TITLE: " Conversations With Annie"
AUTHOR: Hoedogg
RATING: PG-13 for just a touch of naughty language.
DISTRIBUTION: Just ff.net for now.
SUMMARY: A brief look at the Camdens in 2009.
DISCLAIMER: "7th Heaven" and its characters do not belong to me. They are cash cows milked by Brenda Hampton, Aaron Spelling, the WB, ABCFamily, and probably many other corporate fat cats as well. I do not own the song lyrics which were used in this fic either. Lyrics are included at the end of the story.
A/N: For fans of my ongoing Camfics "Camdens In Wonderland" and "When She Dances", stay tuned. My summer goals include finishing CIW and posting at least three new chapters of WSD.
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Conversations With Annie
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Eric Camden plopped down on the couch and stared at the ceiling. He crossed his arms and shifted his legs a bit, trying to get comfortable.
"Go ahead, Eric. Any time you're ready."
Eric tensed at Dr. Gibson's voice, which he was quite sure was supposed to sound soothing. Momentarily, he took a deep breath and spoke. "Well, uh, it's just, you know, the usual stuff again."
"Annie?"
Eric tensed harder at the sound of her name. "Yes. Annie."
Dr. Gibson tried not to sigh, but he was sure that the tired tone of his next question betrayed his blasé attitude. "What's wrong with her now?"
Gibson's boredom was not lost on Eric. "Doc, I know you've been listening to me complain and worry about her for years, and I know you wish I could convince her to come in here for her own therapy sessions, but she's just too stubborn for that."
The doctor breathed deeply, hoping to quickly regain his professional composure. After all, he was getting paid for this. "Of course, Eric. I'm sorry if my question sounded unconcerned. This is your hour and you're free to discuss whatever's troubling you. So what's on your mind?"
Eric paused and swallowed hard. "I know that in the past I've burdened you with many details about her inexplicable mood swings, her irrational temper, her selfish demands…"
"It's true that the bulk of our conversations over the course of your therapy have revolved around Annie," Gibson said, with only the faintest undertone of get-to-the-point-already.
"Right. Well, she's been acting stranger than usual lately, and this time I'm really concerned about her."
"Okay. Let's discuss it, then. Could you elaborate on what you mean by 'stranger than usual'?"
"Well, for starters, there's the phone thing."
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"Matt? This is your mother."
"Oh, hey Mom. What's up?"
"Nothing much, really. I was just getting dinner ready, and I wanted to give a call and see how my son and grandson were doing before it got too late over on your coast."
Matt sighed on the other end of the phone. "Of course you did."
"Do I detect a tone?"
"Oh, of course not, Mom. It's not like I don't want to talk to you or anything."
"Then what was that sigh for?"
Matt cleared his throat. "Nothing."
"Nothing?"
"It's just that you call every weekend when I have custody of Ike."
"So?"
"Well, I only get to see him every other weekend. Think about it, Mom. That's only two out of every fourteen days. So when I'm with him, I want to make our time count. I don't want to have to spend it on the phone. Do you understand?"
"No, I most certainly do not understand! Since when do you not consider talking to me on the phone 'quality time'?"
"You're missing my point…"
"And you have no right to tell me when not to call! I'm your mother, and I'm Ike's grandmother."
Matt raised his voice only slightly. "Mom, just being related to us doesn't give you omnipotent phone privileges."
"But Ike loves his grandma and he loves talking to her on the phone."
"I know he does, but there's no reason why you can't call him at Sarah's during the week so that you don't take away from my quality time with him."
"I thought I told you never to mention that evil harpy's name around me again."
"Mom, calm down. How many times do we have to go over this? It's been almost four years since the divorce. It is ridiculous for you to harbor a grudge against Sarah for this long."
"It is not ridiculous! What kind of crazy woman divorces her husband only months after their first baby is born?"
"Mom, you know it was an amicable divorce. Sarah and I agreed that we didn't know each other well enough to be married in the first place. We just weren't right for each other. It's not her fault alone. I was just as much to blame. She doesn't deserve for you to blame her the way you do."
"Well I beg to differ. I raised successful, intelligent children, not children who would fail at marriage. It had to be her fault. I didn't raise you to be a failure!"
Matt snorted. "Oh, that's really nice, Mom. So you consider me a failure, huh?"
"No, Matt. That didn't come out right…"
"Yeah, sure. Never mind that I'm on my way to practicing at a New York City hospital, or that I have a beautiful, healthy four-year old son. I'm a failure. Well you know what? I've had it with you and your judgmental bull, Mom. If you want to talk to your grandson, I suggest you get over your grudge and call Sarah, because if I ever see your number on my caller ID again I'm not picking up the phone. Tell Dad if he wants to talk to me he can call from the church. Have a nice life."
"Wait, Matt! Don't hang up! I'm sorry!"
Click.
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"It's just the way she sits there, Doc. For the past couple weeks or so it's been getting worse. She sits by the phone, looking sad. Sometimes she's holding her head in her hands, sometimes she's just staring into space and there's nothing in her eyes, Doc. Nothing."
"Are you aware if there's any particular reason she's been sitting next to the phone, Eric?"
Eric fidgeted. "I'm not a hundred percent sure, but I think I have a pretty good idea."
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"Hello, Mary! It's your mother."
"Where did you get this number?"
"That's not important, is it? I just wanted to talk to you."
"I thought I told you never to call me again. What part of 'never' didn't you understand?"
"Mary, don't be ridiculous. I'm your mother. You can't cut me off like that…"
"I really want to know how you got my number this time. Did you 4-1-1 it? Because it's supposed to be unlisted and…"
"Mary, please, stop! I don't understand why you won't talk to me. I'm your mother, for crying out loud!"
"You want to know why I won't talk to you? Why I've been avoiding you for years? Do you really want to know?"
"Mary, I…"
"OK, I'll tell you. You know all the things you said about me after I left home? How you constantly called me stupid and questioned my every decision? I've known about it for years, Mom."
"What? But I…Mary, that's simply not true!"
"Oh, cut the crap, Mom! I know it's true. Ruthie tape-recorded you and played it back over the phone for me."
"But that can't be! I never said those things!"
"Unbelievable. First you badmouth me and now you lie to me about it. So you thought I was stupid, huh? Well just look what being 'stupid' and making 'bad' decisions has gotten me, Mom: I'm happily married to my wonderful husband, Carlos. I have an exciting career with Jetblue, and I have a fantastic five-year-old son. And it's no thanks to you and your constant attempts to bring me down with your negative criticism. So, pardon the language, but kiss my ass. And don't bother trying to call back when I hang up on you. You'll get a busy signal because I'm calling the phone company to change my number again!"
"But, Mary, wait! Please, I just want to talk…"
Click.
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"See, I've received several calls from my children over the past couple weeks. There's nothing unusual about that, except that they've been calling me at the church instead of at home."
"You think they're trying to avoid talking to Annie?"
"I'm afraid so."
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"Lucy? It's your mother."
"Oh hey, Mom! How are you?"
"Better now that I'm talking to you, Luce. How's Kelli doing?"
"Whew. She's a handful, just like Ruthie was at that age."
"I'll bet. Of course, it would be nice if your husband were around to help out every now and then, wouldn't it?"
"Yeah, well, Kevin's a lot busier now that we're here in the big city."
"Busier doing what? Busting strip clubs and whorehouses?"
"Well, he is on the Vice Squad."
"Vice squad. Humph. I think we all know why he wanted that assignment."
"Mom, what are you suggesting?"
"Oh come on, Luce, don't tell me you've never seen his eye wandering."
"What? I cannot believe you would even say something like that about Kevin. What is with you?"
"Nothing is 'with me.' I'm just trying to protect you, honey. You need to watch that man of yours like a hawk, or who knows what he'll do?"
"Excuse me?"
"I mean, it's pretty obvious. After Roxanne went to Iraq, he didn't have any more eye candy here in Glenoak, so he wasted no time requesting the transfer to Vegas. And by the way, I still can't believe you're raising my grandchild in that disgusting den of sin."
"Mom, I'm in shock. This is so far out in left field that I don't even know where to begin. I mean, first of all, how dare you even suggest that I'm not attractive enough to keep Kevin's eye from wandering?"
"What? Oh, Luce, that's not what I meant. It's not you, it's him. He's the male pig."
"I'm sorry, but aren't you and Dad the ones who pushed me to marry him in the first place? Why would you have wanted me to marry a man who you thought was a 'pig'?"
"Because, you were getting to an age where you needed a husband and he was the only one available and willing."
Lucy's voice broke. "Oh my God. I cannot even tell you how offensive it is to hear you say that."
"I don't understand what's so offensive. I told you I'm just trying to look out for you, Lucy."
"No you're not. You keep saying more and more awful things every time you call here, but this time takes the cake. Why are you doing this, Mom? What did I ever do to you?"
"Luce, stop crying."
"No, Mom! I don't deserve this from you. I mean, face it, I did what you always wanted! I stayed home for as long as I possibly could, unlike Matt and Mary and Simon. Then I married the man you wanted me to marry, and even though I had homework for my college classes, I helped you with all the wifely chores in the kitchen and laundry room when no one else would lift a finger. What more could I have possibly done to make you love me?"
"Nothing, dear. I couldn't possibly love you more."
"Yeah, right. So this is how you show your love, by telling me I'm not attractive enough to keep my husband's interest, and by telling me that I'm not capable of raising my child properly just because of where I live?"
"As usual, you're overreacting and misinterpreting everything I'm saying."
"'As usual'? Oh, that does it. I'm hanging up right now. Looking after Kelli is exhausting enough. I don't need you to wear me down too."
"I'll call back next week!"
"Please don't."
Click.
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"What have they told you about her?"
"They all seem really mad at her and fed up with the way she talks to them. Well, except maybe for Simon. That's a different case altogether."
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"Simon!"
"What?"
"Simon, it's your mother!"
"Who?"
"It's Annie!"
"Oh, hey Mom!"
"How's the film going?"
"What?"
"The film! Are you guys still on budget?"
"I can't hear you!"
"Where are you?"
"I'm, um, out."
"I can tell by all the loud music in the background. Where are you 'out' at, exactly?"
"Come on, blondie. Get your sexy ass off the phone and take your shirt off so I can do a body shot!"
"Simon, who was that? What did he just say?"
"That was no one, Mom. Listen, I'm going to have to call you back some other time."
"But Simon, I haven't spoken to you in weeks."
"I know. It's really busy here, but I'll call you back. I promise."
"Okay, but you promised last time and then…"
Click.
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"From what they've told me, it sounds like she's said some things that she really shouldn't have said. I know she's been very bitter that all of them have moved out and moved on with their lives without her – except for Sam and David, of course – but that's no excuse for the things they told me she said to them."
"Perhaps Annie is suffering from some sort of psychological disorder and doesn't currently have complete control over her judgment of what's verbally appropriate. Of course, I can't really be sure unless you can convince her to come in, and we've already established that that won't happen."
"I just don't know, Doc. She wasn't really this bad until Ruthie left for college. That, I'm certain, was the hardest departure for Annie to take. That girl was never one to pull punches, and she certainly didn't the day she left home."
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"So, you're about to leave us."
"Yes, Mother. Cornell awaits me back East."
"Oh, it's just so far away. I don't understand why you couldn't have studied Abnormal Psychology at Crawford."
"Because, Mom, Crawford is a fricking joke compared to Cornell."
"Ruthie, that was awfully close to being a potty word."
"Oh my God, 'potty word'? Are you serious? Mom, I'm eighteen years old. I could walk right into any R-rated movie and hear worse than that. Jesus Christ, I cannot wait to get out of here. Eighteen years of you was way more than enough. No offense."
"How dare you speak to me that way?"
"Wake up, woman. I've been speaking to you and everyone else that way since I learned my first words. Where have you been?"
"Oh, Ruthie. I just hope that you can learn to get along with people a little better at school than you do here. You know, other students your age might not be as willing as your father and I to put up with being spoken to that way."
"Are you kidding? I can't wait. I'm so tired of walking over you and Dad that it's not even funny. Seriously, you two don't even remotely put up a fight anymore. It's sad. Even if someone at school tells me to go fuck myself it'll be miles better than the smiles and nods that you and Dad give me when I talk back to you."
"Ruthie! That word has never been uttered in this house before and it will never be uttered again! Now go to your room."
"Oh puh-leeze. I'm out of here for good. Gonna hitch a ride to the bus station now. All my shit's in boxes in the former Hello Kitty room. I don't really need it, but if you get around to sending it that's cool. I'll call you when I get to the dorm room if I'm in the mood. Otherwise I'll see you in two months for fall break."
"Is that all you have to say to me?"
"Pretty much. Oh yeah. Tell Dad and Sam and David I said 'bye'."
Slam!
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"That's what Ruthie said to Annie before she left for school?"
"Well, that's what Annie told me she said to her. Of course, Annie could have been making it sound worse than it really was."
"Would she lie to you about such a thing?"
"I don't know, Doc. I've told you many times how we don't really talk much anymore."
"Yes, you have told me that before, but I still insist that the cornerstone of a relationship that lasts into old age is honest communication."
"You try talking to her then."
"Eric, that's irrational. You know I can't do that unless she comes in here. Otherwise it's up to you to find out what's troubling Annie so much, so that you can stop troubling yourself over it."
Eric sat up on the couch and sighed.
"What else is on your mind, Eric?"
"I'm just wondering, was it always the same?"
"Was what always the same?"
"Annie and me. We used to talk the talk, you know. Parents of the year. Still madly in love even in our forties. Gosh, we tried very hard to convince ourselves. I just wonder if it was always this way, underneath the surface – if we were really just trying to mask our unhappiness."
"What unhappiness, Eric?"
"The unhappiness that brings me in here every week. The feeling that somehow my relationship with Annie has grown so far from the perfection we used to think it was, and that the two of us will only grow further and further from fixing it."
"Nothing is ever perfect, Eric, but you can do your best to try to re-open lines of communication that have long been closed. Try this. Tell me one thing that you would love to tell Annie but you're afraid to."
"Right now?"
"Yes. Go on. It won't leave this office."
Eric turned and looked at Dr. Gibson with moist, red eyes. After a long pause for thought he closed his eyes, imagined Annie's face, and said, "Annie, I guess we don't talk and spend as much time together as we used to. But you and I, we still have a lot of years left on this earth. And we have to spend them together. We made that promise to each other many years ago.
"I don't want you to grow tired of trying to bridge this distance between us. I know you miss the kids and I know you're lonely. I'm lonely too, sometimes. But even if we're both still lonely when we're old, I want to be the one who helps you through it and holds you close. Our loneliness shouldn't intrude upon our love for each other. We can't let it. We just have to open up more and tell each other what's wrong. That's the only way. So tell me, what's wrong?"
Dr. Gibson nodded. "That was pretty good, Eric. Honest, if not polished. Why don't you think about it some more during your car ride home and then take it to Annie?"
Eric looked down and noticed that his hands were trembling slightly. "I don't know, but I'll give it a try."
Dr. Gibson smiled. "Well, good luck. I'll see you next week, then?"
Eric nodded. "I'd say there's a good chance you will, yes."
"And Annie too, perhaps?"
Eric shrugged. "We'll see."
END
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"Annie Waits" – Ben Folds
And so
Annie waits, Annie waits, Annie waits
For a call
From a friend
The same
It's the same
Was it always the same?
Annie waits for the last time
The clock never stops, never stops, never waits
She's growing old
It's getting late
And so he forgot, he forgot
Maybe not
Maybe he's been seriously hurt
Would that be worse?
Headlights crest the hill
Shadows pass her by and out of sight
Annie sees her dreams:
Friday bingo, pigeons in the park
Annie waits for the last time
Just the same as the last time
Annie says "You see this is why I'd rather be alone."
And so
Annie waits, Annie waits, Annie waits
For a call
From a friend
The same
It's the same
Was it always the same?
Annie waits as the last...
Headlights crest the hill
Who will be the one for evermore?
(ooh ooh)
Annie, I could be
If we're both still lonely when we're old
Annie waits for the last time
Just the same as the last time
Annie waits for the last time
Just the same as the last time
Annie waits
But not for me