Part 10 – Alone
6 p.m. Sunnydale Memorial Hospital
The sound of the heart monitor beeped steadily in the darkened hospital room. Cordelia opened her eyes slowly and moved slightly in her bed, wincing at the feel of the stitches pulling in her mid-section. Across the room on a small table was a large arrangement of flowers and a window that looked out onto a nurse's station.
Cordy reached up and touched her face, feeling the bandage on her cheek and the pull of the IV tube on her the back of her hand. How the heck did I get here? She wondered. Her whole body hurt and she was trying to remember what had happened.
An older nurse walked into the room and smiled when she saw Cordelia's eyes open. She walked over to the bed and examined the assorted monitoring machines, "Well nice to see you awake, Cordelia." She smiled and fidgeted with the machines.
Cordelia opened her mouth to ask how long and no sound came out from her dry throat. "How?" is all she could manage to croak out.
The nurse turned around to the tray table and filled a pink plastic cup full of water, slipped the straw in and turned back to Cordelia, lifting the straw to her lips. Cordy took a deep drink, only to find that the nurse hadn't put all that much water in.
"How long??" Two words, great, I spoke two words, what is wrong with me?
"Well you were brought in three nights ago, were in surgery for about 5 hours and then you have been sleeping on and off ever since. You took a nasty fall, but the doctor fully believes you are going to be fine." The nurse looked down at the young girl and had been briefed on why she was in the hospital, but didn't know much else as she had just gotten back from vacation.
"Oh." Cordy didn't feel like talking, her body was sore and she was surprised to wake up to an empty room, where were her parents, her friends.
"Let see who sent you the lovely flowers. I just got back from vacation and this is my first night on duty, oh and I am Gretchen." Gretchen the nurse said as she moved away from the bed to examine the card on Cordelia's flowers.
She read the card, and then read it one more time, not believing what it said.
"Who are they from?" Cordy asked. Four words, I got out four words and my throat didn't crack.
"Your parents, they wish you to get well soon." Gretchen lied; the card really read 'Sorry about your accident dear, your father and I are having a wonderful time in Monte Carlo. – Mother'
"Oh." Cordy wasn't surprised that her parents were not present; they never seemed to be around as of late.
"Let me pour you some more water, but only a half cup to start out with, would you like me to turn on the TV?" Gretchen started to feel sorry for the lonely girl, what a shame such a pretty girl was all by herself in the hospital.
"Thank you." Cordy said, not caring whether or not the TV was on, but grateful for more water.
Gretchen moved the bed tray table so it was closer to Cordy and poured more water into the pink plastic cup. She took the remote and turned on the television to Entertainment Tonight, nothing to serious. "Okay, I need to check on a few other patients, if you need anything just ring kiddo."
Cordelia stared blankly at the television screen, watching Mary Hart interview a random celebrity, not really paying attention. Clarity of what had happened the night she fell was starting to come back to her and two distinct images stuck in her head – Xander kissing Willow and Buffy wrapped around Angel. Tears started slowly flowing down her bandaged cheek. I am all alone.
...10 pm outside at the nurse's station
Gretchen walked over to the nurse's station and picked up her coffee cup, taking a drink of the bitter hospital brew. She clicked things off regarding her patients on the computer and then looked up to see Claire, a nurse from the Surgery group walk up to the station. "Hey Claire how are you?" Gretchen said casually.
"Good, just wanted to check on a patient of mine from surgery a few nights ago, Cordelia Chase." Claire said, coming around the corner and punching up information on the computer.
"She was just waking up when I came on duty. She seems pretty sad and based on the note on the basket of flowers from her parents I can see why." Gretchen said taking a sip of her coffee.
"Did her parents come in today?" Claire asked, surprised that they had not been in on each of the previous two days that she had come up to check on the girl.
"No, you will not believe this but they sent her flowers saying that they were having a great time in Monte Carlo. Their daughter is in the hospital and they couldn't cut their vacation short. I hate it when I see young people so alone like t his girl" Gretchen shared with the other nurse, disgusted that parents could be that cold, especially when their child was in the hospital.
"Oh she isn't alone, wasn't Angel in there?" Claire asked looking a little surprised. Cordelia's boyfriend had been at the hospital practically 24x7 watching over the girl as she slept through her recovery of the past three days. She had woken up briefly after surgery, but then the doctors had decided to slip her into an induced coma so that she could heal properly.
"Angel, who is Angel?" Gretchen asked, thinking that this girl probably needed a guardian Angel with her uncaring parents.
"That is right; I forgot you have been on vacation. Angel is a tall, dark, moody, totally hot guy who has spent the past three days sitting at Cordelia's bedside waiting for her to wake up. When I had stopped by last night he looked so pale, I thought for sure he was dead." Claire said; wishing she had a man that devoted to her.
"No one was in the room when I came on duty." Gretchen asked, touched by the brief story.
"Jill must have been successful in convincing him to go home, shower and shave and get some sleep. I think he will be relieved when he hears Cordelia is awake." Claire said.
From the corner of the floor, by the stairway entrance, the door opened and a disheveled Angel walked onto the floor. His face was scruffy, having not shaved since Cordelia was brought into the hospital, and he wore a concerned expression on his face.
...earlier that evening
Angel was focused on Cordelia's sleeping form and was holding her hand, as he had done for the past two and a half days. The doctor had told him he was going to medicate her to get her to sleep for couple of days so her body could heal. Angel had listened and not liked the idea, but decided to trust the human doctor.
"Angel we stopped the sleep medication on Cordelia only an hour ago. She most likely will sleep through the night and not wake up until tomorrow. You need to go home and get a decent night's sleep." Jill the day shift nurse said.
"But what if she wakes up and is all alone; I don't want her to be alone." Angel said turning to the woman who had been taking care of his Cordy.
"She won't be alone there is a whole hospital full of staff here." Jill said.
"But you are strangers to her, I have to stay." Angel said. The nurse was right; he was tired, and hungry, having not feed in almost three days. He was having a hard time thinking about anything other than wanting Cordelia to be awake, to come back to him.
"And if she wakes up and sees you looking like the mess you are right now, do you think she will be happy with you?" Jill asked. Over the past few days Angel had told her stories of Cordelia, and she had been touched by how much he cared for her, but also got the impression that they were both a little vain. Maybe convincing him to look good for Cordelia would get him to go home and get a decent night's sleep.
Angel thought on that comment for a moment. He looked down at his wrinkled shirt and realized that Jill was right, he was a mess. The sun was just about to set, his body could feel it. Maybe he would go home for an hour, feed and shower and then get back to the hospital.
"Are you sure she won't wake up in an hour?" Angel asked, listening carefully to the nurse's heartbeat to make sure she wasn't lying to him.
"Positive. My guess is that the drugs will work their way out of her system later tonight and she will sleep through then wake up in the morning." Jill said, thinking for a moment that sometimes people's bodies processed the chemical's differently, but on average it took eight hours once they turned off the medication for them to wake up fully.
"I'll be back later tonight, just in case." Angel decided he did not want to take the chance of Cordy waking up alone. He stood up and bent down and pressed a kiss on Cordy's forehead, "I need you, wake up soon." He whispered to Cordelia. He moved away from the bed and grabbed his leather coat off of the chair in the back of the room. He turned to Jill. "Thank you for taking care of my girl. I will be back later."
"No problem Angel." Jill watched the young man leave and was touched by the scene she had just witnessed.
...at the mansion
Buffy was pacing back and forth across the living room, waiting for Angel. It was just after sunset and was no where to be found in the mansion. She jumped at the sound of the front door opening. In walked the vampire, who looked tired and worn.
"Angel, where have you been, the sun just set a half hour ago?" Buffy asked walking over to him as he entered the living room. She reached her arms out to pull him into a greeting hug, and he side stepped her attempt to touch him.
"Buffy what are you doing here?" Angel asked, not answering her question.
"I wanted to see you." Buffy said, not wanting to tell him quiet yet that she missed him, and wanted to get back together with him, even if he had been living with Cordelia. Angel was her vampire.
"Oh, well here I am, now if you'll excuse me I have things to do." Angel dismissed her, and was annoyed when she didn't take the hint to leave. He decided he would leave then and started up the stairs to his bedroom. The bedroom he shared with Cordelia.
"Angel wait, I need your help." Buffy practically shouted, wanting to keep Angel from walking away from her.
Angel stopped on the second step and turned and looked at Buffy. "What?"
"I came to get your help in cleaning out a vamp nest down on 5th street. There are quite a few and I don't think I can take them all myself." Buffy lied, not about the vampire nest but about being able to take care of it herself.
"Buffy, I really want to shower and feed and then get back to the Hospital. Did you forget that Cordelia is in a coma?" Angel decided that being blunt with the Slayer was the best tactic.
"No, I didn't forget about Cordelia. But there is nothing we can do to help her, let the doctors and nurses take care of her, or better yet her parents." Buffy said, huffy that Angel appeared to be choosing the cheerleader over her needs.
"Cordelia's parents are out of town." Angel said deciding not to get into an argument with the blonde about what Cordelia did or did not need at the moment.
"Oh. Well Angel I really do need your help, it won't take long, not more than a half hour, hour tops if we go together." Buffy said.
"Fine, I'll drive." Angel said, knowing he was never going to be able to get rid of the Slayer unless he did what she wanted.
The half hour assignment ended up taking closer to two hours as there were quiet a few vampires and the nest was not on 5th street, but actually four blocks away on Silver Lane. When the last vamp was dusted, Buffy turned to Angel and moved to hug him.
"Buffy, I need to go." Angel said he practically had to pry Buffy away from his body.
"Angel, why are you so distant with me as of late?" Buffy asked, thinking that now that he was back to full strength they could go back to being a couple.
"Look Buffy I need to get back to the Hospital." Angel said bluntly.
Buffy thought for a moment and remembered Spike's words from the other night –
'You're not friends. You'll never be friends. You'll be in love till
it kills you both. You'll fight, and you'll shag, and you'll hate each
other till it makes you quiver, but you'll never be friends.'
"Are you telling me that Spike was right, we can't be friends?" Buffy asked.
"What? No." Angel responded puzzled by what she was talking about, but not really caring at the moment. "Look, I have to go, we will talk later. Do you want a ride home?"
"No, I will walk." Buffy said, needing to think, Spikes words playing over in her head that she and Angel could not be friends.
Angel took that as his cue to leave, he knew deep down that he had hurt Buffy by being so short with her, but that was just not his priority at the moment, and that discussion with Buffy would need to take place eventually, just not tonight.
Angel looked at his watch, 9 p.m., he needed to feed now more than ever and a shower wouldn't hurt either.
...Back to real time – Hospital 10 pm ish
...."Jill must have been successful in convincing him to go home, shower and shave and get some sleep. I think he will be relieved when he hears Cordelia is awake." Claire said.
From the corner of the floor, by the stairway entrance, the door opened and a disheveled Angel walked onto the floor. He wore a concerned expression on his face.
Angel started moving quickly across the floor to get back to his spot at Cordy's side. Angel neglected to shave, wanting to get back as quickly as possible. Have to be here when she opens her eyes. The medical people had told him they were inducing a coma so that she would heal faster, but it worried him. He wanted her eyes to be open, hear her voice teasing him about something dorkish he had done recently. He wanted Cordy back among the living, and by his side.
"Excuse me Sir, visiting hours ended an hour ago." Gretchen said as she saw the man walking toward a patient's room.
Angel turned and held back a growl at being told he couldn't be with Cordelia. He then noticed that besides the older nurse, the younger woman, Claire, the first nurse to take care of his Cordelia was there. He didn't say anything, but just looked intently at Claire.
"Well it is good to see you in different clothes I think, and the scruffy look works for you." Claire said teasing the handsome man who had on a black on black ensemble that just made him look more mysterious and handsome.
"Yeah a shower helped, can I go sit with her please." Angel turned on the charm; it had worked so far with the younger nurse these past few days. He suspected that his charm would not work so well with the older woman who had tried to stop him.
"Of course Angel and she is awake." Claire said with a big smile. She blinked, because the man moved so quickly to Cordelia's room she thought he had disappeared.
Angel rushed into Cordy's room and looked down at his sleeping beauty. What was different this time was that the TV was on low and one of her hands was gripping the remote. Her face looked tear stained. She woke up frightened and I wasn't here. Angel sat on the edge of the bed and took the remote out of her hand, and then grasped onto her hand. "Cordy?" Angel whispered loudly, wanting her to open her eyes.
Cordelia opened her eyes and blinked away the sleep that had started to creep back to her. She saw a scruffy looking Angel. She had never seen him scruffy before. And he was smiling, he never smiled.
Angel looked down at the hazel eyes that were finally open. It had been the longest three days of his life. "Hey." All he wanted to do was crawl into bed with her and wrap his arms around her and squeeze.
"Hi, where's" Cordy started, and then her voice cracked, "Water." She asked.
Angel turned around quickly and let go of her hand. He saw the water pitcher and the plastic glass and filled it up. He brought the glass and straw to her lips and let her drink her fill.
Cordy sighed, finally feeling as though her thirst was quenched. She blinked and looked up, surprised that Angel was there. Shouldn't he be out with Buffy? She averted her eyes from his; she wanted to hide the sadness that had developed in her eyes.
"Nice to see you awake, and I am a bit surprised you are at a loss for words." Angel teased her, noticing that she wasn't looking at him.
"Why are you here?" Cordelia was amazed she got the full sentence out.
"Well you did take care of me when I was at my worse; I figure I owed you the same." Angel said gently. Cordy seemed different, something was seriously bothering her and he wanted to know what it was so he could fix it. He wanted a happy Cordelia.
"Oh." She turned her head, not wanting to be pitied. In shifting her body farther away from where Angel's hip rested on the side of the bed she moaned in pain. Her body was protesting at the movement after being in the same general position for so long.
"Cordy are you okay, should I get the nurse?" Angel asked at the sound of her painful moan. He noticed that she was trying to create distance between the two of them when all he wanted to do was grab her up and hold her forever.
"I'm fine. Why aren't you out with Buffy?" Cordelia decided that she was through beating around the bush with Angel.
"Why would I be out with Buffy?" Angel was confused, what did Buffy have to do with anything. Was she upset that he wasn't there when she woke up, all because of Buffy?
"Well she is your girlfriend." Cordelia said a little fiercely even in her weakened condition. She pulled her hand out of his and tried to turn her body away from him. This time she yelped in pain.
"Cordy stop, you are going to pull your stitches." Angel grimaced at her painful expression.
"So, who cares?" Cordy was sinking down into a level of self pity she rarely ever got too. The emotions from what she had witnessed before and after being impaled were flooding back to her. Tears were welling up in her eyes.
"We all do, everyone cares about how you are doing. I am so sorry I wasn't here when you woke up earlier." Angel said, he reached down and gently touched her unbandaged cheek, rubbing away the salty tear that had rolled down her cheek.
Cordy didn't say anything, she wanted nothing more than to turn her head away and cry, but Angel's fingers were stroking her cheek, providing a level of comfort she couldn't even fathom.
"I care about you Cordelia, and it kills me you were alone." Angel stated plainly and truthfully. He was worried about how emotional she was upon waking up. What had she witnessed before the fall that is now bothering so badly?
Yes you care about me, but you love Buffy. Cordelia thought, not wanting to fall deeper for the vampire than she already was, especially since he did not deny being Buffy's boyfriend.
"Angel, I'm tired now, I think I want to sleep." Cordelia decided that she didn't want to talk, didn't want to hear the words come out of Angel's mouth that he and Buffy were together.
"Then close your eyes, I will be here when you wake up." Angel had moved his hand to stroke her hair. He had a funny feeling that she wanted him to leave. Not going anywhere princess.
Cordelia didn't turn her head away, she was too tired to fight with him, to ask him what she needed to hear, but not wanting the answer. She closed her eyes and listened to the sound of the heart monitor beeping letting it lull her back to sleep. She ignored how comfortable she felt having the vampire touching her, consoling her. Tomorrow I am going ignore those feelings, she tried to convince herself.
Angel looked down at his sad girl. He didn't know what to say to make things better, and decided that silence was best. Plus he was really good at the quiet thing. He could feel how upset she was, and even though her eyes were closed he could sense the tears in her eyes. He decided that the best thing she needed now was not to be left alone, but to stick to her like glue.
He was counting her heartbeats in time to the noise of the machine. Claire walked into the room and saw the sadness on Angel's face.
"What is wrong Angel?" Claire asked, happy that Cordelia was again resting, but a bit concerned as to the look on Angel's face.
"I think she is mad at me because I wasn't here when she woke up. I don't know?" Angel said, maybe the woman would know the answers.
"Angel she has been through a traumatic experience and her body is trying to heal. She will be back to normal soon." Claire reassured him. It wasn't so unusual for someone who had been in an accident to try and push away those that care about them.
"I just want to hold her and make her pain go away Claire." Angel said honestly.
"Don't let her push you away Angel. She will need her friends to heal faster." Claire said and walk over to the window blinds and closed them, blocking out the street light and making the room a bit darker. She turned and looked at the couple, they looked good together.
"Thanks Claire. I am going to stay tonight, even though she isn't in a coma." Angel said quietly. He didn't want her to wake up scared and frightened or worse alone. He remembered how she held him through his insanity when he arrived back from Hell. He owed her the same.
"I expected as much. Let me get you a pillow, and if you want to hold her, I think that would be fine. Hugs are good medicine." Claire moved to a closet on the other side of the room and pulled out a pillow and an extra blanket. She moved to the edge of the hospital bed and put the extra pillow up by Cordy's head.
Angel took off his coat and quickly moved so his back rested against the back of the small bed. He kicked off his shoes and then gently lifted Cordelia so she was resting against his chest.
Cordelia had woken up to the sound of Angel and the nurse talking, but decided to keep her eyes closed and listened to the exchange. She let Angel lift her body to rest against his cool body. Even though part of her brain said to pull away, she ignored it and decided to take what she could get. Maybe she could settle for being Angel's friend, and live with Buffy being his lover.
TBC