Author's notes: This is an old story I found when clearing up my hard drive. It was written before OotP, but the only thing really not matching with JKR's latest revelations is the fact that Severus starts teaching straight away after finishing school. Otherwise I liked the feeling of the story, the main character actually facing things that occured in my own past, mixed with the problem of being born into a time where Lord Voldemort is at large... So I decided put it up anyway. Chapter by chapter, though, to have time for some last-minute editing. Hope you like it.
It was a dark night. Near the edge of the village, surrounded by a veil of glittering illumination and mute sounds, the New Year's Eve festivities were slowly but unmistakably winding down. Between all the voices, the music and the sparkling light Snape's tiny hut looked a bit like an island. Or was it just me? There was no sound nor movement and I was wondering if there was anyone inside.
When I was climbing the four steps up to the slightly American looking cottage I suddenly became aware of an uneasiness inside myself and stopped. What was I doing here? Would not my sudden appearance look foolish - at this time of such a night? I noticed a feeble gleam of light coming from the curtains of the previously deserted looking window next to the entrance. He was still awake. And he had visitors!
A huge lump fought its way up my throat and for several minutes I stood in front of the small wooden door which, as I knew, lead inside a tiny single-room-apartment and through which I now perceived small voices talking to each other. Was it safe? My hand, moving towards the handle, trembled slightly. I looked down at my fingers - pale and stiff of cold - and pulled them back again. Not like this. Not tonight. I stepped backwards and hit the handrail of the porch which surrounded the hut. Again I heard voices from the inside and suddenly the door opened.
"See you next week, then," a familiar voice said, belonging to a person whose backside had appeared in front of me, "I am looking forward to our first staff meeting!"
The person turned and I looked into the eyes of Professor McGonagall, my Transfiguration teacher at Hogwarts.
"Here's a visitor, Severus," she said, having recovered from the shock of meeting a student at this time of night. "What do you think, Albus, shall we bring this evening to an end with a couple of sandwiches and butterbeer?"
An elderly gentleman appeared at the doorstep. He did up his cloak with far more effort than necessary and stared into the darkness outside, curious who his Potions master's late-night visitor might be. Our eyes met and his expression changed into a mischievous smile.
"Miss Dyker! Out of bed at this time of the night?"
"It's New Year's Eve, Professor Dumbledore," I defended myself, causing the headmaster to chuckle lightly. Without any further inquiries he and Professor McGonagall strolled towards the lights, the music and the butterbeer. There was no sound from inside the hut now. I peered through the open door with great caution and saw the contours of a man who was laying on his bed with a blanket pulled over his black-haired head.
"Uhm... Professor?"
I made a daring step forward and another one, but he did not move. Instead, the front door shut with a bang so that I was standing in the dim light produced by a small oil-lamp next to the door, right in the middle of the cabin's only room, feeling extremely awkward and helpless. I did not speak. Instead, I watched my tall, slender Potions teacher - or rather: his visible parts - and tried to guess what he was thinking. It was only after a while that he suddenly seemed ready to take notice of another human being in the room. He sighed, turned around and looked straight into my eyes.
"What?"
I gulped. Opened my mouth to say something, but changed my mind and shut it again.
"I am rather tired, Florence," he said angrily. "I didn't get quite as much sleep last night as I would have needed. So, if you don't mind..."
I smiled. He seemed so cold. So very different from how he had used to be. And yet there was suddenly something in his voice - was it sarcasm? - that I had been missing for a while.
"Insomnia?" I asked sympathetically and sat down at the other bed, which was standing next to the wardrobe, beneath another window.
"Yes," he replied sharply, "caused by impertinent late-night visitors, and... Ouch! Damn it!" A sudden jolt of pain made him get up.
"Swearing won't help," I said coldly. "Brew yourself a potion - I can sense your headache from here, Severus!"
That hit home. He sat bolt upright and stared at me, his eyes glittering dangerously.
"Professor Snape - to you," he said in a slow and menacing voice, "and I have not got a headache!" He left his bed in the most dignified way possible and stalked towards the washbasin for a glass of water. I was delighted about his inimitable way of walking particularly upright, yet nevertheless slithering over the wooden floor and over the tiny carpet in front of the basin like a giant black serpent. He, on the other hand, still refused to take notice of me. Instead, he returned to his bedside table and started unpacking a pain-killer.
"The great Potions master uses plain Muggle-medicine?" I noticed that I was sounding derisive and hated myself for it. He turned around, his face motionless and cold.
"Yes! Why bother making these myself? Surely you know that the most effective available potion these days is nothing but the raw material for aspirin?"
I sighed and stared out of the window. He brought the glass to his lips without taking his eyes off me and emptied it in one go. "Well?" he asked, not pacified in the slightest, "Why are you wasting my time, Florence?"
"Miss Dyker - to you," I replied coldly, "same rights for everyone!"
"Quod licet iovi non licet bovi," he retorted, successfully shutting my trap. I had no idea what he was talking about. Instead of thinking about a witty remark, though, I started examining his look a bit closer. Had, for a second, a smile appeared at the man's motionless face? A sudden thought stroke me. Perhaps it was not too late after all? To put things right again. To protect Severus Snape of himself - and others. I looked miserably into his black eyes, which returned my glance half tired, half suspicious.
"I don't need your help," he said, anticipating my question. "Keep your opinion for yourself if all you can give me is a bunch of female cynicism!"
"I'll take that 'female' as a compliment," I snarled, "after what you called me last time I tried to talk some sense into you."
"Please yourself," he muttered. "But it wasn't intended to be one."
I snorted and watched the ceiling, not knowing whether I should be angry or not.
"Good night," he said impatiently after a while, "I'll go to sleep now!"
"You just want people to admire you!" I yelled, driven by a sudden jolt of anger. "It is Lucius again, isn't it? But he doesn't care how brilliant a potion-brewer you are, take my word for it! You will always be his slave if you don't stop devoting your whole life to him!"
"You don't get it, do you?", he snarled, "That's just typical of a woman! Commenting on everything without knowing what you are talking about!"
"That's funny coming from you when it is exactly what you are famous for among the students," I retorted and raised, "but if you want to insult me I'll take my leave!" I approached the door at a snail's pace.
"No - stay!" should have been his immediate reaction, but of course I hoped, once more, in vain. Instead of crossing the doorstep as I probably should have done, I turned on my heels and stamped my foot.
"You might as well ask me to stay!" This was humiliating. "Since that is what you want, isn't it?"
"I want to sleep," he replied, removed his shoes and socks and sat down on his bed. "which is exactly what I am going to do now!"
"Bastard!" I snarled. "Your arrogance is going to kill you one day. If you don't get stabbed in the back by your best friend, that is."
"We'll see about that," he muttered sleepily and crawled even deeper into his blankets.
I was fuming. How dare you, Severus? I did not speak. How dare you treat me like that after all that was? After all we have been through?
There was a sudden knock on the door and I jumped. Without thinking I leaped towards the second bed and hid under a heap of blankets. I did not imagine that Professors Dumbledore and McGonagall would be very impressed to find me in here now, seeing as they had observed me entering a full twenty minutes ago. The limit of decency had long been exceeded. Even during their holidays students and teachers of Hogwarts had to retain a certain distance after all. Particularly since both, Dumbledore and McGonagall, were familiar with Severus's and my past.
Severus was obviously sick and tired now and did not react until the person outside had knocked impatiently for another few times.
"What?!?"
"Severus, mon ami!" I heard a familiar voice and only narrowly escaped a heart-attack. It was Lucius Malfoy. Severus jumped out of bed, forgetting his feigned tiredness at once.
"Lucius!"
I assumed that remaining out of sight might be a good idea just for the moment and Severus seemed to be of the same mind, since he did not bother introducing me to Lucius, nor, in fact, did he mention my presence at all when motioning his distinguished and very superior-looking visitor in.
Lucius was just over three years older than his friend. His face resembled Severus's. He, however, had light blond hair and a somewhat appealing appearance. One might have gone as far as to call him handsome. During his and Severus's time at Hogwarts, Lucius had always been surrounded by a large group of girls, following him around wherever he went. Naturally I had never belonged to those. For some reason, inexplicable perhaps, and certainly never comfortable, I had felt drawn towards Severus since I had been blessed with the first signs of what scientists would call 'maturity'.
Lucius, of course, was noticeably superior. Very uncharacteristically, Severus took his orders without hesitation. I got the impression that he was completely under Lucius's control, although the latter hardly ever seemed to openly demand obedience. Severus was his devotee by nature. Admittedly, Lucius also knew exactly how to emphasise his good features, whereas Severus still seems to have problems acknowledging the proper moment for a hair wash.
"This is my son Marcus," said Lucius and I lifted the edge of my blanket just enough to catch sight of a small boy with fair, shoulder-length hair, who could not be more than four years old, "I don't think you have met?"
Severus shook his head. "Is Narcissa well?" he asked, ignoring the boy, "I heard she suffers from bad health?"
"She's all right," Lucius said simply. "There was an... 'accident' involving Alastor Moody. He will pay, of course!"
Severus rose an eyebrow.
"Let's see you take on Moody," he remarked flatly. "That man is invincible, I'm telling you."
"That man is blessed with too much strength," Lucius replied in the same tone, "and with too many limbs, I tell you. We'll see if there isn't anything we can do about that."
Severus nodded mutely. Nothing happened for a while.
"Don't you want to know what I came for?" Lucius finally asked with just a dash of anger and impatience in his voice. "Introducing you to my son is no reason for me to turn up at your filthy dump in the middle of the night when I could be celebrating New Year's Eve, you know!"
"Hey...", Severus began, but Lucius laughed and clapped his shoulder. "Just kidding, of course!"
Severus remained silent, but I could feel his reservation - as well as my own.
"The Dark Lord has further plans," said Lucius quickly and watched the change of expression on Severus's face with some amusement. "They involve... you!"
"M-me?"
I did not like the sound of Severus's voice. Something in it told me that Lucius' words scared him. But there was something else which had caught my attention. Had Lucius just mentioned the Dark Lord?
"I can't ask for another leave," said Severus finally, "Dumbledore will be suspicious. I have only just had the 'flew' for over three weeks, after all!"
Lucius grinned. His face showed contemptuous pride and conceit at the same time. Did he know more than he was telling Severus? Trying desperately to withstand the temptation of growling I continued listening instead. Indeed, I was so busy fighting against my anger that it took me a while to notice Lucius's son Marcus strolling towards my hideaway.
"No," I gasped when his tiny hands nearing my blanket finally caught my attention, "go away!"
I imagined the look on Lucius Malfoy's face if he learned that I had overheard his mentioning the Dark Lord and shuddered. But Marcus refused to turn around. Instead he shot a longing look towards the window-still. I squealed inwardly. If he attempted to climb it, my hideaway would get busted for sure. Obviously, Severus had problems concentrating on his conversation as well, as his nervous glance met the window-still more often than usual now.
"I will, of course, inform the Dark Lord of your refusal, if that is your wish," Lucius now said not yet noticing what was going on, "but I do not think he will be very happy!"
"N-no! I will, of course... oblige," Severus hastily assured. "Tell me what happened and what he wants us to do!"
"A wizarding family near Hogsmeade," Lucius replied, "Wormtail has been helpful - for a change!"
Severus nodded. "When?"
"Tomorrow night," Lucius droned. "Don't fail me. If you are not available so I have to do the work all by myself again, I'm not going to cover up for you."
Severus nodded once more. "Don't worry. I will be there!"
"That's a good boy," said Lucius coldly and clapped Severus on his shoulder once more. "I know you won't dare disappoint me again! Marcus? Off we go!" He walked towards my bed, without noticing the inflated blanket (because of the room's darkness perhaps), grabbed his son and left the cabin. Severus's harassed look followed him until the door shut with a bang.
"Damn!"
I came out from under the blanket in silence and saw Severus sitting on his bed again. His black eyes were staring into the darkness showing no recognisable emotions. Then, suddenly, he seemed to remember the presence of another human being in the room and his eyes narrowed instantly.
"Satisfied?"
"No," I replied sharply, "You've given in again!"
"I am obeying orders! And I am taking a good friend's advice," he said just as sharply. "That has nothing to do with 'giving in' as you like to call it."
I stared at him and I felt a lump in my throat. "You are a Death Eater," I whispered. "You are a member of You-Know-Who's inner circle!"
Severus returned my look without blinking. "Surprised?"
I nodded mutely. We were looking at each other for a while without speaking. Then, suddenly, Severus got up. Another pain-killer resolved in water and he drunk as hastily as the first one.
"I'll have to brew a potion after all," he muttered to himself. "this substance is useless when it comes to... anxiety!"
"Are you going to kill these people?" I asked calmly.
He ignored me.
"To get them out of your way," I continued. "Are you going to torture them?" His glass fell down with a clash and broke into a thousand pieces.
"No!" His hands were shaking and he turned again. My words had upset him - more than he was willing to admit. He stared into my eyes, which, since the small oil-lamp's weak light started to expire, could hardly be more than a faint shimmer at my dark face now. I got up and came closer. We were standing in front of each other like ghosts, not willing or, indeed, able to speak. None of us could break the tension for a while. Then Severus turned and spoke,
"It is Lucius... not me! I don't... I never... 'Leave the fun to me,' he says - and that's what I do."
He had turned, his back towards me, and was looking into the mirror over the basin. He looked almost helpless in his large, black robes, with only his bare feet sticking out.
"I know you better than anyone else, Severus," I said quietly, "And I think I can see the reason, why you feel indebted towards Lucius Malfoy."
He didn't answer.
"Take me with you. Let me see it."
"No way!" he gasped and turned on his heel. "You wouldn't understand..."
I was tempted to laugh. But my inner voice was screaming. "I don't understand most things about you anyway." I finally managed to say. But he kept shaking his head and I left, finally, without looking back once.