Prologue:

It can happen. It will happen. An accident is waiting for you, dear reader. I'll bet you're drinking a beverage of some sort, ne? It can happen. It will happen. And you'll wish you read that label on the SIDE OF YOUR BEVERAGE! ahem Statistics show that 1 out of 4 people will have an injury in the eye, groin, buttocks, knee, mouth, pinky toe, nose, collar bone, ribs, abdomen, and shin due to the unexpected projection of the cap of a bottle of soda pop (Dr. Pepper being the most common with this problem).Be afraid reader, very afraid.

::Chapter One:: Yami no(like) Dr. Pepper

"Do you have any idea what that will look like in your stomach?" Yugi sits on the couch next to Yami, a hand on his knee, cynically looking at his dark happily munch on some Swiss Rolls, and sip an almost-empty bottle of Dr. Pepper on the table.

"I can't see my stomach, now can I, Aibou-dearest? I see the food, it looks good, I eat it. Stomach is happy. Doesn't care what it looks like."

"When I was 6 we had a lunch lady come in my classroom with a cupcake and soda. She mushed them up in a bag and told us that was how the food looked in our stomach. And it was pretty groady looking! Reminded me of sewage."

Yami pauses, slowly turning his head, a slightly vengeful look on his face. "I'm eating, Aibou."

"Yeah. I can see that. Ya know, you're gonna get fat one day and I'm just going to laugh when you come out of the Puzzle against Kaiba or something, and watch his face when he sees your potbelly."

Yami picks up another Swiss Roll, ritualistically peeling off the chocolate covering and then eating the cake. "I'm a spirit. I can't get fat. Actually, I can't technically ingest food."

"So…why are you eating…?" Yugi picks up a bottle of Dr. Pepper from Yami's stash that is on the table.

"I don't know. Perhaps for the same reason that people will eat for no reason."

"That's not a good reason…"

"It's reason enough, for my reasoning is that the reason that people will eat for no reason is the reason that I reason to be mine."

"…What…?"

"Ha. I confused you. Now leave my eating habits be."

"Be what?"

"You may be one-third blonde, but you sure get your fraction's worth. Anyway, speaking of gaining weight, Kaiba could gain some. I mean, he looks like a skeleton, and on top of that, he wears black (a thinning color, ya know) and it's very tight." Yami sips the Dr. Pepper.

"Actually, I think he's quite flabby in some places. He may be thin, but it's like his muscles aren't there."

"Especially in the gluteal area."

"Yeah. It sags."

…silence…

"Why are we talking about Kaiba's butt?" Yugi raises an eyebrow, trying to open his soda.

"I…Do…Not…Know…But I think we should stop."

"Yeah…" Yugi tries to twist the cap off. "Dang it! I can't get this thing off. Can you give it a try, Yami?" He hands Yami the bottle.

Yami picks up the red, cone-shaped bottle, and gives it a hard twist. It doesn't budge. He twists it again, making grunting noises. "Damn thing." He looks at the cap. "Oh, I see, the plastic is-AGH!" Yami yells as the cap of the Dr. Pepper mysteriously pops off with a pook! and hits Yami in his eye. He falls to the ground, one hand over his eye. "DAMMIT DAMMIT DAAAAAAAAMMMMMIIT! STUPID FUCKING THING! OH GODS! MY EYE!"

Yugi pauses for a moment, thinking that the ex-Pharaoh is putting on an act. He quickly realizes that this is not true, and kneels next to Yami. "Yami! Are you okay?!" Yugi says. It's funny how normally, upon approaching a person in obvious writhing pain, will ask the person 'are you okay'. Humans..mnef.