I need to give you this," I handed him my backpack from behind me. He looked relived to see it.

"Now," I started again, "About last night. James I had mixed feelings. I'm sorry."

"I don't get it. I've liked you all my life. Then in just one night you get mixed feelings?"

"I don't know what I was feeling. Maybe for one split second in my life I like you. But just forget it cause I can see that you are back to your normal rude self." I walked back to the castle and headed back up to the common room.

"Why do boys have to be so complicated?"

But I never did make it to the common room. I was going up the stairs when I heard a band coming from a closet. I heard somebody's voice. It was a girl's voice.

"Where is he?"

"Who?"

"Black"

"I don't know"

"Tell me"

"Who are you?"

My question was answered as I saw the girls face. It was Bellatrix Black. What would she want to do with Sirius? I heard her mutter a spell and my mind was modified and I was knocked out unconscious.

My head was aching as I woke up. I opened my eyes and I my vision was blurry at first but things came into focus slowly. I looked around and I noticed I was in the Hospital Wing.

"What happened?" I asked out loud.

"You were knocked out. Probably banged your head," Madam Pompfrey the new nurse, walked in, "Now drink this and you should be on your way."

I drank the oozing liquid. It felt as if I was drinking liquid sand. It left a nasty after taste.

I finished it and the nurse did one last check, "Looks like your free to go, everything sees fine."

"Thanks, Bye."

I walked out of the Hospital Wings and decided to go find Bree to see what she was up to.

"Where have you been?" she asked me as I entered the common room, "James came up and no one knew where you went."

"I was in the Hospital Wing. I think I hit my head or something no big deal."

"Okay you sure you're ok?"

"Yeah fine."

"So how did the convo go with James?"

"Ok I guess. Have you started on your Christmas shopping yet?"

"Nope. But the last weekend in November and December 20th are Hogsmede weekends. We could o do our shopping then."

"Yea that would be great."