Haku: -creeps in slowly-
Y. Haku: THERE YOU ARE! -glomptacklefling-
Haku: Yaaahhh! Run away!!!!
Everyone: -sweatdrop-
REVIEW REPLIES: Are going at the END!
Note:
I am aware, that one of my chapters has offended a fair few people. This chapter (Which I can't remember the name of for the life of me... Hey, it's 8:00 on a Saturday morning, give me a break...) was the one that made a mockery of Yaoi/ Shounen ai, and Yuri/shoujou ai pairings. I would like to apologise for any offense to Yamis and/or Hikaris that I caused, and I take this opportunity to do so publicly.
I would also like to take this chance to remind everyone publicly, that this fanfiction is just meant to be a light, (albeit somewhat dirty,) humorous mockery, not meant to be taken seriously in any way. This fic is designed to point out Clichés and plot holes within the anime Yu-Gi-Oh!, and it's large fanbase. (I believe one of the largest, if not THE largest on the site.) This fiction was meant entirely in good humour, its' contents are not to be taken seriously, but if it does create more 'controversy' if I may, it will be taken down.
I love Yu-Gi-Oh! And I made this fiction as a sign of my love of the anime /manga /card game /computer game /merchandise /whatever... I insult my dear Frangipani (Atemu) at least twenty times a day, but I do so because I love his character, not for any other reason. In much this same way, I love to find plotholes and flaws in the plot, for example, I'm still wondering how come Yami forgot everything and Bakura didn't. I do not mean to offend with my ways, but if I have, I'm sorry.
So please, be kind in your reviews, remember that this fiction is NOT to be taken seriously, and that I, as a writer have incredibly low self esteem. I take all comments to heart.
DISCLAIMER:
I don't own. Don't you dare even THINK about suing, because chances are, you don't either.
~~~
Chapter 5:
How to know when someone is out to get you.
~~~
Every Hikari has this little voice inside them that tells them what to do in tough situations. Most of the time, that voice is you, but there are other times when you get pushed out of the limelight, and another voice will step in, and try to take over.
This voice is usually an evil person of some description (mastermind, Kleptomaniac, rapist, cartoon obsessed 30 year old... etc.) and for our purposes, this person shall be dubbed the 'Baddie.'
A standard physical description of the 'Baddie':
The baddie is usually taller than you are, and most likely around 1 -20 years older than you. We are yet to come across a 'Baddie' that is substantially younger than you or your Hikari. The 'Baddie' will generally have hair in the shade range of 'platinum blonde' to 'white' or sometimes even 'grey/silver', and they ALWAYS, and I mean ALWAYS have something funky going on with their eyes.
For example, one of the more famous (now deceased) 'Baddies', Pegasus J. Crawford (Maximillion Pegasus if you prefer) Had something funky going on with his eyes, for one was solid gold, and fake. Malik Ishtar has lavender eyes, with two tattooed marks trailing down them, and our own two resident 'Baddies' have, or have had, something funky going on there. Isn't that right, Mariku and Bakura?
"Well, in my past life, before I was sealed away in that blasted ring, I had a rather interesting scar running down from my eye, and Mariku here looks exactly like his Hikari, (Except for the hair, and the third eye in the middle of his forehead) so yes, we do. Now leave us the **** alone!" The Tomb Robber relates.
That's not all! The baddie will also have a few interesting personality quirks, some as cliché as a deep, raspy voice (the 'evil git'), others as strange and out there as fruity clothing, an obsession with 'funny bunny' and a strange affinity for drinking 'fruit juice' from a wine glass. (The 'fruity old gentleman.')
And finally, (Though this is not a physical description) the 'baddie' will find a way to mess with yours, and your hikari's mind. Whether it be by reading it, messing with it, and trying to control it, or by sealing a part of heir soul away in it, they will attempt to control it somehow.
SO, how to know when the said bad guy is after you?:
Well, I'm no expert at this, but I know of a few hints that will tell you if they are or aren't, though it isn't guaranteed that these work.
1. Is there a new, English exchange student in your Hikari's class, who looks too incredibly innocent to be completely plausible?
If yes, Check him out, get a source of background information. Did his Archaeologist father buy him any strange, golden pendants from shady souvenir stands on his last dig? If so, there is an 'Ancient Tomb Robber Baddie' after you. This 'Baddie' will be insanely insistent, and is the type that 'no matter how many times you beat them, they still come back.'
2. Did your Hikari just receive a strange, unmarked package containing the following: A strange, fingerless glove, two star shaped counters and an unmarked videotape?
If yes, don't let your Hikari do the stupid, 'showing my naïveté', clichéd action and stick the video into the video player. But, if you already have, it is time for you and your Hikari to meet the 'Old, fruity gentleman' type baddie. This baddie wears red suits, with frills and bows and makes you wonder just how 'real' his Cecelia was... or whether she was not, in actual fact, Cecelia, but maybe Christopher instead. This type of 'Baddie' seems obsessed with mind games and cheating, and has a strange affinity with a cartoon rabbit called 'Funny Bunny.' Maybe that fruit juice is laced with something?
3. Is there a boy in another class who just recently opened up a very successful game shop, and just played a mind trick on the most dim-witted of your Hikari's friends?
If Yes, then you have just met the 'Dice boy Baddie' This 'Baddie' is really nothing to worry about, you've just got to beat him in a game of his own choosing, but this one is harder to recognise than the others, for he has black hair, instead of the usual blonde colourings. But this type of 'Baddie' is still identifiable through the funky eye thing, for most of the time, they have a triangle tattoo raking down from one of their eyes. This is somewhat contrasted by the fact that they have one dice earring though.
This 'Baddie' is quite peculiar though, for once you defeat them, they will become a 'Goodie' and join in your Hikari's group of friends.
4. Does there seem to be an uprising of seemingly brainless, clouded eyed minions in your town?
If Yes, then you are probably about to come face to face with the second-to-worst type of 'Baddie' there is. ((Haku: Hehe, I'm having such fun calling them baddies!)) This is the 'Mind controlling Baddie V.1" He will use people as his pawns, to try and destroy you, whilst being in a very far away place where no harm will come to him. Try and slow his minions down and eventually he will come and face you himself.
5. Is there a Mind Controlling Baddie V.1 in your town who seems like he's loosing the plot any more than he already has?
If Yes, then in a little while, you will no longer have a 'Mind Controlling Baddie V.1' in your town, but a 'Mind Controlling Baddie V.2'. The updated version of this baddie is an even greater threat to you and your Hikari then the first one, for he is even more ruthless, evil and has an even worse dubbed voice. Be very, very quiet... We're hunting 'Mind Controlling Baddie V.2's...
6. Did you just get transported into a virtual simulator, where a green haired look-a-like of your Hikari's greatest rival appeared?
If Yes, then you have just met the 'Deceased and disgruntled son Baddie.' This baddie is incredibly sour, because one, he's a virtual being, two, he's dead, and three, well, your Hikari's greatest rival stole his company. Hell, I'd be ticked off too. The thing to remember is this isn't yours and your hikari's battle. This is your Hikari's rivals battle. I'd stay out of it if I were you.
~~~
Haku: -sweatdrop- Noa's was really lame, but you can't blame me, I haven't seen the Noa Archive.
Y. Haku: Hmmm.... Then why'd you put him in?
Mokuba: Because people might have gotten sour if we didn't...
REVIEW REPLIES:
Bunny Meatball/Odango Usagi- -Bounces- Well, I suffer from shrimpitis too! I'm exactly 1 inch taller than Yugi! And I was thinking about doing a second chapter of FAQ... but I do need some FAQ from the readers...
Blaquerose- -blinks, then throws Chibi, Neko, demon, Inu, angel, Vampire, and sugar-high Ryous at Kai- Hopefully that will distract her long enough so we can save you Ryou!
Atemu, Yugi and Malik: -walk in-
Y. Haku and Mokuba: -trying to save Ryou- WHY AREN'T YOU HELPING???
Haku: Inaminit! -Staring vividly at the three-
Flowacat-
Y. Haku: Tying her to a chair! That's a perfect way to do it!
Haku: Oh dear. -sprints off-
LoneWolfStar7- -pokes out tongue- I'm not your average Hikari.
Y. Haku: -sighs- Can I help with the plans for world domination at all?
Paladin Dragoon- Add in a 'h' between the 's' and the 'i' and you got it.
Dagger5- ^_^ Pocky is... well... it's... -isn't entirely sure how to describe it- well anyways, I'm weird because most people like it and I hate the stuff.
And there are better oxygen levels down here. So :-P
Silver Dragon, Iron Claws- I'm glad you liked it. I'm also glad it was semi-helpful!
Female-Yami/Yugi- -blinks several times- -starts to feel speshul- ^_^ Yay! Someone is protecting me from da nasty flamers!
Y. Haku: Hikari, are you feeling alright?
Princess Krystal01- I'm glad you're enjoying it.
Jkateel- -smiles proudly- I'm sure you're just sayin that...
JenniChan- -blinkblink- I think the note up the top is for you.
Tramontana Keeper- ^^ Yay! I'm so glad you like it! -huggles yew- And thanks for all da nice reviews!
Saiyan Jedi- ^_^ looks like you're having a fair bit of trouble there...
Y. Haku: And we realise that not all Hikaris are cute and chibi... this fic was written based on the three Yami/Hikari pairs in the show.
Haku: AND DON'T YOU EVEN THINK ABOUT TAKING MY SENNEN PENCIL! -Clings to it- The precious... the Precious!
Mokuba: Uh.... huh....
YamiClara- ^_^ Otay then!
Y. Haku: Are you SURE you're feeling alright Hikari?
Haku: Apart from a chest infection... yeah! Perfectly fine!
~~~
Haku: As I've said in a review or two, I'm going to do a second chapter of FAQ. PLEASE SEND IN SOME QUESTIONS!!!! Anyways, Read and review?
(My goal is now to have 100 reviews before the end of the fic.)