(The afore-mentioned disclaimer still applies.)
Act One: Watermelons and Tote bags
OUTSIDE OF DOOSE'S MARKET IN STARS HOLLOW--MORNING
Rory is leaving Doose's Market when Lindsay walks up to her.
Lindsay: (angry) What's your problem?
Rory: (confused) What?
Lindsay: (hissing) I knew you wanted Dean back.
Rory: (worried) Lindsay, I...
Lindsay: (shaking her head) Calling him constantly...I saw your name on his phone...Seeing him behind my back...He's my husband...Sacred wedding vows, ever heard of them?
Rory: (frowning) Lindsay, I'm not tryin to steal Dean from you.
Lindsay: (smirking) You know, you've got this whole town fooled into thinking you're a saint. But, I know what you're really like.
Rory: (curious) What am I really like?
Lindsay: (angry) You treated Dean like garbage, tossed him aside when that James Dean wannabe came along. Now you think you can just have him back?
Rory: (calmly) Look...I'm not trying to be with Dean...you're married...But, actually, you two don't seem too happy right now.
Lindsay: (agitated) What's that supposed to mean? Did Dean tell you about the divorce thing?
Rory: (looking away) Well, I...
Lindsay: (rolling her eyes) Was probably your idea.
Rory: Wait a second...
Lindsay: (backing away) Look..Save it...Dean and I are not getting divorced. Find yourself another husband to steal.
Lindsay walks away, and Rory just stands there confused and hurt.
CUT TO GILMORE HOUSE--FRONT YARD
Luke pulls up in his truck. Lorelai is standing on her front lawn, watering some dirt, in front of her porch, with a hose (Dirty!). Luke gets out of his truck.
Lorelai: (smiling and turning off the hose) Hey, Luke.
Luke: (carrying some bags, looking less than thrilled, in full rant mode) Ya know...the diner doesn't have a delivery service...Why couldn't you just come in and have breakfast?....and why do you always say "extra whipped cream" when you place an order...You don't have to say it...You've been ordering the same thing for years...
Lorelai: (frowning) Well, good morning to you too, Sunshine.
Luke: (sighs, feeling guilty, sets down the bags on the porch steps) Sorry...just havin a bad day...the delivery guy screwed up my order...Ceaser came in late...and I got customers comin outta my ears.
Lorelai: (squinting) Wow, they must be really tiny, cuz, I don't see 'em.
Luke: (half smiles) You know what I mean.
Lorelai: (smiling) Sorry I made you drop this stuff off. It's just with Rory leaving for Europe this afternoon, I thought she and I could spend Laverne and Shirley time together.
Luke: That's right. She's leavin today. I haven't seen her the past couple days. Is she excited about the trip?
Lorelai: Ah yes. But I think that excitement will soon be replaced by painful regret once she realizes she's on vacation with "the tour guide from hell".
Luke: Your mother's that bad?
Lorelai: (touching his arm) Oh, Luke, you have no idea. One time, when I was younger, we took a trip to New York...I saw four Broadway shows in three days...tried on fifty hats at Bloomingdale's...sat through two dinner parties with her obnoxious friends...and watched as she nearly killed a cab driver with her Louis Vuton luggage.
Luke: (shaking his head) Give Rory my condolences.
Lorelai: Will do.
Luke: (motioning to the hose) By the way, what're you doing?
Lorelai: Oh, well, I thought I'd bathe outside today...you know..al fresco...mix things up...(giving him a look) I'm watering, silly...
Luke: (confused) Watering what? The dirt? Uh, Lorelai, you do know that's not how you make more dirt?
Lorelai: Wow...never knew that...maybe that's why my water bill's so high....Luke, I planted seeds yesterday.
Luke: (surprised) You planted seeds?
Lorelai: Well, not so much planted as spit them off the porch last night when we were eating watermelon. But, I thought, hey, while they're down there, why not add some water?...and presto...I could have some huge melons by the end of summer...Ooo dirty...
Luke: Uh huh. (pointing to the hose) Just don't strangle yourself with that thing.
Lorelai: Oh, I know how to handle a hose...Whoa, dirty again...I'm two for two today.
Luke: Ah geez. (motioning toward his truck) Well, I should probably get back to the diner.
Lorelai: Oh, yeah...Hey, what're ya doin tonight?
Luke: Nothin. Why?
Lorelai: (smiling) How 'bout you come over?..you know..we can hang out...watch a movie...watch the seeds grow...whatever.
Luke: (smiling) Yeah, sure. What time?
Lorelai: Hmm...Mom's picking up Rory at three...so...how 'bout six-ish?
Luke: Six-ish is good.
Lorelai: K...good. Ooo, hey...could you bring some food with ya?
Luke: Like what?
Lorelai: Oh, you know what I like.
Luke: Yes, but I'm not bringing all of it.
Lorelai: Why not? We could pig out, then take turns weighing ourselves.
Luke: (leaning closer to her) I'll surprise you.
Lorelai: (smiling) Ok, great.
Luke: (starting to leave) Alright, well, I'll see ya later.
Lorelai: (calling after him) Hey, Luke! (looks around to see if anyone is looking and motions for him to come close to her)
Luke: (confused) What?
Lorelai: (smiles, puts her hand on his shoulder and whispers) Don't forget the fries.
Luke: (rolls his eyes and smiles at her) I won't.
He then starts to walk away again.
Lorelai: Hey, Luke! (does the same looking-around-motioning-him-to-come-to- her)
Luke: (slightly agitated) What now?
Lorelai puts her hand on his arm, pretends like she's going to speak, but then leans in and kisses him instead.
Lorelai: (smiling) Thanks for the food. See ya later.
Luke: (smiling) Alright...(walking away) You know, this day's startin to look up.
Lorelai: (squirts him with the hose) And bring some ketchup! We're out.
Luke: Hey! (getting in his truck) Spoke too soon.
Lorelai smiles and resumes her watering.
CUT TO INSIDE OF GILMORE HOUSE
Lorelai is in the kitchen, setting the food out on the table. The front door slams.
Lorelai: (startled) Rory, is that you?
Rory: (sarcastically, as she walks into the kitchen) No, it's a really aggressive Jehovah's Witness.
Lorelai: (holding her arms up) Praise the Lord! Hallelujah! (notices Rory's upset) What's wrong?
Rory: (sitting down) I ran into Lindsay.
Lorelai: (eyes widen) Oh...What happened?
Rory: She was yelling at me about trying to steal Dean away.
Lorelai: (sitting down) Does she know about...
Rory: (sighing) I'm not sure...How did I get myself into this? I was so stupid.
Lorelai: (placing her hand on Rory's) You weren't stupid. Look, hun, you'll be gone for awhile. Dean and Lindsay will have time to deal with their own stuff. Everything will work out.
Rory: (looking down) I dunno. Everything's just so messed up.
Lorelai: Well, welcome to adulthood where every mistake you make, earns you a nice tote bag.
Rory: (smiling) Tote bag?
Lorelai: Oh, yes. I have quite a collection. Various colors and sizes....(hesitantly) Hey, if Dean does get a divorce, do you think you'll...
Rory: (interrupting) I don't know. I can't even think about that right now. Anyway, I should probably finish packing.
Lorelai: (smiling) You'll be okay. Whatever you decide, I'm here. Well, unless you and Dean decide to poison me so you can inherit all my worldly riches.
Rory: Your worldly riches?
Lorelai: Yes, I do have that fine collection of tote bags.
Rory: Ooo, yeah. Do we have any arsenic around here?
Lorelai: Sure...Hey, what's the number for 911.
Fade to black.