Chapter 3: Where Will You Go

One week later..........

[Rory]

Rory tried to talk about the CD selection, which was partly true, but it was too late. Her mother saw the messed up bedding. She knew.

"So, what did he borrow?" Lorelai asked.

Rory couldn't lie anymore. Lorelai knew and she felt incredibly guilty for not telling her first.

"I'm sorry I didn't talk to you first about it," Rory said. "I know I promised I would, but I had no idea that this was going to happen. I mean, I had no idea he was going to show up tonight. It just happened."

Rory saw disappointment cloud her mother's face, but she didn't say anything.

"It's awful four you to find like this, I know," Rory said, trying to point out the good in what happened. "But, everything's okay. I'm okay. We were safe so apparently those Trojan man jokes all these years apparently stuck. I'm lucky, too, because it's Dean. He's—Well, aren't you glad it was with someone who's good and really loves me?" Lorelai finally spoke: "But, he's married."

Rory knew she would say that. "You don't understand the situation," Rory said.

"Is he still married?" Lorelai asked.

"Yes, but-"

"Then I understand the situation."

"It's not working out between them. They're not happy."

"Oh, Rory."

"He tried, but it didn't work. It's over."

Lorelai let out an exasperated sigh. She was clearly upset, but Rory didn't understand why. It was Dean, the guy who obviously still loved her. Otherwise, he wouldn't have come.

"He told you that?" Lorelai asked.

"Yes," Rory replied.

"He told you he's leaving her?"

Rory thought back to her conversation before they did it, but all she could remember was him saying that it wasn't working out and that it was over.

"Well-"Rory started.

"He told you he's moving out," Lorelai interrupted. "They're getting divorced, he's got a lawyer, they've divided up the monster-truck seating tickets?"

"We didn't get around to discussing everything," Rory admitted.

"You didn't get around to discussing everything?" Lorelai repeated.

"It was a crazy night."

"You of all people, the girl who thinks everything through, the list maker, you didn't bother to discuss those things before jumping into bed with a married guy?"

Rory was shocked that Lorelai put it that way. Jumping into bed with a married guy? She didn't know what she was talking about. Besides, Dean loved her not Lindsay.

"He's not a married guy," Rory said. "He's Dean. My Dean."

"He's not your Dean," Lorelai said. "He's Lindsay's Dean. You're the other woman."

Oh, my god! Rory thought. Does she ever shut up? This was Rory's first time and Lorelai was raining on her parade with this cock and bull that she was the other woman.

"I told you," Rory said. "It's over."

"It's not over until he's out of the house with the ring off," Lorelai said.

"He took the ring off," Rory said.

Smooth, Gilmore, Rory thought. Real smooth. Lorelai suddenly looked disgusted.

"Oh, my god," she said. "I don't believe this."

"He's in love with me, not Lindsay," Rory said.

"Does Lindsay know that?" Lorelai asked.

Rory was getting really tired of this. Lorelai wasn't ruining this for her. She didn't understand.

"She's not good for him, okay?" Rory said, angrily. "She lets him quit school and work himself to death and-"

"No, Rory," Lorelai cut her off. "Uh-uh. You can't be one of those girls who blames the wife for forcing her husband to cheat."

"He was not cheating!" Rory said.

"He was cheating, Rory" Lorelai said, in a calmer tone than she was in. "He was cheating and you were cheating with him. There's no other way to spin that, kid."

Kid!? Rory thought. How dare she call me a kid! I'm not a kid! At least not anymore!

"I'm not spinning it," Rory protested. "And I'm not a kid. I'm nineteen."

"This is your first time," Lorelai said. "This is not the way your first time was supposed to be."

"Oh, and how was my first time supposed to be?" Rory demanded.

"First of all it was supposed to be in a retirement home," Lorelai said. "Secondly, ideally, it was supposed to be with someone single."

"My first time was with someone who's sweet and kind and who loves me," Rory said. "I didn't raise you to be like this. I didn't raise you to be the kind of girl who sleeps with someone else's husband."

"You slept with Dad when he was with Sherry."

"He wasn't married to Sherry."

"He was engaged and she was pregnant."

"This is all my fault? I set one crappy example for you and you have no choice but to follow in my footsteps?"

Rory had enough. She had to get away from her mother. Lorelai was really raining on her parade and she didn't want it to get flooded. She furiously walked into the living room.

"Rory, what are you going to do now?" Lorelai asked, following her. "Huh? Is there a plan?"

"I don't want to talk about it anymore," Rory said.

"I just want what's best for you," Lorelai said. "That's all!"

"I don't want to talk about it," Rory repeated, hoping she would get the message.

"I just don't want you to get hurt, Rory," Lorelai said, the volume of her voice going up a bit. "What if he doesn't leave her? Now you're emotionally involved."

"You're just mad because I didn't come running to you first to discuss whether or not I was ready to take this step," Rory said, angrily. "I decided on my own."

"Well, obviously you weren't ready for this step," Lorelai said, angrily. "The very fact that you chose another girl's guy to sleep with proves that."

Another girl's guy? This was Dean. HER Dean. Dean loved her. He always had. That didn't make him Lindsay's guy. Besides, he was Rory's guy first.

"HE WAS MY BOYFRIEND FIRST!" Rory shouted.

"But, you dumped him," Lorelai said, half shouting. "You rejected him. You picked someone else."

There was only one way to make Lorelai stop. Rory had to get out of the house and away from her.

"Stop it!" Rory said, grabbing her coat.

"Rory-"Lorelai started.

"I HATE YOU FOR RUINING THIS FOR ME!" Rory shouted, walking out the door.

Rory put her coat on and took out her cell phone calling Dean. She needed to know if he was really getting a divorce with her.

"Hello?" a woman's voice greeted her.

Lindsay.

"Hello?" repeated Lindsay. "Hello? Hello? Hello?"

Rory hung up. There were her answers. Dean was still living with Lindsay. They weren't getting a divorce. Rory dropped to the ground and cried hysterically. She made a terrible mistake. Lorelai was right. Dean cheated on Lindsay and she cheated with him. She was the other woman and a big disgrace to her mother. What have I done? Rory thought.

Everything started spinning. Faster and faster. Lorelai and the house were getting farther and farther away. Rory tried to grab hold of something, but she couldn't.

"NO!" Rory cried. "MOM, HELP ME!"

"You got yourself into this," Lorelai said. "Now you get yourself out."

Rory sat up in her bed in a cold sweat with the words "get yourself out" echoing in her head. It's just a dream, she thought. But, it wasn't technically a dream. It was what happened between her and Dean four years ago, except she didn't get caught in a tornado. She had been having that "dream" for a week.

Rory looked at her clock. It was six thirty in the morning. I need coffee, Rory thought, throwing back the covers and going into the kitchen. Rory tried to make the coffee, but her heads were shaking. Once she filled up the cup, she was shaking so much, she dropped it with a loud crash. The pot was luckily plastic, but water splattered everywhere. Lorelai came into the kitchen just as Rory started cleaning up.

"What are you doing?" she asked.

"Did I wake up Luke?" Rory asked.

"No, he left early to open the diner," Lorelai answered. "What are you doing?"

"I needed coffee, so I tried to make some and this happened," Rory said, gesturing to the mess. "I'm sorry I woke you up."

"It's okay," Lorelai said. "I'll make the coffee and you clean up the water."

When Rory was finished with the mess, Lorelai handed her a mug and sat down with her at the kitchen table.

"What are you doing up so early?" Lorelai asked.

"Bad dream," Rory responded. "Well, no not really a dream, but it was bad."

"Want to talk about it?"

"It was what happened after you found out that Dean and I..........you know."

"Moved your stuff out of Noah's house?"

"No. The other thing."

"What other thing?"

"The thing that we said we were unpacking boxes, but we really weren't."

"Oh, that."

"Yeah, that."

"You can't still feel bad about that."

"I haven't thought about it until now. I've been having this 'dream' for a week. Except in the dream, I got caught in a tornado and you wouldn't help me."

Rory needed to walk. She got up and started walking around the house with Lorelai at her heels.

"You probably feel guilty," Lorelai said.

"We weren't even supposed to see each other anymore," Rory said. "I mean sure it's been four years and the sexual tension is gone, but still. We agreed not to see each other anymore."

"Rory, calm down," Lorelai said.

"I just thank god every day he's not a contractor anymore," Rory said. "That he's a handyman for the Inn."

Lorelai suddenly stopped following her and looked incredibly guilty. Rory stopped walking to examine the look on her face.

"What?" Rory asked.

"He's the handyman for the Inn," Lorelai said.

"WHAT?" Rory shrieked. "For how long?"

"He's been the handyman for four years," Lorelai said. "Since the Inn opened."

"How did I not know about this?" Rory asked.

"I made sure your paths didn't cross. He didn't know your working there until last week."

"Oh, god!" Rory started walking around again.

"Honey, I'm sorry," Lorelai said. "I should've told you. He really needed the job."

"God is punishing me," Rory said.

"God is not punishing you, babe," Lorelai said.

"I'm being punished for what I did," Rory ranted. "I did what I did with Dean and I became the other woman. Now, I'm being punished by getting the guy who cheats on his wife!"

"Honey, if I had a tape recorder I would make you listen to what you just said," Lorelai said. "But, sadly I don't have a tape recorder, so I'm just going to have to tell you that you are talking crazy!"

"Why couldn't he just have me hit by a bus? Or have my arm cut off? Or put me in a car with a drunk driver and lose feeling in my legs? I would rather have that than have my own husband cheating on me and have these stupid dreams about what happened four years ago!"

"RORY!" Lorelai grabbed Rory by the shoulders. "SIT!"

Rory, who somehow ended up in the living room, plopped down on the couch. She opened her mouth to say something.

"Don't talk," Lorelai said, sitting down next to Rory. "You are talking crazy. No one's punishing you. You probably feel guilty about this whole cheating-on-Lindsay thing."

"No, really?" Rory said, sarcastically.

"Or," Lorelai said, holding up her finger to silence her. "This Noah situation is similar to the situation with you, Dean, and Lindsay for years ago and this is bringing back memories of that time period."

Rory started to cry.

"Oh, honey," Lorelai said, cradling her in her arms like a little kid.

"I'm sorry, Mom!" Rory sobbed. "I'm sorry that I was a disgrace to you! I'm so sorry!"

Lorelai pulled Rory away from her so she could look her in the face.

"Oh, Rory, you were never a disgrace to me," Lorelai said. "Yeah, I wasn't happy about what you did, but you could never disgrace me."

"Are you sure?" Rory asked.

"I'm sure," Lorelai said. "Unless you decide to quit your job at the Inn and become a hooker."

Rory sighed and wiped her tears. "What should I do?" Rory asked.

"Take the day off," Lorelai said. "Sleep in. Watch TV. Read. Go outside. Come to the Inn and ride one of the horses to your favorite spot. Just relax."

"Okay," Rory said.

"You want to watch a movie?" Lorelai asked. "I don't think we'll be able to sleep now after all that excitement from the past fifteen minutes."

"Sure," Rory said. "Footloose?"

"Sounds good," Lorelai said.

Rory popped in the video and pushed play on the VCR and rested her head on her mother's shoulder and watched the movie.

[Dean]

Dean's cell phone rang at five o'clock in the morning. He was surprised he fell asleep. He thought he'd be too guilt ridden to sleep again.

"I need to talk to you," a voice whispered at the other end of the phone.

"Rory?" Dean whispered.

"Yeah," Rory answered. "I need to talk to you."

"Now?"

"Yes, now."

"Why?"

"Because if people see us in broad daylight or at night then they'll start to talk and I don't want people to talk about us right now."

"So, you want me to come over?"

"No. I don't want to wake up Mom."

"Well, then where?"

There was a pause.

"Meet me at the Inn," Rory finally said. "Come in fifteen minutes."

One second later, Dean was listening to the dial tone. He looked down at Lindsay who was in deep sleep. He slipped a shirt on over his pajama pants and grabbed a jacket and walked to the Inn. Once he got there, a bright light flashed in his eyes. It was Rory holding a flashlight.

"Follow me," she said.

Dean followed her to a bench down by a lake. He sat down next to her. For a minute they sat in silence. He knew why she called him here, but he didn't want her to talk.

"What we did last night was wrong," Rory said.

"I know," Dean said.

"We shouldn't have done it."

"Again, I know."

"It was very very very very-"

"I got it, Rory."

"You just came to my house because you probably hadn't had sex in a while. You don't love me."

What? Dean couldn't believe she would actually say that. Of course he did.

"That's not true, Rory," Dean said. He had to say it, even though he would regret it. "I can't believe you would say that. I do love you. I always have. How do you think I felt when you were with Jess? I never stopped loving you."

"But, you married someone else," Rory said.

"I thought I was over you," Dean said. "I don't sleep with people I don't love."

"But, you cheated on your wife with me," Rory said. "Ex-girlfriend isn't so terrible in this case. Maybe a fiancé isn't as terminal as this. But, this is your wife, Dean. You are married and I'm the other woman and a disgrace to my mother."

Dean saw tears welling in her eyes. He felt bad. The last thing he wanted to do was make Rory the other woman. But, there was some kind of vibe between them. He couldn't just ignored.

"I don't want to be the woman, Dean," Rory said. "No matter how happy I was with you last night, it's just not worth being the other woman. And it's really not worth being a disgrace to my mother, the one person who has always been there for me."

Dean sighed. "Did you get this dialogue off Days of Our Lives?" Dean asked.

"I don't want to joke about this," Rory replied.

"I'm sorry," Dean said. "No jokes."

It was Rory's turn to sigh. "I don't think we should see each other anymore," Rory said, her voice wavering.

"What?"

"It'll be too hard. If we do, we won't be able to keep our hands off each other and then Lindsay will find out and it'll get very ugly."

"How ugly?"

"You ever see Glory?"

"Yeah."

"Remember the battle scene at the end?"

"That bad, huh?"

"Yup."

"I can do that, but what if we run into each other?"

"Then, we'll pretend that we don't see each other. We just have to forget that this ever happened."

Dean nodded. "If that's what we should do," he said.

"It's for the best," Rory said. "Give your marriage another shot. I know if you both work together you'll be happier."

"I can't," Dean said. "When I said it was over I meant it. It wasn't a thing to say just to get you in bed."

"Dean, try for me," Rory said. "I know Lindsay give you a hard time, but I know you love her. If you won't do it for her, then do it for me."

Dean didn't say anything else. She was right. He had to give his marriage another shot. After all these "feelings" he thought he had for Rory was probably just a way to push Lindsay away from him so he didn't have to do the dirty work.

"You're right," Dean said. "I have to give my marriage another shot."

"If we see each other in a few years, I don't think we'll have to avoid each other anymore," Rory said. "Maybe this thing going on between us will have passed."

An awkward moment of silence passed between them. The sun was just starting to rise.

"This may sound melodramatic and it might be a total Young and the Restless moment," Rory said. "But, I'll miss you and I'll never forget you."

"I'll never forget you either," Dean said. "And I'll miss you, too."

Rory gave him a kiss on the cheek and walked away. Dean waited for her to go away and then started walking home. But, before he continued, he banged his head against the tree. He loved Rory, but he cheated on his wife. And he hated himself for it. Why did he marry Lindsay? Why couldn't he get Rory out of his head? Why did he have to cheat on his wife? He felt so dirty and so vile.

But, he was also heart broken and sad. He really did love Rory and now he was never going to see her again. There would never be another woman like her. A tear trickled down his face, but he brushed it away. There was one woman he had to think about now and it was his wife. But, how would he find the strength to get through this marriage when he was in love with another woman?

Suddenly the ground opened up and Dean felt himself falling and heard himself screaming in terror. There was nothing to grab on to. He fell faster and faster. There was no way to stop. Wake up, Dean, he thought. This is a bad dream.

Dean woke up breathing heavily at six A.M. It was just a dream. But, sadly it was only a dream for that moment. It was a mental replay of what happened after he and Rory cheated on Lindsay (hence the ground swallowing him). He had tried so hard to forget about that just like Rory told him to and he was succeeding. Now, for a week, it came to haunt him in his dreams.

I've got to get out of here, Dean thought, getting out of bed. He threw some clothes on and ran outside. He needed someone to talk to, but he had no one. He and his friends never discussed complications. He didn't really have an older figure to talk to. I need a shrink, Dean thought.

He noticed that Luke's was open. He suddenly had a craving for coffee. He opened the door and walked in and found Luke cleaning the counters and Kirk lying down on a table.

"Hey, Luke," Dean said. "Can I have a coffee to go?"

"Sure," Luke said.

Luke turned around and made Dean a cup. When Dean got it, he sat down and took a sip.

"It's called 'coffee to go' for a reason," Luke said. "So that you can leave while drinking the coffee without having to give the cup back."

"I know the concept of coffee to go," Dean said.

"You looked frazzled," Luke said. "You okay?"

"More or less," Dean answered. "I need a psychologist."

"You want to talk to me about it?" Luke asked.

"Do you care?"

"You just said you need a shrink. I'm better comfort than a shrink. Trust me. People tell me."

"Lorelai?"

"Who else?"

Dean sighed. He did need someone to talk to. Luke was better than nothing.

"Okay," Dean said. "Four years ago, Rory and I..........well...........did something we shouldn't have done."

"What did you do?" Luke asked.

"You don't know?" Dean asked.

"No, I don't."

Dean looked at Kirk to make sure that he wasn't listening, but he was lying down on the table asleep. Yeah, the whole town had found out about Rory and Dean, but after a week they stopped talking about it. He didn't want the rumors to start up again.

"We slept together," Dean whispered. "I know it was wrong, so please don't try to pull my head off now."

"I know about that whole thing," Luke said.

"You just said that you didn't know," Dean said.

"Actually, Lorelai did tell me about that," Luke said. "I thought you were referring to something else. I did want to kill you for a while, but Lorelai talked me out of it and I don't really want to kill you anymore. Anyway, it was four years ago. You came clean with your wife, right?"

"Yeah," Dean said.

"So, why are you thinking about it now?"

"Actually, for a while I actually forgot about. Then I saw Rory a week ago and helped her with the moved and it all came back to haunt me."

"Haunt you?"

"Well, that's what it seems like."

"Maybe your in love with Rory?"

"I don't think that's possible. I haven't seen her in four years. I highly doubt that I feel the same way about her now the way I did back then."

Luke looked like he was in deep thought.

"Hang on a second," he said, disappearing upstairs.

Dean took another sip of his coffee and stared at Kirk. He was sitting in his chair, but his upper body was stretched out across the table. Dean saw some salt and peppershakers under Kirk's head. How can anyone sleep like that? Dean thought. At that moment, Luke came downstairs with something under his flannel shirt.

"This should probably help you," Luke said. "If you tell anyone I have these I will take you out to a swamp in New Jersey and shoot you."

Luke put a tape down on the counter. Dean looked at the title of the tape. It was a self-help tape.

"You have a self help tape?" Dean asked.

"Remember my threat," Luke said.

"I know," Dean said. "Luke, I appreciate you trying to help me, but I don't think a guy talking on a tape is going to help me."

"That's what I thought at first, too," Luke said. "But, they helped me out. They helped Jess out, too."

"Jess?"

"Long story. Anyway, just give it a try and if you don't like it you can key Taylor's car and tell him that I did it."

Dean chuckled. "Thanks, Luke," he said.

"No problem," Luke said.

A loud snore came from the table Kirk was sitting at.

"You wake him up," Luke said. "I don't have the energy for it."

"KIRK!" Dean shouted.

Kirk quickly sat up and looked around bewildered.

"I wasn't asleep!" he said, quickly. "I wasn't asleep! No!"

There were huge dents on his face from the salt and peppershakers. Dean chuckled and took another sip of his coffee and hid the tape in the pocket of his denim jacket.

"But where will you go

With no one left to save you from yourself

You can't escape

You can't escape"- Evanescence

To Be Continued....................

A/N: I know the chapter was pointless, but I had to bring up some history between Rory and Dean and why it might cause conflict. I have a thing with dreams. The thing with Rory slipping away from the house and the ground opening up swallowing Dean were just elements I added to make them more "dream-like." Chapter 4 is coming soon.