Disclaimer: Fourth verse, same as the first. In addition to my insanity, I also currently own a half-full bottle of Mountain Dew. I'm going to start saying that Mountain Dew was what Gibbs had in that little bottle of his. I know that's how I'd survive having a crazy like a fox Captain Jack Sparrow as my captain. May, 2004.
Author's notes: Same challenge, last drabble. The Surgeon's General has warned that logic took one look at this drabble and ran screaming out the door; your brain may do the same. Based on past reported experiences, I caution you all now not to be eating or drinking anything while reading this drabble, and to make sure that if you are reading this at work, that no one else is nearby. They might think you've gone starkers, otherwise. If you choose to ignore this warning, I am not responsible for whatever food or drink you may spit at your computer.
A triple crossover this time. POTC, Lord of the Rings and The Dukes of Hazzard. With a crispy, crunchy topping of a fourth genre at the end. Inspired in part by a random Dukes mention on one of Biz's LiveJournal posts. :)
THE PIRATES OF
HAZZARD POND
KAHVA
"So… You're a pirate, and when you left…"
"Tortuga."
"Tortuga. When you left there, you somehow ended up in a place called…"
"Middle-Earth, is what they told me, mate."
"The name's Luke, Captain Sparrow. Luke Duke. My cousin over there is Bo Duke."
"Ahh, yes… He's having a hard time with that Gollum bloke, isn't he?"
Luke watched as his blond cousin vainly tried to pry the gangly creature called Gollum off his leg, suddenly very glad that their cousin Daisy was working at the Boar's Nest, and not with them on this fishing trip to Hazzard Pond. Speaking of the pond, he thought to himself. "Captain Jack, just how did you manage to get a pirate ship smack dab in the middle of Hazzard Pond?"
"I think we can thank a rather disagreeable chap by the name of Gandalf for that, mate. He seemed nice enough when we appeared in a river near a place called Lothlorien, but then when we were just about to leave, he got upset with us for some reason and waved his staff at us. Seems he was of the opinion that I had absconded with some silver trinkets that the local folk were missing."
"Like that fancy necklace you're wearing, Captain?"
"I only borrowed it, my friend, and it was entirely by accident that I boarded my Pearl while still wearing the necklace. Just wanted to see if I liked it enough to perhaps trade something… or other… for it. Be that as it may, I don't think he intended for Gollum to climb aboard the Pearl as we started on our… unscheduled voyage… to here, so I expect he'll do something… wizardly, to bring us all back to lovely Middle Earth."
"And then you can give back that necklace."
"Well…"
"And everything else you borrowed."
"Mate, you're starting to sound like a certain eunuch I know back in Port Royal," Jack sighed. "But if he can send us all home, I suppose it will be a fair bargain. I'm missing my ocean. And my rum."
"Luke?"
"Yeah, Bo?"
"I've got good news, and I've got bad news. The good news is, I got that Gollum fella off my leg."
"And the bad news?"
VROOOOOOM!!
"Gollum's stealin' the General Lee."
"My pretty orange precioussssssssss!! Ahhhhhhh!!"
"Please tell me he didn't just jump the General into the pond."
"Alright Bo, I won't tell you. But he did."
"You two don't seem to be overly upset about this, if I may say so."
"Eh, we're used to folks trying to steal the General, Jack. Of course, most of them can drive better than your Gollum friend. This is just another normal day in Hazzard County."
"This is normal, Luke?"
"Oh sure, Jack! Now, you should've been here when them Klingon fellas stopped by last week and got mad about Boss Hogg trying to cheat them in game of five card stud. I think he's still got those Tribble things they left behind running around his office. Now that was an interestin' day."
"Oh?"
"Yep. Was the first time we've had a bunch of good old boys come to the Boar's Nest and not flirt with our cousin Daisy. I wonder if they ever found that Captain Kirk fella they was lookin' for…"