"Why is she mad?" Ron asked Harry for the forty-sixth time. "I didn't do anything!"
"Maybe she's mad because you were bothering her late at night when she wanted to sleep," Harry said, groggily. "That bothers me. A lot," he added with a yawn.
"No, that's not it," Ron said, oh-so-oblivious. He sat up in bed. "You know what, Harry? I'm gonna go talk to her!"
"Okay," Harry said. "I'm going to go to sleep." He rolled over, and closed his eyes,
Ron put on a marroon bathrobe, and his brown slippers, and softly padded down the hall. He crept past his mum and dad's room, where they were snoring loudly. When he reached Ginny's room, he slowy opened the door-
"AAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" Ginny yelped. She was sitting in bed, reading a magazine called "Cosmo." Ron had never heard of it before, but it looked interesting. Interesting in the sense that there was a half-naked muggle on the cover, advertising "Great Sex!"
"Ginny, shut the bloody hell up!" Ron said. "D'you want Mum and Dad storming in?"
"My room's soundproofed," she said, breathlessly. "And you scared me half to death!"
"Sorry...wait, how come your room is soundproof and mine isn't?" Ron asked, raising an eyebrow.
"Because Bill did it for me when he was visiting. I was tired of you making fun of me when I sang along to the radio. Now I can sing as loud as I want. But that's not important. Why the hell are you barging into my room so late?"
"I was looking for Hermione," Ron mumbled, looking at the floor.
"Oh," Ginny said knowingly. "She's quite upset, you know. She came in here a while ago, her eyes all puffy and red. When I asked what was wrong, she shook her head, and mumbled that she was sleeping on the couch. Oh, damn! I wan't supposed to tell you! She bribed me. Ah, well, I'm keeping the magazine," Ginny said, picking Cosmo back up. She began to focus on an article titled "Yoga=Tantric!" Ron shuddered.
"Why you reading that piece of crap?" Ron asked, wrinkling his nose.
"'Cause Mum never mentioned any of this during 'The Talk'," Ginny said, flipping the pages.
"Mentioned what?" Ron asked, trying to look at what she was reading.
"You really are obsessed with sex, aren't you?" Ginny rolled her eyes. "God, Ron, you just don't get it. From what I heard, Harry ruined the mood, and then you acted like a freaking pig. Girls like romance. Not just 'Hey, let's do it!'.
"That's not what I said!" Ron said, hotly. "I said, uh, 'Shall we pick up where we left off? Harry, d'you mind. C'mere 'Mione.'"
Ginny shook her head. "Noooo, Ron! You're supposed to take her into your arms, and give her a little kiss. Not on the lips, mind you. The cheek, or the forehead. And then you say, "Sorry to surprise you, Harry. Do you think Hermione and I could have a moment?" And Harry goes, "Of course, I'm sorry I shouted. You two take as long as you want." And then you say to Hermione, 'Hermione, my love, I'm so sorry that we were interrupted. Can I make it up to you?' And compliment her. A lot," Ginny flipped to a page in Cosmo. "Oh, here ya go." She handed the magazine to him.
"The Perfect Man," Ron read outloud. "Well, girls, it's near impossible to find one. In our last issue we asked you what you look for in a man. Here are the results. 73% said he should be the romantic kind. Melanie, 24, from NYC says 'I just love it when my boyfriend surprises me. One time, he booked a romantic vacation for us, and told me we were going to meet his parents for a family reunion. I felt bad after complaining so much after I saw the Jacuzzi and the bed covered in rose petals!' 20% said you like it when he's spontaneus! Erica, 32, from London says 'Sometimes, I'll be washing the dishes, and he'll just grab me, carry me upstairs, and have his way with me!' And 7% said you like to do all the planning. Helen, 29, from L.A. says 'I love surprising my man!"
Ron paused. "Ginny, how's this supposed to help me?"
Ginny shrugged. "I dunno," she told him in a monotone. The look she gave him clearly said 'figure it out on your own, genius!' She began to examine her fingernails.
Ron sighed. "Load of help, you are," he complained. Shaking his head, he crept downstairs. He saw a figure hunched on the couch. 'Romantic,' he thought. 'All those girls wanted romantic. I'll give her romantic! And spontaneous!' He crept up slowly, and as quietly as he could. 'I'll just grab her and kiss her,' he thought. 'Yeah, that's good. I'm a GENIUS!' He walked over, grabbed Hermione, and was about ready to kiss her when he heard someone yell "GAHHHHHHH! Gerroff, you lug!"
Ron yelped. "Oh, God! Who the...," he paused, and squinted in the dark. "BILL?"
"Yes," Bill spat out.
"What are you doing down here?" Ron asked him, confused and shaken.
"Well, I heard someone storming through the halls, and I was curious, so I followed. It was Hermione, and man, was she pissed. Sorry bro," he said, clapping Ron on the shoulder. "Guess you're not a naturally excellent lover like me. Anyway, she said she didn't want to see you, and she was gonna sleep on the couch, but me, bein' the gentleman that I am said, 'Forget Ron, you can have me.' I'm kidding, Ron," he added hastily. "I told her she could lock herself up in my room and I'd sleep down here, so you wouldn't bother her."
"Why?" Ron whined. "I had it all planned out!" He flopped down on the couch. "So, she's locked in your room?"
"Yep, sorry," Bill said. "Now get off, I'm trying to sleep." Ron stood, but before he could leave, Bill grabbed his arm. "But the window's open, mate."
"Maybe she's mad because you were bothering her late at night when she wanted to sleep," Harry said, groggily. "That bothers me. A lot," he added with a yawn.
"No, that's not it," Ron said, oh-so-oblivious. He sat up in bed. "You know what, Harry? I'm gonna go talk to her!"
"Okay," Harry said. "I'm going to go to sleep." He rolled over, and closed his eyes,
Ron put on a marroon bathrobe, and his brown slippers, and softly padded down the hall. He crept past his mum and dad's room, where they were snoring loudly. When he reached Ginny's room, he slowy opened the door-
"AAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" Ginny yelped. She was sitting in bed, reading a magazine called "Cosmo." Ron had never heard of it before, but it looked interesting. Interesting in the sense that there was a half-naked muggle on the cover, advertising "Great Sex!"
"Ginny, shut the bloody hell up!" Ron said. "D'you want Mum and Dad storming in?"
"My room's soundproofed," she said, breathlessly. "And you scared me half to death!"
"Sorry...wait, how come your room is soundproof and mine isn't?" Ron asked, raising an eyebrow.
"Because Bill did it for me when he was visiting. I was tired of you making fun of me when I sang along to the radio. Now I can sing as loud as I want. But that's not important. Why the hell are you barging into my room so late?"
"I was looking for Hermione," Ron mumbled, looking at the floor.
"Oh," Ginny said knowingly. "She's quite upset, you know. She came in here a while ago, her eyes all puffy and red. When I asked what was wrong, she shook her head, and mumbled that she was sleeping on the couch. Oh, damn! I wan't supposed to tell you! She bribed me. Ah, well, I'm keeping the magazine," Ginny said, picking Cosmo back up. She began to focus on an article titled "Yoga=Tantric!" Ron shuddered.
"Why you reading that piece of crap?" Ron asked, wrinkling his nose.
"'Cause Mum never mentioned any of this during 'The Talk'," Ginny said, flipping the pages.
"Mentioned what?" Ron asked, trying to look at what she was reading.
"You really are obsessed with sex, aren't you?" Ginny rolled her eyes. "God, Ron, you just don't get it. From what I heard, Harry ruined the mood, and then you acted like a freaking pig. Girls like romance. Not just 'Hey, let's do it!'.
"That's not what I said!" Ron said, hotly. "I said, uh, 'Shall we pick up where we left off? Harry, d'you mind. C'mere 'Mione.'"
Ginny shook her head. "Noooo, Ron! You're supposed to take her into your arms, and give her a little kiss. Not on the lips, mind you. The cheek, or the forehead. And then you say, "Sorry to surprise you, Harry. Do you think Hermione and I could have a moment?" And Harry goes, "Of course, I'm sorry I shouted. You two take as long as you want." And then you say to Hermione, 'Hermione, my love, I'm so sorry that we were interrupted. Can I make it up to you?' And compliment her. A lot," Ginny flipped to a page in Cosmo. "Oh, here ya go." She handed the magazine to him.
"The Perfect Man," Ron read outloud. "Well, girls, it's near impossible to find one. In our last issue we asked you what you look for in a man. Here are the results. 73% said he should be the romantic kind. Melanie, 24, from NYC says 'I just love it when my boyfriend surprises me. One time, he booked a romantic vacation for us, and told me we were going to meet his parents for a family reunion. I felt bad after complaining so much after I saw the Jacuzzi and the bed covered in rose petals!' 20% said you like it when he's spontaneus! Erica, 32, from London says 'Sometimes, I'll be washing the dishes, and he'll just grab me, carry me upstairs, and have his way with me!' And 7% said you like to do all the planning. Helen, 29, from L.A. says 'I love surprising my man!"
Ron paused. "Ginny, how's this supposed to help me?"
Ginny shrugged. "I dunno," she told him in a monotone. The look she gave him clearly said 'figure it out on your own, genius!' She began to examine her fingernails.
Ron sighed. "Load of help, you are," he complained. Shaking his head, he crept downstairs. He saw a figure hunched on the couch. 'Romantic,' he thought. 'All those girls wanted romantic. I'll give her romantic! And spontaneous!' He crept up slowly, and as quietly as he could. 'I'll just grab her and kiss her,' he thought. 'Yeah, that's good. I'm a GENIUS!' He walked over, grabbed Hermione, and was about ready to kiss her when he heard someone yell "GAHHHHHHH! Gerroff, you lug!"
Ron yelped. "Oh, God! Who the...," he paused, and squinted in the dark. "BILL?"
"Yes," Bill spat out.
"What are you doing down here?" Ron asked him, confused and shaken.
"Well, I heard someone storming through the halls, and I was curious, so I followed. It was Hermione, and man, was she pissed. Sorry bro," he said, clapping Ron on the shoulder. "Guess you're not a naturally excellent lover like me. Anyway, she said she didn't want to see you, and she was gonna sleep on the couch, but me, bein' the gentleman that I am said, 'Forget Ron, you can have me.' I'm kidding, Ron," he added hastily. "I told her she could lock herself up in my room and I'd sleep down here, so you wouldn't bother her."
"Why?" Ron whined. "I had it all planned out!" He flopped down on the couch. "So, she's locked in your room?"
"Yep, sorry," Bill said. "Now get off, I'm trying to sleep." Ron stood, but before he could leave, Bill grabbed his arm. "But the window's open, mate."