Part One Hundred And Thirty Five
On Saturday the first of November, Yvonne was again sat in the visiting room, across the table from Denny. This is where their story had begun, two and a half months before. So much had happened for both of them during this time. Yvonne had got together and broken up with Karen, watched her son be convicted and sentence to time in custody, and dealt with the ramifications of his suicide. This was to say nothing of the consequences of Fenner's death, which she was sure would creep up on them at some point in the not so distant future. For Denny, the time had been no less dramatic. Denny had finally been able to see some justice done for Shaz. She'd watched as that bitch, Merriman, had been banged up after being sent down for over twenty years, an utterly indefinable time to Denny. But then the feeling of satisfaction had been torn away from her when Merriman had killed herself. Denny had seen this as Snowball's way of ducking out of what was coming to her. But then Denny had talked to Karen. She could remember that day when Karen had found her beating the crap out of a punch bag, calling it every hateful name under the sun. Karen had listened to her, and then made a deal with her. As a result of this, Denny was keeping her nose clean, doing some education classes and trying to stay good so that she could get out as early as possible.
"Do you feel like we've been here before?" Asked Yvonne with a smile.
"Yeah," Said Denny, leaving her thoughts of Shaz behind in order to return to the present. "It's like when you came to visit me before the trial. I said I was going to kill Snowball, didn't I, if she didn't get sent down. But then the stupid bitch went and did it herself."
"Yeah, well, I'm glad you didn't do anything like that," Said Yvonne firmly, thinking that two daughters on trial for murder would just be a bit too much.
"How's Lauren?" Asked Denny, trying to change the subject.
"She's okay," Said Yvonne.
"Only, it'd be nice to see her," Said Denny, really wanting a chance to get to know the woman who was as good as a sister to her.
"Lauren doesn't want to come near this place for a while," Said Yvonne evasively.
"Why, what's she done?" Asked Denny succinctly which made Yvonne stare at her in shock. "Oh, come on, man," Said Denny in disgust. "I ain't that stupid. An Atkins has to have done something pretty bad to be afraid of coming near this place. Hey," She said, with a wicked grin on her face, "She didn't finish Fenner off, did she?" Yvonne's stunned silence seemed to say it all.
"No shit," Said Denny in awe. "Tell her I'm proud of her, man."
"Keep your bleedin voice down," Said Yvonne vehemently. "Doing what Lauren did ain't ever anything to be proud of. Do you understand that, Denny? Never should you be proud of doing something like that. Sometimes, things like that are necessary, the only possible solution to a problem. But that doesn't ever mean that it's something to be proud of."
"Yeah, yeah, okay, man, I get it."
"Well, just make sure you do."
"Have the pigs been sniffing around?"
"No, not yet, but I think they will. Denny, I'm scared," Said Yvonne, finally revealing the real extent of her worry for Lauren.
"Hey," Said Denny, putting a hand over Yvonne's. "I thought you didn't do scared." Yvonne gave her a watery smile.
"This time, I do," She said ruefully. "Denny, I don't want Lauren to end up in here. I don't want her going through everything I did."
"Now you listen," Said Denny firmly, for once taking the role of the maternal figure instead of Yvonne. "If the police catch up with Lauren, and if they put her in here, I'll look after her, innit. Ain't no one gonna mess with an Atkins, and especially not if she's with me."
"You're a good kid, Denny," Said Yvonne fondly. "I just hope it doesn't come to that," She finished, but knowing with her Atkins sixth sense that one day it would. When their half an hour was nearly up, they were approached by Karen.
"Oy, Miss," Said Denny with a wide grin. "You better be taking good care of my water pistol, innit."
"It's safe and sound in my office, Denny," Replied Karen with a smile.
"That wasn't meant for confiscating," Said Yvonne reprovingly.
"Oh, so you know about it, do you," Said Karen, her smile broadening. "And would I be right in suggesting that it was you who made the delivery in the first place?"
"I don't know what you're talking about, Miss," Said Yvonne an innocently sweet smile on her face. "Anyway," Said Yvonne, changing the subject, "What're you doing here on a Saturday?"
"I knew you were coming in to see Denny, and I wondered if we could go for a drink afterwards." Yvonne looked at Karen contemplatively. She'd been hurt to her core when Karen had ended their tentative relationship, but after a fortnight of thinking about it, she couldn't possibly fault Karen's reasoning. She knew that Karen couldn't reconcile herself with being involved with anything as illegal as murder, and as both Nikki and Cassie had spelled out to her, this was Karen's prerogative.
"Yeah, sure," She said lightly, giving Karen a swift, appraising look. Agreeing to meet up after visiting time, Karen left them to it.
"It's a real shame about you two," Said Denny when Karen had left.
"It might sort itself out in time," Said Yvonne. "All ain't lost, not by a long way."
After Denny had been taken back to the wing, Yvonne walked out to her car, to find Karen waiting for her. In silence, they walked to a bar not very far from the prison.
"I think this is where we began," Said Karen, putting two glasses of scotch down on the table.
"Yeah," Said Yvonne with a rueful smile. "Nearly eighteen months ago. Something happened to me that day," She said, referring to the time Karen had taken her for a drink after visiting Ritchie in hospital. "Suddenly, that barrier that usually came between us as con and screw, was gone. You were just another woman, just another mum whose son was giving her grief."
"I know," Said Karen, her tone tinged with regret. "That's what you were for me, too. The only difference is that I found myself attracted to you. You made me laugh, and you put me at my ease. I felt normal for the first time in far too long. So," She said, lighting them both a cigarette, "How did we end up here?"
"Because we both took the plunge," Said Yvonne, taking Karen's hand in hers and gently running a thumb over her knuckles. "Because we convinced each other that being more than just friends was a good idea. We both needed something new, something that didn't mean getting involved with yet another bastard bloke."
"And it was," Said Karen vehemently. "Yvonne, no matter what happens, I will never regret those few weeks we had together. You are and always will be incredibly precious to me."
"And that's what you are to me," Said Yvonne, her eyes brimming with tears. "But I can't make you happy. I love you so much," She said, the tears now cascading down her cheeks, "And I know I shouldn't say it, but I do. I just wish I'd said it, just bleedin once." Karen felt like a knife was being jabbed again and again in between her ribs, ripping out feelings with every twist of the blade. She moved round the table and sat next to Yvonne, putting her arms round her.
"Now you listen to me," Said Karen, her own voice unsteady with the onset of tears. "You're not the only one who regrets not saying that. I thought it was ridiculous to feel so much for someone in such a short space of time. It was like being fourteen again. I did love you, I do love you, and a part of me will always love you. But you know why I can't be with you."
"Yeah," Said Yvonne, taking comfort from the feeling of being in Karen's arms again. "I know and I do understand. Just, please, don't totally abandon us as a possibility some time in the future. Don't try and forget me as hard as you're trying to forget Fenner."
"Hey," Said Karen, kissing Yvonne's cheek, "I wouldn't ever forget you, I wouldn't even try. I'll always be here for you, whatever happens, you know that. I'm not going anywhere, Yvonne, not for a long time. As for the future, who knows what might happen." As they sat there a while longer, Karen couldn't help thinking that they were two totally different people from the two mothers of dissolute, utterly narcissistic sons, who had sat in a pub searching for so many answers. They'd loved, they'd cried, they'd laughed and they'd shouted. But here they were, emerging from the other side, still friends, still there for each other, and ready to take on whatever was thrown at them, whether that be good or bad. Even if the worst should happen, and Yvonne's daughter be charged and tried with Fenner's murder, they knew that as friends, they would survive, strong for each other, ready to deal with whatever loomed over the horizon.
On Saturday the first of November, Yvonne was again sat in the visiting room, across the table from Denny. This is where their story had begun, two and a half months before. So much had happened for both of them during this time. Yvonne had got together and broken up with Karen, watched her son be convicted and sentence to time in custody, and dealt with the ramifications of his suicide. This was to say nothing of the consequences of Fenner's death, which she was sure would creep up on them at some point in the not so distant future. For Denny, the time had been no less dramatic. Denny had finally been able to see some justice done for Shaz. She'd watched as that bitch, Merriman, had been banged up after being sent down for over twenty years, an utterly indefinable time to Denny. But then the feeling of satisfaction had been torn away from her when Merriman had killed herself. Denny had seen this as Snowball's way of ducking out of what was coming to her. But then Denny had talked to Karen. She could remember that day when Karen had found her beating the crap out of a punch bag, calling it every hateful name under the sun. Karen had listened to her, and then made a deal with her. As a result of this, Denny was keeping her nose clean, doing some education classes and trying to stay good so that she could get out as early as possible.
"Do you feel like we've been here before?" Asked Yvonne with a smile.
"Yeah," Said Denny, leaving her thoughts of Shaz behind in order to return to the present. "It's like when you came to visit me before the trial. I said I was going to kill Snowball, didn't I, if she didn't get sent down. But then the stupid bitch went and did it herself."
"Yeah, well, I'm glad you didn't do anything like that," Said Yvonne firmly, thinking that two daughters on trial for murder would just be a bit too much.
"How's Lauren?" Asked Denny, trying to change the subject.
"She's okay," Said Yvonne.
"Only, it'd be nice to see her," Said Denny, really wanting a chance to get to know the woman who was as good as a sister to her.
"Lauren doesn't want to come near this place for a while," Said Yvonne evasively.
"Why, what's she done?" Asked Denny succinctly which made Yvonne stare at her in shock. "Oh, come on, man," Said Denny in disgust. "I ain't that stupid. An Atkins has to have done something pretty bad to be afraid of coming near this place. Hey," She said, with a wicked grin on her face, "She didn't finish Fenner off, did she?" Yvonne's stunned silence seemed to say it all.
"No shit," Said Denny in awe. "Tell her I'm proud of her, man."
"Keep your bleedin voice down," Said Yvonne vehemently. "Doing what Lauren did ain't ever anything to be proud of. Do you understand that, Denny? Never should you be proud of doing something like that. Sometimes, things like that are necessary, the only possible solution to a problem. But that doesn't ever mean that it's something to be proud of."
"Yeah, yeah, okay, man, I get it."
"Well, just make sure you do."
"Have the pigs been sniffing around?"
"No, not yet, but I think they will. Denny, I'm scared," Said Yvonne, finally revealing the real extent of her worry for Lauren.
"Hey," Said Denny, putting a hand over Yvonne's. "I thought you didn't do scared." Yvonne gave her a watery smile.
"This time, I do," She said ruefully. "Denny, I don't want Lauren to end up in here. I don't want her going through everything I did."
"Now you listen," Said Denny firmly, for once taking the role of the maternal figure instead of Yvonne. "If the police catch up with Lauren, and if they put her in here, I'll look after her, innit. Ain't no one gonna mess with an Atkins, and especially not if she's with me."
"You're a good kid, Denny," Said Yvonne fondly. "I just hope it doesn't come to that," She finished, but knowing with her Atkins sixth sense that one day it would. When their half an hour was nearly up, they were approached by Karen.
"Oy, Miss," Said Denny with a wide grin. "You better be taking good care of my water pistol, innit."
"It's safe and sound in my office, Denny," Replied Karen with a smile.
"That wasn't meant for confiscating," Said Yvonne reprovingly.
"Oh, so you know about it, do you," Said Karen, her smile broadening. "And would I be right in suggesting that it was you who made the delivery in the first place?"
"I don't know what you're talking about, Miss," Said Yvonne an innocently sweet smile on her face. "Anyway," Said Yvonne, changing the subject, "What're you doing here on a Saturday?"
"I knew you were coming in to see Denny, and I wondered if we could go for a drink afterwards." Yvonne looked at Karen contemplatively. She'd been hurt to her core when Karen had ended their tentative relationship, but after a fortnight of thinking about it, she couldn't possibly fault Karen's reasoning. She knew that Karen couldn't reconcile herself with being involved with anything as illegal as murder, and as both Nikki and Cassie had spelled out to her, this was Karen's prerogative.
"Yeah, sure," She said lightly, giving Karen a swift, appraising look. Agreeing to meet up after visiting time, Karen left them to it.
"It's a real shame about you two," Said Denny when Karen had left.
"It might sort itself out in time," Said Yvonne. "All ain't lost, not by a long way."
After Denny had been taken back to the wing, Yvonne walked out to her car, to find Karen waiting for her. In silence, they walked to a bar not very far from the prison.
"I think this is where we began," Said Karen, putting two glasses of scotch down on the table.
"Yeah," Said Yvonne with a rueful smile. "Nearly eighteen months ago. Something happened to me that day," She said, referring to the time Karen had taken her for a drink after visiting Ritchie in hospital. "Suddenly, that barrier that usually came between us as con and screw, was gone. You were just another woman, just another mum whose son was giving her grief."
"I know," Said Karen, her tone tinged with regret. "That's what you were for me, too. The only difference is that I found myself attracted to you. You made me laugh, and you put me at my ease. I felt normal for the first time in far too long. So," She said, lighting them both a cigarette, "How did we end up here?"
"Because we both took the plunge," Said Yvonne, taking Karen's hand in hers and gently running a thumb over her knuckles. "Because we convinced each other that being more than just friends was a good idea. We both needed something new, something that didn't mean getting involved with yet another bastard bloke."
"And it was," Said Karen vehemently. "Yvonne, no matter what happens, I will never regret those few weeks we had together. You are and always will be incredibly precious to me."
"And that's what you are to me," Said Yvonne, her eyes brimming with tears. "But I can't make you happy. I love you so much," She said, the tears now cascading down her cheeks, "And I know I shouldn't say it, but I do. I just wish I'd said it, just bleedin once." Karen felt like a knife was being jabbed again and again in between her ribs, ripping out feelings with every twist of the blade. She moved round the table and sat next to Yvonne, putting her arms round her.
"Now you listen to me," Said Karen, her own voice unsteady with the onset of tears. "You're not the only one who regrets not saying that. I thought it was ridiculous to feel so much for someone in such a short space of time. It was like being fourteen again. I did love you, I do love you, and a part of me will always love you. But you know why I can't be with you."
"Yeah," Said Yvonne, taking comfort from the feeling of being in Karen's arms again. "I know and I do understand. Just, please, don't totally abandon us as a possibility some time in the future. Don't try and forget me as hard as you're trying to forget Fenner."
"Hey," Said Karen, kissing Yvonne's cheek, "I wouldn't ever forget you, I wouldn't even try. I'll always be here for you, whatever happens, you know that. I'm not going anywhere, Yvonne, not for a long time. As for the future, who knows what might happen." As they sat there a while longer, Karen couldn't help thinking that they were two totally different people from the two mothers of dissolute, utterly narcissistic sons, who had sat in a pub searching for so many answers. They'd loved, they'd cried, they'd laughed and they'd shouted. But here they were, emerging from the other side, still friends, still there for each other, and ready to take on whatever was thrown at them, whether that be good or bad. Even if the worst should happen, and Yvonne's daughter be charged and tried with Fenner's murder, they knew that as friends, they would survive, strong for each other, ready to deal with whatever loomed over the horizon.