(A/N: The update is finally here ::hides behind desk::)

Chapter 29: It Would Never Be Enough

Buffy hated rain. Her hair went all limply, her new shoes got muck, and her makeup would've been ruined entirely if it wasn't for the waterproof mascara and eyeliner she was wearing. She was never the kind of person who carried around an umbrella if there was a chance it would rain. But then again, she didn't expect it to be raining today when she walked out of the gallery.

Ugh! Why didn't I call Spike to pick me up instead? Buffy tried to cover her hair with her small purse even though she knew it wouldn't help much. Almost jogging, she treaded across the street and headed to the Espresso Pump.

Buffy tidied her hair a bit, tucking a strand behind her ear as she entered the café. Her eyes wandered around the room in search of familiar people. Spotting her friends, she waved and offered a smile. It seemed like the Espresso Pump was pretty packed today. So packed that Willow, Xander and Spike had to share a table with strangers.

Buffy came to a halt and a frown marred her face. Wait a minute! Those are not strangers. Those are— She squinted her eyes at them. Oh, great! Those girls again! Does he really have to bring them? Buffy scowled more as Anya started to ruffle Spike's hair, teasing him endlessly about his slicked back hair. Spike feigned a glower at the brunette, trying to pry her hand away. God, this was just a great additional to Buffy's bad day, watching her boyfriend laughing together with another girl. I'll show you whom he belongs to! With determination, she made her way to their table.

"Oh! Hey, Buffy!" Willow perked up when she saw Buffy.

"Hey, guys! Sorry, I'm late." Buffy smiled as she gave a long sided glance at Spike's friends.

"S'okay. Ooh! Have you met Anya and Tara?"

"Yeah, I have." She forced another smile. Unfortunately. Anya and Tara smiled back at her. "Hi, baby!" Buffy gave a seductive smile to Spike before kissing him deeply. A throat clearing finally broke them apart. Buffy feigned an innocent look at Willow and Xander while Spike smirked. "What?" She chose to sit on his lap even though there was an empty stool.

"So anyway, this guy said that his band was playing next week and that I should come and check them out. He even gave me his recorded demo!" Anya continued excitedly, as if not to acknowledge Buffy's presence.

"That's great, luv! Does his band have a name?" Spike pulled Buffy's hand away from playing with the end of his hair. His gaze was fixed on Anya, interested in the story she was telling, so he didn't catch the frown Buffy threw him.

"I think it's called Venice, Vanished, Vanquish…or maybe it's Venus. Or Penis!" Everyone chuckled at that except Buffy. Great! This was just what she needed on this gloomy, rainy day.

The conversation continued all around Buffy, and most of the time, she remained silent. She almost felt she didn't belong there. She tried to get Spike's attention with a caress on the nape of his neck, a kiss on his head, and a rub on his shoulder. None of them worked. She even yanked a lock of his hair on purpose. When he yelped and asked her irritatingly about it, she simply said that her bracelet got caught in his hair accidentally.

That's it! Buffy had enough of it. Spike didn't show her any interest, and Willow and Xander didn't pay much attention to her either. For some reason she felt like she was being betrayed by her friends. She wished she was still at the gallery, working instead.

Buffy slipped from Spike's lap and grabbed her purse off the table. "I have to go." She said with restrained anger. She finally got everyone's attention.

"Why? Where are you going?" Willow asked at the same time as Spike did.

"Work. You know, the usual." She forced an apologetic smile. But she wasn't sorry. She wanted them to apologize to her.

"But you've only been here an hour."

Oh that is more than enough, believe me. "I know. I'll see you guys later." Buffy didn't spare Spike a glance after she said her goodbyes. She stormed out of the café with rage in her steps.

Spike was baffled. What the hell was that about? He looked back to Willow and Xander and released a groan at the meaningful look they gave him. "Be back later." He muttered under his breath.

"Buffy, wait!" Spike jogged after her but she just quickened her pace. "Buffy!" He grabbed at her arm, gripping her so harshly that Buffy winced. She jerked her arm away.

"Why are you acting like this?" Buffy scoffed.

"Last time I checked I was coming here to spend time with you and our friends, not to be invisible. But then, you just had to invite your new friends to join us." Spike restrained an exasperating groan at her jealousy. He was getting tired of her insecurity.

"Xander and Willow didn't mind."

"Well, I do!" She almost yelled.

"Why? Because your little, insecure mind told you so?"

"No, because every time I want to be with you, you always have other plans with them."

"Buffy, you work practically all the bloody time! How am I supposed to know when you'll be free? And don't ever think that I never wanted to be with you, because from what I remember, you would rather spend your free time helping your mother. For God's sake, Buffy, you're still in high school!"

"You don't under—"

"Oh, don't give me that mother-daughter bonding crap!" He finally said it. He was sick of her reasoning and he finally told her to her face.

Buffy gritted her teeth so hard they hurt. She clenched her fists together tightly, anger rushing through her blood. Oh, no, he didn't understand. He would never understand what it was like to be her. How she used to wish to be someone else. How she wanted to be him or her friends instead.

"I'm not like you, Spike. I haven't had the privilege of coming home every day, knowing that one of my parents would always be there. Knowing that I would be able to at least communicate with them for a minute. God, I rarely have a chance to even see my mother long enough to argue with her! If you only knew how much I envy your relationship with Giles. How you both can spend time having breakfast and reading the paper together in the morning. My mom couldn't even stay in the same room with me longer than five minutes!" She looked away, holding back her tears. She almost lost control, her emotions overwhelming her.

Pausing, she took a deep breath and gathered her thoughts. "I don't regret having to work during most of my free time if it means that I can be in the same room with my mom for any length of time. I think you should know that."

A few seconds ago, Spike was feeling sorry for her. But the words she just spoke now had him unsure of how to react. Still, he stood there and listened to her.

"I do try to cut back my hours, try to finish my job sooner so that I can be with you. And maybe I still can if those girls stop keeping you away from me."

Spike was bewildered. This was ridiculous! A few seconds ago, she was pouring her heart out. But now, she was faulting others for the problems that were occurring between them.

"Oh, so you're blaming my friends now? Buffy, I'm grateful I have them as friends. I go out with them and talk to them because I can't talk to anyone. Not even you."

"What about Willow and Xander?!" Spike scoffed at that.

"Yeah, if they're not busy shagging each other." He shook his head, ridiculed by her. "You can't put the blame on someone else when you're upset. You got mad when you were ignored. Well, congratulations! Now you know how I've felt since you took that job." Buffy widened her eyes, her anger reignited.

"What is this, revenge?"

"No, I'm trying to make a point! God, to think that we used to be best friends! But we couldn't hold our libido back so we began shagging each other silly like bunnies and now everything is all fucked up." He glared at her.

Buffy's jaw dropped open in shock. "A-are you regretting what we have?"

"No, I never said I regretted what we have. Jesus, Buffy…" He couldn't think clearly any more. She just kept making everything harder, turning all the words he said against him.

Buffy was at a loss for words. She wasn't sure where this whole thing was heading. Hell, she had even forgotten how it all started. All of her fears and doubts came back to her, and she was almost afraid to close her eyes. Her voice came out as a whisper when she finally spoke. "What happened to us, Spike? We used to be very close. And now, we're just two strangers."

He snapped his eyes open as he glared at her, his jaw clenched tightly as he looked her coldly in the eyes. "Maybe it's all a mistake. A big, bloody mistake. Maybe I do regret it if that means I'm losing my best friend."

Spike didn't bother to wait for her reaction as he walked away. He stopped when her question rang almost inaudibly to his ears. "Is…is this the end of us?"

He looked over his rigid shoulder but not enough to let her see that his face was red with anger or see the agony which was present in his eyes. "What do you call it when one of us is never there?" With that, he resumed his pace, leaving her standing numbly there with silent tears flowing freely down her cheeks.

to be continued.