Final Fantasy: 8-Bit Theatre
======
Disclaimer: I don't own Final Fantasy nor do I own 8-Bit Theatre. They belong to their respective owners and frankly, I like them but I'd rather not own them. Too expensive.
======
Previously...
Black Mage and Fighter entered the fair city of Corneria. But at the gates, the guards were strangely repeating the same phrase over and over again. After dealing with this obstacle, our two heroes entered teh city. At the center plaza, a sign calling for heroes to save the world from darkness caught Fighter's eyes. After menacing Black Mage into the deal, both heroes split up in search of certain things. Black Mage found their "stolen" gold and Fighter began his search for the other two heroes...
===
After BM's Shopping Spree at Ye Olde Magic Shoppe...
===
BM: =laughing as he walks= "Stupid Magic Shop guy." =pulls out a scroll= "Well, anyways... I've got so many doomsday spells, I don't know what to do with them all!" =insert evil laughter=
=stops suddenly= "Oh wait! Yes I do!" =uses imagination=
===
Inside BM's imagination...
===
Mini-Fighter: "Dur-hur... I'm the Fighter! I waste all our shinies!"
Mini-BM: =readies a bag of spells= "EAT THIS!!!"
"HA-- DO-- KEN!!!" "FIRE STORM!!!" "HELL FIRE!!!" "NUKE!!!"
Mini-F: =fades away= "Blaarg! I am dead!"
===
Back in reality...
===
BM: "Hehe... sucker wouldn't know what hit him!"
=walks by another Magic Shop= =reads= "The Other Magic Shop! Spells of Healing 20% Off! Today Only!"
"Heh, White Magic..." =high squeaky voice= " 'Oh, lookit me! I'm a tree-huggin' hippy white mage of love and peace and nurturing and--" =normal sarcastic tone= "THBBBBBBBPT!!!!"
=begins to walk away= "Black Magic forever! Now where's that stupid Fighter at..." =bumps into a White Mage= "Hey! Why don't you watch where you're go..." =speechless= "... go... gah... gah..."
White Mage: =looks like Aeris in a White Mage cloak= "Oh, I'm dreadfully sorry! Are you alright?"
BM: =lovestruck with little hearts coming out of his head= "Hubba flubba wabba zabba..."
WM: =confused= "Um... I must not have seen you from around the corner. Are you ok?"
BM: =not paying attention as he is speaking to himself= (SNAP OUT OF IT, YOU FOOL! THE MOST GORGEOUS WOMAN IN THE UNIVERSE IS TALKING TO YOU! TIME TO TURN ON THE PATENTED BLACK MAGE CHAMR AND MAKE A GOOD FIRST IMPRESSION!!)
=finally realizes WM is talking to him= "I AM THE BLACK MAGE! I CASTS THE SPELLS THAT MAKES THE PEOPLE FALL DOWN! I AM EVIL INCARNATE!"
WM: =blink= "... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ..."
BM: =stares at WM= (She looks hot in that White Mage cloak. I wonder what she wears beneath? Possibly nothing?)
WM: =carefully steps away from BM= "... Of course you are. I'm going into the White Magic Shop now. Please don't follow me." =steps into the shop with her hammer out=
BM: =happy= "I think she likes me!" =follows WM into shop=
====
And so, inside the Other Magic Shop...
====
WM: =reading a book= "Okay... mhem... 'Cure-3 can be severely taxing upon the soul yet it is rejuvenated just by seeing the wounded be able to fight'. Sound like a good spell to learn..."
BM: =taps WM on the shoulder= "So... What's a nice mage like you doing in a mean part of town like this?"
WM: =still reading Cure-3 book= "Hm? Oh, yeah. It's pretty rough here with the Old Folks Home down the street and the Children's Center next door..."
BM: "Er... well, y'know. Those kids can be pretty twisted. They're very tiny." =thinks= "Small hands." =thinks again= "Beady little yellow eyes."
=thinks to self= (Idiot! You just described yourself in your evil Black Mage robes!)
WM: =still reading= "On the contrary, the children do charity work for the elderly."
BM: =thinks back to the Old Folks incident= "Heh, not any more! (Suckers! They rightly deserved that BOLT-2!)"
WM: =puts book down= "What do you mean?"
BM: =cracks knuckles= "It's pretty funny. I was just at the Old Folks Home and those crusty old freaks are cooked!" =sniggers=
WM: =confused= "Cooked?"
BM: =grinning= "Yup! As in 'Stick a Fork in 'Em, They're Done' cooked!"
WM: =drops Cure-3 Book= "Who would do such a thing!"
BM: =hitches sleeves= "Well, I don't like to brag, but I---"
WM: =pulls out her Hammer= "What kind of horrible brute could do that to poor defenseless old people? How dare that person do such a thing!"
BM: =OO;= "--- Have no idea who did it..."
=finds inspiration= "Why, it would take some kind of insane meglomaniacal fiend to take pleasure in wielding the tapestry of creation to focus pure energy into reality through nothing more than my own will, the rush of electricity through my being, the POWER!!!"
=throws arms in the air= "MY GOD!!! THE POWER!!! IT'S ONLY THE TIME I FEEL ALIIIIIIIIIIIIVE!!!" =incinerates Cure-3 Book=
WM: =blinks= "... ... ... ... ... ... ... ..." =blinks=
=turns around and walks to the Shopkeeper= "Excuse me, do you have any Restraining Order Spells? Particularly those for Mages who commit Homicide?"
BM: =happy= "Oh yeah, she wants me. (In her dungeon where she wears leather garments and wields a whip!)"
Shopkeeper: "What do you think we are, the Black Magic Shop? 'Course we got Restraining Order Spells for Homicidal Mages! How many do you need?"
WM: "Enough to keep him tied down."
BM: =happy= "Yup, she definitely wants me. (IN HER DUNGEON!!!)"
====
And outside the Other Magic Shop...
====
WM: =walking away while carrying a magic tome= "Definitely need to find a stronger Restraining Order spell..."
BM: =bolts out of store= "Hey! Wait up!"
WM: =stops= "Yes?"
BM: "Hi, we were talking back there in the Magic Shop..."
WM: "Ah, the morally bankrupt violent little man."
BM: "Exactly. Anyway, I wanted to ask you something."
WM: "Sounds harmless enough."
BM: "Okay. Here it goes."
=takes deep breathe= "I was wondering, and this may sound strange but just bear with me. Are you from Venus?"
WM: =confused= "Er... no. Why?"
BM: "'Cause, baby, yer ass is outa dis WORLD!"
WM: =blinks= "... ... ..." =pulls out hammer=
POW!!!!!
BM: =goes flying and strikes a building=
Building reads as: "Flat Sufaces 'R' Us: Serving all your planar needs for 30 years"
=slides down the wall= "Owie..."
=========
Ten minutes later...
=========
BM: =running= "Hey!"
WM: =slaps face while turning around= "Ugh... not you again..."
BM: "Let me explain."
WM: =sigh= =pulls out hammer= "Make it quick."
BM: =on knees and begging= "Just five minutes, please!"
WM: =puts away hammer= "I'm going to regret this, aren't I?"
BM: =panicks= "Three minutes, that's all I ask! Look, I'm begging on my knees!"
WM: "You've got two."
BM: "All right." =gets up= "I've got a question for you. Seriously this time."
WM: =bored face= "Tick tock, tick tock, tick tock..."
BM: "Er... right. You don't happen to work at the UPS, do you?"
WM: =confused= "Uh... no. Why?"
BM: " 'Cause I coulda swore I saw you CHEKIN' OUT MY PACKAGE!!!!!!"
WM: =pulls out hammer and whacks BM=
POW!!!!!
BM: "WRAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!!!!!!!" =goes flying through the air and strikes another advertising building=
Building reads as: "Walls 'R' Us: Keeping your structures erect for 30 years."
=slides down wall= "Urgh... yep, she definitely wants me..."
=======
Another 10 Minutes later...
=======
BM: =covered in blood= "Hey! I'm sorry about before! But I really do have something I want to tell you!"
WM: "Make it quick." =pulls out Thor's Hammer= (For all you people who never played the original FF1 game, it's the best hammer in the game. Use it as a Item, it has the same effect as Bolt-3! AND IT NEVER SHATTERS!)
BM & WM: "... ... ... ... ... ... Right... and your point is, oh woeful and pitiful teacher of young Boy Scouts who took twice as long to get his Eagle Scout Rank?"
Kingkazul400: =runs away and cried= "Waaaaaah! You guys are mean! I'm gonna talk to Fighter about SWORDS and other SHINY THINGS!"
WM: =turns back to BM= "... You were saying?"
BM: "Well... I just wanted to say that those robes look really good on you."
WM: =blush= "Why thank you!"
BM: =impersonates Austin Powers= "But baby! They'd look even betta on my bedroom floor!"
WM: =eye twitches= =swings hammer=
POW!!!!!
BM: =stumbles back= "Baby, I know you must be tired 'cause you've been walkin' though my mind ALL day!"
SPLORCH!!!!! (Hey, don't look at me. That's the sound of a hammer making contact with Black Mage's organs.)
BM: =stumbles back, again= "That must be jam 'cause jelly don't shake like dat!"
CRUNCH!!!!! (There goes his arm bones...)
BM: =stumbles back for another helping= "If I said you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me?"
BREAK!!!!! (I think that was his legs...)
BM: =crawls back= "What? You don't like pizza?"
THWACK!!!!! (There goes the front half of his body...)
FOOOOOOOOSH!!!!!
WM: =dashes quickly to where BM's gonna land= "STOP TALKING TO ME LIKE I'M AN SEXUAL OBJECT!!!!"
WHAM!!!!! (I don't think she missed anything else...)
BM: =lying on the ground in a puddle of his own blood= "Ribs... broken. Organs... bleeding. Spleen... still unaccounted for." =wheezes and passes out=
WM: =sigh= "... Lousy White Mage's Oath..."
=====
After 10 minutes contemplating...
=====
WM: =pulling her hair= "Argh! I know I should but I don't want to!"
BM: =faintest moan= "... ... Agony... ..."
WM: =hides her hammer= "Oh fine! Cure-1!"
BM: =receiving Cure-1= "Oah..." =Cure-1 -- 40 HP=
=sitting up= "Strength... returning. Bones... mending. Organs... healed. Self-narration... fading."
=stands up= "And I owe it all to you, o' vision of beauty!"
WM: =picks up her magic tomes= "Yeah, well let's not make a big thing of it. I just did what to be done. (And I clearly didn't want to save your lousy mean ass!)"
BM: =follows her= "Wait! I... I... I want to apologize to you."
WM: =palm to face= (This oughta be good...)
BM: =rubbing back of neck in embarassment= "You see, it's just that you're obviously a very intelligent and beautiful woman... and I suppose I was trying to impress you."
WM: =curious= "Why? Why me?"
BM: =tapping fingertips together in embarassment= "Well... um... my friend and I are trying out for that Light Warrior job... and I though that--"
WM: =interupts= "-- A White Mage would make an excellent addition to the team?"
BM: "Er... yeah! Pretty much!"
WM: =throws arms in the air= "Well why didn't you say so earlier!"
BM: =blushes= "Um... I guess I got nervous about approaching a woman of your high calibur..."
WM: =pinches BM's cheek= "A cute little guy like you doesn't have anything to be nervous about."
BM: =peeks inside her robes= (Oh my god! She's so frickin' hot under those robes! Are those double D's or am I just seeing things?!)
WM: =grabs BM by the arm and drags him off= "Now, let's meet this friend of yours."
BM: =happy= (Wow, that actually worked! Sucker! Now how the heck am I going to convince that we should get together, get drunk, and have some fun for afters?)
====
Comments? Questions? Hate mail? Love Black Mage but hate Fighter? Leave a Review!
======
Disclaimer: I don't own Final Fantasy nor do I own 8-Bit Theatre. They belong to their respective owners and frankly, I like them but I'd rather not own them. Too expensive.
======
Previously...
Black Mage and Fighter entered the fair city of Corneria. But at the gates, the guards were strangely repeating the same phrase over and over again. After dealing with this obstacle, our two heroes entered teh city. At the center plaza, a sign calling for heroes to save the world from darkness caught Fighter's eyes. After menacing Black Mage into the deal, both heroes split up in search of certain things. Black Mage found their "stolen" gold and Fighter began his search for the other two heroes...
===
After BM's Shopping Spree at Ye Olde Magic Shoppe...
===
BM: =laughing as he walks= "Stupid Magic Shop guy." =pulls out a scroll= "Well, anyways... I've got so many doomsday spells, I don't know what to do with them all!" =insert evil laughter=
=stops suddenly= "Oh wait! Yes I do!" =uses imagination=
===
Inside BM's imagination...
===
Mini-Fighter: "Dur-hur... I'm the Fighter! I waste all our shinies!"
Mini-BM: =readies a bag of spells= "EAT THIS!!!"
"HA-- DO-- KEN!!!" "FIRE STORM!!!" "HELL FIRE!!!" "NUKE!!!"
Mini-F: =fades away= "Blaarg! I am dead!"
===
Back in reality...
===
BM: "Hehe... sucker wouldn't know what hit him!"
=walks by another Magic Shop= =reads= "The Other Magic Shop! Spells of Healing 20% Off! Today Only!"
"Heh, White Magic..." =high squeaky voice= " 'Oh, lookit me! I'm a tree-huggin' hippy white mage of love and peace and nurturing and--" =normal sarcastic tone= "THBBBBBBBPT!!!!"
=begins to walk away= "Black Magic forever! Now where's that stupid Fighter at..." =bumps into a White Mage= "Hey! Why don't you watch where you're go..." =speechless= "... go... gah... gah..."
White Mage: =looks like Aeris in a White Mage cloak= "Oh, I'm dreadfully sorry! Are you alright?"
BM: =lovestruck with little hearts coming out of his head= "Hubba flubba wabba zabba..."
WM: =confused= "Um... I must not have seen you from around the corner. Are you ok?"
BM: =not paying attention as he is speaking to himself= (SNAP OUT OF IT, YOU FOOL! THE MOST GORGEOUS WOMAN IN THE UNIVERSE IS TALKING TO YOU! TIME TO TURN ON THE PATENTED BLACK MAGE CHAMR AND MAKE A GOOD FIRST IMPRESSION!!)
=finally realizes WM is talking to him= "I AM THE BLACK MAGE! I CASTS THE SPELLS THAT MAKES THE PEOPLE FALL DOWN! I AM EVIL INCARNATE!"
WM: =blink= "... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ..."
BM: =stares at WM= (She looks hot in that White Mage cloak. I wonder what she wears beneath? Possibly nothing?)
WM: =carefully steps away from BM= "... Of course you are. I'm going into the White Magic Shop now. Please don't follow me." =steps into the shop with her hammer out=
BM: =happy= "I think she likes me!" =follows WM into shop=
====
And so, inside the Other Magic Shop...
====
WM: =reading a book= "Okay... mhem... 'Cure-3 can be severely taxing upon the soul yet it is rejuvenated just by seeing the wounded be able to fight'. Sound like a good spell to learn..."
BM: =taps WM on the shoulder= "So... What's a nice mage like you doing in a mean part of town like this?"
WM: =still reading Cure-3 book= "Hm? Oh, yeah. It's pretty rough here with the Old Folks Home down the street and the Children's Center next door..."
BM: "Er... well, y'know. Those kids can be pretty twisted. They're very tiny." =thinks= "Small hands." =thinks again= "Beady little yellow eyes."
=thinks to self= (Idiot! You just described yourself in your evil Black Mage robes!)
WM: =still reading= "On the contrary, the children do charity work for the elderly."
BM: =thinks back to the Old Folks incident= "Heh, not any more! (Suckers! They rightly deserved that BOLT-2!)"
WM: =puts book down= "What do you mean?"
BM: =cracks knuckles= "It's pretty funny. I was just at the Old Folks Home and those crusty old freaks are cooked!" =sniggers=
WM: =confused= "Cooked?"
BM: =grinning= "Yup! As in 'Stick a Fork in 'Em, They're Done' cooked!"
WM: =drops Cure-3 Book= "Who would do such a thing!"
BM: =hitches sleeves= "Well, I don't like to brag, but I---"
WM: =pulls out her Hammer= "What kind of horrible brute could do that to poor defenseless old people? How dare that person do such a thing!"
BM: =OO;= "--- Have no idea who did it..."
=finds inspiration= "Why, it would take some kind of insane meglomaniacal fiend to take pleasure in wielding the tapestry of creation to focus pure energy into reality through nothing more than my own will, the rush of electricity through my being, the POWER!!!"
=throws arms in the air= "MY GOD!!! THE POWER!!! IT'S ONLY THE TIME I FEEL ALIIIIIIIIIIIIVE!!!" =incinerates Cure-3 Book=
WM: =blinks= "... ... ... ... ... ... ... ..." =blinks=
=turns around and walks to the Shopkeeper= "Excuse me, do you have any Restraining Order Spells? Particularly those for Mages who commit Homicide?"
BM: =happy= "Oh yeah, she wants me. (In her dungeon where she wears leather garments and wields a whip!)"
Shopkeeper: "What do you think we are, the Black Magic Shop? 'Course we got Restraining Order Spells for Homicidal Mages! How many do you need?"
WM: "Enough to keep him tied down."
BM: =happy= "Yup, she definitely wants me. (IN HER DUNGEON!!!)"
====
And outside the Other Magic Shop...
====
WM: =walking away while carrying a magic tome= "Definitely need to find a stronger Restraining Order spell..."
BM: =bolts out of store= "Hey! Wait up!"
WM: =stops= "Yes?"
BM: "Hi, we were talking back there in the Magic Shop..."
WM: "Ah, the morally bankrupt violent little man."
BM: "Exactly. Anyway, I wanted to ask you something."
WM: "Sounds harmless enough."
BM: "Okay. Here it goes."
=takes deep breathe= "I was wondering, and this may sound strange but just bear with me. Are you from Venus?"
WM: =confused= "Er... no. Why?"
BM: "'Cause, baby, yer ass is outa dis WORLD!"
WM: =blinks= "... ... ..." =pulls out hammer=
POW!!!!!
BM: =goes flying and strikes a building=
Building reads as: "Flat Sufaces 'R' Us: Serving all your planar needs for 30 years"
=slides down the wall= "Owie..."
=========
Ten minutes later...
=========
BM: =running= "Hey!"
WM: =slaps face while turning around= "Ugh... not you again..."
BM: "Let me explain."
WM: =sigh= =pulls out hammer= "Make it quick."
BM: =on knees and begging= "Just five minutes, please!"
WM: =puts away hammer= "I'm going to regret this, aren't I?"
BM: =panicks= "Three minutes, that's all I ask! Look, I'm begging on my knees!"
WM: "You've got two."
BM: "All right." =gets up= "I've got a question for you. Seriously this time."
WM: =bored face= "Tick tock, tick tock, tick tock..."
BM: "Er... right. You don't happen to work at the UPS, do you?"
WM: =confused= "Uh... no. Why?"
BM: " 'Cause I coulda swore I saw you CHEKIN' OUT MY PACKAGE!!!!!!"
WM: =pulls out hammer and whacks BM=
POW!!!!!
BM: "WRAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!!!!!!!" =goes flying through the air and strikes another advertising building=
Building reads as: "Walls 'R' Us: Keeping your structures erect for 30 years."
=slides down wall= "Urgh... yep, she definitely wants me..."
=======
Another 10 Minutes later...
=======
BM: =covered in blood= "Hey! I'm sorry about before! But I really do have something I want to tell you!"
WM: "Make it quick." =pulls out Thor's Hammer= (For all you people who never played the original FF1 game, it's the best hammer in the game. Use it as a Item, it has the same effect as Bolt-3! AND IT NEVER SHATTERS!)
BM & WM: "... ... ... ... ... ... Right... and your point is, oh woeful and pitiful teacher of young Boy Scouts who took twice as long to get his Eagle Scout Rank?"
Kingkazul400: =runs away and cried= "Waaaaaah! You guys are mean! I'm gonna talk to Fighter about SWORDS and other SHINY THINGS!"
WM: =turns back to BM= "... You were saying?"
BM: "Well... I just wanted to say that those robes look really good on you."
WM: =blush= "Why thank you!"
BM: =impersonates Austin Powers= "But baby! They'd look even betta on my bedroom floor!"
WM: =eye twitches= =swings hammer=
POW!!!!!
BM: =stumbles back= "Baby, I know you must be tired 'cause you've been walkin' though my mind ALL day!"
SPLORCH!!!!! (Hey, don't look at me. That's the sound of a hammer making contact with Black Mage's organs.)
BM: =stumbles back, again= "That must be jam 'cause jelly don't shake like dat!"
CRUNCH!!!!! (There goes his arm bones...)
BM: =stumbles back for another helping= "If I said you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me?"
BREAK!!!!! (I think that was his legs...)
BM: =crawls back= "What? You don't like pizza?"
THWACK!!!!! (There goes the front half of his body...)
FOOOOOOOOSH!!!!!
WM: =dashes quickly to where BM's gonna land= "STOP TALKING TO ME LIKE I'M AN SEXUAL OBJECT!!!!"
WHAM!!!!! (I don't think she missed anything else...)
BM: =lying on the ground in a puddle of his own blood= "Ribs... broken. Organs... bleeding. Spleen... still unaccounted for." =wheezes and passes out=
WM: =sigh= "... Lousy White Mage's Oath..."
=====
After 10 minutes contemplating...
=====
WM: =pulling her hair= "Argh! I know I should but I don't want to!"
BM: =faintest moan= "... ... Agony... ..."
WM: =hides her hammer= "Oh fine! Cure-1!"
BM: =receiving Cure-1= "Oah..." =Cure-1 -- 40 HP=
=sitting up= "Strength... returning. Bones... mending. Organs... healed. Self-narration... fading."
=stands up= "And I owe it all to you, o' vision of beauty!"
WM: =picks up her magic tomes= "Yeah, well let's not make a big thing of it. I just did what to be done. (And I clearly didn't want to save your lousy mean ass!)"
BM: =follows her= "Wait! I... I... I want to apologize to you."
WM: =palm to face= (This oughta be good...)
BM: =rubbing back of neck in embarassment= "You see, it's just that you're obviously a very intelligent and beautiful woman... and I suppose I was trying to impress you."
WM: =curious= "Why? Why me?"
BM: =tapping fingertips together in embarassment= "Well... um... my friend and I are trying out for that Light Warrior job... and I though that--"
WM: =interupts= "-- A White Mage would make an excellent addition to the team?"
BM: "Er... yeah! Pretty much!"
WM: =throws arms in the air= "Well why didn't you say so earlier!"
BM: =blushes= "Um... I guess I got nervous about approaching a woman of your high calibur..."
WM: =pinches BM's cheek= "A cute little guy like you doesn't have anything to be nervous about."
BM: =peeks inside her robes= (Oh my god! She's so frickin' hot under those robes! Are those double D's or am I just seeing things?!)
WM: =grabs BM by the arm and drags him off= "Now, let's meet this friend of yours."
BM: =happy= (Wow, that actually worked! Sucker! Now how the heck am I going to convince that we should get together, get drunk, and have some fun for afters?)
====
Comments? Questions? Hate mail? Love Black Mage but hate Fighter? Leave a Review!