Chapter Two: Dangerous Cravings
Now, not only is the bottle itself of a soda dangerous. Vending machines can also be defective nods. Or…out to get you. One of the two.
"AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" Ryou sits up suddenly in bed. Bakura was once again tormenting him in a dream, torturing his very essence as he dreamt.
"So, will you do as I say, hikari-dearest?" Bakura materializes beside Ryou, a mischevious grin on his gace, accented by the deep shadows that somehow emerged in the sunny room.
"Yami…It's two o'clock in the morning. I'm sorry, but if you've got a craving for Dr. Pepper, you go out and get it. There's a vending machine less than a block from here."
"I don't want to get it, I want you to get it."
Ryou yawns, scratching his head, and seemingly dusting off the loose NASCAR shirt that served as part of his night garb. "And why do you wish for me to do this?"
"To assert my control over you. If I can't make you go get a goddamn soda for me, how am I supposed to be able to use your body whenever I want and have you take place in my diabolical schemes to kill the Pharaoh among others and to eventually gain control of the world?"
"Well…You could ask me."
"…Ask you."
"Yes."
"But you'd say no."
"But at least I'd know that you were kind enough to ask me even though you didn't heed my wishes."
"I don't want to be kind. I'm evil, Ryou. I'm so evil that my hair and chin get pointy when I think evil thoughts."
"Alright Yami, goodniiight." Ryou says pleasantly, and turns over, pulling his white sheets around him."
"Ryou. It's not like I'm asking for a fucking eye here. Just get up and get me a goddamn DR. PEPPER!"
"I didn't know eyes could do that! What a find!"
"Tomorrow is Sunday. You can spend a little time awake by walking to get me a Dr. Pepper. You're just lazy. Kids these days!"
"Oh…I'm lazy? You're the one that wants me to get up at 2 o'clock in the bloody morning to get you a drink! You get off your lazy butt for once and go!"
"I do not have a lazy butt. I have a nice, evil butt. You have an angelic butt."
"Uhm…"
"Pharaoh has uptight butt. Jonouchi has sloppy butt. And Kaiba has a saggy butt."
"You notice all of this..?"
Bakura stands still, silent, and upright, trying to maintain his dignity, and his utter evilness. "Who wouldn't?"
"Yes, I suppose you're right."
Silence…
"But we have a nice, evil sexy butt." Bakura nods knowilngly, grinning evilly.
"I differ in opinion…"
Silence…
"Ryou?"
Ryou moans. "Whhaaaaaaaaaaaaat?"
"Go get me a Dr. Pepper. Now."
"Oh, Christ, Yami, I-AGH!" Ryou screams as he is propelled through his window, breaking the glass, leaving large bloody gashes all up his arm and chest, and landing on the ground 2 stories below. He coughs as his head spins. "…Ooww…"
"What do you mean, ow?? You need to take pain, Hikari. Be a man."
"Helloooo?! I have my own apartment, manage to make payments all by myself, I have to make sure you don't go on a killing rampage, for God's sake, and maintain my grades, and worry about other miscellaneous that pop up unexpectedly in day-to-day-"
"Ryou…You are such a fruit."
Ryou glares at Bakura, folding his arms boldly. "How dare you insult me when you want me to get something for you?!"
"I'm merely telling you the truth, dear Hikari. People don't take you seriously because you're a fruit. That deters the effects of my fiendish plans."
"Okay, okay. I'll get you your gosh-darn Dr. Pepper. Alright?"
"See? Don't you see? You're such a fruit that you give up so easily!"
Ryou stares forward, annoyed. The bags under his eyes and his pissed off expression make him look evil himself. "Good-GOD-! What do you think I've been doing?! I didn't throw myself out the window! JUST SHUT THE 'ELL UP AND I'LL GET YOU YOUR GOSH-DARN COKE SO I CAN GO BACK TO SLEEP ALREADY!"
Bakura cowers for a second, falling behind Ryou, who has made it to the luminescent vending machine, almost acting like an insect-killing device, except the insects being large humans who are all too familiar with the thing. The image on the front is that of some racecar driver that sponsors Bakura's current obsession. "Dr. Pepper."
Ryou casts a terrible glance over his shoulder, and Bakura is silenced. Ryou takes a few coins from the pocket of his penguin-and-racecar patterned pajama pants, counts them out, and gently slides them into the slot. He presses a plastic button, and the vending machine begins to whirr. A sound of a dropping bottle is heard. Ryou bends down to retrieve the product. He feels nothing in the slot. "That's funny…It appears that the bottle is stuck."
Bakura raises both eyebrows and pushes his hikari aside. He strolls up to the vending machine calmy. He stares at the luminescent screen of the driver, smiling and holding up a bottle of Dr. Pepper. "Give me my damn DR. PEPPER! You!" He points at the man on the screen. "GIVE IT TO ME! IF YOU DON'T I'LL BOIL YOUR PRIVATE PARTS AND EAT THEM FOR BREAKFAST! AND THEN I'LL TAKE YOUR SOUL! HOW DOES THAT SOUND?!"
Ryou sweatdrops. "Yami…That's not a perso-."
Bakura ignores him, and starts punching the vending machine violently, cursing random things, such as it was this driver's fault that the toilet had clogged the day before, and for Ryou being a 'fruit'. Ryou looks around, hoping no one is hearing what is happening. Bakura continues punching it. The next moment, Bakura is propelled backwards and lands on the sidewalk across the street. Ryou runs over to his yami.
"Yami! What hap-" He raises an eyebrow as he sees the bottle of Dr. Pepper between Bakura's legs. Bakura is staring into space, his hands over his groin. Tears roll down the tomb robber's cheeks.
"…ow." He says in a very high-pitched and painful voice.
Ryou tries not to smile, and puts his hand over his mouth as he starts to giggle. He begins to cry he's laughing so hard.
"Hi…Hikari. This is –not- funny." Bakura says, his high-pitched voice only making Ryou laugh harder.
"Oh, you have no idea how much it is."