Left Behind

Ch2 Answer The Many Questions

But I'm not going to think about John or what might have been (between us). Logan is here now and he won't be for long so I have to tell him how it is before he runs off again. Before he leaves me again.

"Logan, how could you?" I screamed at him and threw a punch which dodged. I was determined he listen to me and this is the only way he does that, with fists. This how we talked about everything whenever Xavier had me or Logan's motorcycle on lock down. We'd come to the Danger Room and as we fought I'd explain my situation and he would help me sort it out.

But he can't help me anymore. I don't need his help anymore. And I certainly don't want it. I want him to hurt, to feel the pain and the pity I've been force fed for far too long.

"How could you leave me here, to face them? What in the world gave you the notion I'd be better off here with all these 'gifted people'? Logan, why did you leave me?? I pounded my fists as hard as I possibly could on his chest. He had stopped dodging my attacks and just stood there like a frickin statue. His emotionless face just fueled my anger and I pounded all the harder. I knew I wasn't physically hurting him, damn healing factor, but I was crushing his spirit. And that was good enough for me.

I was by now screaming obsenities at, which echoed all around us in the otherwise empty training room. I wanted him to say something, yell at me even, or at least grab my wrists to cease my relentless pounding. I stopped my ranting, raving, and beating when I noticed for the first time how the blood covered my hands like gloves. But thinking about cleaning them and bandaging them led my thoughts to Jean and how it could have been prevented, her dying.

I shook my blood covered hands at him, specs landing on his stone cold face. "They blame us, you know, me most of all. They blame me for her death. Scott won't look me in the eyes anymore. Kitty, and the other kids pretend I don't even exist!

"Logan, I could have prevented it, all of it! The infiltration of the mansion, Jean's death, Jubilee's transfer, and even your leaving." My energy was drained out me almost immediately and as I slid to the floor, Logan woke up from his frozen state and grabbed me quickly, easing me into a sitting position. There we sat in silence for the longest time it seemed. I didn't care though. My voice was scratchy from all the yelling, but I didn't care about that either. I still despised him but now he knows why.

We sat like lovers watching the stars, only we were watching the control center above us. His arms were wrapped around me protectively. Judging from the multiple pairs of eyes closely following our every move, it's safe to say we were being watched. I turned to him, raising my eyebrow in question. The ball was in his court and it's up to him as to how he chooses to deal with it.

"I can't say I'll stay here because I can't lie to you, kid. But I can tell you, I'm only a call away,." He offered me none of the pity I had detested so. He ran his fingers through my hair tenderly and offered instead something no one has given me before; a promise that no matter what happened he would always come back to me, for me. He nothing more to offer but that didn't matter. Now that he knew my heart, I wanted nothing more than to sit here in silence, lying in the arms of friends, my foe, my past, my future, my teacher, my family. My lover.