Rewind a little here. Everyone's in Dumbledore's office and the killer is about to be revealed.
"So, are we going to reveal the killer already?" said Ron impatiently. "Time is money, chop chop!"
"I TOLD you! It's Snape! Why doesn't anyone believe me? I saved yer asses from Voldy how many times? And you still don't believe me. Such little respect for celebrity status. I'd be better off being a former cast member of Beverly Hills 90210, or possibly Corey Feldman. At least VH1 seems to care about their opinions."
Draco stood up. "Potter, I'll say this once and for all. SHUT THE HELL UP!"
Everyone in the room stood up and gave Draco a rigorous applause.
"Thank you," he said. "Now, if you allow me, I will also reveal the killer."
"I'm not sure if any of you noticed this or not, but Trelawney did not break the bottle of Veritaserum. It was knocked from her hands. The same person who knocked it out of her hand is also the killer. I figured it out slightly afterwards and I would have said something, but I was poisoned. I have only just now regained my sanity."
"What chu talkin' bout, Draco?" said Trelawney, who was now lying in a real pool of her sweet, sweet blood.
"Elementary, my dear Sybil. Dumbledore killed Percy Weasley. He knocked the bottle from your hand, then he was so adamant about allowing the people who did not have the Veritaserum to testify on their honor. Well, thanks to that mudblood Granger, Trelawney and everyone following her still received the effects of the Veritaserum by snogging me. Everybody except Dumbledore. He diverted your attention by slipping me that bottle containing something to help my with my overdose of Veritaserum, which was actually a weak poison. He must have known I had figured out what he was up to and decided to slip me the poison to shut me up. None of you even bothered to notice that he had not taken any of the Veritaserum."
"How am I the smartest girl in my year again?" said Hermione. "I missed everything! I'm as dumb as Ron!"
"Hey, that was an insult!" exclaimed Ron.
"Miss Granger, though you may have looked over a few details, do not place yourself on the same low level as Mr. Weasley," said Professor Snape.
She looked up at him adoringly.
"Hate to break up this delicously saccharin moment, but I haven't finished yet," said Draco. "Anyway, I thought it was rather dodgy that Dumbledore didn't call the Ministry right after the murder was comitted. He must have had something to hide. He sealed the deal when he ran from Fudge in the hall. So ladies and gentlemen, I present to you, Albus Dumbledore, the killer."
"Oh Albus!" exclaimed McGonagall, who rushed over to him and began crying on his shoulders. "Say it isn't so, Alby, say it isn't so!"
"I'm afraid it is so, Minerva," said Dumbledore.
"What the bloody hell?" exclaimed Ron. "There's no bloody way in bloody hell this bloody well happened.... hell."
"Once you get past all the profanities, Ron has a point," added Hermione. "Professor Dumbledore is the most powerful and respected wizard. Even if he killed one bastard we all hated, it doesn't take away the fact that he's continually saved us against V... vvoldemort. If Dumbledore goes to Azkaban, the Dark Lord will undoubtedly rise again."
"I believe it's common fanfic protocol to never acknowledge the Dark Lord's existence," said Professor Snape.
"Oooh!" added Trelawney, who was still bleeding. "Did any of you realize that my prediction was right? You heard me! I said it during my interrogation. I'm right. Huzzah! And just when I was starting to believe I was an old fraud. Hot dog! Who's got the inner eye? I've got the inner eye! Chicka-ching!"
"Right," said McGonagall who shot Trelawney a contemptuous glance and turned back to Dumbledore. "They're right, Hogwarts needs you. I.... I need.... I need a muffin!" she exclaimed.
Ginny turned to Dumbledore. "I was Percy's only sister, and even I think he was a jackass. Let's just pretend this whole thing never happened. We all still love ya, Dumbles! Group hug!"
Everyone moved in around Dumbledore and gave him a big hug. "But Professor Dumbledore," said Hermione after they all had finished hugging, "what really possessed you to kill Percy anyway?"
"Ho ho! Well, to tell the truth, Hermione, I just hate kids, kids and teachers. I killed him, I could do it to you. I'll kill all of ya!" he shouted furiously.
"Oh Dumbledore! You're sure a silly goose!" said Hermione.
Everyone started laughing as they linked arms and walked out of Dumbledore's office.
"No really," said Harry, "why did you kill Percy?"
"I told you, I hate kids. I'd sleep with one eye open tonight, Potter." said Dumbledore as serious as can be.
"Haha, you've still got it Dumbledore!" said Harry as he disappeared into the Gryffindor common room.
"So, are we going to reveal the killer already?" said Ron impatiently. "Time is money, chop chop!"
"I TOLD you! It's Snape! Why doesn't anyone believe me? I saved yer asses from Voldy how many times? And you still don't believe me. Such little respect for celebrity status. I'd be better off being a former cast member of Beverly Hills 90210, or possibly Corey Feldman. At least VH1 seems to care about their opinions."
Draco stood up. "Potter, I'll say this once and for all. SHUT THE HELL UP!"
Everyone in the room stood up and gave Draco a rigorous applause.
"Thank you," he said. "Now, if you allow me, I will also reveal the killer."
"I'm not sure if any of you noticed this or not, but Trelawney did not break the bottle of Veritaserum. It was knocked from her hands. The same person who knocked it out of her hand is also the killer. I figured it out slightly afterwards and I would have said something, but I was poisoned. I have only just now regained my sanity."
"What chu talkin' bout, Draco?" said Trelawney, who was now lying in a real pool of her sweet, sweet blood.
"Elementary, my dear Sybil. Dumbledore killed Percy Weasley. He knocked the bottle from your hand, then he was so adamant about allowing the people who did not have the Veritaserum to testify on their honor. Well, thanks to that mudblood Granger, Trelawney and everyone following her still received the effects of the Veritaserum by snogging me. Everybody except Dumbledore. He diverted your attention by slipping me that bottle containing something to help my with my overdose of Veritaserum, which was actually a weak poison. He must have known I had figured out what he was up to and decided to slip me the poison to shut me up. None of you even bothered to notice that he had not taken any of the Veritaserum."
"How am I the smartest girl in my year again?" said Hermione. "I missed everything! I'm as dumb as Ron!"
"Hey, that was an insult!" exclaimed Ron.
"Miss Granger, though you may have looked over a few details, do not place yourself on the same low level as Mr. Weasley," said Professor Snape.
She looked up at him adoringly.
"Hate to break up this delicously saccharin moment, but I haven't finished yet," said Draco. "Anyway, I thought it was rather dodgy that Dumbledore didn't call the Ministry right after the murder was comitted. He must have had something to hide. He sealed the deal when he ran from Fudge in the hall. So ladies and gentlemen, I present to you, Albus Dumbledore, the killer."
"Oh Albus!" exclaimed McGonagall, who rushed over to him and began crying on his shoulders. "Say it isn't so, Alby, say it isn't so!"
"I'm afraid it is so, Minerva," said Dumbledore.
"What the bloody hell?" exclaimed Ron. "There's no bloody way in bloody hell this bloody well happened.... hell."
"Once you get past all the profanities, Ron has a point," added Hermione. "Professor Dumbledore is the most powerful and respected wizard. Even if he killed one bastard we all hated, it doesn't take away the fact that he's continually saved us against V... vvoldemort. If Dumbledore goes to Azkaban, the Dark Lord will undoubtedly rise again."
"I believe it's common fanfic protocol to never acknowledge the Dark Lord's existence," said Professor Snape.
"Oooh!" added Trelawney, who was still bleeding. "Did any of you realize that my prediction was right? You heard me! I said it during my interrogation. I'm right. Huzzah! And just when I was starting to believe I was an old fraud. Hot dog! Who's got the inner eye? I've got the inner eye! Chicka-ching!"
"Right," said McGonagall who shot Trelawney a contemptuous glance and turned back to Dumbledore. "They're right, Hogwarts needs you. I.... I need.... I need a muffin!" she exclaimed.
Ginny turned to Dumbledore. "I was Percy's only sister, and even I think he was a jackass. Let's just pretend this whole thing never happened. We all still love ya, Dumbles! Group hug!"
Everyone moved in around Dumbledore and gave him a big hug. "But Professor Dumbledore," said Hermione after they all had finished hugging, "what really possessed you to kill Percy anyway?"
"Ho ho! Well, to tell the truth, Hermione, I just hate kids, kids and teachers. I killed him, I could do it to you. I'll kill all of ya!" he shouted furiously.
"Oh Dumbledore! You're sure a silly goose!" said Hermione.
Everyone started laughing as they linked arms and walked out of Dumbledore's office.
"No really," said Harry, "why did you kill Percy?"
"I told you, I hate kids. I'd sleep with one eye open tonight, Potter." said Dumbledore as serious as can be.
"Haha, you've still got it Dumbledore!" said Harry as he disappeared into the Gryffindor common room.
The End
Meh, I'm not sure if I liked this one. I thought I should make Dumbledore into a homicidal freak, but meh. A rather weak ending. And so just like when a kid gets an F on a paper, I clevely hid it in the middle, where no one will remember it. Mwah ha ha, my diobolical scheme just keeps getting better and better. Anyway, really, the next ending is the last. And pretty please give me feedback when you're done reading it. Thanks!