Along with my fellow students and all the teachers I returned to Hogwarts at the end of the week. I would be studying for another three months and eventually leave this school with all its nice and horrible aspects for good.
I didn't board the Hogwarts Express, being one of few students who could be brought directly to Hogsmeade by their parents, because the way to London was about three times longer than the way to Hogsmeade station. It seemed reasonable to choose the direct way.
Very soon, therefore, I was sitting in our common room once again, chatting avidly to a couple of girls - about our various holiday experiences, about Christmas, and about New Year's Eve.
I didn't lose a word about my visit at Severus's, however. Of course, my friends knew that we had once been together, but that lay way back in time and I had no intention of digging all the old matters out again, especially not with this specific kind of girl around. So we talked about our Christmas presents, about Jenny's relationship with Rufus and about poor Tom and William Brandon, who had been forced to spend their Christmas holidays at Hogwarts yet again.
I will not pretend to have been particularly interested in all the gossip, so after a while I excused myself and left the common room, which gained me weird looks from all the other girls which I chose to ignore.
I had been strolling along the corridors for a while, before I could finally bring myself to go near the dungeon vaults, which was the same as getting closer to Severus, of course. I hadn't seen him since our fight against the hurricane, and I seriously doubted that he even wanted to talk to me, but an irresistible impulse drove me towards his dormitory, where I finally stopped. More or less self-confidently I knocked at his door.
"Er... Professor Snape?" No one answered. "Severus!" Of course he knew my voice. I was almost sure he remained silent on purpose, which annoyed me to no extend. "Open! I want to talk to you," I said angrily, taking care, however, not to yell, because, quite naturally, I was not supposed to yell at a Hogwarts teacher in such a disrespectful manner. Severus, of course, knew about that, too, and he remained silent.
"COWARD!" I hissed and kicked against the door, knowing that this was at least something he couldn't fail to notice.
"That is quite useless, I am afraid!" a sudden voice behind me said and I jumped and whirled around. It was Professor McGonagall.
"He... isn't he there?"
"He sent an owl saying that he wouldn't be able to return in time this year," McGonagall informed me, "but even so, I should think it is rather unusual for a student to pay her Potions teacher a visit before lesson have even started. And..." she raised an eyebrow, "...in his private quarters?"
I grinned. McGonagall knew perfectly well what was going on and that I still felt I could come and see Severus as often and wherever I liked. I regarded this as my personal privilege.
When after his graduation Severus had spontaneously decided to fill the Potions vacancy, I had suddenly been confronted with my former boyfriend teaching me every Friday afternoon, which, admittedly, had been slightly uncomfortable at first. I smiled at the thought of it. Professor McGonagall, however, was not joking.
"I was under the impression that for the last few years your relationship has been of an entirely professional nature," my Transfiguration teacher said with a slight frown on her face. "Have there been any... changes - around New Year's Eve, maybe?"
I grinned again and flushed slightly. "Not that I know of," I said. "I was only... we had a little argument I wanted to settle... before the lessons start again." I realised that my face went even redder, although I my reply had been perfectly truthful. McGonagall noticed and smiled eventually.
"Well, whatever happened," she said, without loosing the usual firmness in her voice, "I do hope you will be able to pull yourself together for another tree months! I would not be very happy if the term was overshadowed by the relationship of a Gryffindor student with the newly elected head of Slytherin! An unusual combination, that is for sure, but most of all an illegal one. I expect you to act your age."
"Certainly, Professor," I said quickly. "There will be no... disagreeable incidents."
I liked Professor McGonagall. She treated me (and most of the other students) like adults. She took us seriously and expected to be treated the same - as a teacher and as a person.
An intimidating person," my mother had always said. "Intelligent, competent, ambitious... It is a shame she is head of Gryffindor."
And here was the origin of all my problems: Both, my sweet but slightly hysterical mother and my good-natured father had attended Hogwarts - Slytherin to be exact - and neither had ever overcome the horror of their daughter being sorted into Slytherin's greatest rival for the Quidditch- and House Cup seven years later. Indeed, both had been so upset about me being sorted into Gryffindor that they had finally declined to speak about anything to do with Hogwarts and its houses whenever I was around. Still, what came a few weeks later was as a bit of a shock, admittedly.
It was Professor McGonagall again, who asked me to stay behind at the end of Transfiguration on Friday. She told me to follow her to Professor Dumbledore's office. For what reason, she did not seem to know, but the headmaster had apparently asked for my coming in specific.
We had to climb a few steps before we finally reached Dumbledore's office, which in those days was situated in the sixth floor of the same tower where some of my fellow students had been doing Divination since our third year. You could only see an average stone wall at first, but McGonagall tapped some of the stones a couple of times and finally a portal opened, which lead through a red and gold papered passageway into the headmaster's domicile.
He was already waiting for us. He was sitting comfortably in front of his little fireplace, but got up immediately when we stepped into the small room. With an odd expression he pointed towards a chair and asked me to sit down. In fact, everything in his behaviour was so unusual that I became slightly nervous and tried to remember which crime I could possibly have committed that would cause the headmaster to talk to me in person.
"Well, hello Florence," Dumbledore said as though chatting over coffee. "How are you these days? Had a happy New Year's Eve, I suppose?"
I looked at him in surprise. Surely he had not asked me to come up here to talk about Severus?
"Yes. Thank you," I replied, making my voice sound as incidental as possible, "Professor Snape was not in his best mood, though. He was still suffering from bad health. I did leave his house rather early..."
Dumbledore gave me a slight smile. "It is good to hear that you stick to the rules, Florence, but that is not the reason I wanted to talk to you!"
I raised an eyebrow indicating mild interest.
"You'd know, of course," Dumbledore said finally, "that violence is taking over everywhere. Wizards fight among themselves and sometimes even... against Muggles. All the witches and wizards who have not joined the dark side fight for their lives or the life of their relatives. We are all trying to stop a very mighty wizard you might have heard of..."
I nodded. Of course I knew. Just how close my look at the dark wizards' work had been, however, neither Dumbledore nor McGonagall would ever know from my lips.
"You might not have been told, however," Dumbledore continued, "that not long ago our side have won an important battle against the Dark Lord's followers. Many dark witches and wizards have been taken into custody, and even a few Death Eaters. Those who have not died during the battle, that is..."
"Excuse me," I interrupted, realising that my tone was, in fact, unduly aggressive, "but why are you telling me all this?"
Dumbledore sighed and shook his head. "I don't know how to tell you this, Florence," he said with a strangely shaking voice. "You have lost both parents. They died fighting - in the service of Lord Voldemort."
"No! It cannot be!" Professor McGonagall was thunderstruck. I remained silent and waited.
"I am sorry," Professor Dumbledore said. "If there's anything I can do..."
"Albus," McGonagall said with a trembling voice, "is this true?"
"I am afraid it is," Dumbledore said quietly. "The message came only a few hours ago. McGonagall was aghast. She looked at me and turned to the headmaster again.
"Those two... but I had so hoped... are you sure they worked for..." Dumbledore silenced her with a glance.
"Would you like some water, Florence?" he asked and I realised for the first time how weak and exhausted I suddenly felt. I looked down at the glass of water he had conjured out of thin air and nodded.
My parents never worked for you, I thought disbelievingly, though full of confidence in Dumbledore's honesty.
"How come you don't hate me?" I managed to say.
"What - because of decisions your parents made?" he replied softly. I gazed at him without taking in his words. Then, slowly, I realised what had happened. My parents were dead. My mother - my genial, energetic mother... my calm and friendly father with his grey beard and his huge eyebrows... how could they be dead? The excited thrill inside my stomach had stopped. Instead I noticed a huge lump rise in my throat and suddenly I felt extremely sick. Dumbledore's and McGonagall's condolence was drowned out by a shrill, screaming voice inside my head, uttering not clear words but just random sentences of confused terror.
"If you feel you need some time for yourself now," Dumbledore said quietly, "you are excused from all lessons, of course. I would more than understand if you wanted to take a whole week off."
I remained silent and stared out of the window. Dumbledore exchanged an uncomfortable look with Professor McGonagall and she shrugged, almost imperceptibly.
"If you would escort Florence to her dormitory, Minerva," Dumbledore finally suggested. "Florence? Would you like to go back to Gryffindor?"
The Deputy Headmistress and I nodded simultaneously. My pain disappeared. Instead I was in a state of bizarre bewilderment I had experienced only once before - the day I had seen Severus perform the killing curse. In a weird kind of slow-motion I relived the day we had battled the deadly hurricane and little by little my brain started to create a mental image of my dead parents, which I knew was going to stay with me forever.
Early the next morning I made my way to the dungeons, looking forward to double Potions for the first time this year, only to find out that Severus had still not returned. Instead, the new Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher, Professor Lewis, decided that this was an excellent opportunity to finally embark on the long planned expedition into the Forbidden Forest where we were to observe more or less dangerous beasts, although most of the students took this as a mere opportunity to refill their stocks of dangerous or poisonous herbs and mushrooms.
"This trip is for my Advanced Defence Against the Dark Arts Students," Professor Lewis excitedly explained, "and for members of the Advanced Potions course as well. Since some of them need to get hold of very rare ingredients for their mixtures I told them they are welcome to spend their free time with us."
The Advanced Potions group was not big. It was composed of people whose mind worked in such a completely alien way that I was by no means able to value most of their ideas any better than a pure-blood was generally able to understand the function of the simplest Muggle artefacts. Their conversations were often strange and usually scary. Naturally, none of my fellow members of the Advanced Defence group was particularly pleased about being forced to spend their morning with such a bunch of weirdoes. Especially since this feeling was entirely mutual. Therefore, when the sun had risen properly behind the typical white fog of the Northern Highlands, a group of particularly unmotivated, bad-tempered Hogwarts students entered the Forbidden Forest, almost all of them wearing huge scowls on their faces.
"Can you believe our luck?" my friend Chris said, not troubling to keep her voice down. "This could have been so exciting if we didn't have to do it with them! I thought I would never have to spend another day with this malicious bunch of potion-lovers again."
By pure chance, our year's Advanced Defence course consisted of Gryffindors, and Gryffindors only. Advanced Potions, on the other hand, had remained almost purely Slytherin, so that only half the time for the past fourteen months Gryffindors and Slytherins houses had been forced to put up with each other. To my astonishment, everyone seemed to be more than satisfied with this solution. Even Dumbledore had once expressed his amazement what an "extraordinarily quiet year" concerning the houses' rivalry we were.
By another complete coincidence Chris and I were doing exactly the same courses and I had to bear statements like this five times a day. This was not the first time I was getting annoyed about one of them, but I had learned, from many incidents involving Severus and his old enemies, that remaining calm can save you a lot of trouble. So I decided to keep quiet and by doing so maybe preserved our friendship for a little longer than might have been natural. Nothing but a quick, harmless remark slipped from my lips before I could help it this time: "They are not nastier than we are..."
"How do you know?" she snapped.
"I got to know quite a few of them very well," I replied. "I spent a lot of time in their commons, after all."
Jenny giggled and I went red.
"They just can't stand our arrogance," I therefore unwisely continued. "And most of all the so-called Gryffindor chivalry. It just irritates them, which seems very understandable, actually." Chris gave me an unbelieving stare.
"Who is arrogant?" she said, looking disgusted. "Really, Florence, I think you've spent a little too much time in the dungeons. You must be out of your mind."
"I am not," I retorted. "But I have a very clear opinion on what I see. And I see that some of the Slytherins hate the position they hold at Hogwarts. And the way some Gryffindors treat them."
"You are out of your mind!" Chris screamed. "They're Slytherins, for Merlin's sake! Have I ever told you that you sound just like one of them? I really have no idea what the Sorting Hat had in mind when it put you into Gryffindor."
"Nor do I," I hissed. Chris didn't reply. Instead, she left me and joined a group of girls who were talking about anti-splitdamage spells.
I spent the weekend on my own. When it had passed and I joined breakfast once again on Monday morning, I noticed with a jolt of delight that he was back. I found, however, that Severus was anything but in the mood of talking these days. He seemed determined to catch up every second he had missed, so that most of the time he just locked himself in his lab.
On Friday morning I noticed with surprise that, among other feelings, a jolt of excitement hit me when Severus entered the room. I was glad to have him back. And from a quick glance in my direction he seemed glad to see me, too. Otherwise, nothing unusual caught my attention, except that Severus, having arrived well before time as usual, looked exceptionally feeble and very pale.
"For your N.E.W.T.s," he started the term's first lesson, "I expect you to know about the common legal herbs against mental illness. You should know at least three different kinds of veritaserum, all the basic potion ingredients of category A to F and the effect of the 27 poisons we've covered so far." Most of the students sighed. The results of our last essay on poisons had not at all been satisfying for most of us.
"The general requirements have been pushed up again," Severus said and his eyes met mine, "Some of you might be facing serious difficulties."
I shuddered, suddenly realising that he was going to be my examiner and had to give an unbiased judgement. A weak attempt to brush these thoughts away failed horribly and resulted in an embarrassed grin when I suddenly remembered McGonagall's words. Had she admonished him as well?
"Miss Dyker, exactly why are you grinning?" he acted in immediate response, "I don't think that you above all will find this new situation particularly amusing." This brought me down to earth again. My excellent mood melted and I cleared my throat while my classmates where sniggering.
"Yes, of course... Professor."
I found that this scene had had an unforeseen effect on me. When leaving the dungeons and heading towards Gryffindor tower I was sobbing. Tears poured down my face, but I could not recall what had upset me so much. Certainly not Severus? I was angry and felt hot embarrassment rising inside me. Chris did not dare talk to me. Or perhaps she was still mad because of what I had said to her on Friday afternoon. The mirror was, in any case, my only company this evening ("Well, well, well. A pretty face like this - solved in tears...?") and I greatly appreciated his company. With a sigh of as much relief as self-pity I sunk into my pillows and closed my eyes.
I returned to reality only when the sun had disappeared behind the mountains.
"Defence Against the Dark Arts, oh no!"
I got up as quickly as possible and hastened down towards the Great Hall just in time to discover that dinner was over. Some of the teachers and a few students were still sitting at their tables, chatting or laughing quietly. Professor Lewis was talking to Severus at the staff table, making grotesque movements with his arms. I came closer and they looked up in surprise.
"Miss Dyker, You were absent in class."
Severus raised his eyebrows. "Miss Dyker! I am positively shocked!"
He was in a playful mood, obviously. I, on the other hand, had pictures of my parents' reproachful expressions on my mind again and decided to be in a foul mood for a change, giving him a sinister look which he ignored.
"Let me guess," he remarked coldly, "you missed a very vital lesson on Erumpents today. That one'll cost you the exam, take my word for it."
"Not quite," I snapped, "We're doing the Unforgivable Curses. Avada Kedavra in particular!" It worked. Severus flinched and gave me a warning look.
Professor Lewis shook his head. "Let's be exact, Miss Dyker," he demanded cheerfully. "The main topic is called law and order, if I am not mistaken." He turned to Severus and explained: "They asked to do it again, you see. Some of them strive for an Auror's career!"
For a moment Severus's face seemed to brighten up. "Oh, really?" he said silkily. "And which ones would that be?"
Professor Lewis, obviously flattered by Severus's interest, smiled broadly. "Caradoc Dearborn, for example. Benjy Fenwick, I think, and... oh yes, that Burton girl... what was her name again?"
"Ada," Severus whispered. "How interesting."
"Unfortunately, Miss Dyker has informed me that she'd do anything but hunting dark wizards for a job." Professor Lewis said regretfully. "Which is a shame, really, but she seemed to have other things in mind."
Severus's expression became motionless again. "Well," he said, "what is Miss Dyker planning to do once she has managed to grow up?"
I returned his dark look and tried to make my voice firm. "I'll be a Death Eater, of course!"
Professor Lewis glanced at Severus, then at me, cleared his throat and shifted uncomfortably. "I... I am sure you don't mean this, Miss Dyker...?"
I turned towards him and regretted it at an instant. My fury towards Severus disappeared and at the same time my parents returned to my memory, clearer and more penetrating than before. For a second I remained motionless. The effect wore out as abruptly as it had appeared and I assembled myself, managing a winning smile.
"Of course not, Professor. By the way, I came to apologise for missing the lesson. I fell asleep after Potions..."
Severus was looking murderous.
"Very well, Miss Dyker," Lewis said. "You might want to copy what we've done from Miss Crow. And please summarise chapter 23 for me, will you? That one should contain everything you have missed."
I nodded. "Thank you, Professor."
This kind of subliminal quarrel was not the usual way things went, of course. During the following weeks Severus and I managed to get along with each other quite well, even though he hardly ever glanced at me and I caught myself longing for a fight. Only at times when I had my mind on how to insult Severus most effectively the world around me and the memory of my dead parents seemed to shrink enough for me to ignore them. Arguing with Severus was my way of making bad thoughts disappear. But, of course, it was also simply delightful.
He was a very emotional sort of person. Even though he rarely showed his feelings I knew exactly how his mind worked and possessed the precious gift of effortlessly driving him mad with anger. He, on the other hand, knew the things I despised and developed an extraordinary skill in using this knowledge to his advantage. In fact, the likely winner of those little disputes was Severus and Severus alone. His sarcasm made me ill, delighted me and provoked passion as well as blind anger. I felt passionate towards Severus, feeding on our verbal combats and the expression on his face when yet another cauldron exploded under my watchful eyes.
One morning near the end of February, however, things changed. The Quidditch pitch wasn't covered with thick, white frost for the first time in months, and my mood was again exceptionally bad, so that my fellow students fled at the sight of me. They also frequently told me to shut up because I distracted them from their studies with senseless - or: seemingly senseless - babbling.
It was the first day of the second week after my eighteenth birthday. The time when many of us remembered that starting to revise for the final exams might not be such a bad idea after all. It was a Friday and I was sitting in Potions, hating the world and everything in it. Severus was just trying to explain why adding fly agaric or prussic acid to a potion of dragon liver was so exceptionally dangerous and I was playing with my wand under the table, only half paying attention to what was said. Severus was in a bad mood as well. He had been pacing up and down the classroom for several minutes now, but no one seemed to notice. He was upset about something, but only I seemed to sense it. Naturally, perhaps, since his emotions did not usually have any effect on the way he taught his lesson.
"...the prussic acid would doubtless divide the liver into several basic elements," he said, "mainly those Miss Dyker will kindly name for us, once she has finished squashing bugs under her desk!" The students sniggered. Severus's penetrating black eyes were boring into mine as though trying to tell me who was in charge here. His expression, as usual, seemed to read: "And if you can't, you will regret it for the rest of your life!"
"I have been listening," I said defiantly. "The prussic acid splits the liver and gives off phatanogen, which is a mixture of hydrocyanic gas, alcohol and elements of the liver you have not yet mentioned, Professor - mainly zhaht, waiq and nephreon."
He looked impressed.
"Excellent," he said after a while and paused for a second before continuing. "Five points to Gryffindor." The class fell silent. It was a rare enough event that Severus awarded points to Gryffindor instead of taking them away, but I could not recall a single occasion when they'd be given to me... not in Potions, anyway. I rewarded him with today's first smile. Even Chris looked at me in amazement and began to giggle. Most of the students had started whispering and Severus's expression darkened at an instant.
"There is no need for private conversations," he snarled. "Shut up at once! This topic is far too complex to waste precious lesson time chatting to your neighbour. You'll need to concentrate, everyone of you, if you want to pass your exams." And he went on teaching boring details of dragon liver potions with me continuing to play around with my wand.
Some time later (Severus still hadn't finished) a little fly appeared under the table. I smiled. Was it safe to test that squashing spell Flitwick had taught us the other day? I glanced at Severus and decided that it was not. The fly sat down at my bag and stared at me somewhat triumphantly, which put a sudden idea into my mind.
"Avada Kedavra!" I whispered and to my great surprise a flash of blinding green light filled the room for a second. Jenny and Chris, who shared my table, shrieked with terror. Some of the others screamed as well and covered their faces or flung themselves under the tables. Some laughed. Severus had leaped up.
"What the..."
I was still clutching my wand, staring at the dead insect on the floor next to my feet. Chris followed my look and grabbed my arm.
"Florence..."
She was interrupted by Severus, who planted himself in front of me, crossed his arms and gave me a threatening look, his eyes glittering in a highly intimidating way.
"A word in my office. Now!" he snapped, turning to my classmates. "One of Miss Dyker's usual accidents. We'll leave it here for today. I want an essay on dragon liver potions - three rolls of parchment at least. Pack up."
My stomach was still cramped when everyone had left the classroom. Everything around me was spinning and my head was pounding madly. Obediently, I followed Severus to his office when he motioned me to do so, sat down at the room's only chair and watched him sealing the door with an anti-eavesdrop spell. Having made sure that no one could come in while we were talking he turned, marched towards me, put his hands at the armrests and bored his eyes into mine.
"You. Must. Be. Mad!" he said with a slow and dangerous voice. "Using forbidden spells in my lesson - what were you thinking?" I looked back at him, scowled and eventually - could not help blinking.
"I didn't mean to..."
A burning heat rose inside me and made me swallow hard. Not tears again. I tried to fight them but failed much to my embarrassment. Severus sighed and bent down.
"Don't!" he said softly.
I shivered. "I... I... it's dead..."
"It was only a fly," Severus remarked drily. "And you don't care whether it lives or not. You are just embarrassed about crying in front of me."
I gave him an angry glare.
"Why don't you stop?" he suggested.
I tried, but failed.
"Listen," he said impatiently, "what should I say? If I went blubbering like that every time I use the killing curse I wouldn't be right in the inner circle of the world's most powerful wizard much longer, would I?" His honesty surprised me. I realised that he was trying to sound sympathetic.
"You're right," I said unhappily. "It is not about the fly. About nothing, really. It's been like this for ages. I keep crying or laughing for the most stupid reasons. Just out of the blue - unable to stop myself."
"Perfectly normal," Severus remarked. "People react like that when losing someone they are close to." He smiled. "Slaying flies sounds like an excellent therapy, by the way. I should have tried that when -..." He broke off, clearly disinclined to continue. I nodded merely. Something else came to my mind just now.
"Will you tell the headmaster?"
"Most certainly not," he assured, "but you have got to tell me something."
I looked up, mildly surprised, noticing that his eyes had assumed a strange glitter and his voice was shaking slightly. There was clearly something wrong, even though I could not put my finger on it just yet. Eventually, I nodded, watching his gaze wander along my arms and hands as he spoke.
"Was this... your first attempt? Or have you had a go before?"
"What - at Avada Kedavra?"
He nodded.
I shook my head. "This was my... first time."
Severus nodded slowly, thoughtfully. After a moment's pause he rose and turned to stare at his desk. I remembered that he'd seemed worried to me at the beginning of the lesson and felt that I was about to learn the reason for it.
"The Dark Lord wants to see you," he said quietly after a while, making me gasp and open my mouth in horror.
"Vol-"
Severus flung around and put his hand over my mouth.
"Yes!" he whispered. "Don't say it. I want you to leave. Immediately."
"What?" I grabbed his hand and made him release me. "You can't be serious!"
"I am deadly serious!" he whispered and I had a feeling that these words were not randomly chosen.
"Why me?" I snarled. "I haven't got anything to do with him!"
"You're my girl," said Severus and a sudden feeling of warmth spread inside me before I could help it. Very much like in past times when everything had been different - and easy.
"No, I'm not," I snarled. "You know that!"
"Yes, but he doesn't," Severus whispered. "He thinks that you... that we... well, I had to tell him that you have witnessed the... the thing with the Bones! And because I could naturally not let him know that you had tricked me, I told him that... I had brought you - so that you could get an insight... That you've been helping me for many months. Things like that... Had to convince him that you are one of us, you know... an accomplice!" I was hardly able to breath.
"You told him I was there? Why?"
He remained silent for a few seconds. "I'm sorry!" he finally said and fell silent again.
"Why, Severus?" I insisted. "There was no reason to tell him!"
"Believe me, my love," he said hesitantly, his voice suddenly sounding a bit raspy, "the Dark Lord has his ways of... finding out your innermost secrets. And sometimes... sometimes even my ways of defence fail me."
I was not sure whether I understood him correctly, but nodded silently and turned to leave the dungeons. "I'll think about it," I said, finishing the conversation in a very decided tone. "And I'll let you know about my decision - later."
It was a strange feeling. Lord Voldemort wanted to see me. But I wasn't going to be harmed... or killed, no - probably not. Did he want me in his service? If he did, of course, I would be safe of whatever he was planning to do to the world - to his enemies. I had been told he rewarded his servants generously. And that there weren't any outsiders among them. The group belonged together. I liked that idea. Finally being part of something? Not being left out for a change? But I didn't know what was expected of a Death Eater. Would I have to kill? Severus had told me once that you could be powerful without taking a single life. But that had been long before he had become one of the Dark Lord's followers.
It took me a while to get my thoughts in line. To my great surprise I finally realised that my curiosity in this case was stronger than my fear. I wanted to meet Him Who Must Not Be Named. I definitely wanted to see and talk to him.
The decision was made so quickly that, afterwards, it seemed almost impossible to explain when I had finally decided to follow Lord Voldemort's call - and why. When I informed Severus of my decision he was not at all that enthusiastic about the idea of taking me to the next meeting, muttering something like 'mental steadfastness' - but finally agreed.
When the day arrived (about a week later) we had double Potions in the morning and I was hardly able to sit at rest, so that Severus didn't have much trouble giving me the detention we had agreed on. This way we could leave together with none of the other students noticing. I was acting my part. In order to convince my friend Jenny that Severus and I had indeed ceased to be a couple in any way, and because I have (admittedly) never been any good at Potions, I blew up my cauldron near the end of the lesson. Severus went up the wall - literally.
"Do stay behind after class, please, Miss Dyker," he said silkily. "I need to think about suitable measures for this!"
So after the lesson, I obligingly sat down on one of the tables in front of his desk and waited until the classroom had emptied. As long as my fellow students were around, Severus either ignored me or shot such a sinister look in my direction that a cold shower ran over my back. When everyone had left, however, he glided towards me and wordlessly came to a halt only a few inches in front of my nose. I could see how his quiet breath distorted the buttonholes of his robes and glanced at his slender, upright chest before looking along his hooked nose into the glittering, black eyes, which were situated almost three feet above me now.
"I ought to make you scrub the dungeon floor until midnight for this," he said wearing an icy expression. "Those were my last rats. Now I'll have to ask Hagrid to get me some new ones."
I grinned. "You are absolutely revolting when you talk like that. Quite scary, actually. Do you want your students to take you for a malicious monster? A cynic?"
"I am malicious and cynical," Severus replied. "And certainly dangerous. You should know that."
"I do!" I said coldly, remembering the Bones couple with a shudder. I was suddenly reminded of a question which had been bugging me for ages and was finally ready and able to pose it.
"Will I have to kill?"
"Scared?" he replied softly. "You can still run for it, you know."
"But I don't want to," I said stubbornly. "I want to see him."
"Face the consequences then," he said coldly. "You have been warned!"
We remained silent for a while.
"I meet you at the back of Hagrid's hut after dinner," he said flatly after a while. "If you are not there, I am leaving without you!"
"But how?" I suddenly wondered. "Isn't Hogwarts protected by charms or anything?"
"Don't worry," he said with a smile. "You haven't discovered all my secrets yet."
I nodded and rose. "See you later then."
"Yes, see you," he replied, getting up as well and walked towards the door of his office, which swung open before he had even reached it. I, on the other hand, made my way to the Gryffindor common room only to discover that my friends had left for lunch without me.
"Being part of a group for once." I snorted sarcastically and made to slip back through the portrait hole again, but suddenly became aware of the presence of Professor Dumbledore.
"Good morning, Florence," he said politely. "Should we sit down for a while?"
I didn't know what to say. "Of course, Professor, but what about..."
"Lunch will have to wait," said Dumbledore curtly. "The matter I'd like to discuss is rather important, I'm afraid. Concerning... Professor Snape."
My heart sank. He knew it. He knew we were going to meet the Dark Lord tonight! Severus would be sacked and I'd be expelled from Hogwarts - twelve weeks before graduation.
"Professor, I -"
He didn't let me finish. "Please listen to what I have to say first, Florence!"
I shut my mouth and listened.
"I am worried about my Potions master," Dumbledore began. "He has been very pale recently, don't you think?"
"He's always been like that...," I started, but Dumbledore interrupted me yet again.
"Don't be ridiculous, Florence. You know him... better than anyone else, I daresay. And I'm sure you agree that there is a difference between a sick - and an eccentric man."
I shrugged. "He might have private problems."
"Without a doubt," said Dumbledore, nodding pensively. "Quite a lot of his relatives have died recently. Not to talk about his own state of health. And he behaves strangely. Seems nervous and worn out. Very... closed."
Once again I got the impression that Dumbledore knew more than he was willing to divulge.
"Well... I don't know about his problems," I said. "I haven't had anything to do with him for years - intimately, I mean."
"Well... yes, of course, that is what I seemed to think," Dumbledore admitted thoughtfully. "So you don't know either... Please forgive my impertinence. I must have got the wrong impression. Well then, are you going to have any lunch today?"
I shook my head.
He rose. When he had reached the portrait hole, however, he turned once again and gave me another one of his unfathomable looks. "Oh, and there's something else."
I gave him my most anticipating, obedient student look.
"Whatever you two are planning to do tonight..."
I held my breath.
"...please make sure your fellow students don't get wind of it."
And he left as silently as he had arrived. I, on the other hand, turned and stormed upstairs, feeling that I had just been ridiculed.