Final Fantasy: 8-Bit Theatre
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Disclaimer: I don't own Final Fantasy nor do I own 8-Bit Theatre. They belong to their respective owners and frankly, I like them but I'd rather not own them. Too expensive.
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Black Mage: "So why is it we're going through the GIANT'S FOREST?"
Fighter: "Because beyond it lies the CAVE OF NO RETURN!!"
Black Mage: "Righter... and we would ever want to go there because...?"
Fighter: "Dude, weren't you paying attention to the old man who tipped us off?!"
BM: "Just indulge me."
F: "Within the CAVE OF NO RETURN lies the ARMOR OF INVINCIBILITY!"
BM: "Wait... If it's a cave of no return, then how does anyone know what's inside of it?"
F: "Well where would you suggest they put a suit of MYSTICAL ARMOR OF INVINCIBILITY?!"
BM: "Okay 'chuckles'... from now on, I pick the adventures."
F: "PHOOEY!!"
BM: "... ... idiot..."
F: "WAIT!!" =stoops over a rock=
BM: "What now?"
F: "This ROCK is shiny... It must have some important role in our quest."
BM: =angrily pulls out knife and stabs downward at Fighter's neck=
F: =scoops up rock= "ONWARDS!!"
BM: =misses and falls on his face=
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Hours later...
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BM: "We're lost... you know that right?"
F: "No we're not!"
BM: "We've been walking around for hours!"
F: "Relax. I know exactly where we're going."
BM: "Oh... do you?"
F: "Yep! About an hour ago, I found these tracks left by a couple of other guys. All we have to do is to follow these tracks until they lead us out!"
BM: "Oh... tell me. What do you know about these guys from their tracks?"
F: "Hm..." =bends over and pokes the tracks= "Well, they're about our heights..." =pokes tracks again= "Our weights..." =sticks a finger in a track= "And they seem to be traveling at about our pace. One of them is probably wearing a suit of armor and the other seems to have a cloak or robe that brushes the ground after his steps..." =gets up and looks at BM= "Why?"
BM: "These are our own tracks you nimrod! You've led us around in circles!"
F: "Circles eh?"
BM: "Argh... shutup... okay... let's think."
F: "... ... ... I like swords."
BM: =sigh= "Correction. I'LL think. Okay, if we can just get our bearings straight, then we can find our way out."
F: "Ooh! I know! We can navigate by way of these tracks!"
BM: =stare= "You're hopeless..."
F: "Well... we could..."
BM: "Shutup. Allright... we'll use that overly huge, strange, purple rock formation as a starting point."
F: "Uh-huh. Go on."
BM: "Right. And after making a thorough search of the area using a grid-like system, we could..."
GIANT: "Uhh..."
Both Adventurer: =looks at Giant=
GIANT: "Mmmm.... Squishes..."
BM: =stare= "Bye-bye!" =runs away=
F: "Stand back, Mage!" =yanks out sword= "He shall sample my BLADE!" =twirls sword= "NO dear friend, don't try to talk me out of it... don't you know... don't use any of your magic attacks to instantly put an end to this battle or anything..." =looks behind him= "Please?"
GIANT: "Mm... Tasty red human..."
F: "Okay big green and ugly. Prepare to face the invincible combat wrath of my TIGER-STYLE SWORD TECHNIQUE!!"
GIANT: =drools and swings HUMONGOUS CLUB!!=
F: =knocked into the ground= "Aack... good... preparation..."
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Meanwhile....
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BM: =running like a scared little girl= "Hm... I wonder what that thunderous earth-shaking noise was?" =looks behind=
F: =faintly heard= "Aack... good... preparation..."
BM: =shrugs shoulders= "Well, I'm sure it wasn't very important."
THIEF: "A lone, defenseless mage running through the woods like a scared little girl, eh? Time to go to work." =sticks a foot out=
BM: "Oof!" =falls flat on his face=
THIEF: =pulls out a sword= "Your GP or your HP."
BM: "Man, that is so lame."
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Back at the 'fight'...
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Fighter: "Alright, I didn't want to do this, but you leave me no other choice..." =runs away like a scared little girl= "Gotta go!"
GIANT: "Hey..."
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Back to Thief and Black Mage
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T: "Come on, cough up the GOLD magic loser."
BM: "Sure, sure. Let me just reach into my secretive, mage-style robes and pull out..." =yanks out knife= "MY KNIFE!"
T: =disarms BM= "Wrong move, sparky."
BM: "Aw... nuts..."
Fighter: =still running like a scare little girl= "RUN AWAY!!!" =grabs BM=
T: "Wha?" =notices a strange shadow= "Hm... that's odd. The THIEF'S ALMANAC didn't say anything about there being a total eclipse of the... Mfgh!" =gets stomped by the GIANT=
GIANT: "Come back, squishees!"
T: =body twitches= "Is there a white mage in the audience?"
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Back to our heroes running like scare little girls...
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BM: " 'Stand back Mage, he shall sample my blade', eh?"
F: "It didn't take."
BM: "You don't say."
F: "THINK OF SOMETHING!"
BM: =pulls out FF-1 Strategy Guide= "Hm... according to this, the GIANT only has 132 hit points."
F: "Gee, is that all?" =thinks for a moment= "WE'RE GONNA DIE!!!!"
BM: "Wait, wait! Stop running! I have a plan!"
F: =screeches to a stop= "Okay. You want to share this plan?"
BM: =flies off of Fighter's back and strikes a tree= "Do you know what happens to a GIANT when it's blasted with a FIREBALL?"
F: =thinks= "Er... no... what?"
BM: "The same thing that happens to everything else."
F: =stares at BM= "Dude, that line sucks."
BM: =sighs and reaches into robes= "Look, just distract him while I whip up some magic."
GIANT: =foot stomps right next to Fighter= "Squishees!"
F: =draws sword and walks into the Giant's foot= "Aw... crap..."
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Will Fighter survive? Can Black Mage hurry up and whip up some magic? Will the Giant eat his 'squishees'? Is Thief still okay? Can both heroes reach the CAVE OF NO RETURN?
STAY TUNED!!!!!