NOTE: REVISED CHAPTER. each of my revisions are becoming less and less impactful..I actually liked this chapter. For those of you who thought the flashback scene was unlikely and OOC it actually did happen in the manga. :-P

Chapter 3

Author's Rants

Hey, here's the next chapter. Alright, since you people keep hittin me so hard, from here on out, everything branches out separately from the manga. I will still keep a few details I liked though, of course. And for people who say Rei is OOC, I really, really don't think so. You have to read the manga, since she IS a lot different in the manga, and that's what I'm sticking to. I've read a lot of OOC Rei fan fiction on this site (Lot, as in like 45 completely whack and 45 ridiculously overdone), and I'll shoot myself if this ends up the same.

I don't own evangelion. Do you?

"this means they're talking" :this means they're talking to themselves.:

Voices

Again his mind was blank, a void he could never understand. He couldn't help asking his mother why. Why did you go? Why did you leave me? Why did you let him? Clenching his fist, Shinji walked with his head down out of the graveyard, silent.

:I can hardly understand myself, father...:

In the soaring Nerv carrier sat a quiet Ayanami Rei. Peering over the edge, she lost sight of Ikari-kun. For the first time in her life, she had questions. Questions she hated, she loathed. Questions that kept her up at night, and invaded her dreams. Rei wished she was a doll, that she was mindless. That she could be used, like she was going to be, and not consider what she would leave, who she would leave. Afterall that's how she had been designed and that's how Commander Ikari, behind all his specious smiles and worried expressions, treated her.She wasn't a doll though and the thought reverbrated in her head.

She looked at the man beside her. Commander Ikari. Every time she was in his presence, she felt the truth. She has faith in him. Had faith? Faith? Yes. She still had faith. Not for what he would do for her but what he'd do for himself. She remembers the day. The day he risked his life to save her. She remember so clearly, like a wound, so sharp, you don't realize you're hurt until you see the trail of blood behind you. At first when she saw his face, she had the small hope, the small recognition, that this man cares for her. Loves her. That she has a purpose. But that glimmer burned up, and as he lifted her out, his every touch betrayed his smile. Every breath, every slight movement, told Rei this was not for her. When he gazed at her with hope, he saw right through her, to something else. He was waiting for something else. And that's why she smiled when she talked to him. Because if she didn't, she would scream.

This is how Rei had been raised her whole life...being treated like a real person to her face only to be talked about like a blunt instrument the next second. She was to be used and thrown away. This is what she had faith in and the only thing she knew for certain. Rei shivered, suddenly cold and a thousand feet above the retreated earth.

Shinji didn't start for school. Didn't even consider it. Thought about home, but realized he would just lie there, hearing the voices scream, and hate himself even more. He wandered aimlessly, staring at the inner workings of his blank mind. Having nothing was better then the screaming within. His father's voice invaded his mind again. He hated it.

:Shinji, why are you thinking about me? Why try to understand me? You will never understand me. You disappoint me. I will use you and then be rid of you. Don't try to understand why. You are my tool.:

Clutching his head, he screamed, trying to fight it off, fight himself. He nearly tore his scalp off as he struck the nearest wall. The impact in his fist vibrated through his whole body.

"Ikari-kun?"

He looked up. Rei? He suddenly realized where he was. Nerv. Then the voices laughed.

"Ayanami."

"What are you doing here?

She glanced behind her. "Dr. Akagi. I had an appointment today. We have no sync tests today. Why did you come here?"

Shinji glanced down, not knowing how to explain it, not knowing what he was trying to explain.

"Did you talk to your father?"

flashback

"Do you see that little boy? That child over there?"

"Oh yeah, isn't he that Ikari boy?"

Shinji passed through the park, heading his way home. The voices of two middle aged women ran him through the side sadistically. Time seemed to pass slowly as strode past them He continued walking, anger already boiling up inside.

"Did you hear that nobody wants him anymore? His grandparents died, and now he's all alone."

"Oh that poor boy!"

:stop it:

"What about his father?"

"He has the most rotten father!"

:stop it:

"Yes, his father left him when he was just a toddler."

"Oh, I heard about that. The poor boy, didn't his rotten father end up killing his own wife?"

"Yeah, in an accident in his own lab! How disgusting, leaving the poor boy alone."

:I said stop it. Who are you...:

"What a revolting parent."

"Yes, people as horrible as that shouldn't be allowed to have children. The poor boy...

:Stop! Who are you to talk about my father like that:

"Poor Boy!"

"Disgusting father!"

:You don't even know him! You have no right! No right! You don't know my father! You don't...:

"Poor boy."

"Poor boy."

:No! NO! I don't want this! Stop! I don't want anybody to say 'poor boy!' Never! I don't...:

Shinji was jolted back to the present. He remembered that day. He had gone home and broken all the mirrors in his foster house. Yelling, screaming, stop. STOP. Rei's voice bounced around his head. Repeating itself, over and over and over and over...

"Uh...no...I didn't talk to my father..."

They stood there for a few seconds, Shinji refusing to meet her glance.

"I'm going. Ikari-kun."

His eyes darted upwards, seeing her retreating footsteps. Forcing his legs to move felt very abstract. He didn't know whether he would collapse or float off into oblivion.

Suddenly, an alarm rang, piercing the air violently. Shinji clutched his ears in pain but Rei stood still.

"An angel. Let's go, Ikari-kun."

Don't worry, this was short, and didn't contain much, but I'm going to update again today. Next chapter will contain lots and lots of Rei and Shinji connection. Seriously though, I really don't think these two would hook up all that fast. It would be a slow, confusing process. It will be. But there will be a lot of romance along the way, and that's what you R/S addicts want right? Yeah...next chapter up soon...

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