Final Fantasy: 8-Bit Theatre
======
Disclaimer: I don't own Final Fantasy nor do I own 8-Bit Theatre. They belong to their respective owners and frankly, I like them but I'd rather not own them. Too expensive.
======
Previously...
Black Mage and Fighter managed to beat the crap out of the GIANT and his FOREST. After a while, they managed to return to the fair city of Corneria. But before they entered the city, they got jumped by several wild MONSTERS. Destroying them was easy for Fighter, even though Black Mage used "FIGHTER-DOKEN" to confuse the MONSTERs. Anyways, back to the story...
===
And so, in the fair city of Corneria...
===
BM: =walks up to a poster= =reads=
"WANTED:4 Ye Olde Lighte Warriorse Ofe Destinye Toe Rescuee Kingdome Frome Darknesse. Inquiree Withine."
F: =grabs BM by the shoulder= "Dude! This is right up our alley!"
BM: =puzzled= "What do you mean?"
F: =throws arms in the air= "We're HEROES! We can do this!"
BM: =consults this Chapter= "Hm... let's see... you fight for money, I weave occult magicks for money, and give it all away because..." =shuts book= "YOU'RE A MORON!!!!"
=throws book at F's face= "Heroes, we ain't!"
F: =rubs face= "Well... we could give it a shot..."
BM: =throws arms in the air in a mocking way= "Hey, yeah! What a great idea! We'll sacrifice ourselves for the greater good!" =sticks tongue out= "THBBBBBBBT!! Now let's go ruckus up that old man!"
F: =crosses arms= "But I wanna be a Light Warrior!"
BM: =digs in his robes= "... ... ... ... ... You're not going to shut up about this are you?"
F: "Nnnnnnnope!"
BM: =straightens robes= "Fine, tell you what. If you can convince two COMPLETE STRANGERS to join us one a SUICIDE MISSION to rid the world of evil, then sure! We'll apply for the Light Warrior job!"
F: =jumping up and down in joy= "Good goody gumdrops!"
BM: "But if you can't find two other hardy souls ready to die a gruesome and painful death at the hands of insane goblins and ogres for no good reason, then we never talk about this Light Warrior crap again. Agreed?"
F: =totally oblivious= "We're gonna be Light Warrios!" =runs in circles like a school boy on a major sugar overdose= "WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!"
BM: =eye twitch= "Argh... must... resist... urge... to kill..."
F: "Whoo-hoo!"
BM: =to self= "Okay... you can do this... just count to 10..." =takes a deep breathe= "1..."
F: "We're gonna be LIGHT WARRIORS!!"
BM: =eye twitch= "2..."
F: "We're gonna be famous!!"
BM: =both eyes are twitching= "3..."
F: "I'm gonna get a whole bunch of SWORDS!!!"
BM: =eyes and left hand twitching= "4..."
F: "And we're gonna be RICH!!!"
BM: "Rich, eh?" =remembers original errand= "Ah yes! Ahem. Fighter, I'll go find and beat the daylights out of that old man. He can't be tough."
F: =screeches to a halt= "Er... okay. Shouldn't we meet back soon? Otherwise, the position might be taken!"
BM: =mutter= "Yeah, like we wouldn't want THAT to happen."
F: "Eh? What's that you say?"
BM: "Ahem, I mean, yeah. We'll meet back here in one hour."
F: "That oughta be just enough time to round up some brave do-gooders!"
BM: =walks away= "Heh, he actually thinks he'll find someone who wants to join us. I'm sure he'll just waste his time browsing at a weapons shop anyways. Besides, he's too stupid to get into trouble, so I've got nothing to worry about..."
F: "Hm... where to start? Maybe at yon hither Weapons Shop..."
Random Bush from Earlier: =shuffles after Fighter=
F: "Eh? What's this? A moving piece of shrubbery?" =kicks the bush=
Thief in the Bush: =pops out= "Ouch! I mean... er... Hello!"
===
Later...
===
Thief: =finishes sign= "Hehe... what a bunch of suckers..."
Sign Reads: "Lighte Warriore Trye-Outse Todaye"
Random Chick: "Ooh... I wanna be a Light Warrior!"
Fighter: =sitting in a chair= "Next!"
Cloud from FF7: =walks up to F= "Hiya! I'm Cloud Strife!"
F: =pulls out a pencil and paper= "Alright Cloud. What'cha got for us?"
Cloud: =taps chin= "Well... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ..."
F: "Aw come on! There's gotta be something you can do! You're the main character in FF7!"
Cloud: =light bulb goes off= "I can summon the GODS themselves to do my bidding!"
F: =falls out of chair= "AWESOME!! Summon me up a God and smite somethin'!"
Cloud: =pulls out a piece of Materia= "Okay... give me just a sec..." =raises the Materia to the sky= "Thunder!"
BOOM!!! BOOM!!!
F: =blinks= "Hey... that wasn't a god! That was a lousy lightning bolt!"
Cloud: "Meh... just give me another moment..." =pulls out another piece of Materia= "Ramuh!"
BOOM!!! BOOM!!!
Chocobo: =sitting on the table confused= "Wark? Kew?"
F: =jaw drops= "What... the... heck... is... this?"
Cloud: =OO;= "Agh... just a minor setback, that's all..." =pulls out a bigger piece of Materia= "Okay, I promise... this will be it!"
BOOM!!! BOOM!!! BOOM!!!
F: =OO;= "What... the... F---?!"
Fat Chocobo: =also confused= "Kew? Wark?"
F: "Is that all you got?"
Cloud: =pulls out Materia Blade= "Well... I got a big sword..."
F: =OO= "Dude! I WANT ONE TOO!!"
Cloud: =lifts Materia Blade= "Oof... it's a little..." =struggles= "... Heavy..." =Materia Blade crushes Cloud= "Ouch..."
F: =OO;= "... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... Next!"
===
Elsewhere in the Districts...
===
Black Mage: =walking down a street lined with shops= "Damn. Who would've though it'd be this hard to find one stupid old man..." =walks past a sign=
Sign: "SHADY OAKS RETIREMENT: More old men than you can beat senseless!"
BM: =eyes twitching= "We'll see about that!" =walks into building=
===
And in the main room were three old men talking...
===
Old Man 1: =in a weak voice= "... So there we were, facing down this demon named Roy. Roy wasn't his real name of course. That's just what we called demons back then. If a demon appeared, say from a summoning circle inscribed in blood, which in those days were more commonly known as a 'Grant's Ear', you'd say 'Here comes Roy right outta Grant's Ear' because that was the style of the time."
Old Man 2: =pokes ear= " 'Grant's Ear?' What the hell is that?"
Old Man 1: =drinks brandy= "Oh, that was before your time. We called them a 'Grant's Ear' back then on account of the first guy to use circles."
Old Man 3: =drinks ale= "So... the guy was Grant?"
Old Man 1: =spits out brandy= "WHAT THE--"
Old Man 2: =sniffs brandy= "What? Brandy too weak?"
Old Man 1: "No!" =sips= "Not Grant! The guy's name was Steve!"
Old Man 3: "Steve? That doesn't make sense!"
Old Man 2: "So Steve the Summoner used the blood from the ear of a guy named Grant, right?"
Old Man 1: =waves arms in the air= "Blood? That's UNSANITARY!! No! Ole Steve used plain old sawdust!"
Old Man 3: "For his summoning circles, eh?"
Old Man 1: "Yes. They weren't circles so much as squares though."
Old Man 2: "Huh? Circles are circles and squares are squares. What was the difference?"
Old Man 1: =hits #2 with a cane= "You have to remember these were the early days of summoning, or 'Gallomphing' as it was known then. 'That evil wizard is gallomphing for Roys' you'd say, because it was the style at the time."
Old Man 3: " 'Gallomphing'? The hell is that?"
====
Just then, the door slams open...
====
Black Mage: =with hands together= "Eat... electric... death... old man!" =blue energy focuses into hands=
"HA-----"
Old Man 3: "What in tarnation is that young'n doin'?" =pulls out a pipe and smokes=
BM: "DO-----"
Old Man 2: =shrugs shoulders= "I dunno. Search me." =drinks wine=
Old Man 1: =realizes= "Omigod! It's a evil wizard gallomphing for Roys!" =hides behind table= "Hide!"
BM: =releases anger and pent up energy= "KEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Spell: =sputters= "cough... cough... sputter... fizzle..." =dies=
BM: =OO;= "Oh yeah... I forgot I can only use that spell once a day... dammit!"
Old Man 2: =finishes wine glass= "What the heck is the young'n up to?"
Old Man 3: =empties out pipe= "Well, if I had to guess, I'd say that's 'Electric Death'. "
BM: =charges up another spell= "No matter! I'll settle for this instead!" =electricity crawls all over his body=
Old Man 1: =gets up from beneath table= "NOW what's he doin'?"
BM: =demonic look= "BOLT-2, MUTHA FUGGAS!!!!" =releases pent up rage and energy=
KZZZZZZZZZTTTT!!!!!!!!
Bodies: =sizzle= =burn= =crackle=
Bartender: =takes one look= "Meep!" =ducks below bar=
BM: =breathing heavily= "This could've went a lot easier if you co-operated with me! GOT ME!" =kicks Old Man 2's body= "I wanna know which one of you crusty old PUNKS took a whole lotta gold from my idiot friend, Fighter."
Bodies: =sizzle= =burn= =crackle=
BM: =readies another spell= "WRONG ANSWER!!" =releases spell= "ICE-2, MUTHA FUGGAS!!"
Bodies: =encased in ice= =shine= =sparkle= =wink=
Bartender: =slowly shows eyes= "It wasn't them!" =shows a clipboard= "They haven't left this building in over ten long years!"
BM: =blink= "... ... ... ... ... ... ..." =charges spell=
Bartender: =panics= "Please don't kill me!"
BM: =blink= "... ... ... ... ... ... ... I hate to do this but..." =releases spell=
POOF!!!!
"Gotta go!" =runs like a scared little girl=
Bartender: =wipes forehead= "Whew! I could've told him that the guy who stole his gold was in the next building over..."
====
Back outside...
====
BM: =runs into an alley= "Crap! I still don't have a clue to find the old bastard that took out gold." =sticks head out of alley= "Yeesh, I hope the town guards aren't out yet."
=sits against alley wall= "And now I've nuked the old folks home, I'm fresh out of ideas! Come on, Black Mage! You're a Mage, a wielder of Black Magic! THINK!!" =bangs head against wall=
Old Man 4 (no, he wasn't in the Old Folks home at all): =carrying a bulging sack on back= "Wow, I've got so much money!"
=pulls out a Gil and rubs it against his chest= "More money that I know what to do in fact! Heehee!"
=puts Gil back in bag= "Why, if I had a nickel for every dime I have, I'd STILL be rolling in cash! Heehee!"
BM: =stops banging head for a moment= "SHUT IT, GEEZER!!"
Old Man 4: "Why, my dear boy?"
BM: =waving arms= "CAN'T YOU SEE I'M TRYING TO THINK OVER HERE!!!!"
Old Man 4: "... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... What you say, sonny boy?" =cleans out ear=
BM: =VV;= "WHAT I SAID WAS I'M TRYING TO THINK!!!"
Old Man 4: "Oh... I'm sorry. It's just that... heehee... I'm so happy to have recently come into such a large amount of money!" =shows off a Gil=
BM: =head lowered and muttering= "1... 2... 3..."
Old Man 4: =completely unaware= "It really is a great story, y'know. How I came across all this gold, I mean."
BM: =still muttering= "4... 5... Ah, screw it!"
SNAP!!!!
(That was Black Mage's patience, by the way.)
BM: =holding Old Man 4 by the throat= "LEAVE ME ALONE YOU CRAZY OLD MAN!!! CAN'T YOU SEE I'M BUSY LOOKING FOR AN OLD MAN WHO RECENTLY CAME INTO A BOATLOAD OF..."
=staring at bulging sack= "... Mon... ey?" =eyes and hands beginning to twitch=
Old Man 4: =confused= "You alright, sonny boy?" =notices BM's twitching eyes and hands= "Uh... why are you looking at me like that?"
CRACK!!!!!
Old Man 4: =screaming= "ARGH!!!! MY BRITTLE OLD MAN HIP!"
====
After a brief yet excruciatingly painful moment...
====
BM: =walking away while tucking away his BLOODY DAGGER= "Okay, so I got our gold back from the old man. Now all I have to do is find Fighter so we can split the goods." =tucks gold in robes= "Man, I feel bad about taking back our Gil... NOT!!!"
=looks at the next store= "Hm... 'Magic Shop: Spells of Mass Destruction, 20% off! Today only!' "
=stops and look in the windows= "Of course, I'll bet Fighter would undoubtedly spend his share on weapons and armor that will prove to be vastly inferior to what we will find in our travels. Hehe, and if he doesn't know I got the money back..."
==
Back to Fighter
==
Fighter: =still at the Lighte Warriorse Auditionse= "I wonder how Black Mage is doin' with that old man? I sure would like to spend my share of the cash on weapons and armor that will be vastly inferior to what we will inevitably find in our travels."
Zidane: "Hey, Fighter! Why do you like to buy swords and armor?"
F: =jumps up and down= "Oh, oh! I know! 'Cause they're shiny!"
===
Back to Black Mage...
===
BM: =pulls out bag of Gil= "Eh, what gives! I think I'll tell him where the old man went..."
===
Inside the Magic Shop...
===
BM: =walking by shelves with magic= =pulls out a scroll= "Hm...? 'Magic Missile?' Heh, don't make me laugh." =puts scroll back in shelf=
=walks by a second shelf and pulls a random scroll out= " 'Lorloveim's Creeping Shadow'? Laaaaaaaaaaaaaame!" =puts scroll back=
=pulls scroll from third shelf= " 'Mordenkainen's Celerity'? Ha! Weeeeeeeeeaaaaaaak!" =puts scroll back=
=stops at the counter= "Yo, shopkeep!"
Shopkeeper: =wakes up= "What's up?"
BM: =pulls out a Gil bag= "Where do you keep the real spells, man? This stuff you got up here is child's play!"
Shopkeeper: =scratches backside= "If you must know, I keep the truly powerful spells here behind the counter." =pulls out 'Nuke' scroll= "See?"
BM: =jumping up and down like an ADD kid= "Oh yeah? Gimme, gimme, gimme, GIMME!!!!!"
Shopkeep: =hugs 'Nuke' scroll= "Do not SULLY the spell scrolls and books with your greasy hands! They are very rare and NOT to be taken lightly." =gingerly sets the spell back under the counter=
BM: =pulls out another bag of Gil= "Must be pretty powerful spells, eh?"
Shopkeep: =greedy eyes= "Oh, your powers of deduction are exceptional!" =scoops up both bags= "I simply CANNOT allow you to WASTE them here when there are SOOOOO Many MONSTERS roaming the land at this very moment!"
=tosses 'Nuke', 'Hell Fire', 'Fire Storm', and a bunch of other Level 9 spells into a bag= "Go, GO! For the good of the city!"
===
And so, Black Mage wastes his share of the money on Spells of Mass Destruction. Can he use them quickly on a CERTAIN target? Can Fighter find two candidates to fill the positions of LIGHT WARRIORS? Will Fighter get his share of the money? Why the hell is Thief following these two guys? Can the town guards find the killer of the old folks?
STAY TUNED FOR NEXT TIME!!!
===
======
Disclaimer: I don't own Final Fantasy nor do I own 8-Bit Theatre. They belong to their respective owners and frankly, I like them but I'd rather not own them. Too expensive.
======
Previously...
Black Mage and Fighter managed to beat the crap out of the GIANT and his FOREST. After a while, they managed to return to the fair city of Corneria. But before they entered the city, they got jumped by several wild MONSTERS. Destroying them was easy for Fighter, even though Black Mage used "FIGHTER-DOKEN" to confuse the MONSTERs. Anyways, back to the story...
===
And so, in the fair city of Corneria...
===
BM: =walks up to a poster= =reads=
"WANTED:4 Ye Olde Lighte Warriorse Ofe Destinye Toe Rescuee Kingdome Frome Darknesse. Inquiree Withine."
F: =grabs BM by the shoulder= "Dude! This is right up our alley!"
BM: =puzzled= "What do you mean?"
F: =throws arms in the air= "We're HEROES! We can do this!"
BM: =consults this Chapter= "Hm... let's see... you fight for money, I weave occult magicks for money, and give it all away because..." =shuts book= "YOU'RE A MORON!!!!"
=throws book at F's face= "Heroes, we ain't!"
F: =rubs face= "Well... we could give it a shot..."
BM: =throws arms in the air in a mocking way= "Hey, yeah! What a great idea! We'll sacrifice ourselves for the greater good!" =sticks tongue out= "THBBBBBBBT!! Now let's go ruckus up that old man!"
F: =crosses arms= "But I wanna be a Light Warrior!"
BM: =digs in his robes= "... ... ... ... ... You're not going to shut up about this are you?"
F: "Nnnnnnnope!"
BM: =straightens robes= "Fine, tell you what. If you can convince two COMPLETE STRANGERS to join us one a SUICIDE MISSION to rid the world of evil, then sure! We'll apply for the Light Warrior job!"
F: =jumping up and down in joy= "Good goody gumdrops!"
BM: "But if you can't find two other hardy souls ready to die a gruesome and painful death at the hands of insane goblins and ogres for no good reason, then we never talk about this Light Warrior crap again. Agreed?"
F: =totally oblivious= "We're gonna be Light Warrios!" =runs in circles like a school boy on a major sugar overdose= "WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!"
BM: =eye twitch= "Argh... must... resist... urge... to kill..."
F: "Whoo-hoo!"
BM: =to self= "Okay... you can do this... just count to 10..." =takes a deep breathe= "1..."
F: "We're gonna be LIGHT WARRIORS!!"
BM: =eye twitch= "2..."
F: "We're gonna be famous!!"
BM: =both eyes are twitching= "3..."
F: "I'm gonna get a whole bunch of SWORDS!!!"
BM: =eyes and left hand twitching= "4..."
F: "And we're gonna be RICH!!!"
BM: "Rich, eh?" =remembers original errand= "Ah yes! Ahem. Fighter, I'll go find and beat the daylights out of that old man. He can't be tough."
F: =screeches to a halt= "Er... okay. Shouldn't we meet back soon? Otherwise, the position might be taken!"
BM: =mutter= "Yeah, like we wouldn't want THAT to happen."
F: "Eh? What's that you say?"
BM: "Ahem, I mean, yeah. We'll meet back here in one hour."
F: "That oughta be just enough time to round up some brave do-gooders!"
BM: =walks away= "Heh, he actually thinks he'll find someone who wants to join us. I'm sure he'll just waste his time browsing at a weapons shop anyways. Besides, he's too stupid to get into trouble, so I've got nothing to worry about..."
F: "Hm... where to start? Maybe at yon hither Weapons Shop..."
Random Bush from Earlier: =shuffles after Fighter=
F: "Eh? What's this? A moving piece of shrubbery?" =kicks the bush=
Thief in the Bush: =pops out= "Ouch! I mean... er... Hello!"
===
Later...
===
Thief: =finishes sign= "Hehe... what a bunch of suckers..."
Sign Reads: "Lighte Warriore Trye-Outse Todaye"
Random Chick: "Ooh... I wanna be a Light Warrior!"
Fighter: =sitting in a chair= "Next!"
Cloud from FF7: =walks up to F= "Hiya! I'm Cloud Strife!"
F: =pulls out a pencil and paper= "Alright Cloud. What'cha got for us?"
Cloud: =taps chin= "Well... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ..."
F: "Aw come on! There's gotta be something you can do! You're the main character in FF7!"
Cloud: =light bulb goes off= "I can summon the GODS themselves to do my bidding!"
F: =falls out of chair= "AWESOME!! Summon me up a God and smite somethin'!"
Cloud: =pulls out a piece of Materia= "Okay... give me just a sec..." =raises the Materia to the sky= "Thunder!"
BOOM!!! BOOM!!!
F: =blinks= "Hey... that wasn't a god! That was a lousy lightning bolt!"
Cloud: "Meh... just give me another moment..." =pulls out another piece of Materia= "Ramuh!"
BOOM!!! BOOM!!!
Chocobo: =sitting on the table confused= "Wark? Kew?"
F: =jaw drops= "What... the... heck... is... this?"
Cloud: =OO;= "Agh... just a minor setback, that's all..." =pulls out a bigger piece of Materia= "Okay, I promise... this will be it!"
BOOM!!! BOOM!!! BOOM!!!
F: =OO;= "What... the... F---?!"
Fat Chocobo: =also confused= "Kew? Wark?"
F: "Is that all you got?"
Cloud: =pulls out Materia Blade= "Well... I got a big sword..."
F: =OO= "Dude! I WANT ONE TOO!!"
Cloud: =lifts Materia Blade= "Oof... it's a little..." =struggles= "... Heavy..." =Materia Blade crushes Cloud= "Ouch..."
F: =OO;= "... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... Next!"
===
Elsewhere in the Districts...
===
Black Mage: =walking down a street lined with shops= "Damn. Who would've though it'd be this hard to find one stupid old man..." =walks past a sign=
Sign: "SHADY OAKS RETIREMENT: More old men than you can beat senseless!"
BM: =eyes twitching= "We'll see about that!" =walks into building=
===
And in the main room were three old men talking...
===
Old Man 1: =in a weak voice= "... So there we were, facing down this demon named Roy. Roy wasn't his real name of course. That's just what we called demons back then. If a demon appeared, say from a summoning circle inscribed in blood, which in those days were more commonly known as a 'Grant's Ear', you'd say 'Here comes Roy right outta Grant's Ear' because that was the style of the time."
Old Man 2: =pokes ear= " 'Grant's Ear?' What the hell is that?"
Old Man 1: =drinks brandy= "Oh, that was before your time. We called them a 'Grant's Ear' back then on account of the first guy to use circles."
Old Man 3: =drinks ale= "So... the guy was Grant?"
Old Man 1: =spits out brandy= "WHAT THE--"
Old Man 2: =sniffs brandy= "What? Brandy too weak?"
Old Man 1: "No!" =sips= "Not Grant! The guy's name was Steve!"
Old Man 3: "Steve? That doesn't make sense!"
Old Man 2: "So Steve the Summoner used the blood from the ear of a guy named Grant, right?"
Old Man 1: =waves arms in the air= "Blood? That's UNSANITARY!! No! Ole Steve used plain old sawdust!"
Old Man 3: "For his summoning circles, eh?"
Old Man 1: "Yes. They weren't circles so much as squares though."
Old Man 2: "Huh? Circles are circles and squares are squares. What was the difference?"
Old Man 1: =hits #2 with a cane= "You have to remember these were the early days of summoning, or 'Gallomphing' as it was known then. 'That evil wizard is gallomphing for Roys' you'd say, because it was the style at the time."
Old Man 3: " 'Gallomphing'? The hell is that?"
====
Just then, the door slams open...
====
Black Mage: =with hands together= "Eat... electric... death... old man!" =blue energy focuses into hands=
"HA-----"
Old Man 3: "What in tarnation is that young'n doin'?" =pulls out a pipe and smokes=
BM: "DO-----"
Old Man 2: =shrugs shoulders= "I dunno. Search me." =drinks wine=
Old Man 1: =realizes= "Omigod! It's a evil wizard gallomphing for Roys!" =hides behind table= "Hide!"
BM: =releases anger and pent up energy= "KEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Spell: =sputters= "cough... cough... sputter... fizzle..." =dies=
BM: =OO;= "Oh yeah... I forgot I can only use that spell once a day... dammit!"
Old Man 2: =finishes wine glass= "What the heck is the young'n up to?"
Old Man 3: =empties out pipe= "Well, if I had to guess, I'd say that's 'Electric Death'. "
BM: =charges up another spell= "No matter! I'll settle for this instead!" =electricity crawls all over his body=
Old Man 1: =gets up from beneath table= "NOW what's he doin'?"
BM: =demonic look= "BOLT-2, MUTHA FUGGAS!!!!" =releases pent up rage and energy=
KZZZZZZZZZTTTT!!!!!!!!
Bodies: =sizzle= =burn= =crackle=
Bartender: =takes one look= "Meep!" =ducks below bar=
BM: =breathing heavily= "This could've went a lot easier if you co-operated with me! GOT ME!" =kicks Old Man 2's body= "I wanna know which one of you crusty old PUNKS took a whole lotta gold from my idiot friend, Fighter."
Bodies: =sizzle= =burn= =crackle=
BM: =readies another spell= "WRONG ANSWER!!" =releases spell= "ICE-2, MUTHA FUGGAS!!"
Bodies: =encased in ice= =shine= =sparkle= =wink=
Bartender: =slowly shows eyes= "It wasn't them!" =shows a clipboard= "They haven't left this building in over ten long years!"
BM: =blink= "... ... ... ... ... ... ..." =charges spell=
Bartender: =panics= "Please don't kill me!"
BM: =blink= "... ... ... ... ... ... ... I hate to do this but..." =releases spell=
POOF!!!!
"Gotta go!" =runs like a scared little girl=
Bartender: =wipes forehead= "Whew! I could've told him that the guy who stole his gold was in the next building over..."
====
Back outside...
====
BM: =runs into an alley= "Crap! I still don't have a clue to find the old bastard that took out gold." =sticks head out of alley= "Yeesh, I hope the town guards aren't out yet."
=sits against alley wall= "And now I've nuked the old folks home, I'm fresh out of ideas! Come on, Black Mage! You're a Mage, a wielder of Black Magic! THINK!!" =bangs head against wall=
Old Man 4 (no, he wasn't in the Old Folks home at all): =carrying a bulging sack on back= "Wow, I've got so much money!"
=pulls out a Gil and rubs it against his chest= "More money that I know what to do in fact! Heehee!"
=puts Gil back in bag= "Why, if I had a nickel for every dime I have, I'd STILL be rolling in cash! Heehee!"
BM: =stops banging head for a moment= "SHUT IT, GEEZER!!"
Old Man 4: "Why, my dear boy?"
BM: =waving arms= "CAN'T YOU SEE I'M TRYING TO THINK OVER HERE!!!!"
Old Man 4: "... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... What you say, sonny boy?" =cleans out ear=
BM: =VV;= "WHAT I SAID WAS I'M TRYING TO THINK!!!"
Old Man 4: "Oh... I'm sorry. It's just that... heehee... I'm so happy to have recently come into such a large amount of money!" =shows off a Gil=
BM: =head lowered and muttering= "1... 2... 3..."
Old Man 4: =completely unaware= "It really is a great story, y'know. How I came across all this gold, I mean."
BM: =still muttering= "4... 5... Ah, screw it!"
SNAP!!!!
(That was Black Mage's patience, by the way.)
BM: =holding Old Man 4 by the throat= "LEAVE ME ALONE YOU CRAZY OLD MAN!!! CAN'T YOU SEE I'M BUSY LOOKING FOR AN OLD MAN WHO RECENTLY CAME INTO A BOATLOAD OF..."
=staring at bulging sack= "... Mon... ey?" =eyes and hands beginning to twitch=
Old Man 4: =confused= "You alright, sonny boy?" =notices BM's twitching eyes and hands= "Uh... why are you looking at me like that?"
CRACK!!!!!
Old Man 4: =screaming= "ARGH!!!! MY BRITTLE OLD MAN HIP!"
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After a brief yet excruciatingly painful moment...
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BM: =walking away while tucking away his BLOODY DAGGER= "Okay, so I got our gold back from the old man. Now all I have to do is find Fighter so we can split the goods." =tucks gold in robes= "Man, I feel bad about taking back our Gil... NOT!!!"
=looks at the next store= "Hm... 'Magic Shop: Spells of Mass Destruction, 20% off! Today only!' "
=stops and look in the windows= "Of course, I'll bet Fighter would undoubtedly spend his share on weapons and armor that will prove to be vastly inferior to what we will find in our travels. Hehe, and if he doesn't know I got the money back..."
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Back to Fighter
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Fighter: =still at the Lighte Warriorse Auditionse= "I wonder how Black Mage is doin' with that old man? I sure would like to spend my share of the cash on weapons and armor that will be vastly inferior to what we will inevitably find in our travels."
Zidane: "Hey, Fighter! Why do you like to buy swords and armor?"
F: =jumps up and down= "Oh, oh! I know! 'Cause they're shiny!"
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Back to Black Mage...
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BM: =pulls out bag of Gil= "Eh, what gives! I think I'll tell him where the old man went..."
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Inside the Magic Shop...
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BM: =walking by shelves with magic= =pulls out a scroll= "Hm...? 'Magic Missile?' Heh, don't make me laugh." =puts scroll back in shelf=
=walks by a second shelf and pulls a random scroll out= " 'Lorloveim's Creeping Shadow'? Laaaaaaaaaaaaaame!" =puts scroll back=
=pulls scroll from third shelf= " 'Mordenkainen's Celerity'? Ha! Weeeeeeeeeaaaaaaak!" =puts scroll back=
=stops at the counter= "Yo, shopkeep!"
Shopkeeper: =wakes up= "What's up?"
BM: =pulls out a Gil bag= "Where do you keep the real spells, man? This stuff you got up here is child's play!"
Shopkeeper: =scratches backside= "If you must know, I keep the truly powerful spells here behind the counter." =pulls out 'Nuke' scroll= "See?"
BM: =jumping up and down like an ADD kid= "Oh yeah? Gimme, gimme, gimme, GIMME!!!!!"
Shopkeep: =hugs 'Nuke' scroll= "Do not SULLY the spell scrolls and books with your greasy hands! They are very rare and NOT to be taken lightly." =gingerly sets the spell back under the counter=
BM: =pulls out another bag of Gil= "Must be pretty powerful spells, eh?"
Shopkeep: =greedy eyes= "Oh, your powers of deduction are exceptional!" =scoops up both bags= "I simply CANNOT allow you to WASTE them here when there are SOOOOO Many MONSTERS roaming the land at this very moment!"
=tosses 'Nuke', 'Hell Fire', 'Fire Storm', and a bunch of other Level 9 spells into a bag= "Go, GO! For the good of the city!"
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And so, Black Mage wastes his share of the money on Spells of Mass Destruction. Can he use them quickly on a CERTAIN target? Can Fighter find two candidates to fill the positions of LIGHT WARRIORS? Will Fighter get his share of the money? Why the hell is Thief following these two guys? Can the town guards find the killer of the old folks?
STAY TUNED FOR NEXT TIME!!!
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