Part Fifty Seven
As Karen drove towards the prison, she felt like she was being torn in two. The wing governor half of her knew that she had to go in to Larkhall to sort out the ramifications of any suicide on her wing. But the woman, the human part of her knew she ought to have stayed with Yvonne. She hadn't spoken since she'd been told that her only son had killed himself, and Karen was all too aware how quickly this kind of mental shock could turn in to physical shock if left unwatched. When Yvonne had cut herself by squeezing the wineglass so hard that it had smashed, she hadn't uttered a sound. Even when Karen had extracted the tiny slivers of cut glass from Yvonne's hand with a pair of tweezers, she'd barely flinched. Lauren's answer had simply been to unearth a new bottle of vodka and settle down, almost as if she intended on drinking the lot. Karen left her car at a slight angle and jogged towards the gate lodge.
"I suppose you're here about Snowball Merriman," Said Ken, taking his time finding her keys. She met up with Grayling as she walked towards G wing.
"Thanks for coming in so quickly, Karen," He said, leading her towards the part of the hospital wing where Snowball had been taken.
"I thought she was supposed to be on suicide watch," Said Karen, taking out her anger on Neil.
"It seems Mrs. Hollandby has some explaining to do," Was Neil's reply. Then slowing his pace slightly he said, "How's Yvonne?"
"Yeah, well, that's precisely where I should be now," Replied Karen, not caring who heard her. "She's in total shock, how would you expect a mother to feel on finding out her son's just killed himself." Neil made no comment. They rounded a corner and came to the room where the nurses and Dr. Nicholson had tried to save Snowball's life. She lay on the bed, loosely covered from head to toe by a thin cotton sheet. Karen twitched back the sheet and took a brief glance.
"For identification purposes," She said, "It's definitely her." This was a formality, but one which had to be gone through. Before replacing the sheet, Karen took her last look at the woman who'd caused so much death and destruction in such a short time. Even in death, she wore a soft, smug smile, as if she really had achieved all she'd intended. Karen let the sheet drop back over Snowball's face, briefly wondering if this self-satisfied tart had left anything else in her wake besides anger, and a feeling of justice not quite having been served.
After locking Snowball's cell and taping it, "No Entry", and telling Neil she would deal with any of Snowball's personal effects on Monday, Karen walked smartly to the officers' room to find Sylvia brewing a cup of tea. Karen stalked in to the room and seeing that nobody else was in sight, closed the door. Sylvia turned to face her.
"It wasn't my fault. I was about to check on Merriman like I've been doing every fifteen minutes since she was brought back from court, but Al McKenzy started a fight with one of the new ones and it took a good quarter of an hour to get them separated and down the block." Karen couldn't believe what she was hearing.
"You were the senior officer on duty, Sylvia, making sure that Snowball Merriman was kept on fifteen minute watch was your responsibility."
"Well, what was I supposed to do?" Asked Sylvia, now also getting angry. "There was only me and two others here. You know what it's like on a Friday night, you can't get staff for love nor money." Karen suddenly realised that she could be doing this another time.
"Look, Sylvia," She said, calming down slightly. "I haven't got time to hear all this now. Come and see me first thing on Monday morning, and you'd better have times, dates and documented reasons to support your defense, or you'll be picking up your P45." Leaving Sylvia mouthing like a fish out of water, Karen walked back out to her car. The likes of Sylvia Hollandby were not her highest priority right now. Cursing the late Friday night traffic, mostly generated by people moving from closing pubs to nightclubs, she sat at red light after red light, drumming her fingers on the steering wheel. Traffic jams were like men, she decided. There was never one around when you needed one, but when you loathed the very thought of them, they kept getting in your way.
Pulling in to Yvonne's drive, she knew someone must have heard her car, because Roisin was standing by the open front door. She looked almost relieved to see Karen had returned.
"How're you doing?" Asked Karen, following Roisin in to the house.
"Oh, don't worry about us," Said Roisin, "It's Yvonne and Lauren I'm worried about. Yvonne's gone to bed, still without saying a bloody word, and Lauren's getting gradually more drunk by the minute." Then, as if remembering where Karen had been, she asked, "How's everything at Larkhall?"
"Don't ask," Was Karen's unemphatic comment. They walked in to the kitchen, to see Lauren and Cassie sat at the table, Lauren certainly the worse for where, being watched over by a very concerned Cassie. Karen walked round the table to get a better look at Lauren. There were tears running down her cheeks, and she wasn't making any attempt to wipe them.
"How could he do this to her?" Lauren said, her words ever so slightly slurred. "How could my complete wanker of a brother do that to his own mother." Then she caught sight of Karen, and the look in her eyes turned to blind fury. "What are you doing here?" She asked. Both Cassie and Roisin were about to try and soften her words but Karen got there first.
"I've come back to see how you and your mum are doing," She said quietly. Lauren laughed mirthlessly.
"We don't need you," She said, the venom dripping from every word. "I don't need you, and mum certainly doesn't need you. If that tart Merriman had shot you instead, like she wanted to, we wouldn't be here now and mum wouldn't be going through the worst thing she's ever had to deal with in her life."
"Lauren," Cassie said tentatively, not wanting her to go any further with this line of punishment, but Lauren ignored her.
"If Ritchie had been able to walk," She went on, pouring herself another glass of vodka with only a fraction of a taste of orange juice. "He'd have done his time, got out and moved on. He'd never have killed himself if he'd had anything left. But his trying to save your miserable, pathetic life took that away from him."
"Lauren, give it a rest," Said Cassie sharply, seeing the stunned expression on Karen's face. But lauren was on to something now, and like a dog with a rabbit, she'd resolved to shake it to death.
"So you see," She went on, pinning Karen to the spot with eyes that burned with pure hatred. "You are the reason my brother chose to take the coward's way out, you're the reason why mum is lying upstairs in total shock, not speaking to anyone." Karen couldn't speak. Is this really what Lauren, what Yvonne thought? If so, she really shouldn't be here. "Jesus," Said Lauren getting unsteadily to her feet. "You can't even have the decency to say one word in your defense, can you." When she lifted her right hand to strike Karen across the face, Karen reacted with lightening reflexes and gripped Lauren's wrist. Roisin, who had still been standing, moved swiftly forward and grabbed Lauren's other arm to stop her trying again.
"I wouldn't," Said Karen, in that firm, not to be fucked about with tone that both Cassie and Roisin remembered so well. Dropping Lauren's wrist, Karen moved towards the Dorr. Lauren had begun to sob and Roisin stood and held her close. Cassie stood up and followed Karen in to the hall.
"Where are you going?" Cassie asked. Karen turned to face her, the tears in her eyes only just prevented from spilling.
"I'd have thought that was obvious," She said quietly.
"Don't listen to lauren," Said Cassie following the direction of Karen's thoughts. "She's more pissed than I've ever seen her."
"Is that really what Yvonne thinks of me?" Asked Karen in a high, strangled voice.
"Let's face it," Said Cassie softly, "Nobody knows how Yvonne feels about anything. She hasn't spoken a word to anyone since you told her."
"I should go," Said Karen, one tear escaping and being furiously wiped away by the back of her hand. Cassie moved forward and gave her a hug.
"I never thought I'd say this of a screw and an ex-con," She said, "But Yvonne needs you. She needs you now more than I think she's ever needed anyone, probably more than she knows it herself." Karen returned the hug, seeming to take some of Cassie's strength to replenish her own depleted stores.
As Karen softly opened Yvonne's bedroom door, she could see a lamp, giving off a gentle glow on what Karen found herself thinking of as her side of the bed. This was as clear a sign that Yvonne could have left to say she needed her and hoped she'd come back. Yvonne was lying on her side, facing the door, but her eyes were tightly shut. Karen wasn't all that sure they had been, but if Yvonne still didn't want to talk, this was as good a way of any of saying so. Karen closed the door, as if trying to keep out all the things Lauren had said to her downstairs. She quickly and silently undressed, putting on the piece of black silk she'd worn last Saturday night, which had been left clean and folded on a chair as if waiting for her. Last Saturday night seemed so far away now. Had they really been so happy? It seemed almost unbelievable. She slipped in to bed and gently put her arms round Yvonne from behind. No words needed to be said. Karen knew Yvonne wasn't asleep. The tension was coming off her like heat. She found Yvonne's left hand, the one not covered by a small dressing, and began chafing it between her own. Yvonne was freezing. Knowing this to be a further sign of mental and physical shock, Karen knew she couldn't go to sleep. She had to keep an eye on Yvonne, for one thing to make sure she didn't get any colder. She left the lamp on, knowing that Yvonne might prefer to have a little light, because darkness only intensifies the swiftly flowing current of the soul's unchartered waters. Karen didn't know how long she lay like that, almost seeming to wrap her slightly longer frame around Yvonne to keep her warm. It felt like hours, and maybe it was. At one point she heard Cassie and Roisin making their way up the stairs, clearly bringing Lauren to bed.
After Karen had gone up to Yvonne, Lauren had simply cried herself out. Roisin had taken her in to the lounge, sat with her on the sofa and held her while sobs wracked her entire body. Cassie had brewed some coffee and forced Lauren to drink it. Then, when she'd eventually calmed down, they persuaded her she ought to go to bed. Lauren briefly spared a thought to wonder how Yvonne was doing, but Cassie managed to persuade her that Yvonne was being well looked after. When Cassie left them to lock up, Trigger came and laid his head on lauren's knee.
"He always knows," Said lauren, scratching his ears. "They always know when something's wrong." He followed the three of them when they went upstairs. Lauren was faintly surprised when both Cassie and Roisin joined her in her large double bed, one on each side of her.
"I think you need company tonight," Said Cassie, putting her arms round lauren who had turned on her side.
"We'll always be here for you," Said Roisin, putting her arms round Lauren from behind. Never before had lauren felt so safe, so comforted. As she lay in two pairs of warm arms, and slowly drifted off to sleep, she knew that if this was all she ever had from these two women who had come in to her life, really by way of her mother, it would do her just fine. She knew she couldn't have got through tonight without them.
"I'm sorry," She murmured.
"What for?" Asked Roisin sleepily.
"For being such a cow. Mum'll kill me when she finds out what I said to Karen."
"I doubt Karen's stupid enough to tell her," Mumbled Cassie. Lauren vehemently hoped this was true.
Despite her best efforts, Karen could feel her eyes gradually closing. She forced them to stay open, because she knew Yvonne still hadn't gone to sleep. As time passed, she managed to push all irrelevant thoughts from her brain, nothing mattered but Yvonne. when Karen was beginning to think that she really couldn't keep her eyes open any longer, she felt Yvonne's body begin to shake, and knew that the numbness had finally given way to tears. At first, Yvonne made no sound as she cried, though Karen could feel every shudder of her ribcage.
"Turn over," She gently said to Yvonne, and when her request was obeyed, she could see all the pain reflected in Yvonne's eyes. Karen simply held her through this outpouring of grief.
"Talk to me," Karen said softly. Yvonne seemed to have needed permission to say all the feelings that were tearing her heart to shreds.
"He was my baby," She said in such a primeavlely heart-rending voice that it brought the tears to Karen's eyes.
"I know," Karen said, almost able to see the blood pouring from Yvonne's wounded spirit.
"He was my first born baby," Yvonne continued, "No matter what he did, he was still my baby." The pain Yvonne was feeling cut deep in to Karen, and she found her tears joining Yvonne's. "Why did he have to do it?" Asked yvonne. "I could have stopped him doing this."
"No, you couldn't," Said Karen vehemently. "There was absolutely nothing you could have done."
"I should have known," Said Yvonne, "He was my son, I should have known him well enough to at the very least wonder if he might do this."
"Yvonne, this isn't your fault," Said Karen, not liking the direction Yvonne's thoughts were taking.
"Yes, it is," Said Yvonne deprecatingly. "If I'd even once stood up to Charlie, Ritchie wouldn't have had to go away, and he wouldn't have got mixed up with that tart Merriman."
"Yvonne, you can't blame yourself for this, because that won't help anyone, not you, not Lauren and not Ritchie. Killing yourself, it's like having the last word, the final fuck you. That doesn't mean any one person was to blame, it just means that it was Ritchie's way of getting out in the only way he could." Karen continued to cradle Yvonne as her crying slowly ceased. Karen thought briefly of what Lauren had said to her earlier, and knew that this is what really signified how different Yvonne was from her Atkins name. It had been Yvonne's response to blame herself for Ritchie's suicide, but for Lauren, who was undoubtedly an Atkins, it'd been her way to look for someone else to blame. Ritchie had been like that, and Karen suspected Charlie had too. Both Ritchie and Lauren had looked for someone else to take the responsibility for the pain they felt, but Yvonne who no more had the blood of an Atkins than Karen herself did, had looked to her own part in what she was now suffering. As Yvonne slipped in to an exhausted, troubled sleep, Karen spared a thought to wonder if Lauren really had been right. Karen had given no thought to her brief liaison with Ritchie, other than that it was her first step on the road to recovery from Fenner. But had she taken more care, been more vigilant to the insidious way Ritchie had crept in under her professional and emotional guard, he might not have been serving time and therefore might not have taken such a desperate course of action.
As Karen drove towards the prison, she felt like she was being torn in two. The wing governor half of her knew that she had to go in to Larkhall to sort out the ramifications of any suicide on her wing. But the woman, the human part of her knew she ought to have stayed with Yvonne. She hadn't spoken since she'd been told that her only son had killed himself, and Karen was all too aware how quickly this kind of mental shock could turn in to physical shock if left unwatched. When Yvonne had cut herself by squeezing the wineglass so hard that it had smashed, she hadn't uttered a sound. Even when Karen had extracted the tiny slivers of cut glass from Yvonne's hand with a pair of tweezers, she'd barely flinched. Lauren's answer had simply been to unearth a new bottle of vodka and settle down, almost as if she intended on drinking the lot. Karen left her car at a slight angle and jogged towards the gate lodge.
"I suppose you're here about Snowball Merriman," Said Ken, taking his time finding her keys. She met up with Grayling as she walked towards G wing.
"Thanks for coming in so quickly, Karen," He said, leading her towards the part of the hospital wing where Snowball had been taken.
"I thought she was supposed to be on suicide watch," Said Karen, taking out her anger on Neil.
"It seems Mrs. Hollandby has some explaining to do," Was Neil's reply. Then slowing his pace slightly he said, "How's Yvonne?"
"Yeah, well, that's precisely where I should be now," Replied Karen, not caring who heard her. "She's in total shock, how would you expect a mother to feel on finding out her son's just killed himself." Neil made no comment. They rounded a corner and came to the room where the nurses and Dr. Nicholson had tried to save Snowball's life. She lay on the bed, loosely covered from head to toe by a thin cotton sheet. Karen twitched back the sheet and took a brief glance.
"For identification purposes," She said, "It's definitely her." This was a formality, but one which had to be gone through. Before replacing the sheet, Karen took her last look at the woman who'd caused so much death and destruction in such a short time. Even in death, she wore a soft, smug smile, as if she really had achieved all she'd intended. Karen let the sheet drop back over Snowball's face, briefly wondering if this self-satisfied tart had left anything else in her wake besides anger, and a feeling of justice not quite having been served.
After locking Snowball's cell and taping it, "No Entry", and telling Neil she would deal with any of Snowball's personal effects on Monday, Karen walked smartly to the officers' room to find Sylvia brewing a cup of tea. Karen stalked in to the room and seeing that nobody else was in sight, closed the door. Sylvia turned to face her.
"It wasn't my fault. I was about to check on Merriman like I've been doing every fifteen minutes since she was brought back from court, but Al McKenzy started a fight with one of the new ones and it took a good quarter of an hour to get them separated and down the block." Karen couldn't believe what she was hearing.
"You were the senior officer on duty, Sylvia, making sure that Snowball Merriman was kept on fifteen minute watch was your responsibility."
"Well, what was I supposed to do?" Asked Sylvia, now also getting angry. "There was only me and two others here. You know what it's like on a Friday night, you can't get staff for love nor money." Karen suddenly realised that she could be doing this another time.
"Look, Sylvia," She said, calming down slightly. "I haven't got time to hear all this now. Come and see me first thing on Monday morning, and you'd better have times, dates and documented reasons to support your defense, or you'll be picking up your P45." Leaving Sylvia mouthing like a fish out of water, Karen walked back out to her car. The likes of Sylvia Hollandby were not her highest priority right now. Cursing the late Friday night traffic, mostly generated by people moving from closing pubs to nightclubs, she sat at red light after red light, drumming her fingers on the steering wheel. Traffic jams were like men, she decided. There was never one around when you needed one, but when you loathed the very thought of them, they kept getting in your way.
Pulling in to Yvonne's drive, she knew someone must have heard her car, because Roisin was standing by the open front door. She looked almost relieved to see Karen had returned.
"How're you doing?" Asked Karen, following Roisin in to the house.
"Oh, don't worry about us," Said Roisin, "It's Yvonne and Lauren I'm worried about. Yvonne's gone to bed, still without saying a bloody word, and Lauren's getting gradually more drunk by the minute." Then, as if remembering where Karen had been, she asked, "How's everything at Larkhall?"
"Don't ask," Was Karen's unemphatic comment. They walked in to the kitchen, to see Lauren and Cassie sat at the table, Lauren certainly the worse for where, being watched over by a very concerned Cassie. Karen walked round the table to get a better look at Lauren. There were tears running down her cheeks, and she wasn't making any attempt to wipe them.
"How could he do this to her?" Lauren said, her words ever so slightly slurred. "How could my complete wanker of a brother do that to his own mother." Then she caught sight of Karen, and the look in her eyes turned to blind fury. "What are you doing here?" She asked. Both Cassie and Roisin were about to try and soften her words but Karen got there first.
"I've come back to see how you and your mum are doing," She said quietly. Lauren laughed mirthlessly.
"We don't need you," She said, the venom dripping from every word. "I don't need you, and mum certainly doesn't need you. If that tart Merriman had shot you instead, like she wanted to, we wouldn't be here now and mum wouldn't be going through the worst thing she's ever had to deal with in her life."
"Lauren," Cassie said tentatively, not wanting her to go any further with this line of punishment, but Lauren ignored her.
"If Ritchie had been able to walk," She went on, pouring herself another glass of vodka with only a fraction of a taste of orange juice. "He'd have done his time, got out and moved on. He'd never have killed himself if he'd had anything left. But his trying to save your miserable, pathetic life took that away from him."
"Lauren, give it a rest," Said Cassie sharply, seeing the stunned expression on Karen's face. But lauren was on to something now, and like a dog with a rabbit, she'd resolved to shake it to death.
"So you see," She went on, pinning Karen to the spot with eyes that burned with pure hatred. "You are the reason my brother chose to take the coward's way out, you're the reason why mum is lying upstairs in total shock, not speaking to anyone." Karen couldn't speak. Is this really what Lauren, what Yvonne thought? If so, she really shouldn't be here. "Jesus," Said Lauren getting unsteadily to her feet. "You can't even have the decency to say one word in your defense, can you." When she lifted her right hand to strike Karen across the face, Karen reacted with lightening reflexes and gripped Lauren's wrist. Roisin, who had still been standing, moved swiftly forward and grabbed Lauren's other arm to stop her trying again.
"I wouldn't," Said Karen, in that firm, not to be fucked about with tone that both Cassie and Roisin remembered so well. Dropping Lauren's wrist, Karen moved towards the Dorr. Lauren had begun to sob and Roisin stood and held her close. Cassie stood up and followed Karen in to the hall.
"Where are you going?" Cassie asked. Karen turned to face her, the tears in her eyes only just prevented from spilling.
"I'd have thought that was obvious," She said quietly.
"Don't listen to lauren," Said Cassie following the direction of Karen's thoughts. "She's more pissed than I've ever seen her."
"Is that really what Yvonne thinks of me?" Asked Karen in a high, strangled voice.
"Let's face it," Said Cassie softly, "Nobody knows how Yvonne feels about anything. She hasn't spoken a word to anyone since you told her."
"I should go," Said Karen, one tear escaping and being furiously wiped away by the back of her hand. Cassie moved forward and gave her a hug.
"I never thought I'd say this of a screw and an ex-con," She said, "But Yvonne needs you. She needs you now more than I think she's ever needed anyone, probably more than she knows it herself." Karen returned the hug, seeming to take some of Cassie's strength to replenish her own depleted stores.
As Karen softly opened Yvonne's bedroom door, she could see a lamp, giving off a gentle glow on what Karen found herself thinking of as her side of the bed. This was as clear a sign that Yvonne could have left to say she needed her and hoped she'd come back. Yvonne was lying on her side, facing the door, but her eyes were tightly shut. Karen wasn't all that sure they had been, but if Yvonne still didn't want to talk, this was as good a way of any of saying so. Karen closed the door, as if trying to keep out all the things Lauren had said to her downstairs. She quickly and silently undressed, putting on the piece of black silk she'd worn last Saturday night, which had been left clean and folded on a chair as if waiting for her. Last Saturday night seemed so far away now. Had they really been so happy? It seemed almost unbelievable. She slipped in to bed and gently put her arms round Yvonne from behind. No words needed to be said. Karen knew Yvonne wasn't asleep. The tension was coming off her like heat. She found Yvonne's left hand, the one not covered by a small dressing, and began chafing it between her own. Yvonne was freezing. Knowing this to be a further sign of mental and physical shock, Karen knew she couldn't go to sleep. She had to keep an eye on Yvonne, for one thing to make sure she didn't get any colder. She left the lamp on, knowing that Yvonne might prefer to have a little light, because darkness only intensifies the swiftly flowing current of the soul's unchartered waters. Karen didn't know how long she lay like that, almost seeming to wrap her slightly longer frame around Yvonne to keep her warm. It felt like hours, and maybe it was. At one point she heard Cassie and Roisin making their way up the stairs, clearly bringing Lauren to bed.
After Karen had gone up to Yvonne, Lauren had simply cried herself out. Roisin had taken her in to the lounge, sat with her on the sofa and held her while sobs wracked her entire body. Cassie had brewed some coffee and forced Lauren to drink it. Then, when she'd eventually calmed down, they persuaded her she ought to go to bed. Lauren briefly spared a thought to wonder how Yvonne was doing, but Cassie managed to persuade her that Yvonne was being well looked after. When Cassie left them to lock up, Trigger came and laid his head on lauren's knee.
"He always knows," Said lauren, scratching his ears. "They always know when something's wrong." He followed the three of them when they went upstairs. Lauren was faintly surprised when both Cassie and Roisin joined her in her large double bed, one on each side of her.
"I think you need company tonight," Said Cassie, putting her arms round lauren who had turned on her side.
"We'll always be here for you," Said Roisin, putting her arms round Lauren from behind. Never before had lauren felt so safe, so comforted. As she lay in two pairs of warm arms, and slowly drifted off to sleep, she knew that if this was all she ever had from these two women who had come in to her life, really by way of her mother, it would do her just fine. She knew she couldn't have got through tonight without them.
"I'm sorry," She murmured.
"What for?" Asked Roisin sleepily.
"For being such a cow. Mum'll kill me when she finds out what I said to Karen."
"I doubt Karen's stupid enough to tell her," Mumbled Cassie. Lauren vehemently hoped this was true.
Despite her best efforts, Karen could feel her eyes gradually closing. She forced them to stay open, because she knew Yvonne still hadn't gone to sleep. As time passed, she managed to push all irrelevant thoughts from her brain, nothing mattered but Yvonne. when Karen was beginning to think that she really couldn't keep her eyes open any longer, she felt Yvonne's body begin to shake, and knew that the numbness had finally given way to tears. At first, Yvonne made no sound as she cried, though Karen could feel every shudder of her ribcage.
"Turn over," She gently said to Yvonne, and when her request was obeyed, she could see all the pain reflected in Yvonne's eyes. Karen simply held her through this outpouring of grief.
"Talk to me," Karen said softly. Yvonne seemed to have needed permission to say all the feelings that were tearing her heart to shreds.
"He was my baby," She said in such a primeavlely heart-rending voice that it brought the tears to Karen's eyes.
"I know," Karen said, almost able to see the blood pouring from Yvonne's wounded spirit.
"He was my first born baby," Yvonne continued, "No matter what he did, he was still my baby." The pain Yvonne was feeling cut deep in to Karen, and she found her tears joining Yvonne's. "Why did he have to do it?" Asked yvonne. "I could have stopped him doing this."
"No, you couldn't," Said Karen vehemently. "There was absolutely nothing you could have done."
"I should have known," Said Yvonne, "He was my son, I should have known him well enough to at the very least wonder if he might do this."
"Yvonne, this isn't your fault," Said Karen, not liking the direction Yvonne's thoughts were taking.
"Yes, it is," Said Yvonne deprecatingly. "If I'd even once stood up to Charlie, Ritchie wouldn't have had to go away, and he wouldn't have got mixed up with that tart Merriman."
"Yvonne, you can't blame yourself for this, because that won't help anyone, not you, not Lauren and not Ritchie. Killing yourself, it's like having the last word, the final fuck you. That doesn't mean any one person was to blame, it just means that it was Ritchie's way of getting out in the only way he could." Karen continued to cradle Yvonne as her crying slowly ceased. Karen thought briefly of what Lauren had said to her earlier, and knew that this is what really signified how different Yvonne was from her Atkins name. It had been Yvonne's response to blame herself for Ritchie's suicide, but for Lauren, who was undoubtedly an Atkins, it'd been her way to look for someone else to blame. Ritchie had been like that, and Karen suspected Charlie had too. Both Ritchie and Lauren had looked for someone else to take the responsibility for the pain they felt, but Yvonne who no more had the blood of an Atkins than Karen herself did, had looked to her own part in what she was now suffering. As Yvonne slipped in to an exhausted, troubled sleep, Karen spared a thought to wonder if Lauren really had been right. Karen had given no thought to her brief liaison with Ritchie, other than that it was her first step on the road to recovery from Fenner. But had she taken more care, been more vigilant to the insidious way Ritchie had crept in under her professional and emotional guard, he might not have been serving time and therefore might not have taken such a desperate course of action.