Part Thirty Nine
After Cassie and Roisin had driven off, Yvonne asked Karen to give her a lift home, as Lauren had taken the car when she'd gone home at lunchtime. Yvonne was worried about Lauren. If it'd been anyone else on the stand, Yvonne would have gone with her to make sure she was all right, but she had to stay and watch Ritchie's cross examination.
"Do you know something?" Yvonne said in to the silence as they drove through the late afternoon traffic. "Lauren accused me yesterday of forgetting she exists."
"That sounds familiar," Said Karen, remembering her numerous arguments with Ross when he'd decided to drop out of university.
"Do you think she's right?" Asked Yvonne.
"No," Said Karen, turning in to Yvonne's road. "I think that at the moment it might feel like that, partly because you're focusing on Ritchie's trial, and partly because of what's happening with us. Lauren's only had you back since Christmas, and she probably feels that she wants to keep you all to herself."
"But that's ridiculous," Said Yvonne. "Lauren's had me all to herself since I got out."
"Not really," Replied Karen. "You've had Cassie and Roisin, and Barbara and Crystal, and me on the side so to speak, and don't forget Denny."
"Denny's been like one of mine since the old days when you first arrived," Said Yvonne quietly. "I was not about to forget about her just because I got out and she didn't."
"I know," Said Karen softly as she turned in to Yvonne's drive.
When Yvonne opened the front door and they stepped in to the house, they could hear the soft, hypnotic music of Morcheeba coming from the lounge. As Yvonne moved towards the open lounge door, she stopped and sniffed. At the same time as she saw the look of dawning recognition appear on Yvonne's face, Karen caught a waft of the sweet, fiery aroma of cannabis. Yvonne walked swiftly in to the lounge and took in the situation with a practiced glance. The curtains were closed, with a couple of lamps on here and there, and Lauren was sprawled on the sofa with a joint in one hand and an ashtray in the other. Trigger, who had been lying on the rug, got up and went wagging his tail to Karen.
"Hi mum," Said Lauren in a vaguely sleepy voice. "How did my big, smart arse of a brother get on this afternoon?" At first, Yvonne just stared at her. Then, moving forward, she plucked the joint out of Lauren's hand and stubbed it out in another ashtray that was lying on the coffee table.
"Hey," Complained Lauren making a futile grab for her treasure.
"What the hell do you think your doing?" Asked Yvonne in a surprisingly calm voice.
"I'd have thought that was obvious," #Said Lauren getting unsteadily to her feet in order to reach the ashtray where Yvonne had left the still slightly smoldering joint.
"You don't do drugs in this house, Lauren. I thought you new better than that."
"Since you've forgotten," Said Lauren icily. "This was my house, to do with pretty much as I please for a good eighteen months while you and dad were languishing behind bars."
"And the reason your father was behind bars in the first place was because of drugs."
"Oh, what," Said Lauren, facing her mother across the coffee table. "so it's all right to sell drugs but not all right to take them? Good piece of philosophy there, Mum."
"No," Said Yvonne, for the first time in her life feeling the urge to slap her daughter. "Doing anything with drugs absolutely is not all right. Dealing was your father's pastime, Lauren, not mine." Karen, stood in the lounge doorway, was heartily glad to hear this.
"Knew about it though, didn't you?" Lauren threw back at her. Karen also thought it was time they were left on their own to sort this out. Going back in to the hall, she picked up Trigger's lead from where it was hanging over the banister and waved it at him. As he scampered towards her, she scribbled a note on the pad on the hall table.
"Taken Trigger for a walk to get us both out of the crossfire." Yvonne heard the click of the front door and briefly walked in to the hall to see Karen's note and Trigger's lead gone from it's place.
Going back in to the lounge, she sat down on the sofa.
"This isn't really about your dad, is it?" She asked.
"No," Lauren conceded, also sitting down on the sofa but as far away from her mother as possible.
"so tell me," Said Yvonne lighting them both a cigarette. "Why this sudden regression in to adolescence?"
"It isn't," Said Lauren hotly.
"You could have fooled me."
"You're the one who's acting like a lovesick teenager again," Said Lauren in disgust. Yvonne grimaced.
"You really loathe anything I might have with Karen, don't you."
"You're damned right I do," Said Lauren. "Mum, this just isn't you! You don't fancy women, you're as straight as it's possible to be."
"And is it such a bad thing for me to change in that way?" Asked Yvonne quietly. "After all, I wouldn't be the first in this family to do that, now would I."
"We're not talking about me," Said Lauren hurriedly.
"No, but maybe we should," Said Yvonne. "I know you think I haven't noticed, but you've been getting closer and closer to Cassie and Roisin over the last few months. Quite what that means, I don't know, and I don't want to know." Lauren was shocked to realise just how much her mother had seen that Lauren had tried to hide.
"But why you, Mum? Why now, and why Karen Betts of all people?"
"Lauren, I'm not the person I was before Larkhall. It does something to you, being in there day in day out."
"Oh, what, so a lack of decent dick has suddenly changed you in to an instant dyke?" Yvonne winced, but tried to ignore the jibe.
"I don't know why," Said Yvonne. "I can't explain why I feel the way I do about Karen, I just know that she's one of the most special things to happen to me."
"Oh, like Denny?" Asked Lauren, and Yvonne knew they'd reached the heart of the matter.
"Lauren, I totally failed as a mother to you and to Ritchie, so maybe a part of me is trying to put that right with Denny. I love you more than I will ever love anybody, but that doesn't mean I can't care about anyone else. I'm usually more proud of you than anyone I've ever known. In spite of how me and Charlie brought you up, you've stayed pretty much on the straight and narrow. Quite how, I'm not sure, but you have. Ritchie's managed to make a complete mess of his life, and I know I had a certain amount to do with that. But you've done so much to make me proud of you. Keeping the business going when me and your dad were in prison, about to start your final year at college, trying to set up this financial consultancy thing with Cassie. You've done more than I ever could have dreamed of, coming from the background you did. I'd like to be able to think of you as the one success of my life, but everything you've done isn't because of anything me and your dad did for you. I know that Ritchie being on trial is getting to you, it is to all of us, and I know that having Karen in my life and maybe eventually Denny is going to take some getting used to. but I'm not about to change any of that. You are still my daughter, and what I have with Karen and trying to be there for Denny isn't going to make me love you any less, but you have got to try to accept that this is what my life consists of these days."
"How can you be, like that, with Karen after she slept with Ritchie? That's what I don't understand."
"There's a lot you don't know about all that," Said Yvonne quietly.
"So, tell me," Persisted Lauren.
"No," Said Yvonne firmly. "There are things about Karen's life that she might not want you to know."
"How do you know that once she's had whatever she wants from you, she won't move on to someone else. You heard Ritchie in court, doesn't that tell you what she's like."
"I don't," Said Yvonne. "Karen might get cold feet in a couple of weeks for all I know. But that's a risk I'm prepared to take. As for what Ritchie said, don't even go there. Maybe you don't realise it, but that wasn't Ritchie sitting in that court room, that was an incarnation of your father. All that shit he was spouting was said for pure, malicious enjoyment, nothing else."
"I can't convince you, can I," Said Lauren defeatedly. "I can't make you see that Karen Betts means trouble."
"No," Said Yvonne sadly. "You can't. If she is, I'll find that out in my own way."
"Well, don't say I didn't warn you," Said Lauren.
"I think you'd better go and sleep off that dope," Said Yvonne, pure ice in her tone.
"Is that the adult way of sending me to my room?" Asked Lauren with no hint of a smile.
"Yes," Said Yvonne without a stir. "I don't want to argue with you about this, but keep talking like that about Karen and I will." Lauren stood up and moved towards the stairs, involuntarily obeying her mother's command to go and figuratively sover up. As Yvonne flushed away the remains of Lauren's joint and what was left of her stash, she prayed Lauren wasn't about to go through the same personality flaw as Roisin had.
A while later when she observed Lauren was sound asleep, sprawled across her bed in as adolescent a fashion as possible, Yvonne thought that a little chat from Cassie, on the truly horrific points of drug addiction might not go amiss. Picking up the phone, she dialed their number. When Cassie answered, Yvonne was slightly relieved it hadn't been Roisin.
"Cass, I need you to do me a favour."
"Sounds serious," Replied Cassie.
"Yeah," Said Yvonne contemplatively, "It is. When I got home today, I found Lauren smoking dope."
"Oh, no," Cassie groaned.
"Unfortunately so. I've tried talking to her, and I might have got somewhere, but would you try something for me. Would you tell her about what happened to Roisin?" Cassie went quiet for a minute. Roisin's addiction to heroin had almost killed both of them, and they weren't memories she wanted to revisit in a hurry.
"Fine," She said, thanking god that Roisin was in the shower. "But Roisin doesn't know about this. She doesn't need to drag all that up again."
"You're a star," Said Yvonne fondly.
"Yeah, well, you owe me one for this," Said Cassie.
"She's sleeping it off at the moment, so there's no rush."
"I'll be over some time later," Said Cassie, hoping she was doing the right thing.
As Yvonne put the phone down, she saw Karen walking back up the drive with Trigger. When she went to let them in, Trigger looked like Karen would be his favourite person for ever more.
"You okay?" Asked Karen, unclipping the lead.
"I'm sorry about that," Said Yvonne. Karen returned the lead to its place on the banister and turned to face her.
"Where's Lauren?" She asked.
"Sleeping it off, under protest."
"I caught Ross smoking dope once," Said Karen, "When he was seventeen. I bawled him out good and proper, and then felt incredibly guilty."
"Jesus," Said Yvonne, "It doesn't get any easier, does it."
"I don't think it's supposed to," Said Karen, putting her arms round Yvonne. "The trick is, or so I'm told, is to let them make their own mistakes. But then, once they've got passed a certain age, you don't really have a choice about that. They'll make their own mistakes whether we like it or not."
"I've asked Cassie to tell her about everything Roisin went through in prison."
"Actually," Said Karen, "That's not a bad idea. The quicker Lauren can kick the habit, the better." When their lips met, it felt for both of them like a much needed comfort. Yvonne desperately needed to feel that someone appreciated her and thought she was doing the right thing, and Karen found herself still needing the reassurance that Ritchie's testimony hadn't caused Yvonne to want out.
"Jesus," Said Yvonne after a while. "I can't get enough of this."
"I noticed," Said Karen with a smirk. She knew it wouldn't be long now till Yvonne wanted the sexual ecstasy Karen could and would give her. When they heard Cassie's car pull in to the drive, they broke apart.
"I've got to check up on what Sylvia's been up to in my absence," Said Karen.
"Oh, do give her my love," Said Yvonne grinning. Karen laughed.
"I think she'd die of shock." Karen waved to Cassie as she got in to her car, and blew a last kiss to Yvonne as she stood by the front door. Cassie watched the interchange between Yvonne and Karen, and knew that this slowly but surely growing relationship was about to provide more ructions on the horizon than had been felt in the Atkins household for a very long time.
After Cassie and Roisin had driven off, Yvonne asked Karen to give her a lift home, as Lauren had taken the car when she'd gone home at lunchtime. Yvonne was worried about Lauren. If it'd been anyone else on the stand, Yvonne would have gone with her to make sure she was all right, but she had to stay and watch Ritchie's cross examination.
"Do you know something?" Yvonne said in to the silence as they drove through the late afternoon traffic. "Lauren accused me yesterday of forgetting she exists."
"That sounds familiar," Said Karen, remembering her numerous arguments with Ross when he'd decided to drop out of university.
"Do you think she's right?" Asked Yvonne.
"No," Said Karen, turning in to Yvonne's road. "I think that at the moment it might feel like that, partly because you're focusing on Ritchie's trial, and partly because of what's happening with us. Lauren's only had you back since Christmas, and she probably feels that she wants to keep you all to herself."
"But that's ridiculous," Said Yvonne. "Lauren's had me all to herself since I got out."
"Not really," Replied Karen. "You've had Cassie and Roisin, and Barbara and Crystal, and me on the side so to speak, and don't forget Denny."
"Denny's been like one of mine since the old days when you first arrived," Said Yvonne quietly. "I was not about to forget about her just because I got out and she didn't."
"I know," Said Karen softly as she turned in to Yvonne's drive.
When Yvonne opened the front door and they stepped in to the house, they could hear the soft, hypnotic music of Morcheeba coming from the lounge. As Yvonne moved towards the open lounge door, she stopped and sniffed. At the same time as she saw the look of dawning recognition appear on Yvonne's face, Karen caught a waft of the sweet, fiery aroma of cannabis. Yvonne walked swiftly in to the lounge and took in the situation with a practiced glance. The curtains were closed, with a couple of lamps on here and there, and Lauren was sprawled on the sofa with a joint in one hand and an ashtray in the other. Trigger, who had been lying on the rug, got up and went wagging his tail to Karen.
"Hi mum," Said Lauren in a vaguely sleepy voice. "How did my big, smart arse of a brother get on this afternoon?" At first, Yvonne just stared at her. Then, moving forward, she plucked the joint out of Lauren's hand and stubbed it out in another ashtray that was lying on the coffee table.
"Hey," Complained Lauren making a futile grab for her treasure.
"What the hell do you think your doing?" Asked Yvonne in a surprisingly calm voice.
"I'd have thought that was obvious," #Said Lauren getting unsteadily to her feet in order to reach the ashtray where Yvonne had left the still slightly smoldering joint.
"You don't do drugs in this house, Lauren. I thought you new better than that."
"Since you've forgotten," Said Lauren icily. "This was my house, to do with pretty much as I please for a good eighteen months while you and dad were languishing behind bars."
"And the reason your father was behind bars in the first place was because of drugs."
"Oh, what," Said Lauren, facing her mother across the coffee table. "so it's all right to sell drugs but not all right to take them? Good piece of philosophy there, Mum."
"No," Said Yvonne, for the first time in her life feeling the urge to slap her daughter. "Doing anything with drugs absolutely is not all right. Dealing was your father's pastime, Lauren, not mine." Karen, stood in the lounge doorway, was heartily glad to hear this.
"Knew about it though, didn't you?" Lauren threw back at her. Karen also thought it was time they were left on their own to sort this out. Going back in to the hall, she picked up Trigger's lead from where it was hanging over the banister and waved it at him. As he scampered towards her, she scribbled a note on the pad on the hall table.
"Taken Trigger for a walk to get us both out of the crossfire." Yvonne heard the click of the front door and briefly walked in to the hall to see Karen's note and Trigger's lead gone from it's place.
Going back in to the lounge, she sat down on the sofa.
"This isn't really about your dad, is it?" She asked.
"No," Lauren conceded, also sitting down on the sofa but as far away from her mother as possible.
"so tell me," Said Yvonne lighting them both a cigarette. "Why this sudden regression in to adolescence?"
"It isn't," Said Lauren hotly.
"You could have fooled me."
"You're the one who's acting like a lovesick teenager again," Said Lauren in disgust. Yvonne grimaced.
"You really loathe anything I might have with Karen, don't you."
"You're damned right I do," Said Lauren. "Mum, this just isn't you! You don't fancy women, you're as straight as it's possible to be."
"And is it such a bad thing for me to change in that way?" Asked Yvonne quietly. "After all, I wouldn't be the first in this family to do that, now would I."
"We're not talking about me," Said Lauren hurriedly.
"No, but maybe we should," Said Yvonne. "I know you think I haven't noticed, but you've been getting closer and closer to Cassie and Roisin over the last few months. Quite what that means, I don't know, and I don't want to know." Lauren was shocked to realise just how much her mother had seen that Lauren had tried to hide.
"But why you, Mum? Why now, and why Karen Betts of all people?"
"Lauren, I'm not the person I was before Larkhall. It does something to you, being in there day in day out."
"Oh, what, so a lack of decent dick has suddenly changed you in to an instant dyke?" Yvonne winced, but tried to ignore the jibe.
"I don't know why," Said Yvonne. "I can't explain why I feel the way I do about Karen, I just know that she's one of the most special things to happen to me."
"Oh, like Denny?" Asked Lauren, and Yvonne knew they'd reached the heart of the matter.
"Lauren, I totally failed as a mother to you and to Ritchie, so maybe a part of me is trying to put that right with Denny. I love you more than I will ever love anybody, but that doesn't mean I can't care about anyone else. I'm usually more proud of you than anyone I've ever known. In spite of how me and Charlie brought you up, you've stayed pretty much on the straight and narrow. Quite how, I'm not sure, but you have. Ritchie's managed to make a complete mess of his life, and I know I had a certain amount to do with that. But you've done so much to make me proud of you. Keeping the business going when me and your dad were in prison, about to start your final year at college, trying to set up this financial consultancy thing with Cassie. You've done more than I ever could have dreamed of, coming from the background you did. I'd like to be able to think of you as the one success of my life, but everything you've done isn't because of anything me and your dad did for you. I know that Ritchie being on trial is getting to you, it is to all of us, and I know that having Karen in my life and maybe eventually Denny is going to take some getting used to. but I'm not about to change any of that. You are still my daughter, and what I have with Karen and trying to be there for Denny isn't going to make me love you any less, but you have got to try to accept that this is what my life consists of these days."
"How can you be, like that, with Karen after she slept with Ritchie? That's what I don't understand."
"There's a lot you don't know about all that," Said Yvonne quietly.
"So, tell me," Persisted Lauren.
"No," Said Yvonne firmly. "There are things about Karen's life that she might not want you to know."
"How do you know that once she's had whatever she wants from you, she won't move on to someone else. You heard Ritchie in court, doesn't that tell you what she's like."
"I don't," Said Yvonne. "Karen might get cold feet in a couple of weeks for all I know. But that's a risk I'm prepared to take. As for what Ritchie said, don't even go there. Maybe you don't realise it, but that wasn't Ritchie sitting in that court room, that was an incarnation of your father. All that shit he was spouting was said for pure, malicious enjoyment, nothing else."
"I can't convince you, can I," Said Lauren defeatedly. "I can't make you see that Karen Betts means trouble."
"No," Said Yvonne sadly. "You can't. If she is, I'll find that out in my own way."
"Well, don't say I didn't warn you," Said Lauren.
"I think you'd better go and sleep off that dope," Said Yvonne, pure ice in her tone.
"Is that the adult way of sending me to my room?" Asked Lauren with no hint of a smile.
"Yes," Said Yvonne without a stir. "I don't want to argue with you about this, but keep talking like that about Karen and I will." Lauren stood up and moved towards the stairs, involuntarily obeying her mother's command to go and figuratively sover up. As Yvonne flushed away the remains of Lauren's joint and what was left of her stash, she prayed Lauren wasn't about to go through the same personality flaw as Roisin had.
A while later when she observed Lauren was sound asleep, sprawled across her bed in as adolescent a fashion as possible, Yvonne thought that a little chat from Cassie, on the truly horrific points of drug addiction might not go amiss. Picking up the phone, she dialed their number. When Cassie answered, Yvonne was slightly relieved it hadn't been Roisin.
"Cass, I need you to do me a favour."
"Sounds serious," Replied Cassie.
"Yeah," Said Yvonne contemplatively, "It is. When I got home today, I found Lauren smoking dope."
"Oh, no," Cassie groaned.
"Unfortunately so. I've tried talking to her, and I might have got somewhere, but would you try something for me. Would you tell her about what happened to Roisin?" Cassie went quiet for a minute. Roisin's addiction to heroin had almost killed both of them, and they weren't memories she wanted to revisit in a hurry.
"Fine," She said, thanking god that Roisin was in the shower. "But Roisin doesn't know about this. She doesn't need to drag all that up again."
"You're a star," Said Yvonne fondly.
"Yeah, well, you owe me one for this," Said Cassie.
"She's sleeping it off at the moment, so there's no rush."
"I'll be over some time later," Said Cassie, hoping she was doing the right thing.
As Yvonne put the phone down, she saw Karen walking back up the drive with Trigger. When she went to let them in, Trigger looked like Karen would be his favourite person for ever more.
"You okay?" Asked Karen, unclipping the lead.
"I'm sorry about that," Said Yvonne. Karen returned the lead to its place on the banister and turned to face her.
"Where's Lauren?" She asked.
"Sleeping it off, under protest."
"I caught Ross smoking dope once," Said Karen, "When he was seventeen. I bawled him out good and proper, and then felt incredibly guilty."
"Jesus," Said Yvonne, "It doesn't get any easier, does it."
"I don't think it's supposed to," Said Karen, putting her arms round Yvonne. "The trick is, or so I'm told, is to let them make their own mistakes. But then, once they've got passed a certain age, you don't really have a choice about that. They'll make their own mistakes whether we like it or not."
"I've asked Cassie to tell her about everything Roisin went through in prison."
"Actually," Said Karen, "That's not a bad idea. The quicker Lauren can kick the habit, the better." When their lips met, it felt for both of them like a much needed comfort. Yvonne desperately needed to feel that someone appreciated her and thought she was doing the right thing, and Karen found herself still needing the reassurance that Ritchie's testimony hadn't caused Yvonne to want out.
"Jesus," Said Yvonne after a while. "I can't get enough of this."
"I noticed," Said Karen with a smirk. She knew it wouldn't be long now till Yvonne wanted the sexual ecstasy Karen could and would give her. When they heard Cassie's car pull in to the drive, they broke apart.
"I've got to check up on what Sylvia's been up to in my absence," Said Karen.
"Oh, do give her my love," Said Yvonne grinning. Karen laughed.
"I think she'd die of shock." Karen waved to Cassie as she got in to her car, and blew a last kiss to Yvonne as she stood by the front door. Cassie watched the interchange between Yvonne and Karen, and knew that this slowly but surely growing relationship was about to provide more ructions on the horizon than had been felt in the Atkins household for a very long time.