Harry Potter sat in a large armchair in the Gryffindor common room, absorbed in his book, 'Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire'.
"Moody - an imposter - no!" he gasped. "What an unexpected twist! You know," he said, turning to his best friends Ron and Hermione, "I can't believe I've never read these Harry Potter books before – they're brilliant."
"Hmm," said Ron thoughtfully, "the name Harry Potter sounds oddly familiar to me..."
"FOR HEAVEN'S SAKE, RON! STOP BEING SUCH A STUPID PRAT!" Hermione flared suddenly. To be honest, the name 'Harry Potter' did sound uncannily familiar; she just argued with Ron about anything and everything to keep up the sexual tension between them.
"Hogwarts, Hogwarts, Hoggy Warty Hogwarts..."
"What's that?" Harry asked. Ron and Hermione shrugged, and went back to shooting each other filthy looks. "It must be Dumbledore!" Harry cried happily. "I've been expecting him any minute now!"
"Why?" Hermione asked.
"Honestly, Hermione, JUST BE QUIET!" Ron screamed at her - a rather ingenious act, Harry thought, as it cleverly and slyly distracted the reader from the fact that he, Harry, had absolutely no reason at all to be expecting Dumbledore... oh no, wait. Harry mentally cursed the running commentary on his thoughts.
He glanced out of the window and, sure enough, a tiny speck in the distance was getting closer and closer. Dumbledore came crashing into the room through the window, head first, shattering shards of glass everywhere. He was wearing dark sunglasses and a long, shiny leather jacket.
"Trinity!" he gasped. "Trinity, where are you?"
"Er... Professor Dumbledore?"
"Oh - erm, hello, you three," he greeted, casting aside his leather jacket and sunglasses. "How are you?"
Without bothering to wait for an answer, he grabbed some Floo powder from the mantelpiece and threw it into the grate, where it erupted into a mass of flames.
"Yoooo-hoooo! Filius!" Dumbledore called.
Professor Flitwick emerged in the fire, and stumbled out. His usually white hair was black and charred and his robes were on fire.
"Stupid cheap Floo powder," Dumbledore muttered under his breath.
"STOP, DROP AND ROLL!" someone screamed.
In an instant, Harry, Ron, Hermione and Dumbledore ran to the flaming professor, knocked him to the ground, and began rolling him furiously around the common room. Once the flames had fully died down, they stopped and helped him up.
"Well, Filius," started Dumbledore, "don't you have something to say to Harry?"
He gave the tiny professor a meaningful look.
"Yes, I do," Flitwick squeaked. Then, as if he had memorised the liness of by heart, he said, "Harry, I would like to give you something."
As he spoke, he extracted from the depths of his charred robes, a... diary!
"Oh, er, thanks," Harry said. "But... why are you giving this to me?"
"Shhhh," Dumbledore whispered to Harry. "It's for the plot. Professor Flitwick's the only one who was suitable enough to play Bilbo."
"Bilbo? Professor Dumbledore, who is Bil--"
"SHHHH!" Dumbledore hissed furiously. "Don't ask questions."
Harry took the diary and examined it closely. Dumbledore gave Flitwick a meaningful look.
"Oh yes!" Flitwick squeaked, as if he had suddenly recalled something. His manner abruptly changed, and he gave Harry an almost malevolent look. He stretched a tiny hand out to the diary and hissed, "My precious..."
Harry was thoroughly scared by this and was about to place the diary back into Flitwick's palm when Dumbledore suddenly spoke.
"Filius Flitwick! Do not take me for some conjuror of cheap tricks!" he boomed.
"What?" Harry exclaimed. "This is making no sense whatsoever!"
"Shhh, Harry!" Ron and Hermione were both watching the scene, transfixed, sharing a large tub of popcorn – buttery popcorn. It seemed that they had temporarily laid aside their differences.
"Well, that's my business here over," Flitwick squeaked, turning back into his usual cheery self. He merrily waved goodbye and left.
"Farewell, dear Filius," Dumbledore said solemnly.
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The next day, Dumbledore announced that he was leaving.
"All right – but why?" Harry asked.
"Dunno – just feel like it. Why? You gotta a problem with that? Huh? Do ya? Do ya? DO YA? Good."
"But... but," Ron spluttered, "you can't go now! Don't you want to know what happens in Friends? It's the one after Ross says the wrong name at the altar! You can't miss that one!"
"You're right, Ron," Dumbledore said seriously. "I don't know what I was thinking. I can't miss that episode."
After Friends had finished, Dumbledore left.
"Remember, Harry, keep it secret, keep it safe," were his parting words. He had said them mainly because they made him sound solemn and important, but also because he liked enigmatic little sayings like that.
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Tune in to the next chapter, for more crazy, random fun!