Chapter 15: Diverse Feelings

Spike killed the engine of his DeSoto, got out of the car and made sure all doors were locked. He ran a hand through his tousled hair as he stepped towards the front door, the other hand dug in his faded jeans pocket to find his house keys. Sucking the fresh morning air into his lungs, he pinched the bridge of his nose while closing his tired eyes briefly. He inserted the correct key through the lock before slowly opening the door, not wanting to disturb his sleeping father.

He needed more sleep, he thought. It was only four hours ago when he finally dozed off. Although he could sleep at the Summers' residence until afternoon, he decided it would be better to leave after Joyce arrived.

He tossed his keys onto the study desk, peeled his duster off and draped it on a chair. Sighing, he dropped his body on the mattress and lay flat on his back. His mind brought him to the memory of last night as he closed his eyes.

Joyce was expected to be home by evening, but her flight got cancelled due to the storm in Chicago. So she rang Buffy to inform her that she would be home the next morning. Buffy, once again, was too upset to be home alone. Her cousin had just left last night, and now her mother wasn't even coming home. Noticing her disappointment, Spike offered to stay with her until her mom arrived, which meant that he had to sleep over her house. Buffy gladly accepted his offer although she could invite Willow to have a slumber party instead.

The first thing they did was cook dinner…well, Spike fixed the meals since Buffy was doubtfully able to survive the kitchen without burning it. Then they watched TV, but mostly they were too occupied with commenting and bickering about any shows that popped into the screen. It was midnight when they decided to call the night off. Spike, remembering about the innocent grope fest that happened that afternoon, suggested he sleep on the couch. Since she had no idea about his real reason, Buffy insisted that they should sleep on her bed. Although he rarely stayed over her house, that did not mean the way they spent the night would be any different to the way they did at his place. Spike tried to back his suggestion up, but he couldn't give her his real reason. He came up with ridiculous explanations and she obviously did not buy them. So he finally gave in.

After they entered her bedroom, he started to strip his clothes off. Buffy's face reddened instantly and she fidgeted when she saw him standing in front of her, topless. The Spike-nakedness event soon replayed across her mind. She swore Spike would taunt her again the minute he looked up to her. Boy, was she wrong! She was rather taken aback by his reaction. There was no trademark smirk, no cocky grin nor a mischievous glint. Nothing. It was in fact an awkward vibe he sent through her. They started to act nervously around each other as the air thickened in a flash. A second seemed to be an hour. The silent became deafening as they lost all words. Spike ultimately broke the agonizing silence, he decided he should crash in the couch.

Buffy did not feel right about it. She knew sleeping on the couch would be uncomfortable, especially for a tall person like Spike. She tried to think of another option.

Okay, her house originally contained three bedrooms. But given that only two people lived in it, her mother had turned the guest room into a storeroom for her personal art collections. Moreover her mother hardly ever stayed home for more than a week in a row.

'That's it. Geez, why didn't I think about that?' A bright light bulb popped up above her head. She grabbed an old blue tank top and sweats from her dresser before telling him to sleep in her room while she used her mother's.

The solution however did not provide Spike with the good rest he needed. Occasionally he turned and tossed around. His mind had screamed that this was not right. She should be here with him, wrapping one's body with the other's. Just like the way they did every night she came over his place. Once or twice, he went to the bathroom for a cover up to check on her. Perhaps she couldn't sleep either. Perhaps she also thought the idea of having two separate rooms was wrong. But her light was off and she never came out of her room once. Perhaps he was wrong.

It was approximately 10 o'clock in the morning when Joyce arrived. Both Spike and Buffy had just exited their respective rooms at the same time. Spike was half naked and Buffy's top hung dangerously low. The blond couple froze at their spots for a minute, gawking at each other.

'This is just bloody stupid." He thought at their awkwardness. They couldn't thank Joyce enough for ending their gauche situation as she landed her feet at the top of the stairs. Joyce was seemingly surprised to see her daughter come out of her room, looking as though she had slept there last night. She knew they still shared a bed, so what changed?

Spike immediately went back to Buffy's room and got dressed after he announced his leaving due to some urgent errands he needed to attend.

And now here he was…at home at last.

"What the fuck was that all 'bout?!?" He grumbled, sitting up on his bed.

He recalled all the incidents that had happened yesterday. Okay, they were at the beach, Buffy fell asleep, he took her home. Buffy woke up, she crawled over his lap, fortuitous breast-cupping incident happened, she gave him Cordy's letter, she told him a story, then they made…wait a sec! Cordy's letter…he almost totally forgot about it. Spike took his duster from the chair.

He was pretty curious as to what the letter was about. He and Cordy were good friends but they rarely contacted each other. Buffy, who was Cordy's closest cousin and friend, couldn't keep in touch with her regularly, and neither could he. He even found out about her engagement from Buffy. He was crushed. His world seemed to fall apart. Though he may have appeared to be a player, seducing every attractive girl he met, it was only a technique to deflect him from thinking of her. To tell the truth, he had been secretly in love with her from the time she moved to Sunnydale eight years ago. All of his friends, including Buffy, thought he only had a crush on her. No, it was more than that. Since then he completely lost contact with her, and finally buried his hopes that someday she would have feelings for him. Feelings that were more than towards a friend…or a brother.

And now she wrote him a letter. He could not even remember the last time she did that. The question in his mind was why she didn't talk to him in person. 'Maybe she was too busy with her job,' Spike tried to rationalize. After all, she only visited SunnyD to get some work done. Why couldn't she give him a call? Another question arose. He did not have any rationales for that one.

He stared at the white envelope, contemplating what had been written inside. Could she have changed her mind about him? Maybe she finally had feelings for him, like he had wished those years ago. Taking a deep breath, he pulled the folded paper out from the torn envelope once again. Just when the letter was about to come out fully, a ring sounded in his ear, startling him. He put the letter back inside and answered the phone.

"'Ello? Oh bugger! Sorry, Xan I completely forgot. Give me half an hour and I'll be there." Spike sighed in between his curses. He was too engrossed by yesterday's events, he had neglected the plan of getting birthday presents with Xander. He closed his eyes momentarily, then put the letter inside his drawer before strolling over to his bathroom to get cleaned up.