Part Forty
Cassie lay back in her car seat watching Karen's familiar green sports car disappear down the road thinking how times had changed in her life. She was being called upon by the one time 'top dog' of Larkhall to talk to Lauren as the adult parent substitute to her and with her reputation and past life. For a moment, she doubted her own ability to have that combination of strength and reason. When she first started living with Roisin, she had felt that it came more natural to Roisin to play that role till one day Roisin told her different.
"Cassie, love," Roisin had said,"You are brilliant in the way you can tell the children straight and they'll believe you. Sometimes I feel that I can give them all the love that I feel for them but I'm forever the nagging anxious mother and I can see that in their eyes. You are great at tough love. Never forget that." And Roisin looked into her eyes in total love and admiration and not just as her girlfriend. The light touch of Roisin's fingers as she stroked the lock of hair that curled down from Cassie's side parting also helped her to believe in this little suspected side of Cassie's personality.
Oh well, if Roisin has always somehow had faith in me for what she must have seen as the fickle, devil may care, love them and leave them woman, when they first met, I must have something going for me. At the same time, memories came into her mind of looking back at the total ignorance she had of Roisin's drug addiction as it was taking hold of the very way she was so thankful of the way Roisin was getting some sleep at last even if she was a bit groggy in the morning and the reality of the first barbiturate tablets she was taking. It wasn't just the drugs that was the danger.
In a moment of decision, the strength in Cassie shut her car door firmly behind her and walked purposefully across the front drive to where Yvonne was waiting.
"Admiring your reflection in the car mirror, were you Cassie. I'm bloody glad you could make it over here. I need help really bad on this." It was not lost on Cassie that hardness of Yvonne's wisecrack softened up into the vulnerability of a woman who was out of her depth and feeling afraid. This tough / tender side of Yvonne's personality was a large reason why Cassie had grown so fond of her.
"Yeah well, it isn't going to be easy, Yvonne, it's like getting Fenner to tell the truth." Cassie's own version of Yvonne's quality was reflected back. Then her own warm smile softened this."Oh well, show me up to your juvenile delinquent daughter." Cassie added in a voice of parental firmness. Yvonne could not believe her ears in hearing a side of Cassie that she had never seen before.
"Cassie, this is a surprise," smiled Lauren as her eyes blinked open when Cassie clicked on the bright bedroom light."Didn't know you fancied me that much."
"Lauren, I've come over to have a straight talk with you. Seems like you've been recently seeing the wrong company and been smoking the wrong sort of tobacco." Cassie said firmly.
"So what's wrong with a bit of dope, Cassie? And you of all people who turned Roisin on to her first coke. Brazilian marching powder is much more dangerous than something that everyone says is safe. Dope cools you out. Did you know how many people get killed drunk driving? And how many bastard husbands knock their wives about when they come home from the pub after they've got blind drunk? You're turning very moral all of a sudden. Not like you, Cassie."
"You're going to have to learn a few things about me, Lauren." Cassie said firmly."I am not going to be the prisoner of whatever stupid things I've done in the past. I don't deny in the least what you've said about coke. But that was before I spent time in Larkhall. I've done a lot of growing up and I've changed."
"So the Cassie Tyler party girl who plays spin the bottle………"
"You weren't complaining, Lauren. Not like you were fighting me off, were you." Cassie cut in, her blue eyes stared down Lauren unflinchingly.
"That doesn't matter. Just a bit of fun, Cassie. You don't mind a bit of fun. And your Salvation Army routine does not convince me one bit. Or yourself if you are honest." Lauren looked back in mingled incredulity and brash hostility after brushing aside Cassie's sharp retort.
Oh Jesus, she's looking just like me when I gave my parents a hard time. Stick to your guns, Cassie Tyler, she said to herself, her parent and adult in full control of herself.
"You'd better learn a few things about me, Lauren Atkins." Cassie said coolly with absolute conviction. "You only see one side of me when I'm out on the town with you or over here. You don't get to see the domesticated Cassie Tyler going with Roisin taking the kids out to the pictures. Or at parent's evening looking at Niamh's stories. Or talking to Michael to get him to stand up to the school bullies. Or on Sunday dinner, family meal at the table. You come over and see me anytime, I dare you. Whatever you see when I've here is one side of me……..But we're going to talk about you, Lauren, not me. And we're going to talk about drugs." Cassie finished, tossing into the verbal wastebin any more talk of who Cassie Tyler should or shouldn't be.
"The thing about drugs, Lauren." Cassie said casually, lighting up a cigarette and offering one to Lauren who responded to Cassie's friendly gesture. "Is that it brings you into contact with lowlife slimebags who have the power over you, that you mix with not because you like them but you know that they have the substance on them that you crave. And you start to lie to yourself that they are your friends. And that is one big lie. So what sort of guy is it that you went off and bought your dope off, Lauren?"
Cassie's words were a slap in the face to Lauren. She had shot off in her car to the rougher part of Larkhall, to some seedy looking council flat. She remembered walking through the space where the wooden front gate had been but hung uselessly on its hinges, past the overgrown front garden, a knock on the front door, minus knocker and up the uncarpeted staircase and into the bedroom. There were assorted bodies sprawled out over the double bed but the man dressed in scruffy denims had smiled at her and waved her to a corner of the dimly lit room and told her that a friend was going out to score for her.
"Why don't you stay round here and have a smoke with us. We're all friends round here and it's cool."
Lauren could swear that none of them had changed their positions since she'd been round the time before. She'd made stilted polite conversation to begin with but had recently found it more and more attractive as a contrast to the manic fast paced life she led in her financial consultancy with Cassie. She wished she'd have more time to just let things flow like these others but she hadn't got the time. So she had made her excuses and shot off in her car back home but each time she left, it had become much harder to make that effort. There was some mysterious quality here that she wanted to become part of and she felt that she was the wrong side of the goldfish bowl. The fact that it was a world removed from her comfortable luxurious life didn't repulse her, in fact she held a perverse fascination for her.
Cassie immediately pegged the sort of scene that Lauren was romancing about in her description of and could see the big, fatal gaps in her description.
"I used to go round to that sort of scene, Lauren to score my coke only a lot flashier, classier and I bought the myth that coke was for smart businesswomen and was somehow cleaner. Only I got to hear of some of my friends from the club, you know the one that I took you to and I got pissed, remember," and Lauren grinned at that memory," only I'd heard what had happened to Jane." And here. Cassie's voice assumed an brittle edge."Jane thought, hey, smoking crack cocaine gave her the ultimate buzz, thirty pounds it cost her, peanuts to someone on what she was earning….till the buzz went off a half an hour later she wanted more and more of the stuff. I gave her a lift once and she was babbling away to me like she could fix me up with some nice stuff, you won't regret it, and only when she mentioned the word 'rock' did I understand what the stupid bitch was on about, God help me for saying that about her. I told her that I'm dropping her off back at her place or she gets out of my car in the middle of nowhere. I know I did the best thing I could for her, heartless cow though I appeared to her. Going soft and dropping her off at her dealers because she asked me to was being no friend to her……..the next thing I knew, she'd lost her job, her friends, her self respect, her lover, her possessions….all went up in smoke, Lauren. Jane used to go to that club we were at and would have been that night if she hadn't ever got onto that stuff."
Lauren sat wide eyes, seeing an intensity, grief and anger intermingled in Cassie that she had never known before. But Cassie wasn't through with her just yet.
"And this crowd of 'friends' that you buy your dope off, Lauren." Cassie's voice searched into Lauren's eyes."Are you sure that they only do dope? I don't believe that one. But you haven't heard what happened to Roisin in Larkhall, not properly."
And Lauren knew for certain that there was a more dangerous layer of existence in that flat which she was on the point of being seduced into
"I've told you what happened to Roisin in Larkhall, Lauren." What you hear from me is from what Roisin and I have talked over. Roisin was hurting inside, away from our kids who were kept away from being a part of and she was desperately afraid that they were being turned away from her, by Aiden and by being in prison and being a bad mother, who blamed me and herself for being there so she turned to something that would numb the pain, first sleeping tablets, that sounded respectable, then something to 'put a smile on her face' typical dealers talk for speed. Only she swore to have nothing to do with needles till she turned to the biggest nobbing painkiller of all, heroin. And she was mainlining. She never intended to get onto the stuff. Only no addict ever intends to be an addict. They are just at some shit point in their lives and the stuff is available."
"All right, Cassie. There are some people who get hooked on drugs and end up in a mess. But you're saying that their lives are in a mess to begin with. I'm strong enough, got to be to look after the business while Mum was inside."
"So what's really bugging you, Lauren? What about Denny? Yvonne was telling me how it was when Denny came over for the day." Cassie deliberately shot a little wide of the mark but that was to tackle the easier problem first.
" I couldn't stand it when Denny was acting as if she is part of the family. I couldn't say it to her face. She isn't an Atkins…."
"Neither is your mother, that's the problem," Cassie jumped in smartly.
"What." Lauren shot back, her voice full of derision and incredulity."Jealous of Denny? I mean, she's nice enough and friendly but she's no competition…."
"Except that Yvonne loves her in an uncomplicated way."
"You mean mum loves her better than me……."
Cassie said nothing for a few minutes to let Lauren's question hang in the air and become a confession.
"You forget Yvonne Denny and I were all prisoners in Larkhall together when we all had nothing apart from what illicit stuff could be smuggled in." Cassie explained thoughtfully."You're on top of each other, day in day out…….not in that way," Cassie added hastily, seeing Lauren start to leap to conclusions,"But you get to know things about each other that you wouldn't get the time for on the outside. And I know that there is a real bond between Denny and Yvonne that will never die. Something about Denny getting the mother love from Yvonne that she never had from her own. And the Atkins values that you got from your mother that messes with your head. Yvonne is one step ahead of you in moving away from that. I know about jealousy between sisters. My sister Gail was the goody goody sister who I was dead jealous of even I've grown up drop dead gorgeous to women,"and here the Cassie familiar to Lauren humourously peeked out,"and Gail was plain. My parents treated her as the favourite and I treated her like shit. I was jealous of her and, only on the outside, could I go over and talk to her and become friends. The thing is, I could have done it years ago. So, kid." And Cassie's familiar bantering style overtook her very serious, adult, reasoning style."You'd better get used to it. Don't fight it and build a wall between you and your mum. Denny won't want to come between you and Yvonne. She's no threat and she's a good kid…….even though I could never see what she saw in Shaz. Not my type at all." Cassie finished with a smile.
Lauren was transfixed by Cassie's words which were pitched perfectly as adult talk softened by the suggestion of the verbally outrageous Cassie she had known. She swallowed hard and promised to listen. She couldn't properly deal with it then and she desperately wanted time to mull it all over. She could grasp onto a few threads that Cassie was right about drugs and there was something in what she was saying about Denny. But her mind blanked off and shut down after that. There was so much that Cassie was hitting her with that her mind was buzzing with it all.
"Which brings me on to Karen. You have got to give her a chance……."
"No, Cassie, shut the fuck up." Lauren flared."I won't talk about that woman………."
Shit, thought Cassie. I've messed up. I was just that bit too overeager. What do I say now? What do I do? Lauren had turned her head down and wouldn't look at Cassie. That precious eye contact and thin thread of communications was lost.
"Shit, I'm sorry for pushing you too hard."
"You ought to be, Cassie."
Lauren was trembling and there were tears in her eyes, something no one had seen. Atkins don't do tears so she covered her face with her hands and wiped the tears away. This didn't fool Cassie as she had seen Michael's exactly similar gesture to show to himself and the world around him that boys don't cry. Cassie calmed down and realised that the clock on the bomb wasn't ticking if she didn't speak. Just allow Lauren so much time before speaking, Cassie thought to herself.
"I know it will take you some time to get used to your mother being in love with another woman. I guess I'm likely to forget that one being out since I've been twelve. Pretty young to start, hey." Cassie smiled and a faint ghost of a smile played on Lauren's lips. She couldn't be angry with Cassie for long.
"I remember you saying that time we were out on the piss 'It's all right. Mum is over sixteen. She can do what she likes as long as she doesn't get hooked on some bastard.
One is enough.'Just think of that."
Lauren made no answer, being too choked inside to talk.
"Do you want me to go soon, Lauren? But not as enemies, hey."
Lauren made no answer but to slip her arms round Cassie's shoulders and kiss her very lightly on her cheek.
"You'd better go home, Cassie, back to Roisin," Lauren replied.
Cassie smiled and went out through the door.
"How did you get on, Cassie." Yvonne asked. She'd been nervously pacing the hallway, ears strained for the sounds of any objects thrown or shouting and, miraculously, there was relative quiet. The strained smile on Cassie as she tottered downstairs was halfway good news.
"Two out of three if I'm lucky, Yvonne. I need a drink even if I am driving."
"You could stay the night if you want to make it more than one, Cassie" Yvonne offered generously. The large drinks cabinet was Cassie's for the choosing if she'd achieved anything like she hinted. She was going into a major panic zone about Lauren, all the horrifying for it being unprecedented and also that, for once, her very resourceful personality faced a situation beyond her control.
"Thanks but no."Cassie declined gracefully. "I promised Roisin I'd be back."
"Anyway, briefly, Lauren will probably knock drugs on the head and the bad company she's been keeping, she'll think twice about Denny but I blew it in being too pushy about Karen. We are on talking terms still."
Just then, the phone rang. It was Roisin for her.
"Hey, babe, yeah. I got somewhere with Lauren. Not everything but it wasn't wasted. I'm going to have a quick drink and I'll be off home."
The expression on Cassie's face was surprisingly shy and bashful as Roisin poured out all her praises of Cassie who had pulled out of nowhere qualities she never knew she had. To Roisin's practiced ear, Cassie's version was no exaggeration.
"And Michael and Niamh phoned up from Aiden's and said how much they missed us. They were disappointed they couldn't speak to you but I explained what had happened and they insisted I phone up right now to pass on their love."
"See you in a bit, babe." Cassie replied. And then to Yvonne she turned to speak.
"That woman spoils me rotten, Yvonne, more than I have been already."
Yvonne smiled wistfully, thinking of Karen, as she saw love's dream written all over Cassie's face and sensed that this could be her own future, if only Lauren would let her. Jesus, it was hard sometimes having so many people to please all the time. The story of her life however much her tough bitch exterior appeared to say the opposite.
"Snowball's on tomorrow," Cassie said casually.
Yvonne had forgotten that with all the drama of events at home.
"We'd best be on our best behaviour, Cassie, as I want to see that smug bitch banged up for what she's done and not us for bleeding contempt of court for throwing something hard at her. We've both pushed our luck. Don't want to end up as badgirls sharing a cell together."
Cassie grinned and stepped out into the darkness.
Cassie lay back in her car seat watching Karen's familiar green sports car disappear down the road thinking how times had changed in her life. She was being called upon by the one time 'top dog' of Larkhall to talk to Lauren as the adult parent substitute to her and with her reputation and past life. For a moment, she doubted her own ability to have that combination of strength and reason. When she first started living with Roisin, she had felt that it came more natural to Roisin to play that role till one day Roisin told her different.
"Cassie, love," Roisin had said,"You are brilliant in the way you can tell the children straight and they'll believe you. Sometimes I feel that I can give them all the love that I feel for them but I'm forever the nagging anxious mother and I can see that in their eyes. You are great at tough love. Never forget that." And Roisin looked into her eyes in total love and admiration and not just as her girlfriend. The light touch of Roisin's fingers as she stroked the lock of hair that curled down from Cassie's side parting also helped her to believe in this little suspected side of Cassie's personality.
Oh well, if Roisin has always somehow had faith in me for what she must have seen as the fickle, devil may care, love them and leave them woman, when they first met, I must have something going for me. At the same time, memories came into her mind of looking back at the total ignorance she had of Roisin's drug addiction as it was taking hold of the very way she was so thankful of the way Roisin was getting some sleep at last even if she was a bit groggy in the morning and the reality of the first barbiturate tablets she was taking. It wasn't just the drugs that was the danger.
In a moment of decision, the strength in Cassie shut her car door firmly behind her and walked purposefully across the front drive to where Yvonne was waiting.
"Admiring your reflection in the car mirror, were you Cassie. I'm bloody glad you could make it over here. I need help really bad on this." It was not lost on Cassie that hardness of Yvonne's wisecrack softened up into the vulnerability of a woman who was out of her depth and feeling afraid. This tough / tender side of Yvonne's personality was a large reason why Cassie had grown so fond of her.
"Yeah well, it isn't going to be easy, Yvonne, it's like getting Fenner to tell the truth." Cassie's own version of Yvonne's quality was reflected back. Then her own warm smile softened this."Oh well, show me up to your juvenile delinquent daughter." Cassie added in a voice of parental firmness. Yvonne could not believe her ears in hearing a side of Cassie that she had never seen before.
"Cassie, this is a surprise," smiled Lauren as her eyes blinked open when Cassie clicked on the bright bedroom light."Didn't know you fancied me that much."
"Lauren, I've come over to have a straight talk with you. Seems like you've been recently seeing the wrong company and been smoking the wrong sort of tobacco." Cassie said firmly.
"So what's wrong with a bit of dope, Cassie? And you of all people who turned Roisin on to her first coke. Brazilian marching powder is much more dangerous than something that everyone says is safe. Dope cools you out. Did you know how many people get killed drunk driving? And how many bastard husbands knock their wives about when they come home from the pub after they've got blind drunk? You're turning very moral all of a sudden. Not like you, Cassie."
"You're going to have to learn a few things about me, Lauren." Cassie said firmly."I am not going to be the prisoner of whatever stupid things I've done in the past. I don't deny in the least what you've said about coke. But that was before I spent time in Larkhall. I've done a lot of growing up and I've changed."
"So the Cassie Tyler party girl who plays spin the bottle………"
"You weren't complaining, Lauren. Not like you were fighting me off, were you." Cassie cut in, her blue eyes stared down Lauren unflinchingly.
"That doesn't matter. Just a bit of fun, Cassie. You don't mind a bit of fun. And your Salvation Army routine does not convince me one bit. Or yourself if you are honest." Lauren looked back in mingled incredulity and brash hostility after brushing aside Cassie's sharp retort.
Oh Jesus, she's looking just like me when I gave my parents a hard time. Stick to your guns, Cassie Tyler, she said to herself, her parent and adult in full control of herself.
"You'd better learn a few things about me, Lauren Atkins." Cassie said coolly with absolute conviction. "You only see one side of me when I'm out on the town with you or over here. You don't get to see the domesticated Cassie Tyler going with Roisin taking the kids out to the pictures. Or at parent's evening looking at Niamh's stories. Or talking to Michael to get him to stand up to the school bullies. Or on Sunday dinner, family meal at the table. You come over and see me anytime, I dare you. Whatever you see when I've here is one side of me……..But we're going to talk about you, Lauren, not me. And we're going to talk about drugs." Cassie finished, tossing into the verbal wastebin any more talk of who Cassie Tyler should or shouldn't be.
"The thing about drugs, Lauren." Cassie said casually, lighting up a cigarette and offering one to Lauren who responded to Cassie's friendly gesture. "Is that it brings you into contact with lowlife slimebags who have the power over you, that you mix with not because you like them but you know that they have the substance on them that you crave. And you start to lie to yourself that they are your friends. And that is one big lie. So what sort of guy is it that you went off and bought your dope off, Lauren?"
Cassie's words were a slap in the face to Lauren. She had shot off in her car to the rougher part of Larkhall, to some seedy looking council flat. She remembered walking through the space where the wooden front gate had been but hung uselessly on its hinges, past the overgrown front garden, a knock on the front door, minus knocker and up the uncarpeted staircase and into the bedroom. There were assorted bodies sprawled out over the double bed but the man dressed in scruffy denims had smiled at her and waved her to a corner of the dimly lit room and told her that a friend was going out to score for her.
"Why don't you stay round here and have a smoke with us. We're all friends round here and it's cool."
Lauren could swear that none of them had changed their positions since she'd been round the time before. She'd made stilted polite conversation to begin with but had recently found it more and more attractive as a contrast to the manic fast paced life she led in her financial consultancy with Cassie. She wished she'd have more time to just let things flow like these others but she hadn't got the time. So she had made her excuses and shot off in her car back home but each time she left, it had become much harder to make that effort. There was some mysterious quality here that she wanted to become part of and she felt that she was the wrong side of the goldfish bowl. The fact that it was a world removed from her comfortable luxurious life didn't repulse her, in fact she held a perverse fascination for her.
Cassie immediately pegged the sort of scene that Lauren was romancing about in her description of and could see the big, fatal gaps in her description.
"I used to go round to that sort of scene, Lauren to score my coke only a lot flashier, classier and I bought the myth that coke was for smart businesswomen and was somehow cleaner. Only I got to hear of some of my friends from the club, you know the one that I took you to and I got pissed, remember," and Lauren grinned at that memory," only I'd heard what had happened to Jane." And here. Cassie's voice assumed an brittle edge."Jane thought, hey, smoking crack cocaine gave her the ultimate buzz, thirty pounds it cost her, peanuts to someone on what she was earning….till the buzz went off a half an hour later she wanted more and more of the stuff. I gave her a lift once and she was babbling away to me like she could fix me up with some nice stuff, you won't regret it, and only when she mentioned the word 'rock' did I understand what the stupid bitch was on about, God help me for saying that about her. I told her that I'm dropping her off back at her place or she gets out of my car in the middle of nowhere. I know I did the best thing I could for her, heartless cow though I appeared to her. Going soft and dropping her off at her dealers because she asked me to was being no friend to her……..the next thing I knew, she'd lost her job, her friends, her self respect, her lover, her possessions….all went up in smoke, Lauren. Jane used to go to that club we were at and would have been that night if she hadn't ever got onto that stuff."
Lauren sat wide eyes, seeing an intensity, grief and anger intermingled in Cassie that she had never known before. But Cassie wasn't through with her just yet.
"And this crowd of 'friends' that you buy your dope off, Lauren." Cassie's voice searched into Lauren's eyes."Are you sure that they only do dope? I don't believe that one. But you haven't heard what happened to Roisin in Larkhall, not properly."
And Lauren knew for certain that there was a more dangerous layer of existence in that flat which she was on the point of being seduced into
"I've told you what happened to Roisin in Larkhall, Lauren." What you hear from me is from what Roisin and I have talked over. Roisin was hurting inside, away from our kids who were kept away from being a part of and she was desperately afraid that they were being turned away from her, by Aiden and by being in prison and being a bad mother, who blamed me and herself for being there so she turned to something that would numb the pain, first sleeping tablets, that sounded respectable, then something to 'put a smile on her face' typical dealers talk for speed. Only she swore to have nothing to do with needles till she turned to the biggest nobbing painkiller of all, heroin. And she was mainlining. She never intended to get onto the stuff. Only no addict ever intends to be an addict. They are just at some shit point in their lives and the stuff is available."
"All right, Cassie. There are some people who get hooked on drugs and end up in a mess. But you're saying that their lives are in a mess to begin with. I'm strong enough, got to be to look after the business while Mum was inside."
"So what's really bugging you, Lauren? What about Denny? Yvonne was telling me how it was when Denny came over for the day." Cassie deliberately shot a little wide of the mark but that was to tackle the easier problem first.
" I couldn't stand it when Denny was acting as if she is part of the family. I couldn't say it to her face. She isn't an Atkins…."
"Neither is your mother, that's the problem," Cassie jumped in smartly.
"What." Lauren shot back, her voice full of derision and incredulity."Jealous of Denny? I mean, she's nice enough and friendly but she's no competition…."
"Except that Yvonne loves her in an uncomplicated way."
"You mean mum loves her better than me……."
Cassie said nothing for a few minutes to let Lauren's question hang in the air and become a confession.
"You forget Yvonne Denny and I were all prisoners in Larkhall together when we all had nothing apart from what illicit stuff could be smuggled in." Cassie explained thoughtfully."You're on top of each other, day in day out…….not in that way," Cassie added hastily, seeing Lauren start to leap to conclusions,"But you get to know things about each other that you wouldn't get the time for on the outside. And I know that there is a real bond between Denny and Yvonne that will never die. Something about Denny getting the mother love from Yvonne that she never had from her own. And the Atkins values that you got from your mother that messes with your head. Yvonne is one step ahead of you in moving away from that. I know about jealousy between sisters. My sister Gail was the goody goody sister who I was dead jealous of even I've grown up drop dead gorgeous to women,"and here the Cassie familiar to Lauren humourously peeked out,"and Gail was plain. My parents treated her as the favourite and I treated her like shit. I was jealous of her and, only on the outside, could I go over and talk to her and become friends. The thing is, I could have done it years ago. So, kid." And Cassie's familiar bantering style overtook her very serious, adult, reasoning style."You'd better get used to it. Don't fight it and build a wall between you and your mum. Denny won't want to come between you and Yvonne. She's no threat and she's a good kid…….even though I could never see what she saw in Shaz. Not my type at all." Cassie finished with a smile.
Lauren was transfixed by Cassie's words which were pitched perfectly as adult talk softened by the suggestion of the verbally outrageous Cassie she had known. She swallowed hard and promised to listen. She couldn't properly deal with it then and she desperately wanted time to mull it all over. She could grasp onto a few threads that Cassie was right about drugs and there was something in what she was saying about Denny. But her mind blanked off and shut down after that. There was so much that Cassie was hitting her with that her mind was buzzing with it all.
"Which brings me on to Karen. You have got to give her a chance……."
"No, Cassie, shut the fuck up." Lauren flared."I won't talk about that woman………."
Shit, thought Cassie. I've messed up. I was just that bit too overeager. What do I say now? What do I do? Lauren had turned her head down and wouldn't look at Cassie. That precious eye contact and thin thread of communications was lost.
"Shit, I'm sorry for pushing you too hard."
"You ought to be, Cassie."
Lauren was trembling and there were tears in her eyes, something no one had seen. Atkins don't do tears so she covered her face with her hands and wiped the tears away. This didn't fool Cassie as she had seen Michael's exactly similar gesture to show to himself and the world around him that boys don't cry. Cassie calmed down and realised that the clock on the bomb wasn't ticking if she didn't speak. Just allow Lauren so much time before speaking, Cassie thought to herself.
"I know it will take you some time to get used to your mother being in love with another woman. I guess I'm likely to forget that one being out since I've been twelve. Pretty young to start, hey." Cassie smiled and a faint ghost of a smile played on Lauren's lips. She couldn't be angry with Cassie for long.
"I remember you saying that time we were out on the piss 'It's all right. Mum is over sixteen. She can do what she likes as long as she doesn't get hooked on some bastard.
One is enough.'Just think of that."
Lauren made no answer, being too choked inside to talk.
"Do you want me to go soon, Lauren? But not as enemies, hey."
Lauren made no answer but to slip her arms round Cassie's shoulders and kiss her very lightly on her cheek.
"You'd better go home, Cassie, back to Roisin," Lauren replied.
Cassie smiled and went out through the door.
"How did you get on, Cassie." Yvonne asked. She'd been nervously pacing the hallway, ears strained for the sounds of any objects thrown or shouting and, miraculously, there was relative quiet. The strained smile on Cassie as she tottered downstairs was halfway good news.
"Two out of three if I'm lucky, Yvonne. I need a drink even if I am driving."
"You could stay the night if you want to make it more than one, Cassie" Yvonne offered generously. The large drinks cabinet was Cassie's for the choosing if she'd achieved anything like she hinted. She was going into a major panic zone about Lauren, all the horrifying for it being unprecedented and also that, for once, her very resourceful personality faced a situation beyond her control.
"Thanks but no."Cassie declined gracefully. "I promised Roisin I'd be back."
"Anyway, briefly, Lauren will probably knock drugs on the head and the bad company she's been keeping, she'll think twice about Denny but I blew it in being too pushy about Karen. We are on talking terms still."
Just then, the phone rang. It was Roisin for her.
"Hey, babe, yeah. I got somewhere with Lauren. Not everything but it wasn't wasted. I'm going to have a quick drink and I'll be off home."
The expression on Cassie's face was surprisingly shy and bashful as Roisin poured out all her praises of Cassie who had pulled out of nowhere qualities she never knew she had. To Roisin's practiced ear, Cassie's version was no exaggeration.
"And Michael and Niamh phoned up from Aiden's and said how much they missed us. They were disappointed they couldn't speak to you but I explained what had happened and they insisted I phone up right now to pass on their love."
"See you in a bit, babe." Cassie replied. And then to Yvonne she turned to speak.
"That woman spoils me rotten, Yvonne, more than I have been already."
Yvonne smiled wistfully, thinking of Karen, as she saw love's dream written all over Cassie's face and sensed that this could be her own future, if only Lauren would let her. Jesus, it was hard sometimes having so many people to please all the time. The story of her life however much her tough bitch exterior appeared to say the opposite.
"Snowball's on tomorrow," Cassie said casually.
Yvonne had forgotten that with all the drama of events at home.
"We'd best be on our best behaviour, Cassie, as I want to see that smug bitch banged up for what she's done and not us for bleeding contempt of court for throwing something hard at her. We've both pushed our luck. Don't want to end up as badgirls sharing a cell together."
Cassie grinned and stepped out into the darkness.