NOTE, THIS IS A NEW RE-REVISED VERSION. SOME THINGS HAVE CHANGED...but not a lot, to be honest.

Chapter 2

I forgot to say I don't own these characters in the last chapter...as a result I have been stripped of all my worldly possessions and am currently writing from a cardboard box behind SEARS. Send pocky.

I was disappointed by the lack of reviews I got for this story and surprised at the number of reviews I got for my other one. C'mon guys, jus cuz it's a R/S and not an asuka/shinji fic, doesn't mean it sucks! Honest!

Note: I didn't update sooner cuz I wanted to be able to fix the problems I was having outside the states. I will fix the previous chapter by tonight, so you can read it in all its unmarred glory.

Extra Note: here is the revised version. Man the old one looked crappy...an none of you told me so!

Here we go.

"Uh...can you direct me to commander Ikari? This is Shinji."

"One moment."

Shinji sat in his room, thinking of Rei's words.

"Be direct, be direct, be direct." He repeated to the sound of the phone ringing on the other line. There was a click, and he suddenly was short of breath.

"What is it, what happened?"

"..."

His father's voice terrified him. Or maybe it wasn't even that...maybe he simply hated it. To Shinji Ikari, fear and hatred had a very narrow boundary line. They seemed to wash into one, drowning him in a sea of pressure and discontent. Every word coming from the mouth of his "father" seemed to pound more weight on his already crushed body. Helpless.

"Uh...um, I was wondering."

"I'm busy. If you're going to say something, say it now."

He was still a bit short of breath, and hesitated only long enough to really piss the commander off.

"Well...do you know what tomorrow is?" Gah! That's really straightforward Shinji, nice going!

"Hmmm...why, what's tomorrow?"

"Tomorrow is the day mother...the day mother..."

"Don't bother me with useless things," the Commander interupted sharply, "Don't call this line anymore."

click

Shinji sat there, the phone to his ear, listening to the never-ending dial tone.

"Tomorrow is the day...Mom died...Father."

The phone case cracked as he dropped it to the floor.

-The Next Day

"Hey, moron, it's this way."

Shinji and Asuka stood at the crossroads. They were walking to school, like every other day. Only it wasn't every other day. But if felt like every other day. But it wasn't.

Shinji's turned his back, not looking behind him, thinking of grim thoughts and of his father. "I...I have somewhere to go today."

"Pfft! Whatever."

What is walking through a graveyard supposed to be like? Shinji wasn't scared, or nervous or apprehensive in any way. The breeze was soft, bringing him forward. Things seemed so surreal. He didn't feel angry or frustrated at his father, though he knew he should. And he didn't feel sorry or remorse for his unknown mother, through he knew he should. Instead he felt nothing and nothing is what he felt.

The gravestone stood like a sea of obolisks, surrounded by so many other reported victims of the second impact. Why had she died? Shinji pondered a life where his mother was still alive...would he have had hope? Would his father love him?

"Shinji?"

Turning sharply Shinji was met by his father who stood behind him. Commander Ikari stood straight, still, and could almost be confused as a misplaced, oversized gravestone from a distance. "F-father."

He stood there, and everything he knew he should have felt but didn't came rushing in and nearly overwhelmed him. His father's voice made him lose his breath and he hated him for that.

"I...I can't believe you're here. To mother's grave. That you'd come. I can't believe..."

There was silence, but it wasn't awkward. It felt more like a realization to Shinji, but of what, he didn't know.

"Has it been a few years? Father?"

"Yes."

"What...what kind of person was mother like? Do you have any pictures?" There was a hint of hope in his voice.

Commander Ikari looked as if he thought for a moment, but when he replied, it sounded the opposite. Rushed and unprepared, but still confident.

"No. No pictures."

"You threw away all traces?"

"Yes. Everything. Even this grave is just decoration. Everything I need is in my heart. That'll suffice for now."

"...for now?"

Now the silence protruded. Now it cut. It seemed out of place, barging in, uninvited but wholly expected. They stood in the same spots they had stood the second they saw each other. Neither moved. A slight breeze swayed their identical hair. Shinji didn't really expect an answer, but when he replied with something unrelated, it angered and surprised him.

"Shinji! From now on, don't look to others." His father said, looking away.

"What?"

"Shinji, everybody lives according to their own strengths. Make it through life with your own strength. You cannot live off of other's strength. You are no longer a weak boy. Use your strength to accomplish your goal. If you can't, just die."

He knew they were words of encouragement. They sounded like words of encouragement. But like everything else that morning, things seemed to give a false impression. Words of encouragement just didn't go with this man. The words didn't anger him, nor did they surprise him. They were words he knew. Words hiding inside him. Words he hated because he hated himself. Later on, when everything came together, these words would come out, and try to break him, smother; try to blot him out. And he would choke on these words. These words from a father. And like most words from fathers to sons, he didn't understand at the time.

"But..."

"No. Don't even say it. You will never understand people and people will never understand you. But you can still live by that, and we can coexist. Even if in the end...you're still alone." Commander Ikari looked at the gravestone of his wife, and his longing gaze denied his last comment. Shinji looked at the love his father showed in that split second, and couldn't believe how he could have ever become the man he came today. In that split second, he saw a man who had lost himself when he had lost his wife.

Suddenly, the air was cut thin as a Nerv aircraft landed nearby.

"Time is short. I must go."

Shinji covered his eyes as dust blew everywhere. And then his father was gone.

Inside the ship, Anyanami Rei gazed down and the shrinking shape of Shinji Ikari. Suddenly, she wanted to jump, to fall towards him. That was all she wanted. The very want of anything terrified her.

Shinji slowly walked away from his mother's false grave...thinking, pondering the words that pounded his perplexed head..."Strength? What strength? Where's my strength?"

Rei continued to gaze at him from her window until he slipped out of view.

Note: there is the revised version.so much cleaner.blech, still seems like crap though. Ok, review now. You know you have to.

Ok, shuttup. I know, ppl are just going to say, "You coppied the anime/manga/some other crap. You have no blah blah blah" I appreciate flames, but I've already heard this, so please give some other reason why this thing sucks. This chapter turned up longer then I wanted it to be, but I have to get all these things in here first before I can really start cooking. I did try to use as much of my own personal writing style as much as possible, so I hope it didn't seem too unoriginal. Rei/Shinji romance WILL heat up next chapter. Keep in mind everything will still be loosely based on the manga, so I have to keep major events the same.

Please review. I'll update so